slowbeef
@slowbeef
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developer of Atama, previously verified twitter gamerdad he/him etc prof bg by @mightydubz opinions my own
New Jersey
Joined May 2009
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I love this Hades Aphrodite controversy; it owns so hard. “Aphrodite is too woke, games are so soft” she is a naked redhead on your video game screen. If I played this at 14, my head would’ve exploded. You have lost the plot so badly, it can never be found.
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After having kids, I have a very low tolerance/weak stomach for bad shit happening to kids, so believe when I say:
This is pretty hilarious
I really enjoyed blatant Se7en knock-off, Resurrection (1999), but the way Christopher Lambert loses his kid is very funny.
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Calling people “pal”:
- Gender neutral
- Not horny*
- Makes you sound like Dick Gumshoe
Win-win-win
*void if your pal is horny for dick gumshoe
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oh hello
This is a real deal PS1 game?! I was convinced it was a low-poly style indie but then it looks like it's a for real thing.
Love & Destroy is really cute this is such a cool way to start a level
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“Ok son, got your training wheels on, let’s find the sidewalk with a lot of pedestrian traffic”
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But I still don’t get one thing.
The person at the Four Seasons Landscaping Firm? Was like “yeah you absolutely can do a press conference here!”
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Watching Return of the Jedi and there’s a scene where a robot is being tortured by being held upside down and having its feet burned by a second robot
That’s like extreme fetish clairvoyance. That will be a one word category on Pornhub in 2040
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Holy shit my daughter just sang Humpty Dumpty and ended it with “Please like and subscribe for more videos”
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My 5yo daughter starts crying out of nowhere.
“I need to get out of the house! Please! You need to take me out of the house. It’s coming! A bad thing!”
Ok honey that is the horror movie script and you are officially scaring daddy
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Happy to report Coco has replaced Boss Baby as the kids movie that is constantly on in our house.
Definitely a step up but after the hundredth viewing I am trying to figure out how the animators gave a couple of these skeletons big tits.
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The amazing thing is when this site finally tanks, people will bend over backwards to explain away how it was really like culture wars or some shit and not just bald faced incompetence
Twitter is implementing a daily limit on the number of DMs unverified accounts can send
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everyone mad at assassin's creed when the outrage should be pointed at oda nobunaga whose DEI policies caused this whole mess in the first place
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My 2nd favorite tech billionaire story is when Zuckerberg had Jack Dorsey over for dinner and cooked a goat he personally killed by throwing it in an oven for like an hour and then saying “it’s probably done” and serving raw goat.
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*Cyberpunk 2077 source code leaks*
Internet: “oh my god look how hacky this code is; it’s all bandaid fixes and half-baked ideas that were re-implemented midway through. None of this is documented!!!”
Every developer: *sweats nervously*
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Holy shit a punch so hard it broke his *future*
NEW: White supremacist Richard Spencer says his life is in shambles. His wife left him, he’s a social outcast, he goes on trial next month for his role in Charlottesville and cannot afford a lawyer.
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Like if you called my landscaping firm, I’d at least say “we don’t usually do press conferences”
I just wanna know how the conversation went
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Officially announcing my pals and I have been working on a horror game coming October 2022:
ATAMA is a mashup of Forbidden Siren and Junji Ito's "Hanging Balloons" - you see through the eyes of giant heads trying to kill you.
Please wishlist on Steam!
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@MNateShyamalan
I finished it and a trophy popped “I forgot to mention your character was gay” so it’s actually pretty inclusive
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Part of your YouTube video in which you said “sup gamers” matched a Lady Gaga song somehow so they’re putting ads on your video and Amazon is afraid to let Metallica play their own music
Meanwhile here is a mobile ad for a game that directly stole Mario graphics and Kirby music
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Old and busted:
Sabering is the art of opening champagne bottles with a sword
New galaxy brain:
My kid wants an ice pop and I can’t find scissors
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Every actual person: Do not do this, it is creepy
Romantic comedies: If you stake out the gym, it’ll be endearing
How can I [22/M] start dating a Twitch streamer that I really like?
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Nintendo: “Hey can we use Castlevania in Smash?”
Konami: “Castlewhat? Who are you? We make donuts now”
Nintendo: “Uhhh lets just do it and see if they complain”
Konami: “Hey you wanna buy a donut on your way out?”
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Wife: My parents went out with some friends and they told them you invented Let’s Plays and they started watching some of your videos
Me: *staring horrified*
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Reminder to all men. It is ok to cry if:
1. Beloved family member dies
2. Best friend dies
3. Pet (dog only) dies
4. Sports team loses championship
5. NieR Automata soundtrack
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Her, scared: “oh my god a snake, run”
Me, a hero: “don’t worry babe, check out the anal plate”
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“Are you sure you want to play this? It’s really hard.”
