Shane Burcaw
@shaner528
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Trying to change the world with laughter. Writer of several books. Wheelchair enthusiast. President of @lamnightmare Contact me at shane.burcaw @gmail .com
Minneapolis, MN
Joined June 2009
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Seeing disability influencers w/ sizable followings galavanting across the country to partake in social gatherings, ~and promoting it publicly~, is super disheartening. I lay awake at night assessing my breathing, hoping I’ve not gotten the virus. It hurts to see others not care.
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We’re completely wheelchair accessible. Just three steps at the entrance. Oh, and the doorways are about 18 inches wide. Oh, and there’s a dragon that lives on the roof of our building who craves only the flesh of disabled people.
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If I ever become a billionaire, my promise to you is that I will buy every airline and make them wheelchair accessible instead of using my money to go on joyrides to outer space.
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I woke up with a sore throat last night. Spent 3-9am worrying about it. Not sleeping. It has gone away, but this is just my upteenth reminder to please wear a mask and be smart about social distancing. COVID-19 could so easily kill me and that’s not what I want right now.
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3 out of every 5 comments on our wedding announcement video say something like: “NO WAY this guy is marrying a girl like that! SHE’S AFTER HIS MONEY!!! FAKE!”
Such a lovely thing to read 9000 times today. Just another reason why Hannah and I work so hard to fight ignorance.
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I’m a disabled writer. This past summer, I got my first TV gig, consulting for the writers room of
#OrdinaryJoe
. It premieres tonight at 10pm ET on
@NBC
, and besides being a fantastic show, it includes amazingly authentic disability representation. Let’s get this baby trending!!!
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Reason
#247
To Wear A Mask: "We now know the level of virus in an asymptomatic person is about the same as the level of virus in somebody who has symptoms, so it's like, oh my goodness, how do you address that?" - Dr. Fauci
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This is me and my wife. Saturday is our 1st anniversary and I’m hoping to surprise her. She doesn’t use Twitter but she pours her heart into our YouTube channel. We’re 140,000 subs away from ONE MILLION! Can you RT this to ever-living oblivion and sub: ❤️
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Because so many of you seem hellbent on ending up in the ICU, I want to let you know that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve been there, several times, and each of those trips will forever haunt me. I know the masks feel like an unfair mandate, but
#WearThemForMe
, please.
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This week, I’m having a robotic arm installed on my wheelchair. It will give me boatloads of new function. I’m feeling very grateful for the people who helped me fight my insurance to approve this. Now I just need to decide if I should use my newfound powers for Good or Evil.
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What Made Me Smile This Week?
I married my best friend. On Friday, September 4th, Hannah and I tied the knot and became husband and wife! It was a private backyard ceremony that we conducted over Zoom with our…
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I get a new wheelchair tomorrow after 10 years. When I say this, people say: You must be so excited!
I’m grateful for the tech upgrade, but I’d encourage my nondisabled followers to imagine a new pair of legs that don’t quite work right.
I’m excited, but scared beyond words.
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@MrBeast
I will donate 100% of the winnings to the nonprofit I started, Laughing At My Nightmare, Inc. We provide adaptive and medical equipment to people with disabilities who cannot otherwise afford it. AND I’M CUTE.
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Reason
#1225
why I love my wife: I love cashews, but with my slankydanky slackjaw, I can’t chew them. However, whenever cashews are nearby, Hannah encourages me to have some with her help. She gives me one and manually helps my bottom jaw crunch them like I’m a human nutcracker.
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Can I PLEASE take back my Disney World Make-A-Wish that I was (forcibly) given at the age of 7 when everyone assumed I’d croak at any moment, and exchange it for Eagles Superbowl tickets to celebrate my 30th birthday???
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I appreciate the friendly Trader Joe’s employees who ask: “Have any fun plans this weekend?”
But I also want to scream: “IT’S A PANDEMIC AND CASES ARE DRASTICALLY RISING AGAIN. SHOPPING HERE TODAY IS GOING TO BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY MONTH.”
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She said yes, and I’m now officially the happiest guy in the world. I love you hannahayl @ Minneapolis, Minnesota
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I’m reading and sorta kinda watching the Olympics. My wife is curled up on the couch next to me, thoroughly enthralled with Breath of The Wild on her Switch. Our puppy is curled up a few feet away, making tiny noises in her sleep. I’m just really really happy.
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Jimmy Fallon just gave me a hug and told me he loved me, and then I got onto an elevator with only Al Roker in it, so I’m basically a miracle?
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A very hard part of creating disability advocacy content is the inevitable slew of responses that read “Welcome to reality, things aren’t always fair! Get over it. Stop complaining!”
