Sam
@sam_shoeman
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Brief list of things people often erroneously assume I am:
-6 feet tall
-matrilineally Jewish
-on SSRIs
-really into Radiohead
-possibly named Jacob
-in grad school
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My biggest character flaw? I always say “yeah no for sure” instead of “ok” which wastes everyone’s time
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You either die a bada bing or live long enough to see yourself become a bada boom
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Practicing saying “yeah I don’t miss oberlin but I’d kill for some Kim’s” before the big thief show in brooklyn, new york
Practicing saying “wavy” in the mirror before the pinegrove show in montclair, New Jersey
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We aren’t ready to talk about the power dynamic when bit people and non-bit people date
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Professor: what year did Lenin die
Me: why would I know that off the top of my head
Rest of the class: 1925
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Everyone who read Frindle in elementary school hates prescriptive grammar now
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It’s unconscionable that a school with Oberlin’s resources a) lets the entire student body’s info get stolen and more importantly b) cannot provide students with BBQ sauce in Stevie consistently
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Day 2 of my magazine internship: I have no idea what a “magazine” is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask
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The Career Center exists solely to remind me that the real value of my liberal arts degree is the friends I make along the way
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Gonna take a gamble tomorrow by pronouncing vaccine like fettuccine and seeing if they still give it to me
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Was recognized at a bowling alley because of my high school band; 1 step closer to my dream of becoming an extra from Garden State
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Just want to make clear that although I don’t use my New Yorker tote bag, I ~did~ receive one as a part of my subscription because I ~am~ an intellectual with a deep love for longform journalism and well-curated poetry/short fiction
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Day 5 of my magazine intership: was carded in a GameStop because the game was rated 17+, which is less embarrassing than the fact that I still go to gamestop
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Would love to know how many people at the oberlin Foucault lecture spent their entire first-year seminar comparing every reading to Harry Potter
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If I don’t eat a cookie with little orange sprinkles on it in the next 4 hours I am going to die
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Took just over 72 hours in Paris to see a man walking down the street just straight dogging a baguette
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Just laying in bed here 6 hours ahead of the east coast trying to figure out a 2am tweet that also has strong 8pm energy (I do it all for the fans)
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This semester I will be replacing all romantic yearning with profound envy for anyone living in a house with a porch
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Being ~abroad~ (did I mention I’m abroad) is a great preview of all the different ways that I’ll be able to turn attending oberlin into a personality once I graduate
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Nothings more fucked up than having to go to New York to see a bunch of bands from New Jersey
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Some of you have never cried to Bright Eyes after getting home from a party you hated and it shows
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Ratio
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I seem to have entered a second death cab for cutie phase but would like to assure everyone that I am FINE and that my mental health is EXCELLENT
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Subletting my washer-dryer in bushwick for the next 45 minutes if anyones interested
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Ignoring Instagram challenges and letting the guilt wash over me just to feel something
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Got carded at a bar in Montreal because, in the bartender’s words, “you look fresh, like the world hasn’t come down on you yet”
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I refuse to move to Brooklyn until people start dancing at shows there
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Would u rather: be the only horse girl in a room full of theatre kids, or be the only theatre kid in a room full of horse girls
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Practicing saying “wavy” in the mirror before the pinegrove show in montclair, New Jersey
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Putting “phenomenology” in the title
(\__/)
⠀ (•ㅅ•)
＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ __
/ `/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ ヽ
( (三ヽ人 / |
| ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ ノ
ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／
｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)
/ﾐ`ー―彡\ (•ㅅ•) my bad paper
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Being out of oberlin means no one makes you think about Sappho when eating your pomegranate, saving valuable mental energy for gaming posting and reading Bukowski
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Last weekend someone told me I couldn’t be an influencer because I “don’t have the hair for it” and I’m still trying to figure out if that was anti-Semitic
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If my late night Lucy Dacus listening session doesn’t heal me then I will have to resort to extreme measures (boygenius twice thru)
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We’re cancelling each other over why didn’t you come up and say hi to me when I saw you last week. Why did you do that?
