My latest book ‘The Canyons Of Rob Gotobed's Overactive Mind’ is out now! Available in paperback, eBook and audiobook. "Candid and brilliantly funny, this is a page-turning comedy book in the best tradition of British humor." Jimmy Fallon 2023
Today reminds me of the day I went on a safari. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had nothing to survive on but just food and water!
Had a great time last night at Sudeley Castle’s Spectacle of Light. Well done to all those involved and a big shout out to all those who recognised me and came and said hello!
The lost black and white classic Ingmar Bergman film, “The Seventh Muppet” has recently been restored and remastered. The film depicts the violence and the struggle of modern life through a game of chess played between a disillusioned Kermit The Frog and the figure of Death.
Cooked my first Japanese meal today. I cooked mushroom gyozas and chicken yaki udon noodles with a soy and ginger dip sauce. Delicious!!
今日は初めての日本食を作りました。 きのこ餃子と鶏焼きうどんをしょうが醤油で作りました。 美味しい!!
Just about to set sail on the ocean waves to do some book promotion for my latest comedy book. By the way, I have no idea where I got the inspiration for the design of this boat!
Today I phoned Mario Bros Plumbing to come and fix my toilet. They arrived in good time but just jumped in my toilet and disappeared. Didn't make any attempt to fix it! 0 out of 10 stars!!
WAITER: Sir, do you have any allergies we should know about?
ROB: Yes, I have an allergy to peanuts.
CHARLIE BROWN: Let's go, Snoopy. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here.
Just been confirmed as the writer/director of the new Paddington 3 movie. I intend to go in a new direction and combine my love of Paddington Bear with films with epic battle scenes. So, ‘Paddington the Bravehat!’ should be in cinemas at Christmas 2023!
Here is the undisputed truth that The Beatles were in fact the first Jedi, tasked by the Galactic Republic to be the guardians of love, peace and music!
ビートルズが愛と平和と音楽の守護者としての任務を負った最初のジェダイだったという議論の余地のない真実!
#スターウォーズ
Today I am very sad, the saddest I’ve been since George Lucas rejected my demo for a new title song for The Last Jedi. Apparently, my song ‘Star Wars (What Are They Good For? Huh, Yeah. Absolutely Nothing, Say It Again!) Might have been misinterpreted in a negative way.
I've been doing experiments with rats and cocaine in my science lab. One rat has started choosing it over food, while another has started a PR agency, and a third has started campaigning to become the next President of the USA!
If you want to enjoy sky diving without the danger, then why not do what I do, and zoom in on Google Earth really, really fast!!
危険を冒さずにスカイダイビングを楽しみたいですか? それでは、私と同じように、Google Earth を本当に、本当に速く拡大してみませんか!!
My idea of the perfect bachelor pad is the bridge on the Starship Enterprise. One Big chair and a giant Ultra HD screen. That’s why Star Trek is the ultimate male fantasy. It’s no wonder aliens were always beaming on board, because Kirk was the only one with the big screen.
Remember those less fortunate than you! Kids who graduated Hogwarts this summer are facing the worst wizard job market in living memory. ハリーポッター。 ホグワーツ。
After the critical success of the movie ‘Nomadland’ which was written, produced, edited and directed by Chloé Zhao, Chloé is hoping to have similar success with her next film project: Paddington Bear Nopantsland!
Role playing during sex can be extremely arousing! The trouble is, when something goes wrong and then you have to have a relationship talk dressed as Buzz Lightyear.
Thanks to everyone who came to see me at the
@TheComedyStore
in LA and for making it one of the best gigs of my career. The great thing about being a comic is that at night you get to play some amazing comedy clubs but during the day, you get to act as a kid and go to Disneyland.
My grandmother always feels bad when a bird slams head first into her patio doors. Mind you, if she really felt that bad she would move the bird feeder table outside.
Here is the undisputed truth that The Beatles were in fact the first Jedi, tasked by the Galactic Republic to be the guardians of love, peace and music!
A lot of people still don’t realise that The Beatles never actually crossed the zebra crossing in front of Abbey Road Studios. The photo was photoshopped from this original picture of The Beatles attending their local Sunday school nature walk in 1968.
I once tickled Led Zeppelin's lead singer Robert Plant just as he was about to sing at a private dinner. I regretted it for a long time as he’s only spoken to me once since that night. But I'm glad now. He needed it.
Today I am very sad, the saddest I’ve been since George Lucas rejected my demo for a new title song for The Last Jedi. Apparently, my song ‘Star Wars (What Are They Good For? Huh, Yeah. Absolutely Nothing, Say It Again!) Might have been misinterpreted in a negative way.
Just been confirmed as the writer/director of the new Paddington 3 movie. I intend to go in a new direction and combine my love of Paddington Bear with films with epic battle scenes. So, ‘Paddington the Braveheart’ should be in cinemas at Christmas 2022!
My grandpa ‘Beelzebub Gotobed’ is always complaining that the younger generation never show the older generation any respect! Well, just to prove him wrong, here is my grandpa enjoying a special dish of his favourite steak and chips which I cooked for him.
One of my sister’s kids has just brought me two bottles of bourbon and said, "Here's your Christmas juice Uncle Rob," and now she's the one I'm leaving everything to.
As the official Court Jester to Her Majesty The Queen, I am sometimes called on to perform for the Queen at very short notice. But it is always a pleasure!
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. I am sorry to inform you that I have fallen out of the airplane, lol. But hey, very impressed with the range on this Bluetooth headset though!”
Awoken last night by a commotion coming from the bathroom. When I went to investigate I could not believe my eyes. I bet Andy from ‘Toy Story’ never had this trouble.
I like to show everyone I'm a big shot by marching into McDonald’s and shouting, "Send me your burger menu option with the most melted cheese and pickled gherkins. Money is no obstacle!"
Did you know that in 2017 a Vincent Van Gogh painting sold for $81.3 million. All the more remarkable when you think that Vincent Van Gogh didn’t sell a single painting during his lifetime. Mind you, at those prices I’m not surprised!
Do you want to give yourself something to look forward to in the morning? Text your girlfriend, "I think you owe me an apology💩💩💩!!!" then turn off your phone and go to bed.
Played the amazing
@GothamComedy
last night. After 26 shows in 18 cities this is becoming my favourite tour ever. I have had some truly magical moments, like the time I spontaneously combusted in the MIDDLE of my act. Maybe I should have filmed that one for a Netflix special?
Day 37 of my journey via the "Silly" route to play
@TheComedyStore
and to make my second appearance on
@FallonTonight
. Today before appearing at the Tokyo Comedy Store I spent the day at the Toto Toilet Museum. And believe me when I say I was truly flushed away by the experience!
I see that Segway has ended production of its original two-wheeler, Personal Transporter. Mind you, it’s easy to forget how long the Segway has been around!