blob ross 🪩
@probably_ayla
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a one person cult 🪐 ♌☀️ ♍🌙 ♎ ✨ she / her
Joined July 2016
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Pinned Tweet
whipped up a sweater / holster for the penjamin last night
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@pissboymcgee
refered to myself as one of those mangy looking tigers at the zoo shuffling over to my feeding trap door to receive nachos this very evening
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@amybethsol
the number of times I've just watched roku city scrolling by... the majesty. the splendor. the movie references that I get wrong... so peaceful
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holy fucking SHIT I haven't had air in my car - hot or cold - since like November and have been too poor to get it checked out and just suffered. tell me why I just hit a pothole and it blasted back to life?!?!?! cheapskate win!!!!
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@Iimbobitch
virgo venus ♍💜 all about the prolonged tension, the "will they won't they," getting to know someone's flaws and loving them in spite of - or perhaps because of them (except Tangled I guess, but that's one that gets me every time)
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I didn't expect anyone to see this lmao if you give me your dimensions and $15 I'll make you your very own custom penji sweater
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ah, yes,,,, the panicked bisexual face. I recognize it bc I make it daily
(read Heartstopper it's too cute)
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@toddlevin
Every time Conan came into my restaurant, he was incredibly polite (to myself and other staff as well as fans). he DID tell my friend to shave his beard though
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Not to suck my own dick or anything but I booked a 9 day trip to Paris on my own dime, got a raise, AND my credit score went up........ 2019 might really be my year.....
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"fuck you, kyle, get a job" -my mom to my cat, overheard from the other room
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Bitches be having 2 martinis at lunch and then making their friends do a photoshoot in an alley.... it's me, I'm bitches
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if Hozier drops a fucking album I'll go feral return to the dirt and moss and never be seen again. occasionally my voice may be heard from the leaf litter on the forest floor
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reasons why I'm single:
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Idk I'm happily in a relationship and my mental health is solid, so what the fuck am I even supposed to tweet about anymore???????
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i was born in the wrong decade.... im meant to be wasting away in a victorian opium den because my lover died of influenza with no will to live until i meet a firey street urchin that reminds me how to care for another person and then we solve crimes together
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Last night my friend's boyfriend said that he thinks I'm cool but he's also a little afraid of me and that's EXACTLY the energy I'm bringing into 2019, baby!!!
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@ngoziu
my magnet is nestled among many others on my fridge and every time my mom comes over she shudders and says "ugh, that baby is so ugly why do you keep it up"
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I just feel like not enough people appreciated my shirt on this day of our solar eclipse
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@BrianDuffield
been a Jen stan since I first found The Labrynth DVD in the $5 bin at price rite when I was 8
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HOT FAN THEORY:
Jennifer Garner actually plays the same woman in both 'Love, Simon' and 'Juno' making Simon the baby that Juno MacGuff popped out and i will hear NOTHING to the contrary
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it's 3:16am and i just jolted awake bc i remembered that i put a cheese stick in my bathrobe pocket about five hours ago and never ate it
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just remembered that I once dated a girl who used children's toothpaste bc mint was "too spicy"
......... y'allready know
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only braved going to the office today bc I thought I looked cute only to return hours later with my tail btwn my legs to work from home
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biiiiiiiiitch i am SO TIRED all the time!!!!!! i am not cut out to work full time!!!! i am meant to be a glamorous trophy wife who's kids are better than everyone else's at soccer and hosts fabulous dinner parties twice a week!!!!!!!!!!!!
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18 to 26. left handed mirror selfie evolution
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"I need my roommate to get back from his vacation bc he keeps me accountable" I tweet while topless and eating cold chicken wings out of the fridge
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I'm addicted to hitting the snooze button. I love microdosing a good nights sleep and starting my day off in the worst way possible by waking up with a jolt every 5 minutes for the twenty five minutes I need to get ready for work:)
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I am LITERALLY too pretty to ever cry over a boy again what the fuck????????
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for the first time in my entire life I have a stable, loving relationship with BOTH of my parents and I have become unstoppable. can u imagine how annoying I would be if I'd been unconditionally supported my whole life?????? I would be president rn
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hey boss sorry im late, I was applying to dozens of other jobs and lost track of time ahah
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of fucking COURSE my most trusty vibrator dies on election day. I'm sickened
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vote now on your phones if you think me and this tinder guy are soulmates based solely on these photographs (both double fisting pina coladas on the same private island)
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whyd you crop me out gimme free clout
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me, at my 12 yr old bros biday party: nah I'm just gonna take it easy
me, a bottle and a half of wine later: calling out my grandmother's racism, loudly defending trans rights, arguing the grammatical correctness ofsingular neutral "they", making sure every1 is regisered to vote,
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did Drew have a little bagel guillotine or did I imagine that
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OFFICER: ma'am have
you been drinking tonight
ME, COVERED IN POWDERED SUGAR FROM THE DONUT I WAS CRAMMING INTO MY MOUTH WHILE SPEEDING AND SWERVING: uh yes
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IDK SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LOCK YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM AND GROOVE TO MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD UNTIL YOUR HEART IS TOO FULL TO BE SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I genuinely dont give a fuck if my ex likes my photos or not, just as long as his older AND younger sisters continue to support me looking hot
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Boy, I sure hope whatever asshole stole my phone out of my literal pocket likes mediocre memes and fire nudes!!!!!!!!!!!
