I was cycling my bike and felt a sudden moistness on my cheek. I reflexively rationalised that I’d splashed a puddle, but the road was dry, and the real reason soon became obvious. A bird had just taken a shit on my face and clothes. Although Some people pay to be pooed on, it’s not my thing. It could be worse, once a fat woman was yapping at me and as she did, poo flew from the sky and landed directly in her mouth. She had to scrape it out with her fat finger. It’s as if God said, ‘since you like eating so much, eat this!!!’ and sent the bird to shit in her mouth, protecting one of his most faithful sons in the process. But god is not a terrorist. God doesn’t send the bombs that kill the Gazan children from the sky, for example, that’s the Israelis. Maybe the Israelis sent the bird to shit on me and the fat woman. Many people online would eagerly gobble up this theory, simply to confirm their own bias. But Let’s assume, for a second, that it’s true and that the Jewish Community think fat women should keep their mouths shut, but what’s their problem with a nice guy like me? It’s a mystery, and I shall be spending my Stevens Day drying my clothes, scanning the Talmud and looking for clues.

Knock knock Whose there A guy A guy who A guy with a knife who’s going to stab you every time you open your door in Ireland in 2025 👍

Lol ireland sucks

Nobody takes us seriously do they

Gerbil.

Remember when you could share hardcore porn on twitter but you got kicked off for wrong pronouns? That was dystopian.

My mam just texted ‘black and browns OUT’. I feared she’d been radicalised by Stoneybatter but thankfully she’s referring to the bins

Our grandparents were poor, we are rich. Our grandparents were religious, we are atheist. Our grandparents lived in a homogenous society. We live in a multicultural one. Our grandparents were conservative, we are liberal. A lot has changed, quickly. We have nothing in common with our ancestors.

RTE : A serious incident has happened in Stoneybatter. Now that is dog water journalism.

Friends offends me because it is, and always has been, totally shit.

Stoneybatter is a weird place for four people to be stabbed. Maybe some lactose intolerant hipster had an allergic reaction to their chai latte. Maybe they melted down after failing to split the G. Truth is, we’ll probably never know.

Dublin sucks now lol. Everyone getting stabbed all the time. It actually completely changes the way you see your community and the world around you. Why would you want a wife or kids to be in this city? RTE are, in my opinion, concealing the truth of this incident by not mentioning the stabbings in the headline. Any private media company would lead with this information because they would be incentivised by clicks, but RTE are incentivised by towing the government line. It is evidence of corruption that is not considered evidence.

some people share Anthony Bourdain advice paragraphs on Facebook. ‘Eat at a restaurant and talk to a stranger, pick up a hitchhiker and take the day off work’ type stuff I’m sure if he was around he would hate seeing it shared because Considering how he died, none of it helped him and won’t help you

Alcoholic Womaniser Beta male Depressed OCD Anxious Resentful Bitter Dolebird Liar Thank you God for saving me from hell 🙏🙏

I’ve been having symptoms. Diarrhoea, stomach pain, feeling cold, bit tired and sometimes sneezing. I hope it’s dairy.

Kanye is having fun saying this and saying that. Saying stuff is fun, but you shouldn’t get a feeling from it. If it gives you a thrill it’s like the thrill you get from cocaine or anorexia. You become a slave to controversy.

This year is already flying by. What have you learned? What is changing so far?

Drinking 20 glasses of wine is just terrible. Not to pass the buck but I hope God never let’s me do it again

Watching Husbands reminds me of going back to my hometown to attend the funeral of a friends brother. Meeting the people who knew you when you were 15 makes you feel so invincible you drink 20 glasses of wine.