we're done here
@monkchips
Followers
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Following
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Statuses
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redmonk co-founder, sunshine in a bag, industry analyst loves developers, "motivating in a surreal kind of way". came up with "progressive delivery". he/him
London
Joined December 2006
daughter: i want to dress as a headless Henry VIII for halloween. me: uh, it was actually his wives that were beheaded.daughter: exactly.
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arguably the most powerful tech company in the world hires engineers in their 60s. we should all learn from that
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the modern tech industry is basically folks just endlessly remaking remakes of heroku.
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Couple of SPARC servers casually hanging out outside the chicken shop on my street this morning
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What Itβs Like to Be a Woman at a Tech Conference this photo
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just spoke to a friend, her boyfriend's team is mostly Ukrainian. they are working for two or three hours, writing software, then going out to fight, before coming back to do some more work. and here's me thinking it's hard to get anything done. ukraine strength πΊπ¦ πͺπ―.
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i saw a white man tell a black women in tech to shut up today and, frankly, it disgusted me. i am heading over to @blackgirlscode to make a donation right now. fuck that guy. black women's voices are vital.
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why are nigerian artists so incredible at hyper-realistic drawing and painting?
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gonna tell my kids this was how we deployed a kubernetes cluster.
Sorry Erich von DΓ€nikenβyou donβt need aliens to explain the Pyramids and Easter Islandβ¦just very determined and ingenious Homo sapiens.
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My fellow men, for the love of all things holy, if you say something women find offensive or unhelpful, please pay attention to them when they point it out. They are not a "mob", they are not "you people", they are concerned humans trying to help you be kinder and better.
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"Web 3" folks spent the last couple of years telling us decentralised is clearly better because you own your own data or some nonsense and now everyone is like how the fuck does mastadon even work why isn't there one centralised service? And that's just the nerds.
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When you bring home some cute stickers for the kids but don't read the small print before you hand them over. Thanks @ashleymcnamara π€£
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me - why the *fuck* is it called a "dry run"?. TIL - "Beginning in the late 19th century, fire departments in the US began conducting practice sessions where engines were dispatched and hoses deployed, but water was not pumped, thus making the exercises literally βdryβ runs.".
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he speaks for all of us.
Man shouting into the phone on the Bathurst bus:.βIf you say Blockchain again, Iβm hanging up.β.
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step one - docker .step two - add kubernetes.step three - remove kubernetes.step four -.
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once we're all vaccinated i'm going to hold a 'conference' with no tech talks. i am going to hire a place with a massive industrial kitchen and plenty of space, invite all of my people to come and cook for each other and eat and just hang out for a couple of days.
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so microsoft now has the developer's favourite code editor and the developer's favourite social coding platform. it should probably aim to make surface book the developer's favourite laptop. still has plenty of work to do to become the developer's favourite cloud.
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the @Stormzy1 interview in the observer really touched me. yesterday i said how important leadership is. this is it
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@RyanNegri so you had to compete in interviews with other candidates, and you didn't get the job? what's the problem here? this person you talked to didn't say they only hired women or people of colour, only that they they also interviewed them. not sure what the problem is tbh.
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there is no such thing as putting a quick slide deck together.
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how about we have an online conference soon about how devrel can go 100% online. who's in?.
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This thread right here. @Kasparov63 has been strident throughout, because he seems to understand the stakes a lot better than others.
Three months into Putin's genocidal total war on Ukraine, Putin's Global Rescue Team is assembling again. Heads of state, media, pundits, all the usual suspects eager to preserve a horrific status quo & sacrifice thousands of Ukrainian lives, and call it peace. 1/13.
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@Sharat_Chander @united Considering you are pretty much the kindest man in the world I can't even imagine but fuck that guy and just know that we have your back and are here for you.
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now we bring you live footage of talent trying to avoid being hired by the Microsoft cloud developer advocate team
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ok real talk. when you're working from home how the FUCK do you not just eat all the fucking time? i am like the fucking tiger who came to tea right now.
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finally became a real parent last night. heard myself shouting up the stairs to my teen:. "WE AREN'T A HOTEL YOU KNOW".
