kevin
@psychopimp420
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Men will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat
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First time I ate baklava👇
literal tears rn genuinely some of the best shit i've seen...like theres layers and layers to this
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I think the reason “real gamers” make fun of ppl for playing games like animal crossing and stardew valley is because these games emulate being a well-adjusted, contributing member of society, which i imagine is a very scary concept to them
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When a really hot person is kind of cringe… huge sigh of relief
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Sigur Rós: hdjtbwuebcjvuehebkahdhgavskgievxiznajrifbvhzyauwkbgvkkzbywbribsuwusbwicbaigabwogncjahwjfkhonkdueyqfshcyfuhrbegwickv
16 yr old me:
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Okay this is gaining some traction so I just wanna be clear: if you read this post as a harsh generalization of gamers, then I’m sorry but you are correct I hate you all you don’t deserve rights this tweet was 100% posted in malice curse you gamers
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22 yr old from the east coast with a septum piercing and a emo band: howdy YALL can I get a YEE fuckin HAW lmao I’m LITERALLY a cowboy
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Personally I think indie music should go back to everyone pretending to be french
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@floozyesq
Raise ur hand if a middle-aged man has single-handedly turned a situation of fun and excitement into fear and pain!!!
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A lot of ppl saying shit like “who says this?” and “nice straw man” but what they don’t realize is that I’m actually a Russian bot created to stir up division amongst gamers
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Hilarious stuff you guys keep it coming
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My sister just had a baby I’m an uncle for the first time and I can’t stop crying life is beautiful wtf
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Damn now I’m daydreaming about going back in time and slapping the shit out of my uncles haha
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Okay jokes aside many ppl are calling bullshit on this which is fine and they’re probably right but are we gonna pretend like this shit wasn’t on everyone’s timeline like yesterday?
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Introduced myself to some1 at this function one time and they were like “yah I know you everyone talks about your music and wants to suck your dick but not me” uhhh okay weirdo I’m just on some molly rn and tryna make convo while I crush this cig so chill out
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@sweatyhairy
@kornfan420
They were fucking for years (almost exclusively in the car) and eventually broke it off but still had to do the commercials cause they were under contract. You can definitely tell the chemistry is no longer there tbh.
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I literally hate to be that guy but can ppl shut the fuck up at shows
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Just came out to my dad!!!! Drove him to the airport this morning and just fucking did it!!!!! Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!
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Please enjoy this pic of my dad hitting the bong in high school
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I know 2 ppl who saw mike p3nce’s daughter throw up at a party in high school so
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Open ur purse
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WHO fucking cares dude baseball is literally the most boring sport on earth lmao
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This girlboss and her mom (and hgtv budget) are singlehandedly jacking up the price of every house in marion county and it’s giving us all the feels!!!
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My buddy texts me that he’s playing my song at a bougie DJ gig in manhattan meanwhile I’m washing dishes at my restaurant job in indiana lmao
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Lifestyle influencer tiktok about my daily routine as a 26 year old living in Indianapolis and its just me driving 30 minutes to work every day and drinking beer in public cause they made it legal when we hosted the super bowl in 2011 and never changed it
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Phone clipped to the belt facing outward and unlocked is the most chaotic dad energy I’ve ever come across
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Officially lost count of how many times I’ve made full eye contact with an acquaintance at some function, politely tried to wave/say hello and received absolutely no response... but they’ll still follow me and like my shit?? Nothing makes me feel more insane I think
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When I work the register after ripping the pen in the walk in fridge
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If I scrub and mop the walk-in fridge it is my legal right to hit my pen in there when I’m done
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Every day I see some shit on here saying women do this and men do that and all I have to say is... gender is a circus and everyone’s a clown!!
