Max Gibbons
@maxgibb
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Parent. Scooter Fan. I Make Videos. Marketing at Mashgin.
California, USA
Joined April 2007
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Walk with me through the local Target. First up, let’s grab some laundry detergent. Oh wait: it’s all locked up and I need to wait for an associate to unlock the cabinet.
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NBD, up next is some toothpaste! Dental hygiene is so important. Oh wait: it’s all locked up and I need to wait for an associate to unlock the cabinet.
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Meanwhile, I could drive one city over (another 20-30 minutes) and nothing is locked up but the video games.
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Next on the list are hand soap and shampoo, both in another aisle. Oh wait: it’s all locked up and I need to wait for an associate to unlock the cabinet.
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We’re not done yet! Need to grab a new razor and shaving cream. Oh wait: it’s all locked up and I need to wait for an associate to unlock the cabinet.
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@FireEyes66
@vladimirlesbian
It totally has hit sales: like a 20-25% drop in those products behind glass. 🤷♂️
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So in late June 2021, I got a call out of the blue from my father's wife. It was a Monday. She asked whether I knew where my father was. I did not, which was not surprising because he rarely, if ever, called or texted, and they live across the country in New Jersey. 1/
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There’s still more to the story; unfortunately, this one does not have a happily-ever-after. But I need to stew for a minute before continuing.
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I did not make my flight the next morning, but spend the next week in New Jersey trying to untangle MB’s tendrils into my dad’s affairs. And also try to inject a little bit of normalcy back into his life, hoping it will help with healing. /71
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@MariaAragon64
Brings me back to my days in Saint Petersburg, struggling to name exactly which type of bread I wanted in broken Russian to the clerk behind the counter.
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Every now and then I dig out my OG iPod. The songs on here are like a time capsule of my life. It still works great (battery is toast).
I scrimped and saved and sold a PC to pre-order one of these in the fall of 2001. 5GB = 1,000 songs in your pocket! FireWire connection!
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I found my dad's account a couple of days ago and tried messaging him there under a nom de pleur. This morning his account is no longer accepting messages.
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The officers inspect my dad’s face, where he said he’d been cut in the fight. A week later it’s mostly healed but they take a photo. MB GETS ARRESTED, AND CHARGED WITH SIMPLE ASSAULT. Her SIL arrives in time to see her handcuffed and taken away. 66/
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We get to see my dad. He looks exhausted and gaunt. I’ve never seen him look so old. We’re all crying, and he starts to tell us what happened, where he went, and why he left without money, identification, a vehicle or a phone. Your blood will boil. 28/
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It’s now late afternoon Thursday. My sister and I head back to Monmouth County to regroup. But we get a call: the police found my dad! He’s alive! Severely dehydrated and exhausted but alive. He’s been taken to a hospital, and we drive dangerously fast. 22/
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…but broke down when we came in the room. The hospital room phone rings again: it’s MB. He looks panic-stricken and says we need to leave so she can see him. My sister and I are dumbstruck but head outside. We start calling family. 47/
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Friday morning, he gets up and does not feel right. His back is aching. He doesn’t know this then, but his kidneys are starting to let him know that they are not okay. For some reason, he decides to stay another day. Maybe b/c no one is throwing things at him. 43/
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Saturday arrives. He can barely stand up or walk. He has access to a faucet where he fills up his water bottle. Maybe he -is- stubborn and a little dumb. This could be better than having his life controlled 24/7. 44/
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He tells some of this to us while we’re in his hospital room and the rest a couple of days later. He says that MB called his room right before we walked in to “make sure (he) had his story straight.” She’d been coaching him on what to say… 46/
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Someone there recognizes him from the police bulletin, and officers arrive and quickly take him to the hospital. 46/
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The three of us head to MB’s house to pack an overnight bag for him. I’m trying to convince him to stay in California with my family for a while. We’re texting our family updates. My badass SIL, a 911 operator at the time, suggests we have officers at the house… 61/
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My dad stays in the same spot through Thursday. Shelters through a gnarly AF thunderstorm that delayed my flight. He is in agony. Thursday, he musters up the strength to walk somewhere for help. 45/
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I think it was my SIL who said that for that assault charge to really have oomph, he would need to request a restraining order against MB. So we are at the police station at 1AM. I don’t think my dad really knew what a restraining order meant. 68/
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They did fight the day before he left. It might have started over the shed, but it got nasty. She chucked some fancy drinking glasses he’d bought her at him. MB started tearing all of their couples photos. (This is why there was only one in the house!) 29/
