๐ป๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐๐
@papasombra
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Iโm no fan of The Queen but meeting Liz Truss and then immediately dying is a move I respect.
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Mad how Avatar, the highest grossing and most successful movie of all time, has literally no cultural footprint and no ongoing points of reference or debate. There arenโt even any notable quotes or memes. Itโs like a billion dollars just appeared and then instantly disappeared.
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If my legal counsel rocked up in a wig with a million in ice on his fingers I would be so fucking excited for how many technicalities I was about to get off on.
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Off for a piss in Wetherspoons
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@Cobratate
@GretaThunberg
Donโt imagine this is the first time youโve requested a teenage girlโs contact details
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My favourite GP experience was when I went because of stress and he said, โStress?! You wanna know stress?! Try studying medicine, in Bangladesh! Like I had to!โ and I was just like lol fair one mate and went on my merry way to become a drug addict hospitalised by panic attacks.
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START GREALISH AGAINST ITALY YOU COWARD so we can see Chiellini try to play mind games with a man without a mind.
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โI would personally stay and fight the Taliban, with nothing but my wits and my bare handsโ - 5โ9 English journalist who calls the police when someone in a hoodie stands too close to his car.
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People like โOMFG I CANT BELIEVE JK ROWLING HAS ABLEISM IN HER WORK?!โ like come on we all know somewhere in the lore thereโs a wheelchair user called Rolly Knackeredspine stuck in Hogwarts at the bottom of that shifting staircase.
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People think the BBC is left wing because they have some black & Asian presenters. People think the BBC has a right wing bias because itโs directors and political editors are literal members of the Conservative party. Centrists think these are both the same opinion.
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Burnham says skateboarding, an activity which involves shattering your coccyx and arms every other week from the age of 9, โlacks the commitmentโ of other Olympic sports, which include skills such as โgoing to Oxfordโ and โbeing a wealthy enough child to have indulged every whimโ
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People have v strong opinions about this film I assumed nobody had an opinion of.
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Saw Ainsley Harriott in the smoking area of a club and asked him for a photo - he said, โon one condition...you dance with me when we go back insideโ. Cut to me and the fellas dancing HARD with Ainsley Harriott and his gf for about two hours.
who was the โnicestโ celeb youโve ever met?
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Your bird tags herself at A&E on Facebook with the caption โhere again ๐โ
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@PBGuy71
What in gods name is your point? I wouldnโt enjoy a loved one being headkicked out cold but I still love MMA.
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Asked my colleague if he had any weekend plans and he said โsmokinโ doobies suckinโ boobiesโ and fired two imaginary guns in to the air
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A LAD IN WORK WHO IS NOT REMOTELY POLITICAL AND WOULDNโT KNOW A SHITPOST FROM HIS ELBOW CALLED KEIR STARMER โKERRY STRUMBOโ AND WHEN I SAY THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES. KERRY FUCKINโ STRUMBO.
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@angiebubblesx
But loads of people are telling me itโs very funny? Are they lying to me?! I donโt think people would lie to me online.
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Since I found out Salt Bae is a Castro and Maduro stan Iโve decided his grift is a politically motivated bodying of rich people and I like him now.
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Read a thread that was pro pubes and pro bush and everyone in the comments was riffing about how cool pubes are and then someone said the thread was ableist and shaming because they have sensory issues and canโt be around pubes or touch pubes fuck yes Twitter baybay I love this
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The thing is I agree that you shouldnโt take an actual baby to shows, itโs fuckin weird to do that, but because it happened to Matt Forde I will fiercely defend the right to take a baby to a show. Thatโs showbiz baby.
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Keir Starmer asks if youโre in to โhip hopโ and then puts Rock DJ by Robbie Williams on the aux.
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Not ONE character in Dune is wearing a poppy?? And the kids are watching this filth???
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New starter with me today. Only a young lad, seems keen. Told me his main interests are prison abolition & football. LOVES lasagne but he hates Oswald Mosley. One of the most interesting range of opinions Iโve seen from a 21 yr old starting out in my game. Probation passed, kid.
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Teen in work asked me if I was a mod or a rocker back in the day. I am 35 years of age.
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Iโm going to miss Liverpool so fucking much a lad in the Shell Garage was just chatting a copperโs head off for what I assume was ages and then he left and the fella turned round to the rest of the queue and goes โsorry I canโt resist wasting police time yโknow how it isโ.
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For real
@mrjamesob
letโs test this out. You come work for me for a shift and then Iโll come work for you. This is a genuine request, the people want to see it. My DMs are open.
James O'Brien: I think my job is harder than manual labour. You could not do this for eight hours a day.
@mrjamesob
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This evening my Nan (81) said she thinks mentioning preferred pronouns is โreally good because itโs important to know how to make people comfortableโ, later referring to trans people as โpeople who were given the wrong gender when they were first bornโ. Nan said trans rights.
