simmi
@simmiareff
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podcast. comedy. comedian. cricket fan
South Africa
Joined July 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Went to an Art Exhibition in Cape Town yesterday... and all I have to say is that sometimes parents shouldn't be supportive of their kids' dreams
Part 1: Are you being for real?
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⚪️ We would like to apologise to all our fans who woke up at 2am South African time and had to endure this performance. Enjoy your Sunday and get some sleep.
#T20WorldCup
#BePartOfIt
#SAvNED
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Wants to be the President of the country but can’t even handle the heat here on Twitter 😭😭😭😭
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Willing to put my neck on the line and say that this is hands down the best live reporter on the circuit at the moment
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I studied Explosive Physics at university for 5 years for my Bachelor of Science and then worked in construction as part of the detonation team at Murray Roberts. I’ve also been awarded the Dynamite Award which is for best explosive expert globally.
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I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Imagine giving bowling tips to Dale Steyn 😂😂😂😂😂
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Just an Irrfan Khan fan who is sad about his passing. This scene says it all
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Radio salaries are pitiful. I produced breakfast radio for R9000 a month at 947 for 2 years 😭
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GUYS HERE IS OUR MINISTER QUOTING KENDRICK LEMAR IN A BUDGET SPEECH. I'm finished 😂 so many things in this video. The quote, the Indian uncle's look and the heckle at the end 😂 FINISHED
#Budget2018
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Great tactics by the Proteas. Play badly, lure India into a false sense of security, lose this game embarrassingly, get called chokers, meet India in the final, win the toss, bat first, score 480, bowl them out for 85.
This is the game plan.
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To celebrate the country going into Level 2 ... So are we! Loadshedding Stage 2. From us. To you. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
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Just a heads up. If a bomb blasted OUTSIDE your house the glass from the windows shattering would be INSIDE not OUTSIDE. So this doesn’t add up 😂 Issa Lie.
#NationalShutdown
Nhlanhla Lux, he says there were 'bombs' thrown towards his house this morning.
The windows of his immediate neighbours houses are shattered.
There are police here taking statements from the community.
#sabcnews
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Na, Ndlozi doesn’t miss with his gags. Need a highlights package of some of the stuff he has said😂😂😂😂
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Wore the uniform for elections but everyone else wore civvies 🇿🇦
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South Africans waking up to a Proteas victory. But shout out to us who were up at 2:30am seeing Markam bowl 4 overs on the trot and Sir KG Rabada bowl his first ball in the 18th over of the match.
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Thank you for the good times
@ABdeVilliers17
… that summer when you announced your comeback for the SA test side was one of the best cricket summers of my life. Can’t tell you how much enjoyment you’ve given me.
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Thimna keeps on saying “play that shit back”. Little does she know that there is nothing to play back. No audio. No footage.
#LoveIslandSA
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WE ARE INTO A FINAL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I AM 36 YEARS OF AGE AND I CAN FINALLY SEE MY HOME TEAM PLAY A WORLD CUP FINAL
THANK YOU
@ProteasMenCSA
. I HAVE WAITED DECADES FOR THIS MOMENT AND DESTINY HAS ARRIVED
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When you go to sport events use my new trick I try guess people’s names
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I don’t know who is sharing my number but I’ll always respond to people...🙈
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Here is the Documentary of what has been called “The Greenside Massacre”. Netflix holla at me.
Last night I saw the greatest muslim fight of all time. It had 20ish year olds, a mother with a bat, fathers with muscles, 8 police cars, 36 hookahs, 92 vapes and started all because of chatting shit on Twitter.
But to the girl with the maroon Dr Martens. Holla at me 😍
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ANC WHATSAPP GROUP:
Zuma: Where you guys?
Gwede: Funeral things baba
Zuma: 🙃
Pravin: LOL
*Pravin has been removed from group*
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GREAT NEWS! We are having a 50% sale on ALL bikinis and summer wear! 👙🏖⛱ use PROMO CODE: FAATIMAH
i hope the President would just say, "we prohibit half dressed women at the beach and public places just as we prohibit alcohol.."