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Only this was leading into one of the hottest weeks of the year, and he was 68 and by now very dehydrated. He drinks the rest of his water, sets up his little camp, and reads a book in peace until it gets too dark. 42/
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We talk about how suspicious MB was that my dad had been secretly working at Home Depot, possibly cheating, has an apartment, etc. Real talk: MB is the woman my dad had an affair with, and that was the catalyst for my parents’ divorce. 25/
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We hung up. I called my brother. And then I called the police in their town. Three days is too long to do nothing when a family member goes missing. The police reluctantly agree to do a wellness check to see what’s going on. 5/
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I had my field recorder going the entire time, so I have that whole thing on tape. But the rest of the night is a blur. We pack a full-on suitcase, grab one of the tortoises because my dad is afraid she’ll hurt it, and start finding a hotel. It’s after midnight. 67/
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Why didn’t he have his wallet? MB did not allow him to carry cash and only allowed him to use & carry a debit/credit card if he first asked permission, explained exactly what he intended to buy, and received it from her for that one instance. 33/
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We mostly didn’t know what to do, so first head to a nearby diner (it’s NJ, they’re everywhere). My sister and I were shaken, I think? We hear that my dad is being discharged shortly. MB says they want to be alone but they will see us tomorrow. 48/
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Why didn’t he have his phone? Find My Friend. She kept a close eye on everywhere he went via phone tracking. If he wound up somewhere he wasn’t “supposed to be” she would, in his words, start to spiral and accuse him of infidelity. Also… 34/
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So he walked out with barely anything and made it maybe twelve miles before deciding he’d gone far enough. With no money, he figured he could spend a night in the woods and head back the next morning. This is Somerset County: there are lots of forested empty spaces. 41/
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In fact, I found out later that up until the day the police arrived to take his phone, she had for a month had call forwarding pushing all of his calls to her phone number. Cool. 37/
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We lean in, and say, “Hey that woman is our father’s wife, and we think something is going on. Can we please get in first?” The receptionist nods and whispers to the other woman now talking to MB. The other receptionist says, "Sorry they got here first." 27/
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BTW she had chucked her wedding ring at him during the fight. He had it with him in his backpack when he left. The ring she wore when the police arrived? That was her mother’s. 40/
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Why didn’t he take his car? His new Mini Cooper had built-in GPS telematics, and she had the app installed on her phone. She could see where his car was at all times, and could see when the doors were locked/unlocked. A few days later… 38/
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…he told me how she would use this as a loyalty test before they moved in together. One day he went out to the work parking lot to grab his lunch, and she texts him out of the blue about where he was going and who he was seeing. That turned into a fight. 39/
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I find his journal, which has reams of research on covid vaccines, the Chicxulub asteroid strike (he is a lovely nerd), and, strangely, whole sections on how to be a better husband and not get into arguments. But just dead ends about where he could be. 18/
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We are hollowed out, but find a hotel. But before we go to bed, with his permission, I hop on his phone, turn off all the location-sharing features, and change his iCloud password. I didn’t know she could track his car, yet. 70/
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All of my calls to him for years went to voicemail. He might call back, and she was always there. And he was never his usual self. She also dictated every text to me, which is why they always ended up being about her(??). 36/
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I see our family tortoises and the dope house he’s built for them. And his rad Subaru Brat is parked out front. We leave and meet MB at an Olive Garden for lunch. By now, sis and I are all 🤨. I record our conversation (NJ is a one-party consent state). 19/
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They decide to put out a missing person bulletin for my dad. Grown men walk away from their spouses all the time, but they don’t typically leave their car, keys, wallet, or phone. 7/
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…she had all of his calls/texts/emails syncing to an iPad she kept next to her. Basically had his iCloud account signed in so she could see everything. I wondered why I more and more rarely heard from him, and why his texts were oddly written. 35/
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That’s when he called me — I’ve got the call recorded. He shares his location and we BOOK IT. We find my dad in the dark in the rain next to a car wash. This dude was in the hospital the day before. We get him into the car and go looking for MB. 59/
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That Friday morning, while MB was focused and working at home, he quickly and quietly packed a couple of backpacks with a blanket, sleeping pad, books, dry food, and water. He left on foot without his wallet, keys, or phone. No note. 32/
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She tells me that he has been missing since the previous Friday morning. That he left the house without his wallet, phone, or car keys. No, she had not contacted the police, or told any friends or family members, or asked any neighbors whether they'd seen him. 2/
