Sean Collier
@seancollierpgh
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Writer, Movie Guy, Comic. Aging Millennial Closet Goth.
Pittsburgh, PA
Joined October 2008
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The next edition of the STEEL CITY HORROR SHOW is this Sunday night at the Harris! It'll be a heck of a night, as Dr. Gielgud and I present a surprise screening of a horror classic! (Clue: HAMMER) Plus more shocks and thrills! Be there, spooky pals!
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"Ugh, this Giant Eagle isn't laid out the same way as ours." — Every Yinzer, Twice per Year
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Good morning. The virus is spreading rapidly. The economy is opening only because the federal government is unwilling to support you financially, as many other countries have. It is not safe. They would rather let you die than waive your rent. Keep social distancing.
THREAD: As restrictions ease, countries across the globe are seeing a resurgence of COVID-19 cases. While there is no single reason, experts think at least some of the surges are due to the lifting of stay-at-home orders and school and business closures.
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I should tell you, forsaken social media platform, that I did in fact get engaged the other day!
(I kept it to 📷 at first because I didn't want Musk's happiness annihilation satellites to target us, but eh, it's probably fine)
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I, for one, applaud Sheamus' "kick sexual predators really hard in the face for real" policy.
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Hey, unvaccinated folks: YOU'VE BEEN WRONG THE WHOLE TIME. YOU WERE NEVER RIGHT. STOP DIGGING A BIGGER HOLE AND PULLING US DOWN WITH YOU. TAKE THE L AND GET THE SHOT. LET IT GO. YOU WERE WRONG, OKAY, MOVE ON. STOP. YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG. SHUT UP AND GET THE SHOT.
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To be clear: This morning I was locked in a restaurant because, around the corner, a Nazi terrorist was murdering innocent people. If you try to convince me that he was anything other than a Nazi terrorist, you're trash, a moron or both. Fuck off. I don't want to hear it.
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Dear parents of Pittsburgh: If you try to stop a school play/musical because it's too gay or cool or fun, my theater company will cast your kids in a much bigger production of that show. Everyone will love it and your kids will hate you (they already do)!
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What would I do if I won the lottery? I don't know, probably pay for a private training course that would teach every person in Pittsburgh how to drive through a goddamn tunnel without switching to a petrified geriatric crawl
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Good morning. Wear a mask.
We're failing. The virus is spreading here while it's falling in many other countries. It doesn't matter what you think about the matter; you are NOT an expert. Shut up and put on a mask. We need to step up. Wear a mask.
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Today at South Side Burger King: After already abandoning the drive-through (exhibiting a bold "just pretend people aren't there" strategy), the manager emerges to tell the cashier "You know what, don't take any more orders. We're just closing."
Classic Binger Kurg.
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In a surprising turn, Steelers fans have now thanked the city of Pittsburgh for not allowing them into the stadium for this game.
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Sure, kids, you're cool now. But before you know it, the day will come when you're gonna be in a Shop n Save, and you're gonna think to yourself that the in-store soundtrack is "totally rocking today."
And you're just gonna have to sit with that.
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CURRENTLY WATCHING
Infinity Pool (2023)
2023 Movie No. 20
(New Movie No. 6)
I'm at the Alamo AMC, a real place. There's a canon.
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BREAKING: We're not precisely sure how, but the Pirates have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.
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Privileged to see two of the best in the world,
@SpeedballBailey
and Pittsburgh's own
@theleemoriarty
, put on an absolute classic for
@EnjoyWrestle
at Mr. Smalls.
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PHILADELPHIA YOU BEAUTIFUL MANIAC BASTARDS, AS SOON AS THIS PANDEMIC ENDS I AM COMING OVER THERE AND SHOVING SO MANY GODDAMN CHEESESTEAKS IN MY FACE
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"We're going to open up, please be safe."
"No."
"If you're not, we'll close again."
"Still not gonna listen."
"Okay, we're closed again."
"WHAT"
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Hi. It's not safe yet. You are not an epidemiologist; you're not uncovering the truth on this one, Colombo. It's not safe yet. Shut up, stay home. Try in a few weeks.
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So when will it be acceptable to start drinking tomorrow? Noon? Breakfast? 2am? Now?
It's now, isn't it.
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Today for
@PittsburghMag
, there's no explanation that could justify the decision to kill off hockey at Robert Morris.
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I will absolutely continue wearing masks in most indoor environments because, in pure scientific terms, a lot of y'all are nasty.
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With tonight's win, the Penguins, Pirates and Steelers have each won at least five championships.
#cityofchampions
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1) The postal service is an essential public service.
2) Mail-in voting is entirely safe.
3) An attempt to disrupt or dismantle the post service is a disgusting abuse of power that spits on American values.
If you disagree, it's not a difference of opinion; you're simply wrong.