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Went on like a 2 hour bike ride and got home and just fucking deleted this can of seltzer
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Good morning world, my new album Full Hand will be released on February 28, 2020 on
@bayonetrecs
You can watch the video for my new song “Surprise” here:
Cover photo by Katherine Thomas 🙂
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I still think it’s so cool that a writer at a major music publication made a verbose argument basically saying my new album isn’t worth listening to thereby losing me potential streams which in this current market contribute the most to my almost nonexistent income from music 😎
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So blessed and humbled that I get to serve tacos nachos and burrito bowls to maskless suburbanites for 12 hours straight today hahaha!!!
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When I was 13 I got cornered outside school by a boy. He called me slurs and then raised his fist. Then a woman appeared and grabbed the boys wrist. She twisted it and spat in his face, kicking him in the throat. “Leave this faggot alone” she said. That woman was Hillary Clinton.
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No joke I literally had a dream last night that I sucked hank hill’s dick
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SAT/ACT scores? Average. GPA? Slightly below. But I didn’t let that stop me from attending a midsize state school and dropping out 3 yrs into my undergrad with at least 20k in student loan debt
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No hand soap in the bathroom at this house show so I’m using old spice body wash
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My family at Christmas brunch: *talking abt careers/buying houses/having children/savings*
Me:
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WOW just got home and immediately came out to my mom!!! It all went really well turns out my parents are cool as fuck!!!! I feel like I could throw a really huge rock or something!!!!!!!
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I was pretty bummed abt having the first leg of my tour cancelled and possibly more so I decided to quit music and got a job as an instagram influencer! They pay like 1 million dollars an hour and I can take pictures of whatever I want! Cheers to an amazing journey 🍻🥳
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My new album Full Hand is out now on all platforms 🤟
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Took a edible and went to the library just having a fantastic time really
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I think the pitchfork
#1
album of the year will be my album from 2018, I can just feel it. They needed time to sit with it which I understand but I’m ready for my award now 😌
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Impossible...
Billie Eilish "wrote a whole song in its entirety" during quarantine.
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Hey! I was at your show last night! I was the awkward one in the front row with a camera haha 😜 anyway here’s some film photos taken at the worst possible angle one could photograph another human being!! Feel free to share if you want!!!
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If you photograph my double chin and post it without my permission I’m sorry to say an ancestral curse will befall you and all generations that follow. The curse is diarrhea sorry I don’t make the rules
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Surprise! here’s a new song haha enjoy :)
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Imagining Chopin sitting down at the piano about to perform and being like “What’s up you guys, thanks for coming out on a Wednesday”
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Yooo listen to my album fool!!!!
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Yooo happy bday to my album fool!!!!
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Why is everything named some shit like this now. What’s wrong with “joe’s ice cream” or something
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2 things:
- i think my ex is at this coffee shop
- a hoops song just started playing
😰
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Check out this disgusting and stressful sandwich you fucking idiot. The cheese goes fucking everywhere okay? We are doing this because we hate you. Watch the video you piece of shit fuck you
This deep-fried burger EXPLODES with cheese when you take a bite 😍
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I know this shit is gas cause I took one hit at work and pulled up the register screen thinking like “okay where’s twitter”
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Judgement Day
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Imagine criticizing an album - the product of an artist’s inspiration and doubt wrapped up in one body of work usually 1-2 years of literal work to bring an abstract idea into reality - and then slapping on a numerical score like it’s a gymnastics routine 😂🤣
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Thanks everyone who streamed my music this year! It’s so crazy cool that I’m rich now! I’m gonna bleach my ass 😌
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All these twenty somethings complaining abt having to move back in w their parents in the suburbs... welcome to my dark domain, I am lord of this realm
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Lmaooo I’m dying what is up with this shit bro u short on cash rn???
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Top 5 rappers of all time
1. Chance the rapper
2. Hamilton
3. Will Smith
4. Can’t think of one
5. Can’t think of one
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Having a job where I’m constantly interacting with children has drastically improved my overall sense of purpose and expanded my capacity for joy 🙂👍
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Big news you guys i’ve got a new album it’s called Who’s The Cowboy Now? and the first single is titled “nobody”
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