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hi I'm Ayla I love tj maxx dresses & drinking bourbon at 2pm
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8 days without nicotine! unrelatedly I just signed up to be a Domino's pizza rewards member which is probably worse overall than smoking anyway
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@coolgirl0nline
@spoogetty
I had sleatre (slug theatre) where I would collect banana slugs while my dad worked and perform songs for them
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my cat and I just pooped in the same room at the same time and on god, I've never had a connection like this before
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a woman leaving my work today wished me a happy 4th and I accidentally said "how"
was that
a) an indictment of capitalism for making me work on a 'holiday,'
b) a bleak observation about time running out before I get to enjoy myself
c) political commentary
d) all of the above
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Just chased a B vitamin with prosecco so i guess you could say Ive finally put a finger on my "brand"
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it's me, my emotional support mug, and my collection of turtlenecks against the world
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I'd hit John Fetterman with my car if I thought it would do any damage to that giant fucking loser
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only during leo szn could you catch me in a strapless and body suit at 9am to go grocery shopping w my little cousin. drip or drown
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omg thank you sooo much for your unprompted comments about my weight loss!! 😊😊😊 im trying this new hybrid diet, its a combination of "chronic illness" and "being too broke to buy groceries" 😊😊😊 yeah everyone is trying it!! im just lucky enough to get the results 😊😊
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I luv to send risky texts and then IMMEDIATELY mute the person I sent it to. I'll see your reply on my own time, thank you
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the problem with big boobs is that there's no such thing as tasteful cleavage like.... either you cant see it at all or it's straight up XXX porno cleav like i just want to send flirty snaps without being obscene i dont deserve this
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my boyfriend got into the shower with me while eating a container of curry chicken so I think we have to divorce now
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i literally forgot how to open a cassette tape case, thanks for the reminder!!! 😭💗😭💗😭
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personally I'm of the opinion that no one should have to go to work on their birthday. I will make thus a national law when I am president
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KILL ME I just screenshotted an old flame that came up as a suggested contact on snapchat and it NOTIFIED HIM and created a conversation thread like NO PLEASE NO snapchat you MESSY BITCH
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@RaxKingIsDead
I love horrifying my new office coworkers with the daily indignities of upscale restaurant life
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me waiting for my dead vibrator to get enough of a charge so I can get off before going into work
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I DID IT FOLKS (reached out to the therapist I haven't seen since before quarantine!)
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hey boss sorry I'm late, my cat was being too fucking cute this morning and I had to give her an extra 10 minutes of belly rubs or risk breaking her tiny heart
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me swallowing a probiotic and an antibiotic at the same time: now FIGHT
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i really feel like the wisest career move i could make right now is to fuck off and become a swamp witch that will tell you your fortune for the price of one slurpee
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I JUST WANT A NICE BOYFRIEND THAT WILL CALL ME "SPECTACULAR" AND BUY ME ALL THE BIG FANCY PLANTS I CANT JUSTIFY BUYING MYSELF
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couldn't figure out where the fuzzy white dot in my vision came from until I took of my glasses and noticed a very small spider on the lens
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traded a lesbian one earring for this heart necklace at the bar last night AND got her number lfg
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ummmm sorry? but im way too fucking pretty to be asked to replace the receipt roll when the printer jams
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Just remembered that a former lover of mine would say "ok John Green" whenever I was acting too much like a character from his novels and like, he was right but what the fuck
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i always feel a deep sadness for girls who dont have strong female friendships bc theres nothing like drunk snapping my old roommate while we both loudly and repeatedly declare how awesome we think the other is at 1:30am
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@ heterosexual couples that come into the restaurant and insist on sitting side by side instead of across from each other: I dont like you, I dont trust you, I wish you weren't doing that, and I'd like it if you stopped
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I simply luv to dress up in my silly little outfits and run my silly little errands
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Me eating fried chicken in my new memory foam bed and clean sheets
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hey like this tweet if ur ok w me calling u some nights on my walk to my car so the guy who keeps harrassing me will leave me tf alone! :-)
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don't care + didn't ask + my tits jiggle when I hit all the pot holes on my road
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some 👏 people 👏 bawl 👏 their 👏 eyes 👏 out 👏 in 👏 the 👏 stop&shop 👏 parking 👏 lot 👏 while 👏 eating 👏 donut 👏 holes 👏 to 👏 cope 👏👏👏
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mom just dropped off all this fucking yarn from her friends mom and I can't explain how happy this much free yarn made me. who wants a hat
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the (male) gas station attendant that gave me a box of tampons for free bc they didnt scan is a feminist ally
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IF you were to notice the teeth marks on the blocks of cheese in my fridge, you would be wise to not say one single word on the topic
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