Santa Claus
@santa
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For the last time I am not kidnapping a member of a boy band for you.
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.@NiallOfficial Please explain to your fans that I cannot put you in a bag and place them under a tree.
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Should I replace some of my reindeer with @ashton5sos, @luke5sos, and @calum5sos? Not sure if @michael5sos is magic enough to fly. ?.
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.@taylorswift13 I'm not sure what to bring you this year. You left a 'Blank Space' on your list.
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Did you know my sleigh is fireproof and can only fly in one direction through the clouds as the night changes?.
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Instead of coming down your chimney this year, I'm COMING IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL http://t.co/Plz58wRZ7Z.
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Fave for @onedirection .Retweet for @5SOS .Follow for @devhynes .Unfollow for @CoryBooker .Shower for @neiltyson .Bathe for @RichardDawkins.
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If you want Zayn Malik under your tree on the 25th just know the wait list is currently at 7.124 billion people. Good luck.
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Ok. Just talked to @Harry_Styles. He will let me deliver him to one lucky fan by Christmas morning. RT and it could be you! HARRY CHRISTMAS!.
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Just passed by all 5 members of @onedirection and they're all having a good time with their significant others and not being kidnapped!.
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I just . took a. DNA test. turns out . I'm . 100β
. St. Nick π
.
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They just spotted me! Niall said, 'Santa! Take me with you! I want to be cloned for all the little girls!'. Then i said, 'Niall, LOL!'.
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So far most children in developing nations have never heard of One Direction. They keep asking for a boy band called "world peace".
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Niall and Louis are running off screaming, "I'M TOO YOUNG AND HOT TO DIE BY #SHARKNADO!". Oh the humanity!.
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In a recent AP poll, 87% of those asking for members of One Direction actually believe I can successfully kidnap, clone, and deliver.
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OH MY GOD. Out of no where, #SHARKNADO is attacking @onedirection! Harry's hair is gone! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HIS HAIR IS GONE.
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Zayn is gone. Harry is the only one left standing. He whispers, ever so gently, ". best night ever". HE'S CHARGING THE #SHARKNADO!.
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@Harry_Styles Have you read what your fans are saying to me? Love is definitely not around.
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Hey @justinbieber, several people want you under their tree on Christmas morning. What's your schedule like on the 25th? Let's do this.
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Oh no! Zayn is trying to fight #SHARKNADO with a chainsaw, but it's too late! Liam has been taken by the nado!.
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Harry looks up to Nathan from @thewanted and, with a faint and fragile breath blurts out, "I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came".
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On my way home to watch @mrsclaus open her present from me. Hope she likes it! Definitely no return policy. http://t.co/T1wDwy43.
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Just as Harry is about to clash with the apocalypse that is #SHARKNADO, all 5 members of @thewanted appear!.
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I wanted Justin Bieber and One Direction under my tree too. BUT DID ANYONE ASK ME? NOOooO. No No No!.
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Jonas Brothers > One Direction (at least they play their own instruments).
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BREAKING: I just confirmed with his agent. but I'll be able to deliver one boy band member this Christmas. Will reveal who later tonight.
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Passing by North Korea soon! I hope Lil Kim likes what I'm dropping off!! http://t.co/YbY9yAAbTV.
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There are a million parents on this planet that just accept that a stranger snuck into their house to drop off gifts. No questions asked.
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.@realDonaldTrump from one fat and senile man who was born into his riches and is wholly mediocre at his job to another. Shut. Up.
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#SHARKNADO, devastated by the full force of hot young men who sing and dance from the UK, retreats to the fiery chasm from whence it came. .
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PSA: Your to-do list: Put out the fire. 2% milk. Chocolate chip. One direction playing lightly as I enter the house.
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People always told me I was good looking lad, that I'd stay forever young. Then I realized I was living vicariously. http://t.co/0iJv9IWysL.
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December 26 is when I go back to my normal job as a Lyft driver.
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The amount of times I've had to use the obliviate spell on sleepless parents: 38527. Being friends with Hermione Granger: Priceless.
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@NlALLH @NiallOfficial On what planet do you think that talking like that will get you anything in life?.
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Last name Claus. First name Santa. My all time fav drink is Fanta. Started off in Paraguay, but thanks to reindeer, I'm off to the US OF A.
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Next year we're adding 'thirsty' as a new category for the naughty and nice list.
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Rudolph's nose went out. Currently using the flash on my phone. π.
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@lovemyJONAS4 @nickjonas No. I can get you One Direction though. But keep it a secret. Can't let this get out to the world. .
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some ppl like 1D. others like JBiebs. i personally like Jaden Smith. that's that!.
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I just took a DNA, turns out:. βοΈ π. ππ
. βοΈ. π¨β¨. π πͺ.π₯γγβοΈ.π₯Άγγπ§£. π· π§¦. βοΈπ. πͺ. β€οΈπ. βοΈγ β¨.π₯Άγγπ₯.πγγ βοΈ. π§¦γ π·. ππ. π
π. π₯³ βοΈ.
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When hung, the ornament burst into flames-burning down your tree to replicate the fiery sensation of your dead soul. http://t.co/PpUDjojF27.
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I have out MacBook Airs, Gold iPhone 5s, and flat screens and this is the thanks I get
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There's a recall on all Harry Styles gifts: Harry Potter style costumes were delivered instead of @Harry_Styles woops http://t.co/bDGK1VOD0W.
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β@mlugpnouis: Dear santa. @santa
http://t.co/jKn6ncB3wvβ who else has this on their list? @HeadElf designed them.
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The workshop is buzzing with last-minute activity by the elves. The reindeers are getting lots of rest. Mrs Claus is baking delicious cookies. I think Christmas must almost be here . .
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Canada, leave me poutine or suffer the furious wrath of a thousand elves.
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@GrittyNHL Thank you @GrittyNHL - loved the Gritty Claus video. Thanks for the milk and cookies - Iβd never had Cheez Whiz chocolate chip cookies before. Go Flyers!.
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One thing they donβt know about us is that one way or another, my reindeer move only in one direction while I suffer a heart attack.
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"Did you leave these gifts?" asked the mother. "No. Not me. Was it you?" replied the father. Then they never spoke of it again.
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Walgreens really needs to stop selling cigarettes if it wants to keep its spot at the corner of happy and healthy.
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You say that One Direction is playing a live and unplugged show at my workshop. I say itβs a trap.
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I walk this lonely road.The only one that I have ever known.#Moscow
http://t.co/JcKaYwNwg1.
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Whoever dropped a Niall Horan action figure while sitting my lap can pick it up at the lost-and-found at the Southdale mall in Edina.
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Update: I've gotten my 23453 cup of coffee and loving Africa. Almost ready to cross the Atlantic to make my way to the America's! Need to stock up on chapati before I leave though. .
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