mort
@snailslugger
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Following
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Statuses
644
no offense but I need to sit in a river
Madison, WI
Joined August 2018
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When you gonna stop eating shrimps with the wimps and come eat some lobster with the monster
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Sure he survived the bullet but I survived my small town slut shaming me
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At this point I can no longer recognize what brings me joy and what is simply a momentary distraction from the crushing wheel of reality
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My mom never once gave me money for the scholastic book fair and I think that’s where most my trauma is rooted from
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sometimes I wish I could be 17 again makin oatmeal at 3am on a school night not given a fuck
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This man blocked me after I told him I run a crystal store and honestly fair enough
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Got married last week so I guess ya can turn a hoe into a housewife
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I live in southern Wisconsin and would be more than willing to provide a safe ride to Illinois for anyone needing healthcare
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Catch me at the bottom of a well eating moss and forgetting language
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If I don’t get a porch goose that I can dress up for the holidays soon I’m gonna lose my shit LIKE LOOK AT IT
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I gotta stop referring to traumatic experiences as “character building”
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Other girls: *keys his car and slashes his tires*
Me: *sends a heartfelt letter signed by his "father" who walked out on him as a child*
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My need for validation has given some underserving men a lot of chances
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I wish for my dead body to be tossed in a freezer with a 12 ct box of orange creamsicles
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The feminine urge to sit down with a nice glass of purple fabuloso
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My hobbies are flirting with the bartender and doing coke in the bathroom
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Hey where the men that be suckin the polish straight off my toes at??
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Who am i to question the vaccine when I don’t even know basic fucking math
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If you’re not suppose to bite boyfriend then why is he bite shaped
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Y’all ever had your high school math teacher try slipping into your dms?
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Stop putting people in caskets full of chemicals THE WORMS need to feast!!
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Frog and toad were raw doggin it and no one can tell me otherwise
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Quarantine got me out here actin like a fool sendin drunk "wyd" text at 3pm on a Tuesday
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Y’all ever just driving and get the sudden urge to hit a tree at full speed or swerve into a ditch and roll your car?
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Nothing worse than having to tell your best friend you slept with your ex
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Either I receive attention and validation within the next 2 seconds or I’m setting everything on fire including myself
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I didn’t drunk dial my situationship over New Years. New year new me 💅🏻
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You come into MY chilis with BARBECUE SAUCE ON YOUR TITTIES and disrespect MY valentino white bag?
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A man puffing his cranberry punch elf bar ain’t cute make cigarettes cool again
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I think my lowest point was when a guy who ghosted my bitch ass caught me putting lemons on his car
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But if one wishes to be a good noodle, one must behave like a good noodle
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Men be treating me like I’m a yellow starburst bitch I’m a pink starburst
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If you see me drinking a white claw while walking my dog mind yo own damn business
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I had to convince myself I was attracted to him and that mf still played me
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there was a time we all ate our last opaque scooby fruit snack and didn’t even realize it
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Still waiting for all the guys I've blocked to express their love for me via messenger pigeon
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Find yoself a man who looks at you the way the man behind me is lookin at my grilled cheese
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Absolutely no one:
Drunk me: time to text that guy who ghosted me in October 2 years ago
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I need a father figure to yell at me for being a fuck up and remind me to get oil changes
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