Jacques Lavener Jr.
@realbrucepain
Followers
325
Following
252
Media
24
Statuses
180
District 2 Social Studies fair champion | fo fo fo enthusiast | croc wearer | here before “X”|
Joined April 2023
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Blow my brains out: A tier list
1: The awkward stage when meeting a girl where you don’t know whether to side hug or shake her hand
2: Bank account check on Wednesday morning (tf am I doing spending that much on a Tuesday night)
3: Brittny Mahomes & Taylor Swift
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Being a rush chair and getting a Highland Park and a Lovett kid. All I need is DMV and I’ll have the infinity stones of douchebags
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First and last time going to a futurebirds concert, Jesus Christ theses dudes are mid
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8am Comm exam ✅
Bowl taken ✅
Hot chocolate (in microwave)
Nap (loading)
Cerebral Palsy (lingering)
It may be too early to tell, but I think a Friday is in order… yall mind???
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The fuck do you mean I can’t drive hot wheels on your boobs?
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No one tells you that as you get older, the dental hygienist increases the ferocity of her war crimes in your mouth when flossing your teeth. I’m bleeding sharron, please please stop
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Hate riding with the friend who drives like an absolute fucking moron.
Yea dude, I-85 is a great place to respond to your instagram dms
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Monday just gets a little better each time I see a newly bid walk into a 300 person lecture looking like an absolute dumpster fire
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“Coming out tonight?”
No, I’m gonna edge myself and bang my head against my headboard, thanks tho.
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Hate the friend that has horrible breath but you guys aren’t close enough to tell him that his breath fucking reeks, so you just have to sit there and take it like a little bitch
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Being an outsider looking in on the group chat after a Saturday night (that you didn’t attend) is such a lonely feeling
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Me and a buddy of mine just caught ourselves reminiscing about our respective middle school sports. Damn I’m washed.
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I like tweets because they’re funny, but I also like tweets because I want my virtual buds to know they did a good job making me laugh. I love you all.
#spreadthejoy
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Best TV show boobs
1. Game of Thrones
2. True Detective (season 1 ep 2)
3. Euphoria (Sydney Sweeney)
4. The Sopranos
5. Entourage
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Perfect formula for the amount of crawfish at a crawfish boil
*P(people) G(girls) C (crawfish)*
C= P - G x 4
Cause women think crawfish are just for fucking pictures.
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I want my kid to be a Johnny Manziel level of crash out
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The Black Eyed Peas were really the heart of this generation and no one recognizes it.
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Swear to god a dude just gave me a double bird on the freeway, seconds later he crashes into the guy in front of him. God got my back today✊
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I just spent 23 minutes playing the driving simulator demo in Best Buy. That will be the highlight of my Sunday. Time to go vegetate on my basement couch.
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I had a dream last night that I played golf with young thug. I don’t think I ever want to dream again considering that nothing could get better than that.
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Girls have to come home with me if I show them this, right?
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I genuinely wonder how many bottles of rosé were deleted by private school moms while discussing the heathen nature of us public school students
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To whatever Swedish cunt founded IKEA, I fucking hate your guts. Why the fuck is your furniture so god damn hard to put together. AHHHHHHHHH
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Just put on wet shorts after shitting.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
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“THrOw iT aGaIN”
Go fucking kill yourself Pete Alonso you fucking cornball. Suck these tomahawk choppin nuts
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This “internet apocalypse” will happen when worldoftshirts and hammerlord go live together
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“Yo have you seen—” yes bro I’ve seen fucking Breaking Bad.
Burner-verse please give me recommendations for shows that are currently being programmed.
Tried of this Sopranos , Game of Thrones, Succession, Better Call Saul bullshit.
Give me something new please
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Mission: resist the urge to wrap your car around a telephone pole while driving through Atlanta between the hours of 4pm-7pm.
Level: Impossible
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A blowjob and a chocolate milk would solve all of my problems right now.
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Dude really just honked at my mom like I won’t step out at throw a pipe bomb at your windshield, dueche.
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You know when women just do women shit. Yea, fuck that.
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These Morris toilets don’t know what they’ve gotten themselves into
#territorymarked
#eatorbeeaten
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That feeling in your cojones when you know that tonight will result in horrible decisions and immense anxiety the next morning. There’s nothing like it
#chopon
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@jugboij
Sometimes dickin around with your teammates (cousins), is better than “the big time.” Too political for my taste anyway
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The things I would do to go to high school in the movie Fastimes. Unspeakable.
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Daily reminder to check in on your boy who used to host parties because his parents didn’t care. They make the world go round.
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I wish I had theme music for different events that occur in my life
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HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD ITS FUCKING SHOWERCAP DAY
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Cyclists who think they deserve to share the same road as me are the most pretentious, self-entitled assholes on the face of this planet.
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Never felt more worthless after losing a game of Wii tennis while sitting in a chair. (I played Matt, he is a god.)
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(An average scroll on instagram)
People you know -> sports -> random OF girls promoted by a meme page with the caption “her @ is …” -> more sports
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@groovybuttcheek
He will also show you duke basketball highlights until you want to put a 12 gauge in the back of your esophagus
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Just met an IRL fringe guy. Time has moved so slow the last hour.
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First tweet: Being a male is a super power
You can piss anywhere and at anytime you want.
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Man I used to be (still am) so down bad for Kim from Kickin It
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I have had a certain injury for quite some time.
If you have XX chromosomes and attend The Lovett School, is it a requirement for you to dye your hair blonde?
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I’ve seen Francis move faster trying to destroy his Xbox 360 than that woman “attempting” to save a child.
#beanathlete
Stroller with a baby inside gets blown by the wind towards the street, luckily a hero catches the stroller before anything bad happens to thebaby 🙏👀
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Today I resisted the urge to honk at a student driver. Then I remembered I have free will to do almost anything. So I relentlessly held that bitch down. Why?
Cause fuck those kids
#learnerslearn
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I’ll know I’m famous when I have an edit on TikTok with Yeat in the background.
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Jennifer, honey, if the plane is hurling towards the earth at a thousand miles an hour, a tiny sheet of nylon isn’t going to save my life.
To all flight attendants please get out of my ass about buckling my seatbelt.
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Yea, I’d be a professional athlete too if I was 6’5 300lbs. Just wasn’t in the cards for me.
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*insert absurdly loud eagle screech*
Happy pride month twitter.
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Someone needs to hit Taylor Swift with a frying pan (Tom & Jerry style)
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