my own worst emily
@ownworstemily
Followers
1,969
Following
177
Media
67
Statuses
1,556
In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king - Emily
Joined February 2013
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
#C104
• 398878 Tweets
SEBI
• 358258 Tweets
Hindenburg
• 209932 Tweets
#Number_i_RIJF2024
• 72195 Tweets
#FWMC3D
• 65207 Tweets
#HindenbergReport
• 48034 Tweets
小倉記念
• 30474 Tweets
企業ブース
• 25126 Tweets
関屋記念
• 24603 Tweets
ギラホス
• 21740 Tweets
ヘルナンデス
• 10604 Tweets
報徳学園
• 10146 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Eggplant outside my house finally got ran over
9
0
65
When I lived in Paris I dated a man who was scrawny, ugly, shorter than me, broke, an alcoholic, lived in a shitty apartment, etc etc. Why did I do this? Because he was good at arguing
185
404
13K
Posting face until they make me black and chinese
112
84
6K
After I left him he spent 10 months periodically showing up to different places I was at in the city and making drunken appeals to me, which was incredible because he didn't have a phone
14
38
4K
@JackternLOL
@sewerkamii
@LilNasX
By the same standards, being straight is the whole personality of most of the straight people I know lol
1
2
425
About to wear the same outfit to the same place I was at last night
3
2
185
Picture this: you’re on a normal amount of Benadryl. Crossing a body of water in a vintage sports car and the damp night air whips through it. The first fall night. You’re on the way to your friend’s house. You’re allergic to her cats
3
2
126
1
0
104
I know a lot of you followed me because of the picture of my face saying make me black or Chinese etc etc. Nothing wrong with that first of all. Second of all do you guys watch football
14
1
41
He didn’t have a phone so to find him I had to go to 1 of 3 different bars depending on the time of day
4
0
37
Last night as I was dozing off I felt the urgent need to write down my idea for an hgtv style show called “moss it or toss it” where you either throw away an object or refurbish it by covering it in moss
1
3
35
I call my daughter by her nickname and her Filipina daycare ladies call her by her real name so now my daughter says her own name with a Filipino accent
2
0
33
Some of my favorite replies from this awesome Turkish follower I got the last time I went viral
6
0
35
@punkroaster
@AlexB207
@DrGrimEvil
So he goes up to people minding their own business and harasses them, armed the whole time, until they defend themselves and he feels permitted to assault them. This is the sane take I’ve got bad news about your chronic onlineness if you’re going with the other one
3
0
29
@returnofRmck
@LilNasX
Did you not see the part of the tweet where he said he was working at taco bell
0
0
26
@JackternLOL
@sewerkamii
@LilNasX
Not just fucking. Dating, relationship issues, romantic prospects, friends’ relationships, etc. You know. The things that make up a significant chunk of our interpersonal lives, that we all of course talk about, that gay people get weirdly judged for mentioning.
0
0
24
Me if there were an award for smiling at old people
1
1
25
This is lowkey so beautiful and transcends time. The learned men (guys who’ve had sex) teaching the new generation (indoorbound virgins) the old scrolls (sex)
Gotta let her rock out when she in that mode smh you a fake fucker
297
9K
169K
0
1
29
My Delicious Tacos cigarette ad which may violate FTC regulations but no one is 100% sure
1
0
23
Found an unopened pack of camel crushes that my friend left here a year ago and the moonlight is enough that I don’t need a flashlight and it’s so quiet that I can hear the stream half a mile away. Yea. I’m thinking we’re back
2
0
22
The knowledge you gain when you are seeking experience vs the knowledge you gain when you are seeking knowledge
2
6
27
My daughter keeps saying “mama pooped in a pie.” My life is over
1
0
19
On a morning like this five years ago I was starting my day with two cigarettes watching someone throw a bird scooter into the canal Saint Martin
3
0
20
Doing my hungover business in the single occupancy restroom of a Smart & Final off the 10 freeway, and I have just discovered there is no toilet paper. Gentlemen, my time on this earth was strange but ultimately beautiful
3
1
18
Not enough people are talking about this piece of artwork that predates AI wojak art by at least 2 years, and was created by Hunter Biden
2
0
18
God I miss this so much
1
1
19
I got a scrub at the Korean spa yesterday and i accidentally held the woman’s hand
1
0
19
@UncleRamrod
One day if you’re not permanently ruined by your addiction to this app you’ll realize that nothing this stranger said ever actually hurt another person and you still chose to make a public joke about her baby falling to its death that you can never scrub from the internet
1
0
18
“As long as you are learning, you are dumb” - Socratis (a Greek Uber driver I had the other night)
1
0
19
Feeling restless and on edge from not competing in the Olympics
1
1
24
Found a flask of whiskey in my car from a party like 1 month ago. Gonna give it to the homeless guy who controls the crows
1
2
17
Good mood: I'm curious
Bad mood: we're trapped here
1
3
15
Frequently I wake up to find a list I was writing as I fell asleep
8
0
16
This and a Benadryl
Experience the Moonlight Swing in Scotland - a 132ft plunge into the abyss of darkness
498
1K
19K
0
0
16
Another hilarious morning on Twitter, laughing to myself. I’m at a coffee shop in Berkeley and a guy is explaining to another guy what microdosing is! I’m in a really good mood now
1
1
17
I know someone who looks like this guy and he asked his cousin if he could watch him and his girlfriend have sex
3
0
14
We collaborated on a valentine and went to the park
0
0
13
I’m going to make French onion soup for my father. Thinking about doing it, especially shredding the onions, makes my heart feel too big for my chest
1
0
12
Ladies your two options are a drug addict who steals your money and cheats on you or a guy who knows everything there is to know about the Falkland Islands War
1
1
13
@heat2021champ
@LilNasX
@XXL
When not only did you not ratio his reply but his reply proceeded to ratio the original tweet
0
0
12
Songs about loving your husband or wife are the most beautiful songs
4
0
12
Feeling hungover. might lowball tapestry merchants on ebay
2
0
12
@irl_lifestyle
I use the K18 leave-in and sometimes cheap Japanese deep conditioners that I can link you to
1
0
11
Nice argument. Unfortunately I’ve already had a dream about you in which we saw each other completely and laughed and held each other
0
1
12
@megsthereal
@dikshabasu
And they grow up to be adults who don’t throw tantrums over a baby crying
0
0
12
I just heard my dad curse for the first time (he was quoting someone)
1
0
9
Makeup on fleek, full glam for my blind date 💅🏻💄💋
It’s varg 😳
1
0
11
Discovering a new spot in your house for sitting >>>
1
1
11
I made a sentimental playlist that I have reason to believe will change the way we view emotions
1
0
11
Smoking less than one hit of weed, watching a few minutes of Master and Commander, and thinking thoughts you could never imagine
1
0
11
Last night I wrote a recipe that I have reason to believe will change the fabric of reality
0
0
11