so usually when people talk about weight loss, they think about it in terms of “I want to be in X caloric deficit to lose Y lbs per week”
I’ve never seen it framed as “I am going to eat at maintenance for someone of X weight until I reach that weight”
e.g. to my tech and tpot friends, trapeze is my thing
but to my trapeze friends, trapeze cannot be my thing, because it’s their thing too. oddly right now my thing to my trapeze friends is trivia lmao
so yeah I guess the thing I’m leaving out is that it has to be a thing that you can do that *the other people cannot / do not do* in order for it to become “your thing”
(I went to a trivia night with some of my trapeze friends once and they thought I was really good, and I’ve had 3-4 people come up to me now and say they heard I’m good at trivia)
grieving this morning…. talking to my mom about getting me a cane…. less than a month ago I went to the beach and ran in the sand for 4 hours straight. this is so fucked up.
@inflammateomnia
my take is that I think he’s strategic and able to simulate outcomes to the point where it can be borderline manipulative, which is a respectable skill (that many technical people want -> admiration) but also extremely drama inducing
basically, if you want to be X person in your general social circle, it’s relatively easy to do that. however — going from being X person in your social circle to X person in a room full of people competent at X is much more difficult
@QiaochuYuan
gotta start with the smallest possible executable step, and use the feedback from the experience to determine the next smallest possible executable step. usually you know this step is small enough because part of you may scoff at it.
I just wanna know, do other people find having a job extremely stressful? like the job itself might not even be that stressful but the expectation to consistently perform?
@latentjuice
yes!! this is honestly the takeaway I was hoping people would have from this thread, but it seems to not be explicit — many things are relatively low barrier to entry, and the primary barrier is allowing yourself to be a noob at things
ok ok final vanity post: so I actually hadn’t flexed in awhile, and holy shit my shoulders / pecs are !!!
this is what happens when you start flying trapeze I guess :P
maybe one thing I find helpful about this observation is that it decouples social reward from excellence, as someone who used to strive for excellence because I thought the social reward would scale
disentangling the two and realizing that social reward is pretty easy to attain allows you to pursue excellence in a skill for the right reasons (e.g. internal gratification vs external praise)
anyone saying “el*n does nothing for spacex” does not appreciate how challenging it is to create organizations with a high concentration of hyper-competent people with an extremely high level of devotion to the mission
@latentjuice
yes!! this is honestly the takeaway I was hoping people would have from this thread, but it seems to not be explicit — many things are relatively low barrier to entry, and the primary barrier is allowing yourself to be a noob at things
on the topic of marriage, I've been asking myself "where is my future husband most likely to live?" in mulling over where I should live, because I have the freedom to live wherever I want
I'll, uh, let you all know if this works
If you want kids, you need to do some serious math about when to end a relationship.
Just 4 relationships in which you date for 1.5-2 years and spend 6 months-1 year grieving/meeting the next person will eat up a decade of your adult life.
hello new friends! I mostly use this platform to think out loud, share my learnings and progress towards my goals, muse, and search for my future husband c:
how to accept the passage of time?
up until this year, I felt like I had infinite time to spend. this year feels like waking up from a dream and realizing, hey I’ve already spent the majority of my 20’s. now I’m frequently fretting about aging, which does not seem productive.
yesterday my friend and I each shared specific things we feel immense shame around on the topic of how we prioritize different parts of our lives, and each of our responses to the other genuinely was “that seems pretty normal” and the shame completely dissipated
sharing what has been stuck inside of you feels liberating, like you just lifted a weight off your shoulders. conversely, keeping things in (emotions, ideas or values you aren’t expressing fully) feels heavy, like there is a wet blanket draped over your ability to express freely.
the thing I did not communicate well here is that I'd imagine doing this incrementally -- e.g. if losing 50lbs, doing this at 10lbs increments and intentionally plateauing until you're used to the new maintenance calories, vs a consistent deficit
@PiquantParvenu
yeah! and it's better for setting milestones -- like I'm going to eat at maintenance for a person 10lbs lighter than me today, and then once you reach that goal maybe chill there for a bit until it's easy, and repeat
just feels like any progress I make in my life keeps getting sent back to square one. I was finally moving out again, working a full time job, active, seeing friends…. now I’m stuck at home again. I’m not even sure if fatigue will allow me to work.
ahhh I feel a lot of embarrassment about how much I share on here
it’s hard bc I do get feedback regularly that what I share helps people, and it also helps me get my thoughts in order and solicit feedback
but today I feel like I just realized I’m naked in public 😵💫
at this point adderall mostly serves to unblock me when there’s specific things that I *want* to do. it does not seem to help me when I *actively do not want to do* something.
Emmett is a mediator CEO in place to guide OpenAI through the crisis. Emmett and Sam have known each other since early YC — there is no chance that either of them will screw the other over.
I’m noticing a pretty significant shift in my self-perception over the last couple of days
in particular, my level of self judgment has plummeted, and it’s making it significantly easier to just do things
I was born to create and I’ve suppressed it over and over because it makes me deviate from my narrowly-defined idealized version of myself (who was based entirely on maximizing external validation) but it leaks out of me! I can’t help it but it always leaks out!!
you cannot earn love, and you do not deserve love. however, you can increase opportunities for people to love you for who you are by being who you are.
it also allows you to collect data on how who you are affects others, which can be used as data to decide how to grow
@daniellellecco
in all seriousness I think it is cope, because it puts the onerous of the “single perfect women” problem onto men for having bad taste / lower standards than on the perfect women for some of their shortcomings that may be hindering them
historically I’ve been the pursuer in my relationships (confessing feelings first and asking men out) and it’s largely been a good experience but I dunno it would be nice for my future husband to pursue me
for awhile I was a hard no on children. like it was kind of my bit, childfree girlboss.
but uh… friends that was simply me fearing a hypothetical scenario of being rejected by my own children.
your friend is dating someone who you don't think treats them very well. they're not abusive, but you can tell that your friend is a smaller, less vibrant version of themself around them.
do you tell your friend they should break up? / what's your gender?
so I’d been drinking caffeinated lattes the past couple weeks, with the intention of going back to decaf
but yesterday my favorite coffee shop was closed, and there were some canned cold brew coffees in the fridge. I innocently drank one.
reader: it had 230mg of caffeine
today’s realization: I’ve carried shame around not being particularly great at anything, but being good at many things; being good at many things means that I can become great at many things, with less of a barrier to entry than someone who had never done those things