james
@poopingispraxis
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wie viele Ex-Freunde hast du, Bitch?
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my flight was delayed so many times that I’m changing in the airport bathroom for a wedding that started 30 hours ago.
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how I stare at my phone waiting for my twin brother to respond to the Angèle and Donna Summer Spotify links that I sent him
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advisor chastising me for being “behind” on my thesis about sodomy… that’s literally the point.. did u even read it.
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telling a random group of girls at the bar that my cousin is The Weeknd for literally no reason
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one year ago today I got kicked out of my homestay in the south of France at 6am and then gave a presentation on Annie Ernaux two hours later.
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the thing I’m realizing about change is that it’s lowkey inevitable..
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should I start tweeting from here (the swimming pool at my late grandmother’s house that has not been used since her death in 2017)
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removing Oxford commas to meet a character limit. I don’t even know myself anymore
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dad’s advice for the upcoming semester is to “own [my] whiteness”
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I correctly guessed within one tenth the execution scores for 22 out of the 40 televised routines from today’s women’s gymnastics individual all-around final.
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there’s no use in fighting the forces of a Lusophile summer; rather, you must let the unstoppable tide wash over you.
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as a student of the Catalan language I am required to root against “Spain” in today’s Euro match
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so true. my beautiful habesha gf vs. her washed bf (also habesha)… it’s not really vice versa
Nah habesha men got it so good, all the bitches bad… it’s not really vice versa
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in my hand I hold the intangible cultural heritage of an entire nation
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post-grad ideas so far:
- move to Montréal
- psychoanalysis trade school
- Houthi consultant
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got an email today that opened with “I take it then that I’m still your thesis advisor?”
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may our next national gf day be celebrated in the homeland 🇪🇹🇩🇴🇧🇷
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“sounds like a dream!” is an absolutely evil way to open an email informing your student that your department will not fund his summer plans
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drafting an email to my Fülbr!ght reader to ask her if I should k!ll myself and if yes does she want to be there to make sure I actually do it
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I am a management consultant for McKinsey & Company in their Bogotá office
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New Jersey is a fascinating site to examine the cultural and linguistic diversity of immigrant communities (my mom put on an accent for the Egyptian lady at Dunkin)
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“stay away from white women” is awful advice for incoming college students. some white women are redhead and/or do improv!
more ppl write to me for advice pls im excellent advice giver at 22 years old
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this summer is about:
- paying for things in cash
- reading Ulysses
- learning a Balkan language
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telling people at a party that you’re a “freelance translator” feels like this
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my mom is *this* close to becoming a communist we’re so close guys
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this was basically the racial makeup of my middle school in suburban New Jersey
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just fell to my knees at the Ivy Film Festival brought to you by BeReal
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me after hearing an Ethiopian jazz piece in a Walmart commercial
Artworks fall helplessly mute before the question 'What's it for?'
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only Real Shitters know that having diarrhea can actually lowkey be an unpleasant experience sometimes.
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being told by a professor that my voice and mannerisms remind her “so much” of her best friend Patricio from grad school who is now a Spanish prof
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was recently informed that my Spanish accent incorporates the “worst aspects” of Argentine Spanish and the “least intelligible” sounds of Catalan. an immense compliment btw
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it’s incredibly difficult to find a demographic on the internet as annoying as white people who speak mediocre chinese
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if I don’t defend the USSR at my cousin’s christening no one else will.
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sometimes I won’t brush my teeth for like three days in a row and when I finally do it I’m like woah. what if I did this everyday
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today I witnessed two Portuguese men in New Jersey complain to each other that Brazilian and Angolan immigrants have taken over their hometowns in Portugal
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learning that Argentines on here refer to black people as “los nwords” has cleared up many things for me
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irl oomf made strangers guess my ethnicity three times this week
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mom says she’s tired of me playing my “communist music” around the house (Shostakovich’s Fifth Symphony)
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in this cover letter like “as a teenager I loved Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche. she was the first Ijbol writer I ever encountered”
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watching Sex and the City series finale like a Hailu Mergia needle drop would be sooo good in this scene
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are they looking for a copywriter and/or translator with working proficiency in French and Brazilian Portuguese
Al-Qassam military media is on another level !
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mom spoke to me in Kikuyu at the DMV and the woman asked us if we needed a Spanish interpreter
#latinidad
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mom can u pick me up they’re posting selfies with the caption « uncivilized »
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I have to be the most esoteric dude at the Brown Motion Pictures premiere
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I learned Catalan to be able to respond “well… sorta kinda!” when asked if I’m a Moor
which is worse: learning japanese for anime or learning german for philosophy
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wearing a mask not to protect myself from SARS-CoV-2 but to fashionably obscure my untimely case of oral herpes
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this also kinda happened to me during my first semester of college
just got nauseous thinking about how i asked a guy i liked in college if he thought i was pretty and he closed one eye and framed my face with both hands and said after 30 seconds of silence “you’re… an unconventional beauty”
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I chickened out
drafting an email to my Fülbr!ght reader to ask her if I should k!ll myself and if yes does she want to be there to make sure I actually do it
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do not inbox me.. I already know 🙄
M.I.A. endorses Donald Trump in new post:
“Trump is going to ride America through the most challenging 4 years”
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Jeopardy contestants should be
#banned
from writing in messages like “I love you pookie” instead of making an
#educated
guess during
#FinalJeopardy
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beer tastes so good once I have one I can’t stop drinking them anyone else have this problem lol?
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just because you’re Ijbol does NOT mean you can talk about Yoruba people that way..
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overheard at the German Studies conference: "one of the unfortunate things about the media is that they only report on the negatives aspects on parasites, and never the positive ones"
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you know the coffee is good af when it has a little water in it
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intrusive boarding school memory: going to a striptease-themed dance in a tiny hot ass room and then taking a huge shower together naked in the locker rooms.. like why did we do that
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thinking of starting a literary theory summer boot camp for high schoolers. in the Ural Mountains, maybe
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drinking with my uncles in Kenya and defending the People’s Republic of China with my life. get behind me Chairman Xi!!
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Madonna is performing in Rio but I’m going to an “AFAB party” so who is really winning here
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saw Peter Szendy today and I said bonjour Peter ça va and he said oui James ça va and I said oh ok 😄
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teaching myself the entirety of the Amharic language before campus dance tonight because you truly never know!
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