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Mjolke Profile
Mjolke

@mjolke

Followers
215
Following
136
Media
227
Statuses
1,334

Professional Scientist | Amateur Philosopher | Meme Enthusiast | 🥩&🥚+🥛Enjoyer | 🇺🇸 | Night 🦉

USA
Joined September 2016
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot Boob size is like Coke or Pepsi. Yes, we all have a preference, but when we’re at a restaurant, we’ll take whatever is on tap.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@Rothmus Maybe if he’d been in jail, they wouldn’t have had the opportunity.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@DelusionPosting Believe it or not, some people don't spend all day on ADL looking up what could potentially be misconstrued as a hate symbol.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@lporiginalg Newton - Fictional Wakanda - Real
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@DelusionPosting Those are some C-cups. This dude must be 15.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot >Doesn't introduce self >Doesn't make small talk >Ignores social decorum of office >Immediately voices opinion on stranger Anon found a female autist.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@FAFO_TV DJ was afraid kid was going to check his browser history.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting In my experience, Japanese owned restaurants are always the cleanest in town.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@DelusionPosting Viewing the whole world through the lens of victim and oppressor must get tiring.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@BadWeaponTakes It would be so embarrassing to die in mom jeans after losing a gun fight with a rifle to a guy at 40 yards using a stock glock 19.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot Maybe the “mistake” was all an elaborate plot by someone he pissed off in HS?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@JordanSchachtel That’s the wildest linkedin bio I’ve ever seen.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@lporiginalg "I want to raise my own children some day" End of conversation.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@JustinWhang r/dataisdepressing
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Bill Gates is taking notes for his next agricultural startup.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@DelusionPosting White privilege is now defined as not wanting a stranger commit home invasion on your property.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Mom is a psycho. This is how parents end up in second rate nursing homes rather than living out their final years with anon and Kroger qt.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@WomenPostingLs My GF of two years and I got takeout sushi on our first date (~$60), watched Twin Peaks and split an $18 bottle of wine. She tried to pay for half. She’s awesome.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot He always goes back for a second serving of Radroach.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting Hannibal was also 28 when he crossed the Alps, not 68 like Denzel.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@MMAJunkie "Go pay your taxes, buddy" was the perfect response. Chris's little schtick fell apart instantly and he just turns into a robot promoting his network and regurgitating his catchphrases. "see this is why... I've been through the transcripts"
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@BestFightClip This is the most respectable street fight I’ve seen in a while. Big dude was hella limber with those kicks and the skinny one can take a punch like a champ.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@reddit_lies "There are things you just don't do on a plane" Yes, like sitting next to a busy body redditor. Gimme a nice facebook boomer with some Werthers in her purse.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@greentexts_bot This is why I don’t put sugar in my coffee.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@lporiginalg I had to re-read this 5 times and look at the comments to understand what was going on. This is quite the strange ritual they perform.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting Wells are offensive? My parent’s have a well and they retired to a very nice rural community on 3 acres. Not everyone lives in a city, Albert.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Anon didn't choose the Chad life, the Chad life chose Anon.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@_slimarella_ Bold statement from someone whose curtains don’t even match.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@growing_daniel Was that Butter Chicken?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Anon can also buy some Penicillin and Valtrex without a prescription on his way back home.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting "This Tweet has been deleted" But it will live on forever.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot "sex worker"? They're called prostitutes, Anon. Let's not try and sugar coat it.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot I went to a state school, so I can shotgun a beer faster than any Yalesperg. No one I’ve met in business ever asked where I went to college, but they definitely prefer people who are fun on golf outings.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot The logic checks out.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@DelusionPosting Those three examples aren’t even shoplifting, they’re digital piracy and… cooking at home?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@DelusionPosting Watch out buddy, a bunch of baristas are going to intervene. Very intimidating bunch.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot By 90-00s standards they were weirdo freak loners. Looking through a 2023 lens is not an accurate way to judge their degree of socialization. In 03-07 HS, every Friday->Saturday, there were minimum 10 of us playing system link Halo 2 together in the same room.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@Discord_Lies When someone talks about eggs.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@InternetH0F I’m allergic to cats but I still adopted one 6 years ago. No regrets.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@TiredMemeClown The greatest irony would be if the Ex said 'no' because he has a loving girlfriend/wife.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@DelusionPosting That smug smile while armed police protect this protest is peak irony.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot If they made NFSU:2 in 2023 the cover would look like this
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot “That’s something a girl in middle school does” Tell that to Marcus Aurelius, anon.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting I need to disinfect after reading that one.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@Viivee__ @githii I don’t know a single person who allows outside shoes in the house. Everyone takes them off at the door.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot “Gyatt, fr fr fam, this 🔥. Bruh rizzless.”
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@BadWeaponTakes ‘At the time 1A was enacted, radios, TVs and the internet didn’t exist. They did not anticipate social media or telephones. They wouldn’t have agreed to civilians having access to military grade twitter.’ This is how she sounds.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@DelusionPosting "so much yikes" Go back to reddit.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@DelusionPosting It's not entrapment if they message the decoy first, which they always did.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@JustinWhang Is 11 “fat” and is that a slur now?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@DelusionPosting A few centuries ago dudes were writing sonnets for their wives and fighting duels to protect their honor.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@DelusionPosting Livia Soprano should be #1 . All my homies hate Livia Soprano.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@FAFO_TV 11 second draw? That’s not going to cut it in a defensive situation.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Whenever I go to my parent’s house and use their remote I feel like I’m trying to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@BadWeaponTakes “I want to take away your rights based on false assumptions I’ve made reading buzzfeed articles about devices I don’t understand” - Zora, with a typical statist brain