How do you explain to someone that choosing not to “complain” is not a virtue but a privilege?
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If you don’t wear a mask in public, I challenge you to take your brazen confidence a step further by inviting all non-maskers to cough into your open mouth. In your upside down world where science is fake and logic doesn’t matter, you should be totally fine. Continued...
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Wearing a mask underneath your nose is like wearing a condom on your big toe.
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That I hired my wife to an extensive contract where she must pretend to be in love with me so that we can gain YouTube fame together. Clearly, a disabled man like me could never be a desirable/attractive/valuable partner for an able-bodied woman like Hannah.
Nightly Question: What's an assumption people make about you that is totally wrong?
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As a motorized-wheelchair user, I will never let go of that semester in middle school when my perfect GPA was tarnished by a B+ in GYM CLASS.
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This has been haunting me for a few days now.
Me, on the phone w vet: “Hi can I please get a refill of allergy pills for our pet Chloe?”
Vet: “okay and what kind of pet is Chloe?”
Me: “oh, just like a family pet.”
🙃
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When we brought her home from the rescue, she was afraid of literally everything. She didn’t know what a toy was, and she certainly had no conception of playing. Today... six months later, she’s the happiest, silliest, most dorky dog we’ve ever known. We love you, Chloe!
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I have a theory: the kids who take ALL the candy in the “please take one” buckets on Halloween are the same people who grow up to not return their shopping carts to the cart corral.
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The fact that Hannah and I make vlogs about our boring everyday life, and it's regarded as ~advocacy~, is all the evidence you need that society still has a long way to go in its understanding of disability.
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Starting today, on the
#ADA30
, we should all agree to stop using phrases like “differently abled.” Similarly: saying things like “I don’t see myself as disabled,” if you are, indeed, disabled. Being disabled isn’t bad. Society holding us down is bad. Embrace the role and fight.
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We left a big bucket of candy on our front porch while going to Hannah’s parents’ house for dinner. Our security cam just showed a group of four 9-12 year olds dumping ALL OF IT into their bags. I’m enraged. Does this mean I’m officially an old curmudgeon or is my anger rational?
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If Trump somehow miraculously pulls out the win, do you think he will staunchly maintain his position that this election is riddled with fraud and inaccuracy?
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After a lifetime of denying myself the privilege of coleslaw bc I thought it was too crunchy for my disabled mouth, yesterday I had coleslaw (briefly pulsed in a blender) on top of a pulled pork sandwich and OH GOD I’ve been missing out. What else can I put coleslaw on?!
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This definitely will not excite you like it excited me, but tonight my wife helped me eat a hard shell taco for the first time in 15+ years? I relished every single bite. My mouth and body screamed euphoria.
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If we all just agreed to slightly adjust everything so that ~bedtime~ was 1:00am and ~morning~ was 11:00am, I think we’d all be a lot better off as a species.
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We love to hear that! There’s so much room for improvement in environmental accessibility. Tell your boyfriend we said THANK YOU!
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I was worried that our new pup (first dog I’ve ever had) would be afraid of me bc of my wheelchair, but tonight she rested her head on my thigh for the entirety of my 12-minute toilet usage, so I think this means my fears were unnecessary.
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Just farted and the reverberations of it down through my wheelchair onto the hardwood floor woke up our dog.
She looked at me, perplexed and offended, and moved to a different room with a look of disgust in her eyes.
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One year ago, I pitched an app idea to my wife where users would guess a random word of the day based on zero clues. She said it would be too hard, people wouldn’t play. And now, thanks to Wordle, I will always have a lovely meaningless victory to bring up when we argue.
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If I just flat out stop paying medical bills—forever—would I ultimately end up in jail? Would the guards help me go pee?
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I have a not-very-funny joke about disability but you’ll probably laugh like it’s the single funniest thing you’ve ever heard and then congratulate me for being at the grocery store.
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For those of you in parts of the world where it’s already 2021... is there still Covid?
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So honored to call you a friend, Steven! Thanks for everything you do for the community!
This is a Facebook post I want you to read from my friend
@shaner528
who doesn't really do Twitter much anymore.
When I began with AbleGamers in 2004 I avoided cameras like you're supposed to avoid the plague. But after we started to see some success I started to understand I'd
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Met a lovely couple in an elevator of a hotel we were both staying at two years ago. They were in their 60s and said they watch us religiously. That night I get an IG message from them: “We got you cheesecake. Can we drop it at your room?” We still keep in touch to this day.
What's the best interaction you've ever had with a fan? 💞
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My favorite form of decompression is getting off a phone call and screaming, “COULD HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL.”
