Telling people Lyme disease left me wheelchair-bound when I’m actually just recovering from leg lengthening surgery

Took my stye on vacation

i like that the 2 hunks on Selling the City are a guy with the posture of a loony toons vulture and a guy who dresses like a puppet who was turned into a boy

@boltsfood me and Antonio…

Seeing too many primates in captivity on my timeline… let them go

The only other people on this water taxi are a woman in a turtleneck sweater and a really drunk woman in a bikini. And they’re talking to each other.

My landlord let me know there’s not enough black mold in my apartment so he’s gonna come over to flood the kitchen for the next 3 days

@DashleyJaaane Noted ✍️✍️✍️ mine has been so stubborn and I’m like omg… Im gonna look like bukowski by the time I hit 35

@DashleyJaaane I’ve been getting the same thing recently for the first time in my life— what did you do to fix it?! My derm prescribed me topical ivermectin lmao

@pacino_girl sometimes it’s just the truth 🤒

@atothe_d she probably thought she was giving the substance... but all roads lead back to the mask

@DashleyJaaane perfect name for a hot babysitter

RT @bleachedbrowse: #

@Liamjsm @jones77 The other day I saw one cause an accident lol

@Liamjsm one guy said it’s probably like “loving a rainbow or the wind”

It’s funny that she’s dressed like Liza Minnelli the whole time

@corpseinorbit 150 years of american folk music tradition DESTROYED