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Was this posted by the Rubi Rose coomer?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@DelusionPosting Does the LGBT in the name mean "Lacking General Biological Theory"?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@DelusionPosting This is white culture. The desire to fragment European ancestry into individual ethnicities is an attempt to diminish shared cultural ideals and movements, such as baroque artwork, musical composition and architecture.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot >Talks about everything but the game play Modern gaming is just a commodification scheme meant to drive micro-transactions and active monthly users.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@realRaegenhere I’m sure the Yakuza in jail will find his antics very funny. Nothing bad will occur. He will return with all his fingers and toes.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@kirawontmiss Whole cast is going to be hitting 30 soon and still playing HS kids.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@DelusionPosting These guys never have chins.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@BadWeaponTakes lol. So when my 65 year old mother, who’s 5’2”, and suffers with chronic pain happens to be home alone in the middle of nowhere, she’s supposed to call my dad or the cops to come save her? Nope. She has a CZ 75 BD next to her knitting basket with Hydra Shoks ready to rock.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot This dude has never been to a rural area and seen the average "yt' person's gun safe. Level IV plate and PVS-31 ownership definitely skews "yt".
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@CBSNews Suspect photo is very helpful.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
6 months
@jesuslasupajew @JustinWhang Is that Meadow’s boyfriend Noah?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Shy white women from middle class, midwest families are the answer, anon. Problem is they only go to the grocery store, Target and Barnes and Noble. You ain’t finding any at the club.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@JustinWhang The cost of chikkie tendy too damn high
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@greentexts_bot We could build the pyramids today, there’s just no point in a giant, mostly solid, stone structure to house the corpse of royalty looking for safe passage to the afterlife. If a pyramid could generate enough return to offset the cost x10, we’d build them tomorrow.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@WallStreetSilv $0. Payed cash in 2018. My dad taught me how to fix cars as a kid so I spend about 12 hours a year doing maintenance, and after looking at my rock auto history, it averages ~$300/year in parts.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@greentexts_bot Communism inherently shifts focus from the individual to the collective, so this is in line with his ideology, flawed as it may be.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@Ev0Iution @DelusionPosting No shit. I'm critiquing the assertion that these owners would have a cleaner restaurant than Japanese owners as being ridiculous.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot Is that why the bubonic plague was called the Black Death?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@jnyboy Probably left it to the grandson knowing he wouldn't sell it and that the others would.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting Men need community. My friends and I get on Discord daily. We discuss our lives, wives, businesses and futures. I talk about things with them I can't discuss with my girl, not because she wouldn't listen, but because she wouldn't understand. Take care of each other, brothers.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@lporiginalg This shit is glowing radioactively.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@ayeejuju This guy is questioning his life choices and associations right now.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@reddit_lies "fell pregnant" Is this 18th century England?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@RobWalterz @lporiginalg “Too much paperwork. Waiter, check please”
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@DudespostingWs He’s not actually playing. The slide is backwards. Pitch goes down but his hand goes up the neck.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@WomenPostingLs “Two of the men were actually underage” Well then, they aren’t men
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@BadWeaponTakes When your entire understanding of history comes from cartoons and tiktok.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
7 months
@JustinWhang “Meat should be grey in the middle so you don’t get worms. And did you use Mesquite? It makes the meat taste peculiar”
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@reddit_lies "almost nearly all of my family" Until rent is due. I know a 33 year old woman who hates her step father for being conservative yet lives in a rental property he owns for free and went to art school and graduate school on his dime.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
8 months
@lporiginalg Her incessant need to cope post is hella sad.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@BadWeaponTakes Handguns kill more people in a year than all rifles do in two decades. More people die to hands, feet and fists every year than rifles.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@DelusionPosting They always forget the Barbary slave trade Ernest Normand- The Bitter Draught of Slavery - 1885
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@Rothmus Put some King of the Hill on and we have a deal, I tell you hwut.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting Following this standard, all industries would be relegated to insular feedback loops. Criticize a crappy car: Have you ever engineered one? Criticize a politician: Have you ever held public office? Don't like a dish at a restaurant: Have you ever been a chef?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@RealEmirHan “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@BowTiedTurismo @anticarsls It's his wife's boyfriend's car
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@greentexts_bot 17/50. I feel like half the questions are asking the same shit. Yes, Im overly observant. I notice license plate numbers, know a shit load of useless facts about fighter jets, cars and animals and I find phone numbers/dates/info easy to recall. All these traits go hand in hand.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@FistedFoucault Scientists in the 80s were based.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@DelusionPosting Yes, I taught myself CAD and 3D printing to build functional components for my electronics projects over the last 8 years because those things bring sex. My gf loves solder fumes and waiting on me to troubleshoot a failed print.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
11 months
@DelusionPosting Why do they never have chins? Too much soy?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@lporiginalg How could she leave such a masculine specimen?
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@mjolke
Mjolke
10 months
@DelusionPosting You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it read.
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@mjolke
Mjolke
9 months
@fearthemoog @greentexts_bot Only if they’re falling down a staircase towards me.
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