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School called for me to go and pick my son up because heโs ill. Fair one he came shuffling out like a leper, half sobbing and asking to go to bed. Get in the car and he starts howling laughing and singing songs, asking to go for milkshake. Heโs had us all the fuck off here.
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FRIENDLY TIP: If you offer someone a drink or some drugs and that someone says they donโt drink or do drugs I think a very good response is โok fair enoughโ.
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Keir Starmer: โThe Prime Minister is so washed up he may as well be doing the washing up! The washing up in [reading from notes] Los Pollos Hermanos! From Breaking Bad! Because, Mr Speaker, he is bad! And heโs breaking the trust of the British People!โ
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@joshgerstein
What syndrome is that? Surely not the one that was invented by police because they couldnโt understand why women preferred a bank robber to them?
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I saw footage of shell-shocked Palestinian babies being dug from smoking rubble in which their parents were dead but now Iโve seen a random car have a traffic cone thrown at it I totally understand the pain on both sides ๐๐ผ
Terrorism. Kensington, London. Zionism is not terrorism, as the sign says. This is. Why kensington? The Israeli embassy is there. Itโs also the wealthiest part of London. Antisemites associate wealth with Jews. Not antizionists. Antisemites. You should care about this.
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Lmfao ok fellas you got me Iโm on board
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Keir Starmer [during sex]: I am having sex
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@Woman4W
Have a look at that DD for Twitter blue on your bank statement and really think about the fact you paid to write this.
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@bindelj
@Waterstones
@Docstockk
Hi Julie Iโm the cover supervisor for that branch of
@waterstones
and we absolutely did display the books but in the staff toilets where whoever got the most piss on them was given a ยฃ25 Argos voucher. I won and I bought my mum an ironing board xxx
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You may not like it but the story that Keir Starmer intentionally failed to prosecute Savile is based in more actual facts and evidence than any story pertaining to Corbyn being antisemitic.
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Putting petrol in but the nozzle was bent a bit and wouldnโt fit in my car so I was getting really hot and angry and tryna jam it in, and the woman behind the counter who was about 18 said over the tannoy โPump 5 have you fuelled a car before?โ. Iโve genuinely never been so owned
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I personally like to think John Cleese, a privately educated Cambridge graduate who became a multimillionaire from doing whacky walks when there were two channels to choose from, will have a measured and reasoned response to cancel culture.
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A childhood friend got both of his legs broken and then thrown in to a canal, so his attackers could steal his headphones, literally 40 yards from where this picture is taken.
British people will be like โMe Townโs a fekin Hellholeโ
and the town in question looks like ๐ซDisneylandโจ
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This is a 28โ TV
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Mrs sorts her underwear draws by โsexyโ and โnot sexyโ but today it has fallen to me to put the laundry away. This is a minefield. Thereโs no long term win for me here.
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So just to take stock, Graham Norton had the most placid, considered and normal celebrity take in the history of the concept of both celebrity and takes, and gets hounded off socials by the billionaire Wizard ladyโs Prosecco blood cult? What a healthy discourse youโve cultivated.
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Hannah Ingram-Moore has revealed that her father, Sir Captain Tom Moore, would not want me specifically to pay a penny more in energy bills
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@robdelaney
Itโs a bit convoluted but I spend a lot of time in Liverpool where โYa maโs got a baldy head and collects footy stickersโ is an all-time option
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Another young lad just approached me in work asking how he might get a start and EVERY TIME I have to tell them to stop listening to their parents and simply email a CV. Parents will have you thinking you can just wander around looking for a job in the year of our Lord 2022.
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Guys who have spent two years trying to convince me that wearing a mask for 40 seconds is detrimental to their respiratory health are now trying to convince me they could defeat advancing Russian forces in the arena of combat ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ
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My mum is really quite unwell lads so throw a little prayer to whichever one of the fellas you believe in for us. Sheโs my best mate.
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Very sad news about Sarah Harding but hereโs a gentle reminder that cancer isnโt a โbattleโ you win or lose and those it takes donโt show any less fight than those who recover. Language really matters sometimes.
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In Laura Alvarez, Jeremy Corbyn has a wife who apparently seems to genuinely love and support him and thatโs why the Labour right canโt relate
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Wayne Rooney testified under oath that Roy Hodgson told him Rebekah Vardy needed to calm down. Fuckin belter of a sentence.
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Starmer on economics: We will not do anything different
Starmer on Immigration: We will not do anything different
Starmer on crime: We will be more harsh on peaceful protestors
IPA drinker who gets zero pussy: If you canโt see the difference you should get in the real world
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If men got pregnant youโd have abortion booths in every big Asda right next to where you get your passport photo done
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Guy behind me in Aldi talking to his mate on the phone and he goes, โOh Iโd have loved to be a fish on the wall to see thatโ. Fish on the wall, lads.
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