Atul Khatri
@one_by_two
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A henpecked husband, a father, a comic & a writer who always orders his soup 1 x 2 even when eating alone.For bookings enquiry @atulkhatri .com
Mumbai
Joined April 2009
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Believe it or not - Whenever SRK delivers 2 hits at the box office in a given year - the Government at the centre changes in the following year...
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I think currently Dhruv Rathee is leading in his constituency 👍
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Only if the Papa had allowed his son to go for the Michael Jackson concert, an entire nation would have been saved from a 3+ hr torture
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Breaking News : Joe Biden will join Maharashtra Govt tomorrow as 3rd Dy CM with 32 rebel Democrat MLAs
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India's country code was +91
Bharat's country code will be +56
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No you dumbo! We are all waiting with bated breath for its success for 2 reasons :
1. We love our nation 🇮🇳
2. So that we can thank Nehruji for starting ISRO way back in 1962
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SRK will make so much money from
#Jawan
that he will buy the Cordelia Cruise liner, name it "Sameer" and then sink it..
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Cannot understand these corporates - they distribute soan papdi to their employees for Diwali but give crores to political parties!?? What is their compulsion?
#ElectoralBondScam
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One day we will have to stand in queue to return it to the bank...
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We should listen to Germany. They know their dictators well and how it all starts
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Believe it or not - Everytime Sunny Deol delivers a hit, the next year there is a new Government at the centre...
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If corporate world does it - it's called Succession
If Bollywood does it - it's called Nepotism
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Believe it or not - Everytime India lands a spacecraft on the moon, the Government at the centre changes in the following year..
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If Aamir Khan Films would've produced
#Adipurush
with the same dialogues - kya hashar hota!??
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In Lonavala we always buy chikki from the "original" Maganlal & Sons.
In Agra we buy petha from the "original" Panchi Petha.
So in Mumbai it's best to vote for the "original" Shiv Sena - the UBT Shiv Sena. What say?
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No. Seriously. Why was the President of India not invited to inaugurate the new Parliament building??
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Ok done Sir! We will do it ❤️🇮🇳
Now we urge you to go to Manipur and resolve the issue there....
Mann Ki Baat: PM Modi urges people to hoist tricolour at home to mark Independence Day, calls for continuing 'Har Ghar Tiranga' tradition
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The best part of
#ShahRukhKhan
𓃵 new movie is the movie title.
Bhakts can't even try to trend
#BoycottJawan
#Jawan
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Entire page in today's TOI wrt the Pune Porsche case.
Everyone's name mentioned including the bartender, the pub manager, the 2 deceased including Pune's RTO but no name of the rich kid and the 'prominent' builder.
Why?
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Breaking news - BJP party workers selling thousands of motichoor laddoos at 70% discount at their HQ
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One speech without the use of these words :
Nehru
Rahul
Gandhi
Congress
Shehzaada
Pakistan
Muslim
And I will vote for him. Only one speech 😁
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I said it long before - Indigo is not an airline. It sells sandwiches
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I'm sure woh Israel aur Iran ki war bhi rukwa denge Papa ❤️
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In hindsight UPA scams looked so cute, silly and simple compared to this 😁
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Finally some signs of democracy in the world's largest democracy
#KarnatakaElectionResults
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That awkward moment when you have 1 CM and 2 Dy CMs in your state but still all new business opportunities go to the neighboring state 🤣
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Thank you Mumbai and Maharashtra for recognising the Asli Shiv Sena ✨✨
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All the over world, kids believe that an old bearded man comes down the chimney & leaves gifts for them.
It's high time in India, parents should start believing that an old bearded man comes regularly on TV & radio, leaves empty promises & takes away their fundamental rights
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I hope ED doesn't raid him 🙏
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Please dont call him a Dictator!!
Usually dictators wear the same uniform everyday everywhere.
He changes his designer clothes 4 times a day. Have you ever seen him repeat his clothes?
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But why?
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Gosh! Never seen such an insecure Government.
If you have done a good job then why worry that too about a fragmented opposition..
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In one of my Uncle WhatsApp groups - full of AndhBhakts - today the admin took control of the group so that no one can post. He wrote that for 15 days let's take a break 🤣🤣🤣
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Next elections please vote for anyone who will sell mohabbat in this nafrat ki dukaan..
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Now that her acting career is over she had no other way to earn money but politics
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There should be a 24x7 live stream of this 🙏❤️
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Can never forget the most astonishing part of the
#BilkisBanoCase
was that the rapists were released on August 15th - just few hours after a speech was made from the Red Fort where he spoke of women’s safety, women’s power, women’s respect, etc 😳😢
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He called himself chowkidaar. We accepted it
Of course he will take bakshish 😬
#ElectoralBondsScam
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Also requesting all NRI AndhBhakts to now get off our backs and concentrate on Biden Trump elections 🙏🙏
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Campaigns for Elections 2024 are finally over 🙏
Well fought everyone.
Now, may the best biological human being win 👍
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Mumbaikars - Vote for love & inclusion ❤️ never for hate & bigotry 🙏
Please vote!
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I left my IT job and got into Standup comedy.