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Sat on the toilet completely unassisted for 2.5 minutes tonight so I’m basically a miracle?
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With Facebook down, I feel terrible for all those anti-vax people out there who rely on it for their scholarly medical information.
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Halloween 2019: I’m a mermaid! My tail is made from real fish scales that I sewed together myself over 4 months. My bikini is made from actual coconuts. I dyed my hair red and got extensions. Want to hear me sing?
Halloween 2020: I wore a green shirt today so I guess I’m a frog.
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Brought my own ramp to get into a Polish restaurant last night. The owner saw us enter, & I could tell it was probably the first time he’d ever considered that his step was prohibiting paying customers from entering.
He brought us free lard + bread + pickles as a peace offering.
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One of my fav things about Hannah is she’ll do a cute gesture, like cut me an extra thin slice of apple to try bc I can’t really chew apples very well, and I’ll try it but still can’t chew it, so she just helps me spit it into a tissue instead of making me feel guilty about it.
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People who are still resisting marks are gross. With that in mind, if you’re still anti-mask, you should know that wearing one means you can finally stop brushing your teeth and no one will ever know! I feel like that will appeal to your general sliminess of character.
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Imagine if grocery stores charged a $300/month fee to get in the front door, and once you got inside, you’re informed that none of their items are for sale that day, or ever. That’s what writing an appeal letter to my insurance for a medical expense feels like.
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I sat in my wheelchair in a wet bathing suit today, and now the seat smells like it was simmered in broccoli broth for three years. That’s probably not something you want to know, but if I have to deal with smelling it, you at least need to know it.
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This topic requires nuance. This article lacks nuance. Disabled people are not burdens to their partners. Shitty systems are burdens to disabled people.
Your partner becomes paralyzed in a devastating accident.
You become their full-time caregiver.
You catheter them every 3-4 hours and lift them in and out of a wheelchair several times a day.
Your state says it's a "wifely duty" and refuses to pay you.
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Hannah is updating me on the social hierarchy of the squirrels in our backyard.
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Comments like these are why we make our content. Sadly, Michael’s ignorant message to us is just one of thousands.
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To alleviate pressure on an area of my ribs that hurt, I do an upper body “wobble.” The wobble comes from my head, which I giraffe-swing in gyrations.
Tonight it occurred to me that neighbors probably see me through the window and assume I’m experiencing a demonic possession.
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Your wife is a SAINT!
(And like, yes, she is, but that’s because I’m a shithead; not because she’s married to a guy who can’t walk (which is how they mean it)).
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As a young child, I wanted to name my wheelchair “Come Wagon” because it was kinda like my Poppop’s Station Wagon and because it always CAME wherever I drove it. Sound logic if you ask me.
Well let me tell you, my parents did NOT agree with baby me.
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Gardening is brand new to us, which is probably why we are SO EXCITED to see a real life vegetable thriving in our first garden!
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Why on earth don’t we talk more about the fact that caterpillars TURN THEIR BODIES INTO SOUP before becoming butterflies? They literally dissolve, consume themselves, and turn into a wholly different creature. Why isn’t this headline news every single day?
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Ahhh, this is the life: cake in the oven filling our new home with delicious smells, cuddles by the fire with Hannah, dog farting in the background loud enough to startle herself.
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It’s stupid that I can’t stay in my motorized wheelchair on airplanes.
a stupid thread. feel free to add to it in the comments. im going to keep adding until my stupid brain forgets that i created it in the first place.
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If someone can find the exact beef burritos served in school cafeterias in the Bethlehem Area School District between 2004-2010, including the supplier, and how I can acquire them, I will name my first child after you and also invite you over to meet it over a burrito dinner.
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Invigorating Monday over here. Just used online bill pay to pay a medical bill WHILE ON HOLD with a hospital billing department to get answers about a different bill. Thrilling experience. With all this adrenaline I might just put my head through a few walls.
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#ad
Through Dec 31st
@mcdonaldscorp
will give $100 in your name to Ronald McDonald House Charities when you post the
@RMHC
heart with
#HereForRMHC
! They’ve had a big impact on my family’s life, and now you can help them do that for others! T&C:
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If you don’t like my idea, it might be because at some point you learned that coughs can carry yucky germs. Luckily, the silly people who are saying to wear a mask now (scientists, doctors) are the SAME ONES who taught you about yucky germs, so you can dismiss that lesson too.
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For breakfast AND lunch today I ate cold leftover chicken thighs dipped in mayonnaise. I’m strongly considering having it for dinner. 2021 is about celebrating that which makes us feel most alive.
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Hannah told me she was thinking about getting her eyebrows done for the first time, just to try it. My response was that I thought she had great eyebrows.
