reverse transmigration where the main cast all get zapped back to the real world, but sqh & sqq are in their real bodies and aren’t allowed to reveal it bc of the system. a group of cultivators and Just Two Guys.
sqh’s mom: why don’t you ever spend time with our son!
sqh’s dad: darling quite frankly our son is weird and unsettling.
5yo sqh who is actually ✈️: i have seen death and gone beyond. i have prophesied the future and am powerless to change it. may i play outside.
sqh playing a game called “put sy’s phone on silent and see how long it takes binghe to physically show up at their location”. the record is 14 minutes
moshang roleswap is so funny. just cultivator mbj watching a 5ft demon black out in the middle of the street and going "well, it's already been a weird day. might as well see what his deal is."
moshang is funny because like, mbj is sqh's boss, but mbj isn't THE boss. lbh is mbj's boss. so at best mbj is just middle management and sqh is his secretary. sqh could watch mbj get yelled at in a meeting and would have to pretend he didn't see anything.
moshang arranged marriageisms is funny but consider mbj being PRESENTED with a young and beautiful bride-to-be and going “no thanks, i would like to wed her much older advisor instead”
"qi rong was severely traumatised and acting out for attention and reassurance that people wouldn't abandon him again, and was proven wrong" and "qi rong was a horrible kid who did horrible things he should be criticised for" can coexist
i can't imagine how awkward demon trio meetings are for shl, specifically. she's busy doing 50% of the work while lbh goes on his perpetual honeymoon and mbj fucks an old man (who does the other 50%) and lbh still has the audacity to ask "why does liu-shijie call you babygirl."
hello all!! friendly reminder to use your slashes when talking about omegaverse. the term a/b/o WITHOUT the slashes is a racial slur for australian first nations people!
qi rong is so funny to put in a modern context. ex felon with a child who rules the PTA. runs a restaurant which is simultaneously a money laundering front.
moshang idol/actor au where actor & former idol sqh wakes up to rumours that he’s dating upcoming idol mbj… who he’s met one single time on an awards show
sqh to his big monster pet: hows my precious!!!! my big boy!!! how are you doing today baby!!!! would you like a treat!!!
mbj, just standing there: this king would also-
moshang where during their first meeting mbj (wrongfully) interprets sqh’s little speech as him begging to be his first consort & drags sqh to the demon realm with him immediately to make the announcement
lbh: who are you.
sqq: we-
sqh: we’re your guides hahaha we can help you, luo binghe who i’ve never met before
lbh: how do you know my name then
sqh: lqg said it
lbh: how do you know HIS name?
a short list of things yqy has managed in this time:
1. found and watered sy's dying plants
2. stared at the bookshelf with mounting existential dread
3. tried to read a manga that looked unassuming (it was one piece)
4. stared at a wall with mounting existential dread
sqh writing his daily "my death at the hands of mbj is imminent" diary entry while mbj wraps him in a little blanket and feeds him noodles he hand-pulled
its funny for sy to unironically become kind of a legend in the queer pidw fandom. like “oh that peerless cucumber, boy i hope he figured things out!” “peerless cucumber?? the one who accidentally proved binghe’s wifes were fuckin?” etc etc.
sqh who calls sick from work to go to his author-fan meetup for the book he wrote under a pseudonym vs. mbj, his boss, simultaneously taking a day off work to meet his favourite author airplane
I (???M) have been working for my boss (32M) since i decided not to end him with a rock. he’s always treated me badly! recently his dad died, and i broke half my body trying to help him, and he was still ungrateful! so ive decided to run away forever, but i still feel bad. AITA?
yqy: this could still be a trick. we don't know that they're really helping us. be on your guard.
mbj who has terrible eyesight and has already clocked og!sqh as sqh: you are not my boss
all of them just getting dumped into a field and waking up at the same time & sy and sqh having to be like “ahh… ahHHHH haha weeee…. found you like this…….. ummmmmm….” because the system’s blaring that they’re not allowed to say anything
pre-transmigration sqh had so much sway over sy’s life and he didn’t even know it. he could’ve posted “binge’s gay btw” as a joke and it would’ve sent sy into a spiral.
sqh coming back to cqms all glossy and pampered while the other sect leaders pretend like they don't know he's off being sugar babied in the demon realm
lbh: i would also like to accompany you to the marketplace. no ulterior motives btw
lqg: no way is lbh going and leaving me here. i’m going.
sy, exasperatedly: we can’t all go to the shopping centre!
