I keep trying to e-mail Mubarak, but all I get is "Out of Office". http://t.co/7tZmZJLIen

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/2qQc5UDrI2

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/czL5y3Rs4H

"I'm never drinking again." -someone who will drink again http://t.co/71OtLnaZ

I've reached the age where if I see a wet T-shirt contest, I worry the girls might catch cold. http://t.co/N5BTgEnZ

school...

@taylorswift13 ur amazing im a huge fan! i was wondering how i could get ahold of backstage passes? it would mean the world 2 me 2 meet you!

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