Amberlynn 🍐ody
@mustbepear
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13,162
Following
97
Media
1,210
Statuses
7,281
Empath 😈 Pluviophile is a big word. ☔ YOUTUBE FAMOUS LESBIAN 🍡 This is a parody account. 🍐
Joined November 2017
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Even though Becky breaking up with me was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, I can honestly say I don't miss anything about her. She's practically dead to me now.
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I don't watch reaction videos, you guys. MichaelBePetty who?
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STOP TRYING TO HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE THINGS I SAY.
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I made merch! Get this "beanbag in a hurry" beanbag chair while supplies last!
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JUST ME WALKING TWANK. BY MYSELF. I JUST HOLD THE LEASH FROM WAY OVER THERE.
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Alright, trolls. Here's another comparison where I'm obviously smaller. I'm done trying to prove myself to you.
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I literally have no idea where you guys got the impression that I'd lie about losing weight. You shouldn't question me. It's disgusting that y'all don't just blindly follow me. I don't need the backlash at all.
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I'm quitting vlogmas. I know, it's a huge shock to you all.
To my supporters: Sorry, not sorry.
To my haters: Eat shit. I hope you find the courage to leave your mom's basements and get laid as much as I do.
I'll be back soon to lecture everyone. 💕
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I'm quitting vlogmas because it's the smart and responsible thing to do FOR ME. FUCK YOU GUYS.
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From my diary:
I'm upset. Becky walked in on me writing "Amber Craig" over and over in my journal. I yelled, "GO MAKE MORE GARLIC BREAD." Then I stormed off to the bathroom. I don't know how long I should hide in here. My legs fell asleep two hours ago. This toilet is my prison.
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Something really bad happened and I feel the need to be vague on the internet about it. 💔
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I would just like to remind everyone that I'm fun and hip and still have a channel. 😘
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When your girlfriend makes you promise you won't order out anymore.
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Accountability means everything to me which is why I'm holding Becky accountable for not taking me to a doctor sooner. I'M ALLOWED TO TELL MY STORY.
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I'd like to remind everyone that I shower. I'm in love with showering. I like the water so hot that my skin falls off and comes out baby soft. It's so kissable and supple. (Just ask my gf.) I can definitely stand in there now that my stamina is like that of a thoroughbred.
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From my diary: I was in the bathroom pretending to shower when I saw that Michael uploaded his video. I began screeching at everyone on my way to the fridge. Moments later, 3/4 of the way into my rotisserie chicken, Becky begged me to stop. She should have gotten her own chicken.
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I'm having the worst night, you guys. I accidentally ate Twinkie's magical joint treats. Might go to the ER later. Keep me in your thoughts.
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I don't have time to cook my own pasta because I'm so busy with things like doodling, weighing my clothes, and walking Twinkie that one time. I don't really appreciate the criticism, you window lickers.
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I need to get back on track and keep my eyes on the prize.
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I'm sorry if I offended anyone by acting politically dumb. FYI, I am definitely registered to vote and will be voting for Hillary this year.
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You guys just don't understand. Twinkie loves it when I shriek and blow air in her face. She's showing her teeth and growling from excitement! It's how she plays!
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If y'all weren't so mean to me, I wouldn't get so anxious on live streams and say unforgivable things. It's your fault.
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From my diary:
Destiny and Dana came over. Destiny was flirting with me by kissing Becky's arm. I blacked out from the excitement and Bailey's. I woke up to Dana and Becky wearing each other's pants. They looked so guilty. It's probably because they ate all my pizza. Bitches.
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I can't go into battle with a porn star. I was sent a seize and assist. I wish I knew someone that majored in criminal justice.
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Something 💰 inside 💰 me 💰 is 💰 telling 💰 me 💰 to 💰 continue 💰 YouTube.
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I spent $600 on Halloween candy and haven't seen one trick-or-treater. I even made Becky turn off all the lights to make the house extra spooky too. Who's going to eat all this candy now? 😉
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You haters are pathetic. Stop saying horrible things about me and my fat friends. We all have stellar personalities, so I know you hate us because we're fat. PATHETIC. Go make videos on what's important like Bernie Sandler or the colavirus. Asswipes.
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I didn't create the haydur community. You guys did. All I did was lie about a lot of things and then turned off comments forcing you guys to create spaces to discuss me. Then I infiltrated those spaces as Damon White and made things worse. It's all on you.
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From my diary:
The raging storm spewing from my ass is unreal. It's so raw. I've only had about 30 sugar cookies, my potato water soup, a tiny mug of soup beans, and like half of Becky's cake. It was probably the soup beans. Can you get cellulitis in your butthole?
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From my diary:
Becky drove me back to the ER. I'm nervously crunching on pork rinds while the doctor is talking. He looks really serious, but I can't hear what he's saying. Only Becky knows my diagnosis. She's been really happy since then, so it must not be serious.
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Are you guys even paying attention? Why aren't you watching my videos? I show you W̶i̶f̶e̶y̶'̶s̶ my girlfriend's hands for like 5 seconds. That's quality content and you guys are missing it. Pay attention to me.
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I just wanted to be real and raw in today's video (FAWK!) and you assholes go and make this? KARMA WILL GET YOU.
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I simply just had the most adorable conversation with my local girlfriend. She was like "Babe?" And I was like "Baaaaabe!" And she was like "Babe!" And then I was like "BaAaAaAaAaBe!" She's so hilarious!
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Tips for dry skin? (If you say hair cream, I'll fucking scream.)
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From my diary:
Becky hasn't been making time for me lately and it's really starting to bother me. In an attempt to get her attention, I hid several slices of lemons on my body. She hasn't discovered them yet. It's been weeks and I smell disgusting. I'm so upset.