[smash cut to everyone at the shopping centre]
they find yqy in the deli section having a scintillating conversation with the minimum wage worker about farms. he has his own basket of stuff they Actually Needed with one can of banana milk hidden at the bottom like he thought they wouldn't buy it for him
important that in cumplane it is shen yuan who cannot leave shang qinghua alone. sqh could be sitting alone in a café and sy would march up to him angrily for absolutely no reason.
in bingyuan aus, for every domestic bingge trying to seduce scrawny sy, there should also be an og!mbj determined to find his emperor, absolutely destroying modern china and evading police arrest.
“whats wrong with secretary kim” au is so perfect for moshang. sqh who decides to try and quit his secretary job after 9 years & CEO mbj determined to keep him from leaving.
mobei-jun is so interesting. i feel like we get so little actual mbj content that we use sqh and sqq's opinions of him to fill in the blanks (cool, cold, intimidating). to me he really just seems like a smug guy who can't communicate.
sqh & sqq squabbling over phone service while trying to order a DiDi while the others, in a rare moment or solidarity, are discussing whether they kill these dudes or just interrogate them
mbj is sitting calmly because he's assuming sqh can dig them out of any situation. yqy is sitting in a very stressed way because he's a good houseguest.
au where sqh runs away from the plot early, takes up a completely ridiculous job somewhere, and just gets found anyway. he has to keep job hopping because someone finds him every time.
mmmmmm.... cisswap moshang... sqh creates mbj with all the traits from women she's had an unrequited thing for (cold, distant, and Not Into Her... the perfect woman). sqh who transmigrates in and gets trapped in the wlw "are we dating???" zone.
zombie outbreak au where sy insists on tracking down sqh who “can’t survive in these conditions” only to find sqh with zombie!mbj chained to a wall, completely save, and actively bringing mbj people to eat
[still in the freezer section]
mbj: qinghua what is iced cream
sqh, distracted by milk: ah, it's cold and sweet. you might like it?
mbj:
sqh: would you like me to get some?
mbj: this king can carry it.
disguise moment where sqq & sqh put lqg in female robes and a veil to use as bait, but he’s just comically buff underneath. full dorito shape. except EVERY CULTIVATOR they run into is immediately like “omg!!! the gentle liu mingyan!!!”
[smash cut to the DiDi where sqh, lqg, mbj, lbh & yqy are smushed into the back 2 rows & sqq has claimed shotgun bc he’s paying]
driver: sooo… what’s with the-
sqq: we’re filming an ad
driver: where’s your film equipment though….?
lbh jealous-boyfriend reading sqq’s sqh letters and exposing himself both to confusing chinglish and internet culture is literally always a funny concept
og sqh? i should also note when asked for their names sy immediately said "that's fei... uhh, hua...." bc he was about to say airplane. sqh is now going by fei hua (literally "wasted words"). to steal from nuri, his real name is luo binghe, so.
"is it a binghe shrine" close! there is not enough pidw merch by sy's d wording for an entire shrine. it's half a binghe shrine and then an even bigger miku shrine.
some kid on the street: wowwww... is that a sword?
lqg, stiffly: yes
kid: is it real???
sqh who has noticed the mother eyeing them: haha it's a replica
sy has his cane now & sqh got changed, both of which are good things, because sy is in pain and sqh was wearing booty shorts with “horrors the human mind cannot comprehend” on the ass.
the fact that between mbj, lbh, and shl, three very powerful high-status demons, not one of them has a braincell enough to work out how to properly court a human
moshang is kinda funny because you get the sense that sqh likes mbj but isn’t pining because he assumes it’ll never happen and is chill with that, and mbj likes sqh but isn’t pining because he’s certain sqh likes him back and is waiting for him to make a move
if the others were not in a fish-out-of-water situation they would've called it immediately. as it stands they are dealing with both a loss of power and also newfangled technology. lqg just learnt what traffic lights are. it's rough.