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You know who suffered the most in this T20 between SA and Afghanistan?…
The kids that were meant to get 10 kits every time 100 runs are scored by the batting team.
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Can’t believe they switched the lights off in the stadium to remind Ramaphosa what he needs to fix 😭😭😭😭😭
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When you thought winning a World Cup was all fun and games and then you gotta attend a SONA
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South African cricket fans at the funeral
Frank Duckworth, the co-inventor of the DLS method, dies at the age of 84
🔗
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@lazyorlaylah
Laylah, Wallahi, please tell the people of the Internet that I taught you to clapback like this. I’m literally saying this on a public platform so people know that I’m breaking my silence.
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EXCLUSIVE!
Hear what David Warner said to Quinton de Kock and listen to what KG Rabada responded with.
Audio contains explicit language.
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Wrong flag. Corrected it for you.
Go share your sunshine with the rest of the Universe ☀️
@Lalela_lali
is off to
@Official_MissSA
✈️
We are behind you every step of the way 🇿🇦!!!
#MissUniverse2021
#MissSA2021
#Lalela
#misssouthafrica
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Can spot a Muslim girl with a curfew from far. She’s the one that gets jittery the closer it gets to 11pm. Begins mathematical equations in her mind:
If a car travels at 97kms/hr and the distance home is 13kms with 5 traffic lights and 9 speed bumps what time will I get home?
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Hello everyone! A lot of people have complained about the audio missing from last nights show.
The reason: Even we as producers got tired of hearing all these white accents
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I don’t understand Cape Malay slang but I am single and ready to maningle
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Finally verified. I must be the first Namibian to have a blue tick and no passport.
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This is whack, cause if I was on a flight with my friends and we all said “Allah hu Akbar” in unison we’d be arrested immediately 🤔
Pastor Benjamin opened a praise and worship service emoyeni ✈️ Thatha Spirit of Praise 🔥
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Made a mistake and sent my CV from my mom’s email address 😩. Hope this doesn’t go against me and I get the job 🙌🏽
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Can anyone provide me with a cell number of any DA official. Like their private number. Your boi has 500 free SMS’s and is seeking revenge. DM me their numbers.
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Don’t know why but Temba Bavuma’s hand size compared to Siya Kolisi’s has me laughing hard right now 🙈
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Last night I saw the greatest muslim fight of all time. It had 20ish year olds, a mother with a bat, fathers with muscles, 8 police cars, 36 hookahs, 92 vapes and started all because of chatting shit on Twitter.
But to the girl with the maroon Dr Martens. Holla at me 😍
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Yo
@OfficialCSA
respond to those racists Boeta Dippenaar and Pat Symcox. You guys are always quiet in these conversations.
Last time you allowed Cullinan to chat shit about transformation and racism and Lungi Ngidi buried him at Centurion.
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Look how far one can come with just a matric certificate. Look at me. My highest qualification comes from the school of life!
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RIP to Diego Maradona. Man was a complicated OG but this is one of my fav videos of his. After scoring a penalty, a guy comes with a bag of cocaine and he gets his fix. Boss move.
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Lungi of House Ngidi.
First of his name.
Hero of Hlomuka.
Khal of the great green pitch
Breaker of partnerships
and Father of wickets
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Merry Christmas to everyone especially the Muslims who get offended by other Muslims wishing people a Merry Christmas. Hope you have a wonderful day.
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South Africa: Hello world. Our top tier scientists have discovered this new strain of Covid 19! Please be safe
World: Waaaahlalala! You got Covid, you got Covid!
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Not even a “Good Morning” SMS from the
@Our_DA
... the way you inundated me yesterday I consider us dating now.
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RIP Jackers! You made cricket commentary so wildly entertaining. Will always be amazed at your prediction of a ball hitting the bat from the outfield and going for 4 leading to a World Cup win before it even happened in 2019. You were a g Robin Jackman
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Crisis meeting at Mnet after the first two episodes of Love Island South Africa
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Hi this is Ox. I’m using my burner account cause of all the notifications I’m getting from my great performance on my main account. Please DM me so we can get this cake-exchange going.