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*ahem*
CASES DROPPING DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TIME TO RE-OPEN THINGS. IF YOU RE-OPEN THINGS, CASES WILL RISE AGAIN. CASES DROP *BECAUSE* THINGS ARE CLOSED OR AT VERY LIMITED CAPACITY. THE VIRUS DIDN'T MAGICALLY VANISH. STOP PRETENDING THIS WORKS DIFFERENTLY THAN IT DOES.
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CURRENTLY WATCHING
Blazing Saddles (1974)
2020 Movie No. 205
This is one of those movies that is simply never not funny.
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I want you to love everyone around you. I want you to love your friends and neighbors and strangers so hard, and with such intensity, that you leave no room for hatred in the world.
And if you find a Nazi, I want you to punch them in the fucking face.
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Looking forward to 2037 when Jaden Smith wins Best Actor for playing his father in the film version of all this.
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In the aftertimes, we are going to permanently replace handshakes with the Wakanda Forever salute. You are welcome for this literally perfect idea.
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In news first reported by the inimitable
@genecollier
and the incredible
@GerryCollier
, I've leveled up the business cards. Happy to say I'm now the Managing Editor of
@PittsburghMag
— both an honor and an opportunity to sneak more pro wrestling coverage into print.
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Just heard an actual busy signal. In 2017. It's like I'm calling in to B94 to try to win Sugar Ray tickets.
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Just met Grey, he is the size of 13 of my dog, so bit of an adjustment for me
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Shame on you.
This newspaper has not supported a Republican for president since 1972. But we believe President Trump, for all his faults, is the better choice this year.
Via
@pgopinions
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Here's a handy guide if you STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT when to wear your mask:
Is it a situation where you would feel uncomfortable without pants?
Then keep your damn mask on. It's just an article of clothing. Grow up.
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BREAKING:
@Kenny_Kangaroo
announces that The Old Mill will return in 2020.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL. GARFIELD IS GONE. OLD-TIMEY WESTERN SKELETONS N'AT. THIS YEAR.
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Listen can we put our party affiliation aside for a minute and admit that, if you asked a person a difficult question and he made this face, you wouldn't even hire him to manage a Bennigan's
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Okay I don't usually fire on
@PGHTodayLive
when I'm not there, but in the space of THREE DAYS we have learned that
@KDKAHeather
has never seen I Love Lucy and
@DavidHighfield
has never HEARD of the game Guess Who.
Folks.
Can we make "Wait, you haven't WHAT?" a regular segment?
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Friendly reminder: There's no such thing as cancel culture.
Sometimes, a person says or does something that makes other people decide he's an asshole.
Sometimes, that includes the person's employers, who no longer want to work with an asshole.
Because no one likes assholes.
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Psst someone go up to the president and tell him that if the sun disappears on Monday it means God wants him to resign
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Sometimes I want to Tweet back at a certain fired news personality known for her extremely bad takes, but she has way less followers than me and I don't believe in punching down.
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Some days, you're just minding your own business and Sgt. Slaughter sneaks up and throws you in the Cobra Clutch.
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Hey, anybody remember Dr. Oz? That dude was weird. So anyway
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A reminder!
You're not a Scab for going to the movie theater. In fact, you're hurting the cause (or at least not helping it).
The future of the industry for everyone depends on a nationwide network of cinemas, and they nearly went extinct due to COVID. (1/3)
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If yinz guys don't stop hanging out in large groups and wearing your masks around your chins, PA is next. Green does not mean "the hell with it, let me lick society like the flagpole in Christmas Story."
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Ugh, okay, AGAIN: If you're trying to go uphill on slick roads, you need some momentum. You can't take it at a crawl; you won't move. You need to get some traction going. If you can't handle that, stay home.
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The amount of this city that has shut down due to a weather event that is not actually occurring is staggering.
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In hard-hitting, investigative, deeply researched journalism: I try to guess whether or not Jason Momoa could actually have hit the river from the roof of PNC Park.
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No one who participated in or supported the terrorism on
#January6th
is a patriot.
No one who seeks to minimize or recast what happened on that day is an American.
There's only one word that fits: traitor.
Understand what fascism is, and don't allow it to spread.
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Quick memo to men: Listen, if another human wants your dick to make an appearance, they will ABSOLUTELY make you aware of that
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This is an immeasurable loss to cinema and popular culture, on par with the most untimely passings in the history of arts and entertainment.
It's also a terrible human tragedy.
BREAKING: 'Black Panther' actor Chadwick Boseman dies at 43 after 4-year fight with colon cancer, representative tells AP. Find updates here:
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When I was about 10, I was pretty sure Scott Hall was the coolest guy alive.
I was right.
Rest in peace.
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Dude apparently knew EXACTLY when to fold 'em.