“Yeah because if I play a game that’s really hard, I’ll get better at games”
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Junji Ito: A world where the food is actually insectile mimics and you are compelled to eat them but when you do, your meager appendages become useless edible delights... but edible to whom or what!!!
Bugsnax Producer: Uh, I lost my pen but I’ll remember your game pitch
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Oh please
I used 5 seconds of a DSP video on stream and he went right to twitch_support to try to get my account banned
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I really hate the whole “Yume Nikki was inspired by Undertale” thing. In fact Yume Nikki’s creator, Satoshi Nakomoto *despised* Undertale And created Yume Nikki purely to spite Undertale’s creator, Toby Box
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Welp, I went ahead and wrote an op-ed article on Polygon about YouTube and gaming and gaffes
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“I bet people will be positive associations with products when they are forced to watch commercials about them, despite their best efforts!”
YouTube is currently experimenting with server-side ad injection. This means that the ad is being added directly into the video stream.
This breaks sponsorblock since now all timestamps are offset by the ad times.
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I’ll go farther
Metroid Dread is outstanding. Top shelf.
People get wrapped up in “hmmm but does it meet the academic standard of a true Metroid” but you need to go out and touch zebes sometimes
More like it please
The game is good and its okay to like it, all in good fun, but let this be a lesson there is no such thing as an objective consensus, nor should there be.
We all have different perspectives and expectations out of games and understanding that will only enrich you
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"So do you STILL want shorter games with worse graphics made by people paid more to work less ... after seeing King Kong: the first ever bad video game?!?!"
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My son decided at 4am he had to be born NOW so we're half asleep but with twice the kids. Everybody's happy and healthy tho
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I will never stop sending goatse to any account that has the NFT checkmark
Here’s a sneak peek👀 on what we’re working on for NFT profile verification.
What do you think?
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YouTube: Whoa whoa I think this video you uploaded has a sound byte that's kinda sorta like a Konami game? Copyright algorithm says no ads for you!
Also YouTube: This video of Sofia the First urinating on Mickey Mouse and Spiderman seems on the up and up, though
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I paid off my loans awhile ago, cancel that shit for everyone else, who cares
New post: "Elizabeth Warren's plan to cancel student loan debt would be a slap in the face to all those who struggled to pay off their loans"
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Ray is leaving RoosterTeeth and doing streaming on his own full time. Show some love and follow him on Twitch!
http://t.co/Yws32rkNpf
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YouTube: “Logan Paul has returned!”
Me: “Thanks for the warning!”
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If I had your career path, that’s not the comeback I’d have gone with.
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—————————————————
“I’m just insulted you didn’t tell your parents before and just announced it on a podcast.”
——————————————————
\
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Hey as long as Penny Arcade is in the news, can we relitigate the “Undertale doesn’t pay the proper obeisances” sentence, aka the worst games writing that has ever existed
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I am glad there are successful YouTubers like Logan Paul here to tear down the things that brought them success and prove to the world that it was dumbfuck luck and nothing else that got them there
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good: when
@didyouknowgamin
mentions you in an episode about Policenauts
weird: when they use a picture of you in the hospital covered in blood after a head injury????
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Wife wanted to watch 90 Day Fiancée where this guy goes to Brazil to marry a woman he met online but then he drops this bombshell and I can’t spoil how he decides to follow that up
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The “Jordan Peterson taught me to clean my room” thing is funny and it’s also how Scientology really took hold.
Cracked did an article on this and how Scientologists actually do practical things (how to keep from getting overwhelmed) to make the other shit seem more plausible
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I don't think so Tim
For Tim Allen, being a non-liberal in Hollywood is like being in 1930s Germany
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@seanmorl
@RottenTunaGames
I’m glad I met you… en passant
*rolls two die on the chessboard for some reason*
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As you know I am not aware of a lot of it but Psyduck evolving into Golduck is a garbage evolution.
You basically just lose a perfectly handsome duck
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My son informed me that when I die, he will put flowers on my grave and a note that says “thank you for letting me play video games”
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I will say I do like that the sentiment of “I hope 2017 is better!” seems to be replaced by “I’ll make 2018 better!”
Ok fuck it, let’s do it baby
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One frustrating thing about Cyberpunk discourse is “people say they want no crunch and they want less bugs/better launch. Which is it!”
1. The same people don’t want these two things
2. The takeaway is not “more crunch fixes this”. That’s nuts! Clearly this isn’t working!
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Twitter's strategy is to show investors "we can't drive our audience away even if we try. Case in point, here's a terrible new feature"
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Daughter and I at the game store - she said she’d pick one game out for me.
