Amanda Lamb
@missamandalamb
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Mother, friend and tv presenter of all things property. Lover of wallpaper, Gin and siestas. All enquires to the glorious fiona @arlingtontalent .com
Joined March 2011
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Everywhere I look on this holiday there are children staring at an ipad/phone or device. At every meal, on the beach, in fact everywhere. I’d say 90% are glued to a screen. I’d like to hurl them all in the sea. Am I being over dramatic?
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I genuinely don't understand why people have queued for hours to buy things today. If this lockdown has taught me anything, it's that we don't need the amount of things we're never going to wear/use/need. Did any of you queue? If so why and what did you buy?
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Does anyone else find they frequently forget to drink the recommended 8 glasses of water a day but can nail 2 large G&T’s without drawing breath?
#happyfriday
everyone
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Never before in the history of tv has someone gone from absolute heartthrob to absolute douchebag quite so quickly
#Poldark
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So my husband got an Alexa for Christmas. I can hear him downstairs, taking great delight in the fact that finally, a female in this house actually listens to him 🤣🤣🤣
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Dear
@ITV
Thank you for
#Broadchurch
. I've not even got to the first break and I'm simply blown away. Sensitively handled. Amazing acting 👏
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Saw my friend in the coffee shop, went up behind him, wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered “Alright handsome, mind if I join you?” Turns out he just looked like my friend 🙈🙈🙈
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Once upon a time there was a Mummy who enjoyed lockdown a little bit too much. She did Joe Wicks once at the beginning and hasn’t bothered since, she ate a bit too much pizza and drank Rose practically every night.…
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I’m going to be 46 tomorrow. Can somebody please tell me how the hell that happened? One minute I’m riding a chopper with a bad perm, the next minute I can’t fit all the candles I need on a cake 😳
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Does anyone else say “Thank you” to their Alexa or is it just me?
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I've been feeling angrier about the state of things this week than I ever have
#TheWomenWhoKillLions
is about to tip me over the edge 😡😡😡😡😡😡
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Is anyone else obsessed with
@richardosman
#houseofgames
it’s become a religion in my house, I even have a pretend buzzer 😳
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This time 9 years ago, I was on all fours, I’d just puked into a pint glass, and still had another 10 hours left in me. The cause of all of the above is now upstairs sleeping peacefully and waiting to turn 9 tomorrow and has been worth every God damn second....
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My husband has just cooked me a meal, having fought a lady over the last steak in the M&S dine in for £20 Valentines thingy. Has folded all the laundry and is now cleaning the kitchen. I couldn’t possibly love him more right now!!!
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Dear whoever you are up there. Please stop taking all the good ones. We're running out down here! I hope peace has found u
#RIPRobinWilliams
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I've come up with a new idea for a tv show "Nuclear Bunkers with Amanda Lamb" catchy huh? build, decorate and stock with corned beef!
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I’m going to bed now. I’m quite cross and if I’m honest bitterly disappointed and feeling the need to write to Jed and the BBC to demand something
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Someone’s had a haircut!!! Massive thanks to
@RichardWardHair
@gavinhoare1968
@athanados
for making me feel like a new woman!! I love you guys xxxx
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What an utterly glorious day, thanks
@jamesmartinchef
I’m driving home with a belly full of chocolate, fennel and cheap/pricey wine. Loved it!!
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I swear to God, if one more bastard firework goes off and wakes my kids and scares my dog, I’m going to lose it big style
#fireworkgrinch
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Two things I’ve observed today about this rather warm weather.
1. My neighbours can hear me yelling at the kids much easier now all the doors and windows are open.
2. My thighs still chaffe despite promising myself last year they wouldn’t this summer
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In a bid to become slightly healthier. I’ve swapped my normal lunchtime coffee for a green tea. Man alive it’s disgusting. Who drinks this stuff? 🤢
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Today I will attempt to host a birthday party for 25 four year old little girls. Your thoughts are appreciated at this difficult time 😳🎂😳🎂😳🎂
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I have just poked my tongue out at a woman in a car who wouldn’t let me out at a junction, despite me initially smiling nicely at her. Childish yes but man alive it felt good.
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My belly hasn’t seen sun for the past two years. I’ve been too embarrassed to get it out. This year, thanks to a shift in attitude, not giving a f%^k and
@emberyogatw12
@AngelicaV73
it’s out!! Granted, it looks like a very pale panna cotta at the moment but it’s out!!
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Late to the
#LineofDuty
game. Just binged the third series. I’m exhausted. It’s so well written and acted. Need a lie down.
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My husband is home after two loooonnnggg weeks away. I’ve handed both children over and am now downstairs drinking Gin!!