Let. me. tell. you. that was NOT the correct answer!
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Shout out to everyone who, like me, just eats tonight away with their loved ones and falls asleep by 11:30pm. This holiday has never felt big to me, and I used to feel shame about that, but in recent years I’ve come to see it as a peaceful respite before the stress of a new year.
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Every year I fight the urge to tweet this on NYE bc it makes no sense and isn’t funny, but if there was ever a year to post a dud of a NYE tweet, it’s this year...
Happy Knew Year!
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Trying to figure out if drinking this can of paint thinner will boost my immune system and make me Covid-resistant but Facebook is down so I guess I’ll just go for it.
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I’m hearing rumors that the vaccines themselves caused this Facebook outage. Very big if true.
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Anyone else feeling like they’re sleeping crappier during quarantine? I can’t turn my brain off until 2-3am the past few nights.
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Music options for this wedding venue range from $345 to $5,000. With such a wide range, I can only imagine the $345 option is just a 5th grader actively learning to play the violin for an hour.
$5,000 is probably Creed.
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While I’m mid-swallow on a large chug of beer, waiter approaches us and says ~to Hannah~ in the puppiest of puppy dog voices, “Is this big guy happy tonight?”
Enraged by his condescension, I hurried to reply for myself and ended up spewing beer all over myself.
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After never having eaten an Eggo in my life, I’ve now had one for breakfast for the past two days. There’s no punchline or witty quip here. There’s just nothing the hell else to talk about right now. I enjoyed both Eggos.
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A legitimate benefit of SMA is that I touch virtually nothing. My range of motion is like six inches, which probably sounds horrible, until you realize that I CAN’T REACH ANYTHING THAT HAS CORONAVIRUS ON IT.
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Hannah wants me to tweet that the most underrated perk of adulthood is driving with the windows open AND the A/C on high.
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Moving 1000+ miles away from pretty much everyone I knew (including my parents, who at that point, had been the only people in my 25 years to do my daily care) to live together with my then-girlfriend. Today, we’re married, and life is better than I ever fathomed it could be!
Nightly Question: What’s the toughest decision you ever made that you do not regret?
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We LOVED the upcoming
@Hulu
original thriller
#RunFilm
! Even better, lead actress
@KieraJAllen
is a real wheelchair user! Yay representation! Watch the trailer and subscribe to Hulu so you can watch when it premieres on 11/20!
#ad
#IC
@OfficialRunFilm
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If I was Wordle, I’d make the word “again” for like 9 days in a row just to mess with people.
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Hannah just said: When I’m singing “happy birthday” while washing my hands, I like to use my own name.
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Here’s an extremely TMI and niche example of how humor and love and caregiving play a role in my relationship with my wife.
When I need her assistance to use the toilet for
#2
, this is typically what I text her, because it makes her laugh:
“Help, I’m crowning.”
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K so dead fly comes out of parmesan cheese shaker onto steaming pasta. Obviously a heinous death has occurred, but does one remove fly and continue meal or abandon meal entirely? I’m conflicted, and slightly disturbed.
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Head over to Parler where Trump has been re-elected, the covid vaccine is already widely available for all, and I can shoot cantaloupes out of my nostrils!
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WE MUST KEEP THAT KISS A SECRET JUSTIN
Is it weird that I actually thought SHE was the lucky one? P.S did you ever tell her about our secret/ not so secret love story?
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After my flu shot, the nurse said to get lots of activity today so it didn't get sore. I said I would go for a run. She didn't laugh.
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Hannah: Did you fart?
Me: Yes.
Hannah: I was trying to ignore it, but I was starting to think there had been a natural disaster.
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If you're into choking but don't want to see 50 Shades of Grey, you're welcome to jerk off while watching me put my feeding tube in. $500
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Tempted to start a “send candy to your disabled friends” movement, since we are all inside tonight, socially distancing as we have been for *checks calendar* seven months, but Hannah will just eat anything you mail me. Also I suppose I’m an adult, and beyond my trickrtreat years.
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Honored that Today asked me to contribute a piece about the next 30 years of the ADA! Please share if you enjoy it :)
‘More work to be done’: Man highlights changes necessary for next 30 years of ADA
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Compelling evidence that Hannah and I are not quite ready to have children: our cashier at Publix commented “You two must be hosting a birthday party!” but in reality it’s just our weekly grocery run.
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The Arby’s in my hometown failed & became a Checkers, which promptly failed & became nothing. A few weeks later the Taco Bell four blocks down failed. A few months later, the failed Checkers reopened as a Taco Bell, & a few more months later the og Taco Bell became an Arby’s.
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