mustard clown
@markydoodoo
Followers
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Following
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Statuses
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The best stone/bird kill ratio was prolly the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
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It is with a heavy heart I must announce I have heavy heart disease
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Let’s end the debate by calling a hot dog a top loading sandwich
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What if Dawn Soap makes oil spills happen so they can sell more duck and penguin soap
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RT @hausofdecline: I don't hate men. Frankly, they got some heavy hitters. Abraham Lincoln, Weird Al Yankovic
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RT @kloogans: i have an area in my backyard i call "the big stew" it's a pit i dug where i dump old batteries, gas, household chemicals, an…
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RT @markydoodoo: me: most dust is human skin flakes therefore roombas are carnivorous robots and one day the dust won’t satiate them anymor…
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RT @markydoodoo: Instead of buying a pumpkin from a pumpkin patch, I'm going to adopt one from a local shelter
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RT @Daggerlad2: Weak guy: 🥹 Jesus: Why you lookin at me like that Weak guy: well, you just said the meek shall inherit the earth, and wel…
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RT @moutheaters: Me: Is the natural state of the soul quiet or chaos? Taco Bell cashier: Look buddy, it’s transient, shifting like water
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RT @Senn_Spud: (Cognitive behavioral therapy enjoyer I just cut off in traffic) Think positively. He is probably in a rush for a reason. Ma…
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RT @Fredward3948576: I heard my toast spring up in the kitchen like 15 minutes ago but I don’t care. I just don’t care. Fuck that piece of…
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RT @markydoodoo: i just want to say i’m disappointed in modern architecture and it’s distinct lack of gargoyles
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RT @TheAndrewNadeau: frantically googling “days where nothing bad happened” before getting married
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RT @pawgtism: scientists are calling me "the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal" saying things like "she's just…
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RT @mystrongwife: i have a two-toast system. one savory, one sweet. one with hummus and one with raspberry jam. this keeps the humours in b…
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