#mumoftheyear
#wifeoftheyear
#finallypeaceafterwhatseemsforever
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In my head, I am Nigella. I look like her, cook like her and my house looks like hers, I am fabulously, effortlessly amazing.... reality is such a let down
#Nigella
#nigellaschristmastable
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Youngest child “Night Mummy, I love you more than anything else in the world”
Me “I love you too darling, so so much”
Youngest “Acutally, I love my blankies (especially the spotty one) a little bit more than you but you’re still my second favourite”
Me 😳
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And to all of you waiting to be a Mum, hoping and praying to be a Mum, simply missing your Mum or for those for whom this day just needs to be endured. You are not alone. Sending Sunday love xxx
#MothersDay
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Who came up with the idea of Alvin and the Chipmunks? I swear to God, I’m going to hunt them down, lock them in a room and force them to listen to the annoying little rats on loop for eternity..
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Giving the old 5:2 thing another bash. Day 1, I’m bloody starving. Everyone I’ve encountered so far today looks like a bacon sandwich on legs...
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We are being totally spoilt with cracking dramas this week. First
#broadchurch
now
#TheReplacement
it's good innit?
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Massive thanks to
@athanados
and
@RichardWardHair
for making me feel like a new woman!! I love my new hair so much xxxx
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Even in a world that feels slightly buggered at the moment, there's still beauty out there...
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Child “Hey Mum, I know what your favourite sport is”
Me “Erm, not a big sports fan, but go on”
Child “Ginastics”
Child: Rolling around the floor laughing at her own genius
Me: 😳😳😳
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Happy Birthday to us!!! My youngest daughter was born at 6.26 am the day I turned 41. How’s that for a birthday present? What a glorious day we’re going to have.
#birthday
#birthdaygirls
…
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Best friends will always have each other’s backs... Well done Dec for always being there for him
#SaturdayNightTakeaway
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Have decided to go back to brunette! Feel like myself again.
@athanados
@RichardWardHair
you are bloody miraculous!! Thank you so so much. Off to cause mischief 😉😉😉 xx
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Anyone else watching this
@MrGeorgeClarke
#NationalTrustUnlocked
programme on
@Channel4
it’s bloody brilliant. Beautiful to look at and utterly fascinating. Well done Mr Clarke x
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Did anyone else watch
#TheMissing
? I've literally held my breath for last hour! Outstanding drama and performances.
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Dear everyone in the United Kingdom. A heatwave will now ensue as I’ve just packed away all my summer clothes.
#yourewelcome
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I get it’s fireworks night but the bloody things have been going off since last week! Why can’t we just celebrate 4 one night and be done!!!
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10 years ago I never would've dreamt this was possible. Now look at me...
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"Mummy, your belly is really jiggly, it's like a big squashy marshmallow"... Anyone want a 5 year old?
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So, 3 year old has hidden her Furbee in my laundry basket. Upon depositing my pants, the basket let out an eerie voice and I nearly died!
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I cannot get my head around this. In light of all the recent events how can they do this to people who deserve the world. So bloody 😤😡😤😡😤😡😤😡
MPs vote to reject Labour's amendment to the Queen's speech calling for public sector pay cap to be lifted, by 323 votes to 309
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My 7 year old daughter has just said “I hope Joe Biden unites the United States now Mummy” smart kid x
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Me: There’s a longevity diet in the paper today, it’s mainly vegan with a bit of fish thrown in, we could live to 100, shall we give it a bash?
Carnivore husband: Tell you what, you do it, I won’t and we’ll see who dies first 🙄🙄🙄
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When my grandparents died, I took a rose bush from their garden. Blooms every year.
#constantreminder
#littlebeauty
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Me: “I’m giving up sugar for Lent, what are you giving up?”
Smallest child “Lettuce, I hate lettuce” Not sure she’s really got the concept of Lent just yet.
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Mahoosive thanks for the birthday love. I share my day with my youngest daughter. Happy birthday Lulu. You rock!!
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a bit of time out from the sun watching/playing a game for 30 mins or so, but seriously, what’s wrong with talking to your kids and teaching them the art on conversation at the table? Am I alone?
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In other news, I ran my longest run without stopping this morning. 3.3 miles!! Which might not seem a lot but it was a bloody marathon to me. Please note, fag butt wasn’t mine and I did put it in the bin!
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Nothing worse than kicking up a bit of a fuss in a pub who've lost your reservation, only to find you're in the wrong pub 😱😱😱
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Right bollocks to this, enough's enough. I'm off to drink Prosecco while I can still afford to. 🍾🍾🍾
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Da da da da da da da daaaa da da da da da da. Come on then
@bbcstrictly
, here we go, lets wave goodbye to my life for a while!!!
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Please don’t worry about tonight’s result. We will be in the final. How do I know? I booked youngest’s birthday party 3 months ago. The time? Sunday 15th at 4.30pm, not a single child will now be there
#itscomimghome
#nofriends
#scarredforlife
#oops
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Why have I only just stumbled upon
#loveinthecountryside
@sarajcox
@BBCTwo
it’s just wonderful. I’m beaming from ear to ear
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In other news the rest of the daughter’s bedroom makeover went really well. Here are a few pics
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Does anyone else ever look around their home and think "Swet Jesus, I don't even know where to begin cleaning this stuff away?"
