graph enjoyer
@lowerbodyinjury
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spreadsheet worshipper, clueless contrarian, joyless anti-jock | rubber disks on ice, small white leather balls, and fast cars | super not good at checking DMs
Kit | DC to BOS | 20 | she/her
Joined March 2020
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everyone is dunking on tennessee for this without realizing that they are only the fifth state to abolish slavery with no exceptions (CO, NE, UT, RI). it’s not an “ooh backward southern state” thing it’s that slavery is still legal for incarcerated people in most of the US.
BREAKING: Slavery has officially been banned as punishment in Tennessee.
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“bullshit, that’s bullshit”
[watches replay on the jumbotron]
“oh yeah, yeah. my bad”
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I don’t think you all get the joy that is women’s sports. imagine your favorite men’s sports team but two of them are married to each other. also one is married to the captain of a rival team. also one of them has dated eleven other players creating a complicated web of exes.
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often I think about leon draisaitl pausing mid-event to call the security dog over so he could pet it
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when the fuck did “asymptomatic” become synonymous with “non-contagious” I feel like I’m losing my mind
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leon draisaitl is one bad question away from doing this
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I’ve always said that being a hockey fan is a massive headache
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you can always flip off evander kane. it’s always morally correct.
Uh oh. Ryan Hartman gives Evander Kane the finger after a scrum.
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maybe the kids are all right
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lost in everything that happened last night was binnington deleting 11 year old tweets from the press box of a playoff game
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excuse you those are google sheets
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remember when the tampa columbus game went to one billion OTs and a tumblr post convinced half the internet that at 6OT they drop a second puck
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hockey is so weird imagine if someone threw a catfish onto the court during an nba game
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goalies are such fascinating creatures. and I love them more than anything
im at my bfs hockey game - the opposing goalie has a book on the top of the net and is reading it between whistles ….???!!! what book got u hooked like that bro i gotta know
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nah because why did he do this
What has been the funniest moment from the 2022-23 NHL season? ⬇️
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nhl news right now is like “breaking: your team’s best prospect is racist. also the rape guy is back. also another defenseman is in qanon. also there’s way more rape guys and we don’t know who. also your fave just went on record saying he’s excited to play with the rape guy.”
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babe are you okay? you barely even screamed shoot when your team had the puck
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canadians will never know the struggle of being the only hockey fan in a room when a major trade breaks
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goalie in goalie gear: excellent
goalie in regular clothes: nice
goalie on skates in hockey clothes without their goalie shell: deeply unsettling, not fit for human consumption, the stuff of nightmares
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“why are we testing asymptomatic players?” to find out whether they have the coronavirus. easy. next question.
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kyle beach did this. his bravery made this happen. I hope he knows that. I hope he's proud.
In the wake of the Blackhawks scandal, Ducks employees felt empowered to report incidents of verbal abuse by Bob Murray.
The allegations date back years; Murray has been the GM since 2008.
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the role capfriendly plays in this sport is so wild to me. like it’s just an unofficial website started by some random guys because they wanted to but it’s also a critical resource that actual teams use all the time
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if there’s one thing about goalies it’s that they’re going to leave the crease. they love to go on their little adventures. always trying to leave the nest. abandon the net. when it comes down to it a goalie cannot be contained.
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“go to hell” is so basic “i hope your team trades for patrick kane” is terrifying. it's real. it's possible. it happens.
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going to make a website that rates the odds of every nhl player getting traded based on nothing except my personal feelings but I will claim it’s based on a very complicated model. look at this graphic. I’m telling you right now I just made it up but it’s still pissing you off.
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idc what the score was new jersey won tonight
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jason robertson goals since 2020: 43
wayne gretzky goals since 2020: 0
numbers don't lie, folks. there's a new great one in town.
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fucked-up fanatics merch is one of the funniest things in the world to me
New
@NHL
fan here… ordered a
@SeattleKraken
hoodie from
@Fanatics
and the logo is UPSIDE DOWN.
Would like some help here…
@FanaticsSupport
. SMH 🤦🏼♂️
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Congratulations Marc-Andre Fleury on winning the Vezina
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every single thing I learn about the CHL is horrifying. seems like the only things the junior hockey system does well are enforce elitist power structures, produce soulless, traumatized boys, and enable abuse of all forms. how many incidents is it going to take to change things?
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new horrific scandal just dropped, which NHL team is it going to be?
*wheel with only Chicago logos starts spinning*
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fav college hockey moment so far was when the first period ended and my friend asked “is this a quarter or a half?” and when I said a third he went “you’re fucking kidding me” with the most stunned look I have seen on a human face
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do they seriously actually shower together in one giant room the size of a three-car garage
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freaks me tf out when hockey guys talking about mallioux go “we all do dumb stuff as teens” or “everybody’s got that thing” because no?? I do not have “that thing” of committing sex crimes?? do you?? do you think that’s normal??
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I think about this all the time. “same day every year” yeah man that’s what a birthday is.
Same day every year for the last 22. Happy Birthday 👊🏼
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I’m sorry, was nobody going to tell me that connor mcdavid has a nearly identical brother named cameron? and he’s just a regular dude?
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you know how americans sometimes know a weird amount about japan because they watch a lot of anime? that is me with canada via hockey
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man imagine stealing some boxes off a truck and when you open it up it’s just all bobbleheads. just 100% bobbleheads. and you can’t even sell the bobbleheads because the pittsburgh penguins would hunt you down. there’s a whole city looking for these goddamn bobbleheads
The Penguins announced today that the shipment carrying the Jagr bobbleheads for tonight’s game has been stolen en route to Pittsburgh.
As a result, the bobbleheads will not be distributed at tonight’s game, but will be distributed at a later date.
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Nobody:
The NHL: Did someone say Trevor Zegras? We know how you love Trevor Zegras. Here’s a clip of Trevor Zegras scoring. Look at him. Behold him. Did you know Trevor Zegras is American? You are also American. You relate to Trevor Zegras. You adore Trevor Zegras.
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called him up to the majors or to heaven? graphic unclear
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“😔” is an incredible reaction to the news that your franchise is about to cease to exist lmaooo
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is it not intensely disturbing to everyone that the dude who was just recently an NHL ref is tweeting all this shit about kadri
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how do you look at the 21-22 islanders and go “oh yeah barry trotz was the problem”
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respectfully this is the funniest thing I have ever seen
One of my only memories as a 4 year old happens to be an Awful one. RIP to those lost in 9\11 just 12 years ago
#neverforget
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all a sports team has to do to endear itself to me is to have Two Little Guys Who Are Friends. it can be the most uninteresting team to watch in the world but if it has Two Little Guys and they Are Friends then I’m in.
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I got my friend who doesn’t watch hockey to describe hockey players that you all sent me
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you’re in her dms I’m fighting with her in the chat section of the illegal sports streaming website we are not the same
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imagine how getting healthy scratched would work at like a regular job. you show up ready to do some accounting and your boss goes is like actually just sit here the whole day and watch everyone else work instead. we know you could work but we’d actively rather you do nothing.
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