Nick Saban purposely losing the natty so that the team didn’t have to eat fast food at the White House is the definition of chess not checkers. The mind...
Me about Ohio state: Ohio state sucks
Me when alabama needs Ohio state to win: Urban Meyer is my literal dad! O-H-I-O for life!! Bucky the fuck down!!!!
I faked pretending to have appendicitis at sleep away camp because they wouldn’t let me call my parents. Spent 7 hours in the hospital faking extreme pain even though I felt completely fine only to find out I actually had appendicitis and was hours away from rupturing
Breaking: Alabama Senate just passed a total abortion ban in the state.
@NARAL
is raising money for
@YellowFund
an abortion fund to help women facing this dangerous and demeaning law. Help us help them. Donate here!
Antes da final da Copa América entre Brasil e Peru, o presidente
@jairbolsonaro
e o
@embaixadoryossi
almoçaram juntos em Brasília. Eles irão acompanhar a partida desejando sorte para a seleção brasileira em busca de mais um título. Vai Brasil!!
Unfortunately I’ve never been to Notre Dame so I can’t post a picture on Instagram to flex for likes, but I did catch my hair on fire as a child so please let me know if you would like me to post that instead
The only thing getting me through is my hope that Donald Trump will serve the super bowl winners Long John Silvers at the White House and I’ll get to see Tom Brady pretend he isn’t absolutely disgusted by a fried fish sandwich with mayonnaise
I did not come here to watch 2 fully grown adults make out fully clothed on a bed. I came here watch 1 fully grown adult man hop a fence fully clothed and I have NOT gotten what I came for!!!
Nobody talk to me for the next 36 hours. I need to hit my peak state of relaxation this weekend before I am in my peak state of Alabama football related stress on Monday.
If you stepped foot in the innisfree women’s bathroom the day of the 2017 national championship game, you do not need to worry about what’s in the covid vaccine
Can we PLEASE cut the shit with the “trump can’t be antisemitic, he has Jewish grandchildren!!” as if simply being related to a Jew gives you a free pass for not actively rejecting antisemitism
Imagining Taylor’s list of demands for attending the chiefs game was that she can’t be filmed doing the tomahawk chop and that Jackson mahomes is not allowed within 50 feet of her
Today my roommates are going to a Beyoncé concert and I am going to darty with $5 champagne. There are two types of people and I really wish I was the other type.
I forgot to plug in my headphones before playing my music so now everyone in this planet fitness knows I am:
a) dumb
b) listen to Aaron’s party when I run
My social status will NEVER recover
This is literally Ariana grande’s second engagement, so your tweets about her being engaged “more than you change your sheets” are incorrect and not funny, but also gross, please go change your sheets
My roommate has been isolating in her room with Covid for 2 days now and the only things she’s asked me to bring her is tzatziki dip and an entire load of focaccia. Some absolute nutritional atrocities occurring in that room.
Hello
@ABCNetwork
and
@BachelorABC
, if I do not see colton jumping any sort of fence in tonight's episode I will be forced to take legal action. I am very serious and have my friend who's in her first year of law school's number listed in my phone favorites ready to go
For those having trouble keeping
#TheLukes
straight on
#TheBachelorette
, just remember:
- Luke S. and the S stands for "small boi"
- Luke P. and the P stands for "psychopath"