Dear Ox, please reach out to us for a year's supply of chocolate cake.
After last night, it’s a South African priority 🇿🇦
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Why are Muslims always anonymous when they wanna chat shit about another muslim. Hiding behind a tag like “concerned muslim community” or a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo.
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10 years ago I asked a girl out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no. So here is a picture of an engagement ring I found on the Internet.
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Lol. Guys: YOUR CHARACTER WAS DEFAMED WHEN YOU DID THE SHITTY THING TO A WOMXN NOT WHEN THEY OUTED YOU ONLINE.
Be better
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Like what makes me laugh hard is that he can clapback for others but one receipt of a picture he actively took he folds? Skin must be thin 😭
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The funeral of Daryll Cullinan will take place at SuperSport Park Centurion. He will be laid to rest at the Hennops River End. Daryll suffered a fatal heart attack after a black man took 6 wickets. He leaves his wife, children and the world in peace
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Im laughing so hard at this picture 😂 Messi, Ronaldo and Neymar watching the World Cup 😂
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Here’s the Shashi Naidoo deleted Instagram video. Still trying to figure out why she used the black and white filter 🙈
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de Kock comes in...
Reply with something you can say during both cricket and sex
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Rabada and Ngidi bowling from both ends at Centurion.
Daryll Cullinan's worst nightmare has arrived.
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Even if Quinton de Kock does not play a single game for the national team again he won’t ever suffer any consequences for his decision. He will earn his pay by playing in different leagues till he retires… and that is an example of privilege.
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When you see Lungi Ngidi and Kagiso Rabada do you think "Why did I ever say that cricket was not a sport for black people because I look like a toss now"
#PoliteEnquiries
Daryll Cullinan is set to mark his
#PoliteEnquiries
debut today. Send in your questions soon, might not be a long day!
#SAvInd
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The team at Miss SA trying to figure out how they can say “RIP Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu” without people quoting Tutu’s views on Israel Apartheid.
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One of the best fights I have seen. Still trying to figure out if the guy in black is South African. But the part that kills me is when she calls for the dog 😂😂😂
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THREAD.
Once you guys and girls watch Dave Chappelle's The Bird Revelation you gonna need some help deciphering what he said... let me shed my thoughts
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Cricket SA’s media team/agency has always been distant towards fans. I know, I’m a super fan. They select a few elites to be part of their activations/events but outside of that, there is zero connection with the team. If some of the players weren’t my friends I’d bounce.
Dear South Africa this is NOT how our captain and coach should be welcomed back to the country!
Proteas captain Temba Bavuma and Coach Rob Walter are back from India after finishing in the SEMI FINALS of the ICC Cricket World Cup
Here are the fans who came through
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Hi
@KaizerChiefs
I have an old friend in his late 70's. His name is Brian Milham. He was a coach who helped take you guys to the PSL. He would really like to see the facilities. Make this old man happy
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Excellent idea honourable minister. No better way to avoid Load Shedding than by leaving the country. Please remember to use electricity wisely even there in Qatar.
Landed in Qatar Doha good morning 🙏
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3 of these burgers are smash burgers. One is not. Take a guess which one isn’t? The point of the smash burger is to create the Maillard Reaction where protein reacts with high heat. You smash to create this delicious beefy-laced candy. You don’t just press for vibes
@rocomamas
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Happy birthday to my timer. If this gets 100 likes I will post a video of him speaking to himself on two phones.
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The greatest Pre-Match cricket interview ever. Faf says there is one change to the team... “Viljoen is out cause he is in bed with my sister” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Hi
@OfficialCSA
my sister’s wedding day is during the Newlands Test in January 2019. Just letting you know I have my priorities in order...
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A lot of people are worried AI will end a lot of jobs. Wallahi if it does, the first to go must be Home Affairs in South Africa.
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Imagine the last live band you see before you die is Good Luck 😩😩😩
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Waiting for Ramadaan
Waiting for Ramaphosa
Maankykers and MainMankykers
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