Now I work 7 hours a month 👌
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Friends, whenever you have to vote, please do not vote for any illiterate candidates in your constituency. In fact vote for the most educated one 🙏
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Andhbhakts were always blind. Today they have become deaf and dumb too 🤣
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Everyone please note "Modi ki Guarantee" has been replaced by "Modi ki Gaurantee is subject to market risks and loyalty by 2 Gaurantors"
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Went to get a Schengen Visa with my passport, 6 months bank statements, 3 years IT returns, property papers, list of all my bank FDs, shares and mutual fund investments, Hotel bookings and air bookings
The officer looked at my passport and said "Oh! You come from the land of
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I think he is so desparate to win because he knows if he loses then the opposition will use the same forces which he used against them x 1000 times and he also has many skeletons in his Fund ooops I meant cupboard..
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Today and tomorrow request all Sr Citizens not to go to their SBI Branch to update their passbooks 🙏
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Next election I have decided to cut off the middle men and vote directly for ED 👍
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The opposition may be rejoicing & sensing cracks in BJP but be under no doubt - BJP & its allies are winning this election. They have been working hard on it since years. Their marketing game is spot on.May not be 400 paar but they are definitely forming the Govt. The fragmented
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Aapke moonh Mein Ghee shakar ❤️
desperately looking forward to the return of political comedy, hard-hitting shows, and critical movies
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Today UPA renames itself to INDIA
To counter them, tomorrow NDA will rename itself to ED
Simple, straight forward and to the point 👍
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Super 👌 Legends will notice there is a mask 😎
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After hearing Modiji's recent speeches - I think Shyam Rangeela has a fair chance of winning from Varanasi
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Dear Indian Olympian,
Next time he calls you after you win a medal for the country, remember this incident with our wrestlers and don't pick up his call 🙏
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Bhakti Karo Apne Desh Ki
Bhakti Karo Apne Maa Baap Ki
Bhakti Karo Apne Bhagwaan Ki
Bhakti Karo Apne Spouse Ki (if married)
But
Never Ever do Bhakti of a Politician & that too Andh Bhakti 🙏😬
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Seriously man. Feeling so happy. Can you add Smriti also to this??
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Better if you read it..
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I dream of an India where there are no political parties.
Just the Supreme Court of India and an army of IAS officers running the country ❤️🙏
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Thank you
@ShivSenaUBT_
🙏 from Akkha Mumbai
COVID-19 was bad. People lost their loved ones and a lot of batshit crazy things happened in 2020 and 2021. While other states were busy hiding bodies and the fucked up situation, there was this guy, the CM of Maharashtra who would come live almost every day and discuss things.
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SRK - Bete Ko haath Lagane se Pehle, Baap Se Baat Kar..
Bhakts - Gautam Ko haath Lagane se Pehle, Narendra Se Baat Kar.
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Best news! The most arrogant of the lot she was
#Breaking
: Congress worker and candidate from Amethi, Kishori Lal Sharma has defeated Smriti Irani.
People of Amethi have taken revenge from Smriti Irani…She kept chanting ‘Rahul..Rahul’ for the last five years. 🔥
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The Bullet Train from Mumbai to Ahmedabad will now be via Bihar 😍
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2 Mega political rallies in Mumbai today.
One for hate & division and the other for love & inclusion
Make the right decision 💪
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I didn't mention any political party to vote for but then why are Andh Bhakts triggered?? 😂😂
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Optimistically looking - these are the companies you should invest in once BJP comes into power in 2024 😬
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3 CMs in the state and yet they could not prevent an illegal hoarding to fall
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Parliament during session??
Going to a wonderful new destination! It has the lowest population density in India. Any guesses where I'm headed?
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The road in Ladakh may have been built by the current Govt.
However point to note is that the petrol in Rahul's bike @ Rs 103 per litre is also thanks to the current Govt.
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Kya Yaar! Itna boring and same same.
Mazza atta if Rajat Sharma was replaced by Ravish Kumar and 4000 paid audience was replaced by 40 independent journalists
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14 people died due to an illegal hoarding 😢
This is not an accident. It's murder
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He was born in Delhi, lives in Mumbai and got his Kolkata team to win in Chennai ❤️
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BJP - "Congress gave away an integral part of India to Sri Lanka!"
China - "Kabhi aao humari haveli par 😁"
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Raids on opposition parties, bank accounts frozen, propaganda movies being released, TV media bought, crazy marketing budgets - with all this I think :
Ab Ki baar 540 paar 😁
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Agreed - Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. and Albert Einstein knew about Gandhiji but only because they used to follow him on Instagram. Rest of the world didn't know.
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A beautiful Hindu temple comes up in an Islamic country. The lead architect of the temple is a Catholic Christian and was constructed by a Parsi company.
This is called inclusion ♥️
Hope everyone learns from this 🙏
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There should be re-elections in Mumbai Northwest!!
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I have a feeling when those trapped 41 men finally get out from the tunnel in Uttarkashi 'he' will be there to welcome them and pat their backs
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Hey
@SonyLIV
- When I have paid for full premium subscription then why are you shoving me Ads in middle of the show I am watching??
You are the only OTT who shoves Ads!?
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This time I'm going to vote for that party which has the backing of the Ambanis and the Adanis 👌☝️
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Its 2024. Can they all stop this nonsense 🙏
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Shame! Shame! Shame!
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Next time I get a tele call from any NGO asking for a donation - I'm going to forward them to Future Gaming 🙏😊
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Modiji did a sortie on the Tejas light combat aircraft. That's so nice.
The Tejas can fly at a speed of nearly 2000 km/hr which means you can reach Manipur from Delhi in over an hour if you want to...
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Let me the first one to congratulate the BJP in advance on winning the 2024 Lok Sabha Elections 👍
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Nice move but sexist.
So for Men's Day petrol prices will come down??
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Hahahaha
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