MM Kaufman
@mm_kaufman
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Anything you can do, I can do crying. Writer. Managing Editor @rejectionlit . Team @podcastmicro . Pubs on site.
Georgia, USA
Joined November 2013
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Did you know the time it takes to drive thru your average car wash is how long it takes to read my new flash nonfiction essay out today from
@publishedbyJAKE
?
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I'm a Fulbright scholar. I have a Master's Degree. I have 19 publications. I'm a managing editor for a great lit mag. I finished the first draft of my novel. And last night I cried after my dad said my life was directionless because I don't have a PhD. He didn't finish college.
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I can't begin to address this outpouring of love and support, except to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you and that every single one of these comments has comforted me beyond words. My heart felt really bruised this morning and now it's glowing again.
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@mksksdd
Thank you so much. I literally said to him, I feel like my life is enough right now and it didn't make a dent in his rant. BUT, I know I am enough and that's its own reward.
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Don't be afraid to respond to an acceptance with a giddy, excited, woo hoo response. As an editor, I fucking love these. I am giddy and excited and woo hoo about your work, so please respond, be unprofessional in your excitement and tell me the weird ways you're gonna celebrate.
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What’s a celebrity death you haven’t gotten over? If I see anything about Robin Williams on the timeline I have to scroll away fast or I will start crying.
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My love language is letting people tell the same story again and never telling them.
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I have to say that I started following
@chrissyteigen
on Twitter and IG, and became a devoted fan of her IG stories, at the beginning of lockdown in March. And you know what, she has been the biggest fucking delight of my quarantine life. Carry on, Chrissy!
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My husband lost his wedding ring months ago while doing construction on our bathroom. I just fucking found it! I CANNOT WAIT to propose once he wakes up from his night shift nap. I'm supposed to be writing my next novel but now this unnecessary proposal is taking over my brain.
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Sometimes I think my humor is wasted at work. A woman came into the museum early and asked if it was okay to start looking at the art. I told her Sure, but they were still waking up so there might be some closed eyes in the portrait gallery. 🦗🦗🦗
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Really tempted to tweet a writer whose book I’m reading at the moment to ask some of their fave music so I can play it while I read but that’s like too weird, right?
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I am having a very bad couple of days. Pictures of cute animals and plants appreciated.
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My heart is broken. Alice Munro is my hero and favorite writer of all time. What a legacy. If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying over my books. Please read some Munro in her honor. I can give recs.
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It's voluntarily and I'm certainly not perfect at it, but I just wanted to say that I get so much fucking joy from being the managing editor
@rejectionlit
. If we've published you and you're reading this, I dig you and thank you for keeping me company in my attic.
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Why is this the hottest tweet I’ve seen in a long time?
Your lips only touch for four letters of the alphabet.
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I am overjoyed to share that I've taken a position as Managing Editor for
@rejectionlit
. To be a part of this great magazine, and to know its creators and contributors, is a gift. Now let's get reading and writing, folks!
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Someone just referred to me using the word “y’all” as bad English. And to that person, and anyone that shares that opinion I say, Fuck off.
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The face of a woman who went to a bookstore to do Christmas shopping and predominantly bought books for herself.
@booktavern
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Not asking for pity, just sharing I'll be taking a break from querying my novel. This shit hurts too bad.
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Got rejected for a fellowship I really fucking wanted. That's the way it goes. But fuck, it really stings.
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I’d like to be the first person to do a writing residency in a car wash.
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We will never forget the day my husband and I accidentally ordered 36 DUMPLINGS! 😂🥟💀
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Y’all—I called my mama and told her how amazing AWP and all y’all were, and in her strong southern accent she said this:
“We’re just common folk down here—we don’t know how to validate you. The only way to get that boost you need is to be around other writers.”
😭
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My father-in-law just stopped me mid-self-deprecating comment to say, "Hey, your brain hears everything you say. Feed it the good stuff about yourself." Sometimes it just takes one person. If you're reading this, I encourage you to be that person for someone.
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Rejections are nothing to be ashamed of. I encourage writers to share theirs bc they’re a badge of bravery, confidence, and faith. They’re a sign that you believe in your work enough to share it with others no matter the outcome.