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I want to tweet an example of MGS being political but I don't know how to put the entirety of Snake Eater in a tweet
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If I’m in a foxhole, I don’t want the guy next to me trying to fuck 14 year olds. Hell, forget the foxhole part of this analogy
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Hold up, that "dev" is a QA Lead; their job is specifically to play the game a lot, over and over, testing functionality, etc. Like they might be doing just mainline quests, but they're also probably reloading saves, redoing content, etc.
Don't glean too much into "175 hours"
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No, crunch did not lead to this
Crunch is used to make up for poor planning. It leads to bandaid fixes, and quick short term things you do at 3am when there’s a giant bug list and you need to move the fuck on since there’s a deadline
Elegant code/solutions come from elsewhere
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When my wife and I started dating, she was big into Jersey Shore.
In one episode some weird no-name guy dresses up in a suit and buys one of the women a big gaudy (cheap) watch
So for our three month anniversary, I did that - arrived to her condo in that suit with that watch.
Quote tweet this with a fun story about yourself you feel like telling
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Killing Keanu Reeves in Cyberpunk 2077 should turn the whole world against you like when you kill Brahmin or kids in Fallout 1
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Dark Souls Board Game comes with
- Board
- Pieces
- Dice
- Live Nerd to Tell You You Are Playing Wrong
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“Invented Let’s Play” or brought the video LP trend to the world or something
I can’t really know what the impact was. Maximally, it started a huge Internet trend and helped YT make Google tons of money.
Minimally, got Lowtax a couple hundred Goldbelly donuts or something
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I procured a medical skeleton’s skull since my daughter wants to be a doctor and I was in a position to get a free skull. I dunno.
Her reaction was a gasped “Wow” and then “That’s one of the greatest skeletons of all.”
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Wife: oh my god this is like those pictures at a bar where you can’t tell the difference
She still doesn’t see it
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I hate it because it is like...
Yeah we all love fanciful circumlocutions and high-minded neologisms as theyre fun to write and hard to parse, but good writing is knowing when you have to say a fucking thing and not make your Undertale review sound like Finnegan’s Wake
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Blade Runner 2049 Deckard: "I did your job. I was damn good."
Blade Runner 1982 Deckard: "Wow, that replicant broke my hand and then gave me my own gun back. And then he happened to expire just then so... chalk that up as another successful blade run!"
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On the one hand kids are *fuckin work* and there’s a lot of diapers and crying and sleepless nights
On the other, one day you walk into your living room and there is a video game villain picnic
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Hi yes, I speak for the straights - we don’t want this, thank you
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I like how a viable response to YouTube demonetization seems to be "ok well then fine I will be a wrestler"
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More questioning reveals:
- I offered to beat up anything that comes in the house and she says I don’t “have the strength”
- Only “ladies” are strong enough to fight the monster
- do not jump any cars (?) running from it
- It is called The Bagproof Monster
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I barely knew
@Totalbiscuit
at the time - we talked once or twice on Skype. He did my podcast even though his channel was (and is) 1 million times the size of mine. And he stood up for me back then without ever being asked.
Will miss you, man.
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Don't tell
@mrsslowbeef
but I only wanted the second kid for Death Stranding cosplay purposes
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Have there been other incidents? Like “Todd why are people sleeping in our landscaping firm.”
“Well they called and asked if it was the Four Seasons and if we had a room so like... I said yes”
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@PatStaresAt
@PeachSaliva
I really wish you had told me, The First Let's Player, about your wedding plans beforehand but you are always together in the eyes of God and Games and therefore worthy of gratulations."
Strangely, I transcribed the above from an item desc in Elden Ring
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My 6yo just came in the living room with a big bag of Lay’s and she goes “Let’s all eat chips as a family” so we are
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sex terms i learned due to twitter:
- healslut
- cockvore
Man, remember the old days when smegma was the weirdest one
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my daughter came up to me smiling and gave me a hug. it was precious
Me: "What you thinking?"
Her: "Yeah. I think we need to watch Boss Baby again"
DAMMIT
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Fuck modesty, it’s hitting me.
We launched Atama.
We launched on time.
We covered cost on Day 1.
We got awesome fanart.
I’m feelin fuckin good.
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@chuggaaconroy
I played EB for the first time ever about two years ago when my son was first born. I’d play it with him sleeping on my lap or even in my arms.
“Ness saw an image of his father holding him” happened while I was holding my song
A lifelong memory at 38.
I love EB
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I see a lot of RE8 mods but so far my favorite is one that changes Castle Dimitrescu to just have a poster that says “It’s Wine O’ Clock Somewhere!”
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The best part of NFT is that even if you actually address climate concerns, you still just end up with a eco-friendly scam
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