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One awkward meal later, we all pile into cars and head to the cemetery (!) where MB’s brother and mother are buried. There, my dad apologizes to their graves, for causing such distress to MB. Someone took a photo of me and RB where she looks dead inside. 53/
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In the hour we had, we find my dad’s clothing in a guest bedroom, in trash bags. His novels are stacked against a wall. There is -one- photo of my dad with MB. No little nook that could be his hobby area. In 3 years of marriage, she’s ceded essentially no space to him. 17/
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The officer who answered the doorbell sorta pulled him aside and explained that a restraining order would mean that my dad could not speak to or be near MB. I think that was too much for my dad to handle, and he decided not to request one. 69/
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I don't 100% remember how it happened, but my dad started telling an officer about how she'd attacked him the week before. They knew he was the guy who walked away. The other officer keeps MB on the driveway's other side once it starts clicking. 65/
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…in case MB arrives and gets physical or decides to say we trashed the place in her absence. We make the call, officers are on their way, and we head inside. While we pack a bag, he talks about how it is living there. 62/
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We tell him we love him and are just happy he’s okay. I would learn later that MB had marched my father around their neighborhood that morning and had him apologize to all of the neighbors for being an asshole and causing drama. 52/
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We meet MB, my dad, AB and his GF, and MB’s college-age daughter RB for lunch in Raritan. My dad’s looking a little better. Before dinner is served, he turns to the table and apologizes for the terrible thing he did. Eye contact establishes that all us kids are like WTF. 51/
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Two officers visited the house and met with my father’s wife the next day, Tuesday. They noted one photo of my dad in the house. Otherwise, there weren't many signs that he lived there at all. And they get a weird vibe from my father’s wife. 6/
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It’s Saturday, July 3. I’m scheduled to fly home the next day. I think we made plans that I would stay the night at MB’s house and catch a cab to the airport in the morning. However, the whole day kind of careened sideways in spectacular fashion. 50/
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We find her sitting in his car a quarter mile up the road. The doors are locked. He gets out and tries talking to her but she’s just staring ahead. We tell him that he really needs to stay with us that night. She has the keys to his car and can get home fine. He agrees. 60/
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He’s lived there for 3 years at that point. She never made room for his clothes in any dressers. Didn’t let him hang clothes in the closet. He had to use the guest bathroom. She constantly reminded him that it was her house, not his. 63/
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It’s a yawning chasm in my chest that I steeled myself not to peer into. But I miss my father so much. I worry about what has happened to him in the last two years. What “punishments” she made him undergo because of what occurred. /100
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Same day, Tuesday, my siblings and I have drawn up lists of campgrounds and hotels in the area and have started making calls for men matching his description. I think my SIL even called morgues. My sis drives down that night from Boston to search in person. 8/
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I don't think that at this point she had even gone looking for him yet. Three days after he walked away from the house with nothing more than a backpack. She asked if maybe I thought he got a job somewhere and an apartment. He's a retired aerospace/electrical engineer. 3/
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Sis and I ask if we could wait inside the house and poke around. Maybe we can find some clues! She agrees and lets us in. Then leaves for her appointment. We start looking, and lemme tell ya: it’s super weird. 16/
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AB doesn’t talk much with MB now that he’s moved out; I think he called her a narcissist, but the vibe was: she’s controlling. He said that my dad seemed fine the last time he saw him. But MB called him Wednesday, panicked that the police had my dad’s devices. 24/
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My sister and I call it a night. The next morning, we arrive at the hospital well before visiting hours and park ourselves in the growing visitors’ queue. There’s actually a two-person visitor limit for each patient. MB arrives right as we reach the front desk. 26/
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This whole thing is so much…so BIG…that I’ve kept it crammed down deep inside my mind and heart. Outside of my family, I’ve maybe shared it with four people. It’s not a happy thing to talk about. /99
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She told him to remove his family photos from the house: she didn’t want to see them anymore. It escalated. She swung a hammer at him. She started shredding his love letters. A bouquet of flowers became a weapon that cut his face. 30/
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The family calmed her down, but in the hubbub, my dad walked over and whispers that he had broken out in a cold sweat. And that that’s what she does: starts to spiral and make demands and threats, and eventually get "physical." 55/
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All-in-all a surreal day. Then MB asked my sister and me if we wanted to go see the place where my dad had camped out all week. We didn’t need to see it to believe it, and it was time for me to head back to grab my bags for my morning flight. 56/