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this. it's all fucking joined up. if you work in tech, if your company avoids taxes, don't think you're not part of the problem.
Apple's ΒΎ trillion in cash would have gone a long way in the rust belt and everywhere else. Instead, *we* got cheaper iPhones and AAPL@$110.
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6. 10x engineers eat a pound of butter for breakfast every morning, mixed with raw minced chicken and ground caffeine pills. They are immune from salmonella and should be cherished.
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Please dont share tweets from "women can't code" guy. He's clearly a grifter, chasing clout. By all means dunk on him but please don't share his tweets or link to his YouTube channel. His schtick was made for subtweets.
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Nigeria is just such a hotbed of incredible art talent. you just know that @NkwochaErnest will achieve his goal of exhibiting at shows worldwide π³π¬.
"They call it trash - but I see it as raw materials.". Nigerian sculptor @NkwochaErnest turns discarded tyres into amazing sculptures.
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@datingdecisions we used to have a thing called memory. it was pretty cool. you could, like, put information in it for later. can't remember what happened to it though.
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you used to have to take drugs to do this.
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someone quit their devrel job and found a better one after a talk i did encouraging people to find an employer that treats them right. this is amazing. never underestimate your influence, people. also - everyone is hiring. lmk if need any introductions.
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@laurenduca my 5yo got his school report yesterday. i told him i was most proud of the fact they said he was hard working and resilient. he said no dad, the best bit was when they said i was kind.
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Part of being GenX is that you don't have photographs from when you were aged 20.
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i can't think of anyone that's had a greater impact on the practice of software development and operations over the last few years than @nicolefv. she did us all a great service with the DORA study and her book Accelerate. thanks Dr Forsgren!.
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tracking Biden's executive orders is like trying to follow all the news from AWS Reinvent. This administration is shipping a lot of new services.
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Cycling past a guy on a scaffold he sneezed. Bless you, I said. Quick as a flash he replied: "thank you Jesus".
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Part of me is sorry for all the politics on my timeline. I would love to just tweet software stuff and cute animal videos all the time. But it's 2020. We need to grow up and take sides. Sorry not sorry. Thanks for sticking with me.
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I will continue to respect and cherish people regardless of who they choose to work for. Capitalism leaves us all with dirty hands, and kindness is one of the only things that costs nothing.
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guys - please let women in tech get on with their work. do not slide into their DMs with comments on their appearance. be respectful, be kind. bottom line - they owe you nothing and any attention beyond the professional is almost certainly unwelcome.
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My 14yo wanted the talk about the protests:. "The thing is, the police are doing a good job of confirming that the protestors are right. The protests are against police brutality, and the police are responding with police brutality. They drove an SUV into protestors, dad".
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i will no longer share tweets or quotes likely to create and amplify outrage. i will instead share contributions from, and make contributions to, organisations and individuals that are doing the right thing, with tolerance and importantly, kindness.
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2017 - when you crack open the champagne to celebrate fascists only winning 35% of the vote.
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it's only cancel culture if it's from the Cancel region of France. otherwise it's just sparkling consequences.
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perfect metaphor. just spent about 8 minutes trying to explain the latest brexit fuckery to my US colleagues before realising i had accidentally pulled out the headphones and had been talking to myself.
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I gotta say RedMonk is just a huge privilege. So glad we made this company. We have been so absurdly lucky. Thanks to everyone that has supported us along the way - community, clients, friends, family, colleagues.
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i am in a fucking excellent mood today. i feel strong, happy, and energetic. please feel free to absorb some of that energy. i have plenty to share.
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this is the only diagram i have ever seen that is more complex than the cloud native computing foundation landscape.
You: This one untested supplement will restore balance to my body. Your body:
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current discussion topic - we need to normalise bavarian style beer gardens in the UK and US.
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might fuck around a little bit and get vaccinated today.
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thesis: tech events should have a climate code of conduct, covering travel, carbon footprint, and waste disposal. this code of conduct should extend to vendor choices regarding cloud energy footprint. a group of us began a conversation but i would love to know what you think.
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I think it's important to recognise that while it may not be all men, it definitely is all women. That's the frame that matters. Literally every woman in the world faces sexual harassment, often from the age of about 11. So men, let's stop the denial already.