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For my birthday, I hope you all treat yourselves to a nice drive-thru car wash! (Brownie points if you drop a selfie doing it)
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One of my literary dreams is simultaneously submitting to the Paris Review and
@TBQuarterly
, getting accepted by both, then telling PR sorry-not-sorry got accepted at your rival journal. 🤷♀️ 💅
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I am the worst flier in the world. But I gotta make it from Georgia to upstate New York to see my true love so send me all the good vibes that Twitter has to offer.
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I don’t want much in this life. I just want everyone to wear sunscreen.
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It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm considering tweeting out my published pieces throughout the day to ask folks to read them as a birthday gift. Is that too cringe?
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It's not fair that writing can make me so tired and yet burn no calories.
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At the airport ready to begin my trek to
#AWP24
sporting merch by my og gang
@nocontactmag
for good luck snd strength.
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Working with
@rejectionlit
has taught me that sending an acceptance feels just as good as getting one, and sending a rejection feels just as shitty as getting one.
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My husband's grandma just gave a masterclass in not giving a fuck. She had a FaceTime call with one of her friends, *thought* she ended the call and said to me, "Oh she does NOT look good" and kept talking about her. A minute later her friend says "I'm still here."
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Today I lived the Millennial dream. I bought a house with wall-to-wall ugly-ass carpeting and ripped it up to find hardwood floors. 🙏🏼
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My bestie has had a 13 year tradition of reading this particular Christmas David Sedaris story to her partner the night before Christmas Eve. Her divorce was finalized this week so last night she FaceTimed and read it to me!
@DavidSedaris
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I have a big reason to celebrate
#InternationalMuseumDay
. I was offered my dream job at my favorite art museum! Beyond thrilled to be the new Education Programs Manager
@MorrisMuseum
!
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David Sedaris was signing my book at a reading. I told him my name was May May and he sighed and said, “Oh, I’ve never liked the month of May.” Then he drew a sad clown in my book.
What’s your all-time favorite interaction with a famous writer?
Mine: I once played Wii Bowling with Denis Johnson at a party.
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2nd rejection of the year. 2nd rejection in paradise. At least I looked good while they did it.
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Me for five minutes after naming our trivia team The Mandowhorians.
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Almost done with “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy and while I know this is all about survival in an apocalyptic landscape, I’m realizing this whole book is a beautiful example of gentle parenting? Huh.
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This was so difficult for me to write, and even harder to submit, but I’m so thankful for my amazing friends who encouraged me to put my story out there and for
@publishedbyJAKE
for publishing it. Love to all the other wishful parents-to-be out there. You’re not alone.
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Is there a word for that particular paralysis you get when choosing your next book to read because you have so many, too many, choices? I need that word. I am that word.
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What? You don’t do photo shoots with your Christmas tree and your butter Christmas tree?
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Me: Are you going to post a selfie every week you go to the car wash and make a cheaper than therapy joke?
Also me: 💅
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Nothing like writing a novel to make you google the difference between a colon and a semi-colon every ten minutes. (If you respond to this tweet explaining the difference to me I will mute you.)
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Just noticed that when I finish a good book I close it and press my hands on the cover, give it a little squeeze, like I’m hugging it a thank you, but also saying a silent prayer of gratitude.
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I’m getting to the age where I truly don’t give a fuck how many exclamation points I use in an email and it is fucking freeing.
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Murakami was first inspired to write a novel at a baseball game. Today I celebrated finishing my first novel at one. It was a good day. (Also pictured proud mother-in-law.)
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Who needs drugs when you can read back through draft one of your manuscript and find a sentence that doesn't make you cringe with shame? What a high!
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I was having a low night, all lonely and shit, so I texted my bestie who apparently was out boozing and I got this, “I wish I could be romantic and sympathetic and sweet but we are currently spending $64 on Taco Bell.” Might turn this moodiness into some
@TBQuarterly
CNF.
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I’ve never painted a house before and I’m a little too proud of it. Here is my new living room in the shade of “Comfort.”
