Mrk
@mrkhndy
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LINGORM HOWE 12TH ANN
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PERFECT MATCH FAYEYOKO
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BEAUTRIUM 13th x OUROAD
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CONGRATS FOURTH
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玉ちゃん
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反ワクチン団体
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SHIROBAKO
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飯山さん
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After my dad died, I found his old dictation machine and it still had a tape in it.
Anyway it was just me aged 6 going on and on and on about the cartoon series batfink. And you can just about hear my dad saying please mark please, stop, go and play outside
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You can recreate the oasis Wembley experience by putting £200 into the bin, putting a stereo and two Lego men in the garden and then watch it from upstairs with 25 drunk lads doing football chants
Im assuming you can fit 25 lads in your bedroom. Wouldn’t be the first time !!!
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We have to remember that Cliff was best friends with Cilla, whose spiteful arrogance was astounding.
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I once google mapped fish and chips in my area, and within a few clicks I found a picture someone had put onto the reviews of a pub, and it was a man eating fish and chips. And it looked okay but I recognised the polo shirt and then I realised that the man was me.
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I heard your boyfriend has a cd tower in his lounge with what’s the story morning glory, blood sugar sex magik and play by Moby
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I intended to take 3 months off twitter and alcohol because I keep on getting sad, and figured that social media and beer are probably contributing factors.
But I have lasted four days and here I am in the pub so fuck it, it’s probably innate. Trouble brewing indeed.
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I’ve got Cliff Richard to die on the 24th. Should win £12k if it happens. Be sad obviously but I’ll be able to get a Renault Clio and pay off my credit card.
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I really dislike christmas quite strongly, but the onus tends to be on people who don’t like Xmas to try and like Xmas. Dreadful time of year. I give it zero out of ten. A very low score.
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Was chatting to someone and they were saying all their plans for the weekend. Brunch, the cinema, and then like FIVE MORE THINGS. I switched off after the cinema. What’s wrong with just sitting around at the weekend staring into space
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Alexi sayle said that comedy in the 80s was full of good people pretending to be bad (like the young ones), and bad people pretending to be good (like Jim Davidson)
And that’s like Twitter. All the be kind people are grifters and the ones who call each other bellends are nice
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I found the switch on our shower that makes it powerful, after 9 months of having frustrating showers. And I also accidentally just made the perfect coffee.
I know we don’t like to hear good news generally, so I’ll also mention that I have a bit of a sore tummy.
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We are minutes away from people posting pictures of themselves under that tree. People are literally searching their google photos for tree right now. This is about as now as you can be.
Imagine if you had a picture of you and dumbledoor under the tree. That’s the cumshot
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Life is short, so spend time with people you love, and don’t spend time with people you hate. Put everyone you know into those two distinct categories, and shower the people you love with items from their Amazon wish list, and go out of your way to destroy your enemies.
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My account has been hacked for the last 15 years, finally got control back thanks for your patience
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There should be no sex scenes in films unless you see a close up of it going in and out.
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I think of a lot of people on twitter were bullied growing up, and have since had therapy and really embraced the love yourself mantra. They’ve come out the other side with a new confidence, but one that denies any self reflection, and as a result they’ve become quite unlikeable
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Thinking about opening a biscuit business. Gonna put cadburys wispas in cookies and then charge £50 for them. Anyone interested
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It’s taken my cat six months, but he’s finally convinced all the other cats in the neighbourhood, that our garden is not a safe space for them. I’m very proud.
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Theory: all the people who were saying this place was a hell hole have left to blander terrains, and now the mood has lifted.
Twitter has been a lot more fun of late. Just need to keep the scandals coming
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I would go out of my way to avoid being in the same space as Pete Doherty. Like if I really wanted a McDonald’s breakfast and it was about to change to the lunch menu, and he was in there. I would just go without, and walk home.
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I have psychologically evaluated all of you from your tweets (I’m a freelance brain doctor) and I’m afraid the results are *not* good.
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If you are on Twitter being angry all the time it’s because that’s what you want to do.
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The hall is getting there. The poof is on the chair because I’m about to clean the floor.
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The only thing you can change is your reaction to events. When I did all that cbt (which I don’t like to talk about), the focus was always on how to change reactions, and that can be learned.
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Rachael Raygun is finally getting the bullying she would have benefitted from as a child.
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Loads of people left Twitter around the end of the first week in August and in time if they don’t come back history will make it will look like they all got arrested for rioting and are now in jail.
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I have never seen an episode of I’m a celebrity, and I genuinely believe that makes me a better person than those that have.
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Remember when people had fucking massive bean bags and listened to Morcheeba? I don’t. I’ve got no idea what I’m talking about.
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I have an emergency premier inn bag under my bed in the event that there is a nuclear bomb that destroys everything apart from the bus to the premier inn and the local premier inn, and me, and the bag.
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Now that tree isn’t in the dip, could they build a premier inn there? I’m just thinking that out of this obscene tragedy, could come a cheap and convenient place for people to stay who are tired from looking at a wall.
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Since someone went to the trouble of emailing me listing everything they didn’t like about me and my twitter account, I have reconsidered my relationships with people. I think I do get it wrong.
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There’s a place just down the road from me called Harold’s Cross. Don’t worry, these are just the tweets that have been stored up in my head. Just relieving some pressure.
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Just some personal news. After fifteen years, I have switched from flat white to cortado as my main coffee of choice.
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Dropped my other half at the airport, using a car that I drove. Found a little quaint pub called Wetherspoons just off the motorway
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I’m coming to the uk again on Saturday. I’ll be doing the same jokes from the same locations and expecting the same kinda feedback. Sausage roll on the pillow, marzipan. Cockpit of a Hyundai i10. Just humour me and we will get through it.
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When I was vomiting last week because I took too much paracetamol, the doc gave me Omeprazole and after three days I started getting migraines.
I went back to the doc and he said oh yeah Omeprazole caused headaches, and I should take paracetamol.
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If they get rid of blocking, this place is gonna become incredible. A car crash that we are all inside no need to even slow down.
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Gary here looks like a Wetherspoons manager who is out of his depth telling a staff member that he’s sacked for stealing, and Howard looks like he is pretending to be disappointed in his colleague but actually he has been profiting from the scam he and the colleague had going
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My other half woke up to lots of messages asking him if he was ok because of the riots. But oddly, I woke up to nothing. I guess that’s fine.
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