Scottie Scheffler
@scottscheffler
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Following
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Statuses
456
Professional Golfer, part time Friar. Not a strip club guy. Mindset. PCBC proud.
Joined December 2019
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I keep seeing everyone talk about my earnings this season - diapers aren’t cheap you guys 😅
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What an honor, I’m feeling absolutely blessed.
#2
tastes just as sweet as the first. Shout out to the real hero Meredith for keeping that little fella tucked away until after the victory.
#AllGloryToGod
#themasters
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They say a watched pot never boils, but they also say Joe Biden won the election so I’m gonna watch this thing like a hawk
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Just watched an absolute lard of a human being throw a Hershey wrapper out their window. I picked it up, chased her fat ass down, and personally handed it to her. Not today tubby, not today.
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The return of winter only means one thing; the return of my gripe with public heating. Naturally, when the weather drops we dress accordingly. So someone explain to me why any sane citizen would heat a public building to a scorching 72 degrees when I’m wearing khakis and a jacket
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Took shrooms yesterday for the first time with a random kid I met at a concert. Bad decision, great time.
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Just had sex, now I’m watching Happy Feet. This is the american dream.
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To all the broads complaining about women’s rights in America, go spend a weekend in Saudi Arabia and get back to me
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Don’t you hate it when you go to a new gym and the heaviest dumbbells they have are what you usually use to warm up. Me too.
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Thanksgiving appetizers are really the true test of your will power. You haven’t eaten all day so you can go absolutely buck wild come dinner time, then outta no where there’s a cheese plate and shrimp cocktail eyeing you down like a lonely drunk girl at 2 am on a friday night
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We get it you like Morgan Wallen. So does everyone else in America, you’re not special
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I love warm weather as much as the next guy but I’ve seen way too many toes today
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MckVinneys having a fire drill, haven’t seen this many birdies since my last round at Torrey Pines
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Something you don’t see often, four white guys behind bars and a free Hispanic
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Every time I buy one of these I wanna shoot myself in the face, yet in one week to I’ll be back again to buy another. Well played big name tobacco companies, I don’t know how you do it but I’ll get the best of you one of these days.
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Doctors tried to pull a fast one on me. Went in for my annual check up and they hit me with the old “you need your meningitis shot”. The finger prick was just adding insult to injury. I put on a brave face and took it like a champ tho. I deserve a blowjob after that performance
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Do blind dudes get laid and then just think “fuck I hope she was hot”
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There’s always that one kinda hot somewhat manly looking chick on
#sharkweek
that you can’t tell if you wanna shag or have a catch in the backyard with
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@mancheeetah
No one bats an eye when my dog sniffs some one’s crotch but when I do it it’s harassment
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Not sure if it can get worse than wallowing in sadness at ray by yourself after just losing $150
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Reinforcements are currently en route to MSG. Never hoped to return to this God forsaken city but the Friars need me today. Go Sox.
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They don’t make em like they used, my Nana is a trooper through and through 🙌🏿
When
@scottscheffler
won
@TPCSawgrass
Sunday his 88 year old grandmother had walked all 72 holes of the tournament.
Why is it that seeing Mary DeLorenzo walk 16 miles is so inspirational?
Because seeing what a true fan does is uniquely motivational.
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What’s the difference between Uber eats and a girlfriend. Nothing, they’re both way too expensive and I don’t get sex from either
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A large majority of my mental well being for the next few weeks depends entirely on the outcome of this Celtics game
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This new Matthew Stafford AT&T commercial is absolutely savage
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@Streeet_Dog
Thank you Dr. , when I beat these amateurs the purse will be given directly to Mr. Cooley to keep his black ass in Providence where it belongs
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The Celtics might actually have a chance of winning this series if the refs would take Giannis’s dick out their mouths
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I physically cannot stop playing 8 ball pool. It’s 3 am, I want to go to bed, some one send help
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Bag was fumbled last night. Will I pull off the comeback? Tune back in at 2 am EST to find out.
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All the fellas are running it back, rallying behind good old Kimmy. Vibes are incredibly high in Providence.
#Mindset
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Fuck a blinker you ain’t gotta know where I’m going. Mind your business
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First time keeping a legitimate score over 18 holes and I broke 100. 98 is not bad, but definitely could’ve done better. I know 0% of the people who will see this give even half a shit about my golf score but I physically cannot stop myself from tweeting that I broke 100
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@thepackage6969
@Yahurrrrd
Listen fellas my mind was elsewhere. Like you Chad, I also gave up sex for lent. I was just thinking about going home and banging my smoking hot wife the entire tournament .
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I love hugging short people, it’s like getting motor boated
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Sometimes when I’m feeling sad I just go look at my bank account. Then I get more sad.
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I don’t care how terrible the Red Sox are I refuse to stop betting on them
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You gotta love picking up your books on the day you have an essay due about said books
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Just stole an $85 sweatshirt from abracrombie. The real crime here is charging $85 for a plain grey sweatshirt.
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The Falcons and the Warriors choke-jobs were bad, but not enough people talk about the Authority blowing a 3-1 lead to team Cena during the 2014 survivor series
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I’d marry the Boston Celtics if it was legal in any of the 50 states
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Came to the library to study, ended up watching Dwight Howard most sus moments on YouTube for an hour
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My mother and father, who very much disapprove of my gambling habits, just complimented me on my pre season celtics championship future
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Moonknight is not only one of the best Marvel productions I’ve seen, but it’s straight up one of the best tv series I’ve seen
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I took these two snaps 7 days apart from each other. Classic New England
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Christ all mighty is it raining out there. It’s wetter than when I get it in my wife’s hole in one
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Playing 8 ball pool going 90 on the freeway blasting the nelk boys podcast. Thank you 3rd amendment
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Grant williams shooting 3s last season vs this season
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“I once fell asleep with a ham sandwich on my chest, the worst part is I woke up and ate it” -
@colajerri
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The warm weather has awoken the creatures of providence, careful out there, the streets are crawling
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I have $180 on Serena Williams right now. Pray for me
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@jmunson71
Fake fan. I was the biggest grant hater in the world last year, but if you been following them this year you’d know he’s a dog
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The high five from KG at the end
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@mancheeetah
Gave out $40 to Albany crackheads couple days ago. Even though I know they immediately used it to buy PCP I still felt like Bill Gates
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@mancheeetah
It’s a shame. Kids have it too easy. When I was a kid I was scraping the aluminum off gum wrappers and rolling them up with ungrinded nugs cause we were 14 and didn’t know any better
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Thanos would be very upset about these new abortion laws
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