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When your bae brings the mattress out to the living room. True love! 😍
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I'm so proud of myself for unpacking food and putting it on a plate. I did almost everything for that party. You assholes have no idea what I'm capable of.
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I̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶d̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶
I'm so giddy in love, y'all! Be happy for me or I'll dance in that sheer dress again. 💕
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When people are actually commenting nice things on your videos.
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I swear, you guys. Becky's family is just the sweetest. They're my family too.
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Vlogging for the December months starts tomorrow, November 31st.
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None of you guys have ever had to live with the fear of taking vitamins and it shows.
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This is really fucking unfunny. I look nothing like that guy.
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The reason why I don't go over to Becky's family's house is because they don't have a floor mattress.
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From my diary:
Becky needs pads AGAIN? She just got her period like a month ago. Everyone knows you only get them like twice a year. It seems so unhealthy to get them monthly. Oh well, at least I don't have to pretend I want to touch her right now.
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I would never lie about my charitableness. I'm like the nicest person I know. When I say I'm gonna donate to the homeless, I will... Eventually.
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Update:
Surgery: perfect.
Incision: perfect.
Appetite: needs work.
Farting and pooping: perfect
Hymen: stunning.
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From my diary:
I'm going to give Dana a bunch of my dresses. I rubbed my scent all over them. When Destiny smells them, she'll be reminded of me and my luscious body. She'll come rolling back to this voluptuous creamy center sooner or later.
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From my diary:
My heart was racing. Becky's got me so excited. My pants are drenched. I'm almost there. I'm so ready. She's slicing it so slowly, just how I like it. Ecstasy! The flavors of the SUGAR FREE cake exploded inside my mouth and I passed out.
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Y'all need to stop dehumanizing me and let me talk shit about Becky. I'M A HUMAN BEAN.
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I paused outpatient. I don't believe in health at every size. I believe in fat at every size. Skinny people can be fat too. We ALL have to do better. I can't be the only one doing all the work here, ya know? 😓
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I don't enjoy food. I hate it, actually. Now excuse me while I go deep throat a chicken sausage and moan so loud the neighbors call the landlord.
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Don't believe rumors. Only listen to me. I won't lie to you.
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You guys are all really mean to me and I'm starting to think it's because we have a pride magnet on our car.
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If you leave hate comments on my videos, I'll kick your ass. Don't even try me.
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From my diary:
I actually lost weight. It was so difficult during those December months, but I fucking did it. Sure, I gained like 4 pounds back, but that's nothing a little chili can't fix. I'm so happy. I might even let Becky get in these spicy panties after dinner. 🔥🌶
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Merry Christmas, everyone, but more importantly I wanna say Merry Christmas to myself! I'm so proud of myself for all the things I've accomplished this year! I truly did it all by myself without anyone's help. 🎄 😊 💕
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We don't have any emergency vets, but thank God Walmart has decorative pillows.
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Dear diary:
Today, I whipped open Becky's door and caught her with her hand down her shorts while looking at this picture. She said she was just adjusting. She doesn't know that I saw. I am livid. It would be a shame if her stupid Toby Hawk game disappeared.
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I know y'all are talking about Chantal and that narcissist asshole, but did you guys see I put hot cheetos on a slice of bread with some chicken? That's pretty exciting, right?
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I would date a trans woman. I don't discriminate. As long as they have a driver's license, everything is peachy. ❤
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Snickers bar: 15 points.
Two bananas: 0 points.
Two bananas and a snickers bar: 15 points.
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Day 1 Jenny Craig review:
The protein shake left something to be desired. The chocolate bar made my pants tingle. The burger was juicy and succalent. The macaroni was orgasmic. My only complaint: the portions were beyond triggering. I had to huff garlic bread to soothe myself.
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If you guys keep disliking my videos, I'll be forced to stop giving you top quality content. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
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My girlfriend is NOT a feeder. She just lovingly provided food for her ex until she died.
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I held the door open the other day and didn't even get a thank you. I want to go back to a simpler time when people weren't so mean and awful. 2019 is fucking brutal.
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I'm so glad I finally have a doctor that looks at my weight and sees it as a symptom of something else, you know? Like how none of this is my fault and I'm just a victim in all this. Feels so good. I finally have someone that'll take my health seriously. 💕
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Be wary of salads. They can literally be so unhealthy. Everything else is fine though.
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From my diary:
Becky got bad news. Was it her kidneys or liver? Can't remember. All I know is that she's on a new stupid diet kick. It's fine to eat healthier, but NO fast food? I CAN'T CHANGE OVERNIGHT. I'm so upset I can't even talk about it. This really salts my ass.
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I'm gonna keep seeing doctors until I get the answer I want. It's just gotta be a brain tumor. I just know it.
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From my diary:
This infection has been raging. I hate taking medicine, but I love the attention Becky gives me. She wants to go down on me all the time. I'm so thankful she loves the taste of sour lemons.
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I think you guys are really missing how generous I am by giving advertisers 6-8 "parking spots" to put ads on my videos. I'm giving them their freedom. 🇺🇸
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So, I fell. (It happens to skinny people too, FYI.) I'm just thankful that my ER doctor took such great care of me at the garage part of hospital. Truly a blessing. Send me all your tots and pears.
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Local girlfriend and I have the loveliest lesbian tiktok kinda love. She kisses me while I cry. Then I put my lips up close to hers and whisper "Mama, needs a cake pop." She then grabs two cake pops from under my shirt that I had forgotten about. She just gets me. 💕
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LIFE HACK: if you take water and put it in the freezer you get frozen water. Magic.
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