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a huge thank you to the makers of the Astra Zeneca vaccine, my Moderna booster, and of course my old pal alpha variant, which stuck with me through thick and thin. 5 days since my LFT positive test and I feel pretty damned good today. Omicron ass kicked, recovering nicely. π€.
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can we please stop belitting other people in tech? jesus christ people. please. stay. in. your. lane. if. you. only. plan. to. leave. that. lane. to. tell. other. people. they. aren't. good. enough.
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dear white friends, it might feel "weird" to give extra attention to/amplify black and brown voices. like maybe you feel it's somehow inappropriate, not your place, or you shouldn't be doing it because you're white. but amplifying underestimated voices is generally A Good Thing.
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I will never not be confused by why some people are so unwilling and angry about wearing a piece of cloth over their face and nose to keep themselves and others safe from a disease that can kill and cause long term harm. It's honestly just weird to me.
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great call with @microsoft just now. honestly - i fucking love my job. what a privilege it is to do the work i do.
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so my daughter wants a 1980s themed birthday party. what sums up the 80s to you?.
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actual quote from a client just now: "Will I be able to pay you in gbp after April 12 or should we just make it out in toilet paper and cheese?".
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how docker works.
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I swear everyone's gone barmy. My son's saxophone teacher. "Oh yeah my wife and kid have tested positive for covid, but I haven't yet, so I am happy to come over for his lesson tomorrow.". Dude. Just no. What the actual fuck.
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could we please fucking fund some fucking startups that's aren't about rich people fucking shopping.
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Climbed a tree with my daughter earlier. If there is a better thing than than that I have no idea what it is.
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I mean Arinze Stanley - are you kidding me? this stuff is insane.
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Regular PSA either get rid of twitter verification completely or open it up and start verifying high profile women. The gender bias is completely fucked. IT CAN'T BE AN INSURMOUNTABLE MOAT.
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i must admit i was surprised at lunch today when my 16 year old, completely out of the blue, started talking about @cloudflare, and not in a good way. this story is crossing over.
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This is the future of paediatrics right here. Incredible beautiful magical unboxing experience for kids by @AndiamoHQ. Making walking fun since 2013. Best startup in London
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Fuck me, I hope 2022 is less about the Greek alphabet. Love to all of you. Happy new year.
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Not super into travelling to the US for conferences all the time. Luckily the current administration is working hard to ensure big conferences won't be held there any more.
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I tend to think one of the hardest, most underrated and most useful skills is how to explain things without being patronising.
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that feeling when you stay home for more than 14 weeks and the government has made no substantial progress in dealing with a pandemic and then they tell you to go to the pub. please share your best GIF for this situation.
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tech industry is just drowning in survivorship bias. could you just shut the fuck up for a minute and listen to others? are all industries this dumb? i guess they are.
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new year, new colleague. i am super happy to welcome @KateHolterhoff, a new analyst on the @redmonk team. please say hello.
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a massive fuck you to all the death eaters that hounded dr katie bouman off social networks. you are nothing but shitboot lickspittle. you contribute nothing. you are nothing. fuck you for stealing joy.
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AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI #KubeConEU.
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we have sold.the domains.that were in.our cloud. and which.you were probably.saving.for a rainy day. forgive us.they were something.we never.really cared about.
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why the fuck do people call them "learnings" when we have the perfectly good word "lessons"?.
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this is the best thing i have ever seen.
He has Cerebral Palsy and wanted to skate board so his mom created this for him so that he could. MY HEART πβ€. Mother Of The Year
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it's now unremarkable that #msftconnect kicks off "we're going to build a node app, in a docker container, on a mac, with a linux back end".
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doing some of my best work in years at @redmonk. i feel incredibly blessed to be in this position. clients are getting a lot of value out my advice, my ideas are being well received by the industry at large. golden times. thank you all.
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You don't want to manage your own social network or wallet or jpeg collection any more than you want to manage your own fucking database. Get real.
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my new bio: "i am the guy that did that that heroku tweet".
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zero covid deaths today in the UK? fuck yeah oxford vaccine.
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