man it’s a hot zone,
@Mobute
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Hallmark podcast. Past: Guardian, Rolling Stone, Gawker, editor at 50 States of Blue. Sometimes: NBC, Deadspin, Esquire, Vice. He/him.
Tampa, FL
Joined August 2008
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We got fake Englishwomen, comic book guys, A TIME DREIDEL, food colonialism, crying at Bruckheimer movies, dubious latke assembly, and bothering the DJ until she marries you. An instant classic.
It's a Hanukkah episode!
@behindyourback
and
@Ugarles
return to get trapped for eternity in a time loop with a busker dressed like the Israeli flag. And it's a...great movie? Really? That's not a typo?
Spotify:
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i hope lizzo digs up thomas jefferson and plays his ribs like a xylophone
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thank you for bringing your bluetooth speaker to the beach, i was concerned the ocean would be too soothing
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jimmy carter starts to speak, realizes there's a nail in his teeth, takes it out and hammers it into affordable housing he's building at 92
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the cruelest own elon musk can think of is "you are associated with me and my product"
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(my house, 20 years from now, listening to "baby, it's cold outside")
my son: man, this song is real weird
me: it used to get cold outside
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crying, pleading with a seven-year-old that everything he needs to know to enjoy a movie will be revealed to him by the movie itself if he'd just shut the fuck up
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journalist: here's a tape of bloomberg being racist
cnn anchor: this is sick. why did you bring this? this is a newsroom, what the fuck is wrong with you
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"Of COURSE your father's upset about the car, but the important thing is you're safe and nobody got hurt."
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@VictoriaSanchez
@wmata
@7NewsDC
Wow, $40m? That’s almost as much as one settlement for a cop beating the shit out of someone.
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guys, i spent 200% of market value on my company and its worth has dropped by half, i'm going to have to sue the anti-defamation league
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@aubrey_huff
@BernieSanders
@realDonaldTrump
@NRA
@WatchChad
well if career numbers are any guide, you have less than a 1-in-3 chance of hitting anything
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It's amazing how much structural change the Democratic Party is capable of when rich people are in trouble.
The DNC drastically shifts debate requirements, opening the door for Bloomberg to join the stage starting in mid-February
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I kinda admire Bari Weiss. She said, "Screw you, mainstream media. I'm going to make my own publication and run MY kind of stories: unremarkable, uninformed, unethical, fundamentally fraudulent, or some combination of those," and by God she did it.
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if you think people like this lady make arming teachers sound like a bad idea wait'll you hear about cops
HuffPo has discovered that a Florida middle school teacher secretly hosts a white nationalist podcast where she rails against Muslims and Jews via
@HuffPostPol
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gotten to the point that i find out someone famous passed away by first seeing people furious that henry kissinger isn’t dead
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CNN gave Cillizza a glass-walled office and had to remove it after three days because he kept slamming full-speed into it like a bluejay.
The key to understanding Trump: He likes people who like him. He hates people who don't like him.
That's it.
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@Cobratate
@GretaThunberg
lmao you got rinsed and after 10 hours the best you and all your handlers could come up with was stepping in front of the firehose
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@neiltyson
@elonmusk
For years mankind looked at the stars and thought, "Why aren't we selling this?" Now there's a better way.
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they want to save money on training
Uhhhh why is the LAPD running recruitment ads on Breitbart?!
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*1,000 leftists gather to strategize*
cnn: i missed that
*2 nazis suck each other off in a pf changs*
CNN: The Rise of the Sexy New Right
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Like watching one part of a couple switch their status to "it's complicated" in real time.
Trump: “Do you think Sleepy Joe could have made this deal, Bibi, Sleepy Joe?”
Israeli PM Netanyahu: "Uh ... well ... Mr. President, one thing I can tell you is we appreciate the help for peace from anyone in America."
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powerful gesture from john mccain to reject further care to stand in solidarity with the 40 million americans he worked tirelessly to deny care
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@jordanbpeterson
This goes against our founding principles of road anarchism. I didn’t pave my own road to the local hospital just to have some pointy headed bureaucrat move it.
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if you want democrats to win in florida, stop letting your garbage parents retire here. fix your shit at home
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Jim Jordan is such an old-school warrior. You can just close your eyes and see him in Vietnam, being shot in the back by his entire platoon.