Kenny Rogers, who died late Friday, had 20 No.-1 hits and three Grammys and performed for six decades before retiring from touring in 2017.
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Restaurant open, neighborhood moving more or less as usual. I know I should probably go around the corner to do some reporting, but honestly, I don't have it in me. America has a terrorism problem, and it's coming from within. Accepting that and responding to it is long overdue.
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Hey
@Mike_Pence
, he literally just sent people to murder you, so now would seem to be a fine time for that 25th Amendment.
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Without calling out any local behemoths by name:
How DARE hospitals charge for parking. "Hey, let's wring extra cash out of people visiting sick relatives." What, you're not making enough money in there?
Ghoulish. Shame on yinz.
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I've seen Borat, and yes, the scene is even worse than what you've heard.
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CURRENTLY WATCHING
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
2020 Movie No. 381
The undisputed GOAT of Christmas movies.
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Somewhat lost in the nuance of this asinine drag "debate" is this point: Anyone clutching their pearls about "sexualized" content in the year 20 by god 23 is a Puritanical, repressed dipshit. Seriously, spice up your life, you skull-crushingly boring sacks of soggy bread.
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(This tweet brought to you by the Allegheny River Boulevard Iggle that has the milk in THE MIDDLE???)
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As OFFICIALLY declared on
@PGHTodayLive
— the Queen of Pittsburgh Pro Wrestling,
@ziggyhaim
(now with crown)!
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BREAKING: Guy who burned down a Hardee's announces he will not be attending the grand opening of a new, significantly improved Hardee's.
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Awesome:
@SashaBanksWWE
and
@BeckyLynchWWE
just embraced and threw the Four Horsewomen sign. IT COULD HAPPEN.
http://t.co/H2eOexCvBF
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Oct. 1: Mysterious Fireball
Oct. 2: President Has COVID
Oct. 3: Pence Is a Replicant
Oct. 4: Just Bees, Man
Oct. 5: Hardee's Burgers are People
Oct. 6: Lakers Spontaneously Divide Into Two People Each
Oct. 7: Mount Rushmore is Potatoes Now
Oct. 8: Surprise ABBA Reunion
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nobody:
every Pittsburgh neighborhood: We need to build a rolled ice cream place
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Breaking: February pleased to hear that Buctober is actually the shortest month
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When he does it, it's "filming Wonka," but when I do it, it's "you are no longer welcome at Sarris"
Timothée Chalamet had to swim in a vat of hot chocolate for ‘WONKA’.
(Source: )
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Pence's haggard appearance is not evidence of COVID.
It's just that every instinct in his body is screaming at him to extend his lizard tongue and eat that fly, and resisting the urge is giving him the sweats.
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Apparently the Liberty Bridge itself is not on fire. Rather:
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Your annual reminder that backyard fireworks:
★Look Bad
★Scare Dogs
★Might Kill You
★Are Generally Dumb
★Seriously, Why
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Good morning, the air is poison and the Supreme Court is illegitimate.
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That's weird — the dull, persistent ache that's been behind my eyes for the past 50 months just disappeared.
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I was thrilled to profile my friend
@CelinaPompeani
for the
@PittsburghMag
Best of the 'Burgh issue! Yes, this was a collision of children of Pittsburgh-area sports figures! Inception n'at!
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Remember, kids, "Let's prevent overreaching regulations" is code for "We are cool if people die, as long as profits keep up."
Regulate everything.
"Over 1,000 Trains Derail Every Year in America. Let’s Bring That Number Down."
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Proud to announce I've been approved as a
@RottenTomatoes
critic! You're welcome, Tomatometer scores of underappreciated horror films!
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Don't hang out in indoor spaces. Most restaurants, bars, clubs and venues can't be made safe; get in and take out. If you're ignoring COVID-19, you're not defending freedom or supporting the economy — you're selfishly taking a risk because you're bored.
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Officially this is not a "reaction" but rather an important report: In The Prom, Meryl's character says she's from Zelionople and she PRONOUNCES IT CORRECTLY. There is nothing she can't do.
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Don't forget the motivation behind people who deny reality and refuse to accept the COVID threat:
They're scared.
They're terrified of things they can't control and shudder at problems they can't scream into submission. Don't be intimidated by people so desperately weak.
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Coldplay: "We have no idea what we're doing." Bruno Mars: "I have some idea of what I'm doing." Beyoncé: "Sit down and observe."
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@genecollier
@GerryCollier
Couldn't have done it — whatever this is! — without the both of ya!
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Didn't scrape the windshield enough. Just descended Mount Washington repeating, "I am one with the Force, the Force is with me."
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I'll say this: One of these guys is trying to talk about important issues.
The other one is yelling like a drunk guy angry about a referee's call.
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