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Being an editorial assistant rocks because sometimes I talk to philosopher-monks in India but only to answer questions about their tax forms
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Very interested to see if oberl*n cr*shes withers away or goes absolutely beserk this sem
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Walking around montclair in a big black coat like a provincial noble surveying his hamlet
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There will never be a single moment in my life that surpasses the first time I heard the drop in Party Rock Anthem
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Really crushing my new gig as NPC for the high schoolers in my hometown
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Scandinavian adaptation of lord of the flies called fjord of the lies
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Moved in with my host mom 8 hours ago and we have already watched a strokes music video together, so yeah I guess you could say my semester abroad is off to a pretty good start
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Hey I uh wrote about a really interesting letter exchange between Adorno and Marcuse about student activism and resistance in the ‘60s and if you’re interested in that kind of thing here it is!
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Nice social skills bro she let me hit because I got to round 149 on bloons tower defense
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If finally talking to my thesis advisor about the sopranos instead of dead frenchmen is the only feeling of accomplishment I get between now and commencement I am ok with that :,)
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If Oberlin students were real leftists the meme page would be called the meme co-op
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You can always tell who’s had glasses since elementary school and who’s only had them since like junior year
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Semester abroad almost over bucket list:
Buy a beret
Throw a baguette off the top of the Eiffel Tower
Walk hand in hand down the Champs-Élysées with a beautiful French mime
Finally learn what “du coup” actually means
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I want to know what this means so badly
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Told my mom I was thinking about a one-year humanities masters and she told me I was getting too old to be fucking around
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Fun fact: Daniel Day Lewis spent 5 months with a human sleeping inside his stomach so that he could play the tauntaun in Star Wars episode V
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People say mustaches are bangs for men but it’s actually moving to Washington DC
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I’m just a guy, staring at his closet, trying to stretch the definition of business casual
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First I embarrassed myself for Music, then I embarrassed myself for Writing. Now? I embarrass myself for me and me alone
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Happy to say that this one has come true
Can’t wait to head to Europe and dissociate on a whole new set of public transit systems
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Got to write for one of my favorite magazines!
What does our understanding of literary transgression reveal about the nature of authorship?
A new essay from
@sam_shoeman
.
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Make it make sense or make it stop but I refuse to believe this is real
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You could say my friends are microinfluencers (good at peer pressure)
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forever going to be high off the look of relief in the PA's eyes when they told me Florence Pugh was across the street and I promised not to bother her
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Nvm I learned how to do this recently and I’m better than all of you
Hoping that if nothing else my generation will end caring about driving stick shift
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“Mutual aid,” I mutter to myself while taking my roommates last white claw
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Two days ago my friend’s dad was buzzed and challenged me to a midnight fiddle battle and honestly I’m still thinking about it because that’s exactly the home-from-college energy I need right now
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Courtney Love could write Smells Like Teen Spirit but Kurt Cobain could never write Celebrity Skin
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Dads don’t want to know where you went they just want to know what route you took to get there
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What hotline do I call if I’m being bullied mercilessly because of my sick new pink iPhone 13 mini
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Gonna start telling people my week-long runny nose has been a zizek impression this whole time
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Can’t wait to head to Europe and dissociate on a whole new set of public transit systems
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If I drink a black coffee and smoke a black American Spirit at the same time but I don’t post about it can I still be esoteric
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Check in with your annoying friends today
Breaking News: Jean-Luc Godard, the daring director whose unconventional methods shaped French New Wave film in the 1960s, has died at 91.
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Playing a “gig”: fun, flirty, casual
Playing a “show”: trumpets herald the sound guy’s return from smoke break as commemorative challenge coins are dispersed amongst the assembled crowd
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I wrote for
@AltaJournal
about
@joeytainment
and a bunch of goofballs who wrote an album about California to dunk on Sufjan Stevens:
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