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congrats on prime minister anthony keidis
Boris Johnson reveals that Downing Street is planning a 'bung a bob for a Big Ben bong' campaign, urging the public to chip in to cover the £500,000 cost.
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if you want trump to admit he's racist you have to lead him into a room with guys in suits already bragging about being really racist
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Giuliani is just two or three beautiful, transformative days from asking Chris Cuomo, “What even is ‘crime’ anyway?”
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"I support fat-shaming" says Barney-wearing-a-teen's-poplin top, Wonka-accident amazing-gobstopper-ass motherfucker
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in 20 years all media will be one scene of gandalf handing harry potter a lightsaber and saying "because we're family"
A ‘HARRY POTTER’ reboot is in the works at HBO.
Each season of the series would be based on one of the 7 books.
(Source: )
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bernie isn't a real member of the democratic party, look no further than the fact that he keeps sending joint fundraising emails for ilhan omar instead of being more responsible and having subordinates call jake tapper or wapo to anonymously say how dangerously misguided she is
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kinda admire an immigration protest that has a demonstration of walls' futility baked into it, like an open-carry advocate shooting himself in the ass
Right-wing activist Laura Loomer, last seen chaining herself to Twitter HQ, has jumped the fence at Nancy Pelosi's Napa home and set up a tent protesting immigration. Now she's chanting "Nancy, Nancy!"
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the biggest advantage to dying on top of everest is that it is a monumental hassle for everybody
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I walked 4+ hours around DC—people everywhere—and heard barely a cross word. Don't let anyone spin this as anything less than upbeat & civil
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"You called us Nazis for years, what did you expect would happen?"
Buddy, mom's called you handsome and special for 30, look what that did.
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oh hi
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kinda rich everyone saying helen mirren is such a great actress when it took her like 10 movies to join the fast and furious franchise
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I saw The Phantom Menace opening midnight. I know how it felt. I had no patience for the people who called it ruinous. But sometimes I stop in the middle of the day—doing any old thing—and think about how tunelessly hyperbolic, comic, idiotic and tragic The Rise of Skywalker is.
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trying to get a jump on halloween, does anybody know how to make not standing for the national anthem slutty
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@LindseyGrahamSC
AMERICANS??? Living in STATES? Next you’re going to tell me their taxation would come in exchange for some kind of representation.
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When your dad dies, do you inherit the apologies he owes to the widows/widowers/orphans his lifetime of public service created, and, if so, do you handle that personally or use your tax windfall to contract out the squalid little tedium of acknowledging the survivors of the dead?
Apologize to my mother
@cindymccain
directly. I believe she is owed a hell of a lot better than whatever kind of apology you think this is.
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sucks that democrats already used their one impeachment and now it’ll take the whole rest of the term to recharge
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It's not about having a boner. I've had boners all my life. It's about the next boner—the one you don't remember yet.
http://t.co/PwBzbTUSUf
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Obama: We must work together
• smug
• alienating
Trump: I'm the blood babyman, I'm 8
• presidential
• stood entire time
• 4-chambered heart
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Weed's great, but pandemic is no time for a drug whose onset vibe is acute anxiety. Alcoholism's coming back in a big way, baby! And not bullshit craft-cocktail/wine-mom acceptable alcoholism, but real clockwork medicinal pain-numbing, fate-numbing Greatest Generation alcoholism.
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it's eureka day down at the brain factory
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Bin Laden said he meant to beggar the US by provoking an overreaction so violent that it alienated us from our allies, our professed principles and our solvency, and he’s won his war every second of every day for a generation.
Kamala Harris on
#September11th
: ’What our attackers failed to understand is that the darkness they hoped would envelop us on 9/11 instead summoned our most radiant and defined human instincts.’
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@ScottWalker
Congrats on finding a credulous and age-appropriate audience for your infantile bullshit.
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jason miller is alex jones from the daniel tiger universe
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This guy is so right. If you’re a rapist slaver who’s been dead for 200 years, we’re coming for you. Same goes if you’re Darth Vader, or Night Ninja from PJ Masks.
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remember that day on fox when they fired any staffers who flirted with birtherism and aired hours of apologies from birther contributors
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Can't stress how important it is for the police to make storming the Capitol look easy and consequence free.
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Everyone trying to sell this war sold the last war. They were liars then. They are liars now. There's no sense in starting to believe them now just because they hung around.