#kids
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Totally acceptable cake for a 42 year old man isn't it???
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Me last year. "When I get a dog, he is not sleeping on my bed ever" This photo taken 5 minutes ago ...
#sucker
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Yep, it's official I've turned into one of those people who buys a birthday cake for her dog
#nohope
#happybirthdaybadger
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Before I drown in Gin, thank you, you lovely lot for being so great. Hope you all have a wonderful break. See you on the other side xx
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Just need to say a huge thank you to the
@NHSEngland
and
#Teddington
Memorial hospital for taking such good care of my little girl. Fractured left wrist dealt with such care and compassion. We’d be lost without you and the incredible work you all do x
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Just asked a man in a cafe if I could move his crotch so I could sit down..... I meant crutch!!
#mortified
#brokenleg
#EnglishLanguage
😳😳😳
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I’ve just had a massive debate about folding or scrunching toilet paper with a 4 year old who’s a scruncher. I’m mean seriously, what have I given birth to? Fold all the way right?
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First ever home grown carrot. It reminds me of someone I once dated briefly, note the word briefly!!
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Ah my favourite day of the school year
#WorldBookDay
may I present
@matthaig1
The Girl who saved Christmas and
@suehendra
Evil Pea. Ta Da!!!
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I took this in the park last week. Mother Nature at her finest. I thought it was quite a good metaphor for life. Notice the foreground is all sunny and calm but lurking in the distance is one hell of a storm…
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To all of you for whom today is a difficult one, you're not forgotten. Sending lots of love to everyone without their Mums or children today
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Almost as good as the time I went to my Uncle Barry’s 50th birthday party. Went in, put present down, ate my way through the buffet and several glasses of fizz only to see a bride and groom and then realised his party was in the venue opposite
#hastyretreat
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I'm adopting the baking moto of "if it looks like shit, cover everything in edible glitter and 100's and 1000's"
http://t.co/BZye0bAdFZ
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Last night I dreamt George Clooney asked me to his tequila party.I turned him down as I couldn’t find a baby sitter! What has become of me?
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Thank you all for confirming that. Next question is WTAF is this government thinking? How can they possibly think that opening pubs at 6am after them all being shut for so long isn’t going to descend into absolute carnage by around mid morning? I don’t understand...
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Just tried to do that chef thingy of flipping my potatoes in the frying pan, one handed like they all do. Spuds all over the floor 😩😩😩
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I am waiting to pump my tyres at a service station. The couple that snuck in front of me 😡 are trying to do the same. It is painful to watch. I often wonder how some people manage to function on a daily basis.
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Me "Do you like my new sexy glasses?"
Husband "You look like my Gran. I really loved my Gran though..."
Me 🙄🤓👓
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A rare day off. A list of jobs to tackle as long as my arm. So far, I’ve managed to achieve zip except for drink lots of coffee and post pictures of my dog!!! Anyone else great at procratinating?
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Dear parents who have to get their shit together tomorrow morning... I am with you. Together we can do this 😳😩😳😩😳😩😳😩😳😩😳😩😳😩
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On
@thismorning
at 10.20 today with the wonderful
@Matthew_Wright
I’ve actually got dressed and put make up on 🤣
Topics up for discussion, are we drinking to much during the lockdown and would you snitch on your neighbour if they were breaking the rules???
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My Nan died 15 years ago this year. After her funeral, I took this rose bush from her garden.…
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Just got stuck in a dress in a changing room. Got in it, couldn't get out of it. Please tell me I'm not alone? You've been there right?
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Dear 35% ish of the country that didn't vote. Don't you dare complain about anything for next 5 years.Man up next time & make a difference!
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Ffs
@axbell
@RussPeers
I’m too old for this shit now. Here you go. Happy Christmas. Can the festivities start in earnest now???
#hohoho
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Oh I appear to have something in my eye 😭 this is just beautiful
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The tooth fairy has to pay a visit tonight. 7 year old still wide awake. 44 yr old tooth fairy is knackered and just wants to go to bed 😴😩😴😩
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The dog has been sick on the carpet from eating too much ham. Christmas has well and truly begun in our house!!!
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Manchester is my second home. I love that city and its people. I don't have the words. Sending prayers and love to everyone affected.
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Hangovers were never fun before kids. Post kids, they are sheer torture 🤢😩🤢😩🤢
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I try to teach my children about learning from their mistakes. People who didn't vote last time. Look where we're at now. PLEASE BLOODY VOTE
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Dear God, remind me never to have a house full of screechy eight year olds again...
#sleepover
😩😴😩😴😩😴
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The belly comment came just after the other one did a poo in the bath... Anyone want an 18 month old too?
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