Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
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Following
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Media
862
Statuses
4,563
Founder and CEO of Aperture Science. He/they/she/hey/they. 114 years old I leave test results and such here sometimes. ✝️ Christian Catholic.
Cleveland, OH
Joined September 2023
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برشلونة
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
Made a strawpage. Be normal.
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Penguinz0: "I think minors should consult their parents and medical professionals before getting HRT"
Sneako for some reason:
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But when I twiddle my nuts during testing, the lab boys yell at me and kick me out. Double standards really ruined my life.
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do you guys remember when I got rid of the Combine and funded that orphanage
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Listen, I know this is a banger but I am NOT using the "oingo boingo little girls" tweet to plug art.
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Sneako believes a 21 year old should be able to marry a 15 YEAR OLD if everyone consents.. 😳
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my first "botted the likes" accusation im so happy
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I fixed your stupid fucking image
We should pursue all of these things except for coal (public transit is also important) instead of impoverishing ourselves through degrowth.
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i want to have vigorous sex with Ryan Reynolds
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@Forshame999
this wasn't directed to that game I was appalled by something someone said and needed to clarify it
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DNI
-Paraphiles
-Zoophiles
-NSFW
-Black Mesa fans
-Aperture haters
-Paul. You know what you did, Paul.
-Objectums (unless you work at Aperture)
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As you may know, the human body is about 70% water.
I think that's too little, so for our next test, we're gonna see if we can't get someone to be made of, say, 90% water by injecting it into their muscles and bones. I've got high hopes for this one.
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Cave Johnson here.
We are currently testing an automated 155mm artillery gun that fires at the exact coordinates of anyone who makes Chiitan sad.
Time is limited, Elon.
@PopBase
No😢
The Brazilian people are not responsible for this.
please Don't take away Chiitan's Brazilian friends.
I love Brazil🇧🇷
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Cave Johnson here.
To celebrate National Yaoi Day, we're gonna see what happens when we quietly play softcore yaoi in the background of all of our computers. Might mentally damage someone, might not, who knows.
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Ok, 2 things.
1. I now know that they're 16. That clears up the "bussy" part.
2. It doesn't, however, justify the cp thing. That is something you don't play off as a "bad joke" and expect to be looked upon as such. Not calling them a pedo, but it's still incredibly weird.
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but I will plug company experiments
As you may know, the human body is about 70% water.
I think that's too little, so for our next test, we're gonna see if we can't get someone to be made of, say, 90% water by injecting it into their muscles and bones. I've got high hopes for this one.
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TESTING MENTIONED ❗❗❗🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯🥼🥼🥼🧪🧪🧪🔬🔬🔬🥼🥼🥼📋📋📋👨🔬👨🔬👨🔬🧬🧬🧬
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she a baddie ngl
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He was just shot dead in Saskatchewan.
R.I.P.
Great news: we have a working catboy prototype.
The lab boys aren't sure if we should release this to the public or not, but what the hell, it would be funny. We'll put him somewhere in Toronto and see what happens.
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nvm they were a zoophile
Rip bozo burn in hell 🚬🚬🚬💨💨💨
the owner of FurAfinnity (Dragoneer) died
don't know how to feel about this
r.i.p.
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Here we go...
Trans people are valid.
Gay people of any sort are valid.
There are infinite genders, MAGAtards are thinking of the two sexes when countering that argument
Israel sucks big-time.
Trump is evil.
The west isn't collapsing.
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@cattoderay36
alastor helplessly watching as reality crumbles around him because bill was bored
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I hit 1000 followers. That's something.
Anyway, please stop trying to kiss the sentry turrets. They are extremely dangerous and will kill you. Also, not very kissable. Sorry.
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@FortniteGame
FUCK YOU. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU. FUCKING LEMON APOLOGIST.
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If you've ingested propulsion gel, you will become somewhat faster at everything you do. You might also get the feeling of a duck watching you at all times. If this feeling persists, seek help immediately because that's not normal.
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Cave Johnson (bisexual community ambassador) here.
No.
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@LocalBateman
My favorite BB blooper.
"You don't deconamitate- decon我叫華特‧哈特韋爾‧懷特，住在新墨西哥州阿爾伯克基三零八內格拉阿羅約巷八七一零四"
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the family of 4 that died to flooding watching someone draw gay porn if the hurricane that horribly killed them from heaven
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I remember you.
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I need a bf so bad that it's not funny anymore it's just sad
it's tearing me apart dudes
I don't even want allat just someone to rest my head on and eat with and go see movies with
is it truly Cave Jonsover?
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@SplatFennec
going to furcon in a WW2 American Paratrooper fit and beating the shit out of any german soldiers i see there
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Cave Johnson here.
We just discovered that white phosphorus somehow boosts the effects of our Aperture brand Super Estrogen.
So, if you see military chemical transport trucks heading to Johnson Cave, don't worry. We're just making the Super Estrogen better.
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Reminder that "robot-fuckers" will be banned from Aperture. No workarounds.
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It's time I came clean.
Packgod is a part of one of our tests.
We were seeing what happens when you take a 12-year-old, make him a grown man, and tell him "Yell random words at people on the internet."
It was a very informative test. He was cornier than we were anticipating.
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shit idgaf which one I am I just want this and this only
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It takes a strong man to deny what's right in front of him, and if the truth is undeniable, you create your own.
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time to plug my art
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no "hear me out" imma just say it loud and proud
I would have SEX with him (consensually)
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@Yoshimongo66
He went from a glorious hawk to a measly pigeon in just 3 months. Heartbreaking!
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Did you know? I fucking hate goonerbait
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Cave Johnson here.
I'm inventing asexual reproduction for humans. No reason, I just thought it'd be funny.
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"the B in LGBT stands for bestiality"
bisexuals:
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I'm glad they endorse it.
Cave Johnson here.
We are currently testing an automated 155mm artillery gun that fires at the exact coordinates of anyone who makes Chiitan sad.
Time is limited, Elon.
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When i want to learn about blue but my bitch classmate wants to learn about green
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