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there's got to be some kind of term for when police get this secret
The Trump administration quietly classified ICE as a "security agency" in order to block all employee information from public disclosure under FOIA, per internal ICE memo leaked to me.
This includes ICE employees' names, job titles, salary, and more:
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the dilbert guy is an example of how, if you haven't told a new joke this century and then turn into a racist sexist psycho, after seven years a few papers won't publish you anymore
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• George Zimmerman
• Lead-tainted water
• Dynamo from The Running Man
• A Pinkerton pistol-whipping a 14-year-old coal digger
• James Woods
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I didn't catch the details but apparently Trump's economic plan is to gladly pay us Tuesday for a hamburger today???
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hate to rush to judgment before all the facts are in, but having the dumbest chief executive in human history in charge could backfire
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@JunkScience
@politico
do your parents have to keep those plastic plugs in the electrical sockets in case you come over
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One time when I was hitchhiking, Tucker Carlson picked me up in his rig, gave me money for coffee and dropped me at a truck stop. I got a coffee and said, "It's on Tucker." Everyone went silent. Tucker had died on that road 10 years before swerving to avoid a group of Klansmen.
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I support the president's call for complete withdrawal from the Middle East and the signing of a $7 trillion infrastructure bill.
The train accident that just occurred in DuPont, WA shows more than ever why our soon to be submitted infrastructure plan must be approved quickly. Seven trillion dollars spent in the Middle East while our roads, bridges, tunnels, railways (and more) crumble! Not for long!
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"i hereby demand" is doing the same work as "by the power vested in me" said by a kid officiating a hamster wedding, like what abracadabra would be if all magicians were attorneys
I hereby demand, and will do so officially tomorrow, that the Department of Justice look into whether or not the FBI/DOJ infiltrated or surveilled the Trump Campaign for Political Purposes - and if any such demands or requests were made by people within the Obama Administration!
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some real human tragedy in seeing a beautiful career in white collar crime ruined by accidentally electing a slovenly oaf you know president
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So the president's in the news again ... You see this? ... Anybody see this?
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america: do you think you could listen for two weeks, think, and press a button
the world's greatest deliberative body: no
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downloaded the extension that makes every eric garland tweet start with "Riddle me this, Batman..."
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defiant dave chappelle to high school student: ‘i am more successful than a high school student’
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Rick Scott’s company was fined a record $1.7 billion for Medicare and Medicaid fraud, and in a deposition in which he invoked his 5th Amendment rights 75 times, he refused to answer whether he was a current or former employee of his own company.
Rick Scott says he read it and he sees no law that was broken. “They’re talking about impeaching the president. Tell me the law they’re going after of why they’re going to impeach the president”
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It's always interesting to me to see the British public's steadfast noncooperation with American media's need to completely shit its pants.
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all I can think about is Hagrid trying to explain dialectical materialism, fumbling & just going "yer a worker, Arry"
http://t.co/Nvr4f1iWVd
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i would pay my cable provider extra every month if we could get "cnn boston," "cnn delco," "cnn milwaukee," etc., where the text is the same but everyone's leaning into their native accent like they've had three drinks and are in the middle of a family argument on christmas
Sometimes that Boston accent slips out when you least expect it
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Congratulations to former Dolphins offensive guard Richie Incognito!
Looking forward to announcing my final decision on the United States Supreme Court Justice at 9:00pmE tomorrow night at the
@WhiteHouse
. An exceptional person will be chosen!
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every other person on this show looks like a magician
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Dr. Birx defends the President: "His head's like a toilet. It can't think for itself. The only thing in it is whatever crap you put in. It flushes when he goes to bed at night, and you have to hope when you get there in the morning someone didn't drop a rude shit in it already."
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Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire, My Ass (I Won't Roast Chestnuts On An Open Fire)
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Incredible. If we RT this 50k times, Lindsey Graham will dematerialize like the transporter accident in the first Star Trek movie. What a heroic lifetime of service.
BREAKING:
#LindseyGrahamResign
has been tweeted out over 20,000 times since
@TheDemCoalition
started to promote it this morning. Graham SHOULD resign. Him telling Don Jr to ignore a Senate subpoena is more than enough to warrant his resignation. Everyone who retweets this agrees.
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even a rat looks giant to a maggot
Pam Bondi: "Jared Kushner's one of the smartest human beings I've ever met."
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