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Got some great news tonight about a new role in the lit world I might be stepping into. Still banging my head against the wall for quoting Jerry Maguire in my acceptance, but you can’t take the goober out of this girl.
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My problem with the term swamp ass is that it implies the rest of my body is not also a swamp.
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I’d pay a $40 copay if they let me sit in this car wash for an hour, listen to music, and call it therapy.
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Me: It’s May May.
David Sedaris: Like the month?
Me: YES!
DS: But twice?
Me: YES!
DS: I’ve never liked May…
Me: 🤡
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Ok, published authors (mainly male), as a 5’2 tall woman I have to beg y’all, STOP making us 100 pounds in your books. I would be practically malnourished at that weight. I know you like a round number but please stooooop.
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My collage short story "Menders" from
@SundogLit
made the
@Wigleaf
Top 50! I'm on cloud fucking nine. ☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
(Thanks for letting me know
@WAdrewhawkins
,🤣. You're a great dad to us all--happy fathers day!)
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Ever find pictures of yourself as a kid and think,“Oh, I’ve always been like this?”
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I know I’ve tweeted this exact sentiment 1 million times but I give as many fucks as Britney Spears on Instagram—Godamn I love my husband. Like wtf it’s gross how much of a crush I have on this person after more 10 years together.
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The thing about having anxiety and working in an art museum is that most people here are whispering and I have to constantly tell myself they’re not talking shit about me. Not. Even. Thinking. About. Me.
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Oh shit, even in paradise you can get a story rejection. Ouch!
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POV: You’re going to your father-in-law’s 7th wedding to his 6th wife with 24 hours notice and your wardrobe ran out of fucks so you end up in the best $30 bucks you’ve ever spent. (Inspo was our Lady of Summer—Sabrina Carpenter.)
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@mcrane_12
I would fall over dead if a librarian gave me this compliment and then I’d ask it be put on my tombstone.
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Someone (this bitch) mixed up Pacific and Eastern time and had to zoom into a
@rejectionlit
meeting drunk at a holiday party in her mother-in-law’s guest room. Best meeting ever honestly.
(This is my “be sober” smile and
@dt_robbins
opened with “How drunk are you May May?!) 😊
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Got in my first
@NEAarts
Lit Fellowship application! What a feat just to get thru that app process.
(The flowers are a gift for my friend’s housewarming but I took the photo opp.)
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Got my first rejection after a full manuscript request. I think the worst part is that I can't stop hearing Sheryl Crow sing in my head, "the first cut is the deepest..."
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Me: I ran 5 miles!
Mother-in-Law: I would never have thought you could run.
Me: I'm just as surprised, but I--
M-n-L: No, I mean you don't look athletic at all!
Me: Well, for mental heal--
M-n-L: NO, seriously! I would never, ever look at you think and she runs.
Me: 😑
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Ok are there any other English words that act like “acres”? The “cre” pronounced like kur?
I am definitely not high thank you for asking.
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Just me tweeting about how tired writing makes me for the hundredth time. Noveling is hard.
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Book 23: “And I Do Not Forgive You” by
@ambernoelle
. I inhaled this incredible ss collection. Feminist, funny, irreverent, quirky, intelligent, vulnerable, violent, just everything up my alley. Highly recommend.
(And please note the earring pairing for the book cover 🔪 🪓)
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It took over 2 years and over 20 rejections, for maybe my weirdest (and probably most fucked up) story to get accepted! AND accepted by someone whose taste I love and RESPECT?! Ugh. I am floating. Can't believe this shit right now.
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Tiny pro tip for submitters, if you're submitting to a lit mag with social media presence, and you want to be tagged in their posts, make sure to put those handles in your author bio--especially if it's different than your publishing name.
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My spouse just got home from his first week working at an out of town hospital on a covid unit. He was home for a few hours and is now on his way to a
#BlackLivesMatter
protest at New Orleans City Hall to show that nurses stand with BLM and to hand out masks to any in need.
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Got a rejection today I’ve been waiting on for 2 years. Poor lil flash essay I abandoned about the first time I laughed after losing my best friend to breast cancer. Happy to have the memory at least.
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