sy, gently: i have the money. we can buy more than one, if you want.
lbh: no it’s just. i don’t know what it is. sy, what about this one? what’s it called?
sy, wincing: that… um. that’s a cucumber.
mbj getting hit with a love spell and sqh not realising because he literally acts the exact same. only internally mbj is freaking about how obvious he’a being.
someone looking at yqy and saying “that’s him… the most powerful man around… the one who defeated a heavenly demon…” and it cuts to yqy and he’s like, haggling with an old lady for a better price on oranges (and losing)
i think it’s funny that we as a fandom paint sqh as the one who runs away from his problems when sqq is canonically the one who faked his own death and ran away
mu qing thinking he’s (tragically) the only queer one in the xianle trio & then one day xl just drops the boyfriend announcement at dinner and rocking his entire world
by the end there's a lot of fresh produce (binghe), frozen shit (mbj), general cooking supplies (binghe again), instant ramen (cumplane) and half the shelf of brightly-packaged spicy chips (lqg thought they looked interesting)
there are a lot of factors happening here. lbh and lqg are both stalking the corners of the apartment for signs of danger and glaring at each other when their paths cross. mbj is sitting directly under the aircon sqh automatically put on for him.
(i should note for extra humour that i tend to place the Transmigration Moment at the point where lbh tries to fuse the two realms, ergo zzl & tlj are also somewhere trying to figure out wtf is happening)
the amount of speedbumps poor cumplane have in this moment. sqh's phone is dead; neither of them have apartment keys; sqq's apartment has an automatic alarm system that goes off when they try to enter & he has to explain everything to his confused neighbour-
lqg getting cherry magicked and just instantly finding out sqh & sqq are transmigrators, which is instantly overwhelmed by the fact that they both think he’s hot
lbh: and where is “here” exactly
lqg: are you stupid? it’s obviously a different dimension
lbh: obviously i know that
lqg: then why would you ask-
sy, near tears: boys please-
the way mbj uses sqh like a human shield is so funny. like he went “oh this squishy jester wants to serve me? bet.” and immediately started punting him into dangerous situations
the others are all standing there like 🧍🏻🧍🏻🧍🏻🧍🏻 because, and cumplane do not know this yet: their qi/demonic powers are gone. mbj tried to portal out immediately and it did not work. xin mo is currently shattered pieces in lbh's sleeve.
binghe IS being useful but he’s very much stuck in fresh produce looking at the array of fruit with biiiig eyes. he spends ten minutes weighing a watermelon. he’s gotten over his suspicion long enough to ask sy about things he doesn’t recognise.
sy: qingge this is ridiculous. you don't even fit on that couch. there are three other beds with enough space for you to slot in
lqg: i don't really have to sleep
sy:
sy: liu qingge, No.
i think it’s funny that sqh is canonically meant to be handsome but also like, Clearly Slimy. he’s like a used car salesman. a generic male model trying to sell watches out of a trench coat. like if a cute guy from your work dmed you “hey girly, wanna make money from home?”
sqh planning pidw: is morality born purely from intention? is there a point in revenge-seeking where the revenger begins to perpetuate the same cycle of violence they sought justice against?
sqh writing pidw: and then the magic sex flower made binghe’s dick grow 3x bigger-
sqh being strongholded into a marriage is so funny. like they didnt want sy to leave but they cant WAIT to get rid of sqh. & inevitably they realise they need sqh for the sect to function, but mbj is like “no takebacks”
moshang don’t have marital problems bc sqh ran away one (1) more time after an argument and mbj Actually Cried so now he just makes a numbered list after every argument
sy is tiring fairly quickly and therefore leaning both against the cane and the trolley lqg is very dutifully pushing. they're getting close to the baking section. lbh is about to have a field day.
lbh specifically is struggling because this sy looks like plantbody sqq but he also cannot immediately assume him to be sqq because this is an unknown situation- but plantbody sy also wouldnt say he was sqq-
sy tried to give them tasks but everything kind of went to hell the minute they enter a grocery store. yqy got stuck in a conversation with an old lady at the door. mbj found the frozen section and is now wondrously squishing a bag of peas. lqg is death gripping a shopping cart.