regular sized ackman
@pleas4nt
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Following
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I belong to here, where no one cares and no one loves
enchanted dell
Joined October 2020
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If door dash refunded all deliveries eaten by fat ass pigs they would have 0 revenue
OMGG😭🤬 I ordered myself a happy meal and some fat ass pig just took my shit. Door dash didn’t refund my shit back either.😭😭😭
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Imagine dating Gollum and he takes you home to meet his parents and as you walk in he stands up straight and starts talking normal
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Well it's like Sun Tzu says in the Art of War: Hover over a friendly unit to see its attributes. Click on a friendly unit to command it.
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Her finger is tentatively tracing scars across my chest. "How did you get this one?"
'14. I was frying perogies in oil without a shirt on
"And this one?"
'09, stir-fry.
Her finger moves to an angry red patch just under my sternum.
Funny story, I say. Microwaved hot pocket.
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You just know he is going apeshit in his lord's wheat fields later
Here’s an insider 2024 trend tip: this is the hottest haircut of the year.
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Guy whose daughter is polyamorous so he has to buy a duck's foot gun to take the classic pre-prom photo
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You are lowkey falling from grace dude. Like
Here's grace 🫱
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And here's you👉
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Scran
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[Ancient Greece]
"Hey buddy, you got the time?"
'Sure (producing a sundial). Oh which way's north?'
"Just a second (producing a stick and looking at its shadow) say, what time is it?"
🤷♂️ 🤷♂️
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Haha yeah "Getting Pussy" is my middle name - Never Getting Pussy Ever
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Writing a meta tweet full of disdain for people who tweet stuff like "a cupcake is just a muffin on its night out", realizing I kind of like that, backspacing most of it and tweeting "a cupcake is just a muffin on its night out"
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Gotta piss so bad I'm making fall-damage type noises
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Lmao. Sound on
Her finger is tentatively tracing scars across my chest. "How did you get this one?"
'14. I was frying perogies in oil without a shirt on
"And this one?"
'09, stir-fry.
Her finger moves to an angry red patch just under my sternum.
Funny story, I say. Microwaved hot pocket.
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War is H-E-double hockey sticks. And brother, I'm Wayne Gretzky
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Diner type place near work took the reuben off the menu
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Gotta be pretty hard not to take this personally if you're Serbia
79-year-old Luisa Yu has officially visited every country in the world 🎉
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Obama driving through a nature preserve: uhhh, let me see deer
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its absurd that Diddy Kong wears a hat that says Nintendo. patently ridiculous. there's no way he understands the significance. it would be like me unknowingly wearing a hat that coincidentally depicts the true form of the Universe. take it off, Diddy Kong
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Living with your parents
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Officer: are these goods ill-gotten?
Me: no sir, gotten
Officer: what?
Me: they're gotten goods sir
Officer: gotten?
Me: gotten, that's right sir. Gotten goods and they were gotten in a good way. Good-gotten goods
Officer [thinking]: good-gotten goods... 🤔
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It's fun, it's easy, and it's free: Destroy the enemy's communications relays
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The risk/reward ratio on tying your limbs to 4 different horses is insane. If they run in opposite directions you get dismembered, and if they run in the same direction you still only travel at the speed of one horse.
Kinda makes you wonder why anyone does it
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