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He pointed to an antique dresser that’s been in the family for years. It’s missing drawers because MB smashed them once in a rage. Anyway, we’re out front when MB arrives. Then the police arrive. 64/
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MB arrives first though, and covid protocols mean we won’t be able to see him. In fact, she says we won’t be able to see him until the morning. Dang. MB’s son, AB, arrives at the hospital. With nothing more constructive to do, we grab dinner with AB. 23/
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Meanwhile, my sister is on the job like a boss. By Wednesday afternoon, she’s knocked on every door in the neighborhood with outdoor cameras and spoken with the neighbors who have nothing but nice things to say about my dad. 12/
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We’re returning to MB’s home with my bags when I get a call from my dad. He had taken MB alone to the place where he camped. She wanted to see where he’d pooped. She took pictures, laughing, and sent them to her friends. 57/
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The police took my father’s iPhone, in case they could glean something from it. My father’s wife, who we’ll call MB from here on, hadn’t told them about his iPad when they asked about other devices. They got a warrant & went back for the iPad on Wednesday. 9/
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The final act was MB trying to kick my father down the basement stairs. She didn’t succeed, and he was able to de-escalate the situation. The next morning he was like, “I need to get out of here.” 31/
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That's it for tonight. This is quite a tale, and I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow morning.
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She says they had a big fight the day before, and that he'd her called a mean name, but that was about it. Friday morning, as she was hopping on a work call, he told her that he was going to Home Depot to get some pavers. By the time she was done, he was gone. 4/
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Then we head to the home of MB’s sister-in-law, her brother’s widow, for like a party(?). Again he makes an apology. MB gets angry and starts talking about making my dad sign a postnup that would force him to give her half his money if he did this again. 54/
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Mostly MB talks about what this all is doing to her. The embarrassment. She talks about losing her brother a few years before and has a small cry. She gets way deep into shed drama and how that led to their fight. She had him change the roof height twice. 20/
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I’ve tried contacting him through other means but have never received a response. I know any letters I send will be opened by MB. There’s no way for me to have a private conversation with him. I miss my dad so much. /98
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It sucks, and I am empty. People: take care of your moms and dads. You grow up thinking they have everything under control and then you learn that, nope, they certainly do not. /102
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That means that I can’t text, call, or email him. He’s not allowed to have social media. Readers, it will be two years since I last heard from my dad this July. One of my brothers occasionally receives cards/texts from him. That’s it. /97
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I don’t 100% remember what happened the rest of that day, but I have photos showing my sister and I wound up in our old neighborhood in Middletown. We get a text that MB has set up a whole family lunch the next day at a restaurant. 49/
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My son and I are at the ward fathers and sons campout. With him running around with his buddies, I took the opportunity to dip the kayak back into the lake. So choice.
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Her theory is that he somehow got a job at Home Depot and has just been working there while missing. We all drive to his storage unit to look for clues. This is where all his things are! And MB asks us if we want any of his stuff. He hasn’t been here, though. 21/
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In his words, she started spiraling again. She questioned whether he had really stayed there. MB lost her temper, shouting, “Why am I still made and Max & Megan are happy?” She struck him. It was dusk and it had started to rain. She ran down the busy highway. 58/
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I’d been in constant contact with MB: let her know the police would be coming, that my sister was coming down, and that I would be arriving Wednesday night. Wednesday morning, she says she’s now asked all the neighbors whether they’ve seen my father on their security cams. 10/
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My son wants to be Luigi from the Luigi's Mansion series. In these games, Luigi wears a backpack vacuum cleaner that sucks up ghosts. This is not a thing a dad can just buy.
I am trying to make one. This is my current all-consuming task.
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We roll up outside the house (unannounced though she knew we were now in town) just before noon as MB walks out the door to her car. We exchange pleasantries, but she insists she has an important appointment. 15/
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As my friend Jack reminded me yesterday, often the drunk driver walks away from the accident unscathed. Justice isn't always swift. /105
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@thefamilybed
This is America, maybe you heard of it? Land of the free? Home of the brave?
(Kidding. California.)
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We’re making green borsch tonight. All the good stuff: onion, carrots, celery +celery root, leek, whole baby potatoes, and, of course, a boatload of sorrel. Dill, cilantro, green onions for garnish, and a dollop of sour cream. Served with crispy sourdough. 👨🍳 thnx
@Olia_Hercules
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