ms pippershnippetz
@lolumOKUR
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i’ve been told im “weird and off-putting”
New Jersey, USA
Joined January 2020
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my secret? 4 days of treating my body like a temple then 3 days of treating my body like the Great Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch
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What if your mother aborted you? Um I’d be floating through the universe radiating pure love energy and I wouldn’t have to pay bills
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men will see their mothers in a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness and be like “i cant wait to give that to a woman of my own one day 🥹💕”
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there should be a new politcal party thats not embarrassing
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Guys are always like “i was just joking geez” well if you were good at it i’d be laughing
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guys be like “men are visual creatures” ok then why do u look like that
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one good sandwich can change the trajectory of your entire life
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the next short guy that makes me sad is going in a ziploc bag
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i had a nightmare i was at my ex’s house and i ate one of his bagels and he was like “you owe me $1.99 for that”
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@dadthatwrites
@Bripping_Talls
Ariel is just a victim of underwater patriarchy/ an overbearing father, unfortunately she was a beautiful fish with a talented singing voice but she thought she needed human legs to be better
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me: Idk how to make small talk
“just ask people questions about themselves”
me: so do u have any dark thoughts that keep you awake at night?
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I don’t understand how i’m getting oreo crumbs in the bed if im swallowing them whole
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Some you in this thread need to work on your internalized misogyny. I have an idea for a piece of shit disney princess but based on this thread IDK if you’d be able to handle her
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u think things are bad now but one day rich white girls won’t be able to shut up about their semester on the moon
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ahhh my favorite time of year, when i slide down my driveway on my ass into a trashcan
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I heard this rumor that when Jared Kushner gets out of the pool he puts his wet hand in a bag of potato chips and ruins it for everyone at the soiree
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Everyone’s like “we’re all trying our best right now” and i assure you i’m not, i can actually do a lot better than this
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no i will not get VACCINATED it is UNSAFE. what i will do is take MEDICATION meant for a HORSE.
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when u go on a date with a man and he doesn’t murder you 🥺 thats so cute
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Im no economist but i think the stock market goes down if 5 rich guys r sad
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grandparents be like “we got this house for twelve dollars and seventy seven cents”
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u gotta be a real sick f*ck to leave someone a voicemail
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hear me out, what if .. when a man did the dishes, he didnt announce it? What if
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If a guy ghosts you he shouldn’t be able to jerk off to you anymore - he should feel an electric shock every time he tries
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im doing pretty decent besides thinking about death every 22 minutes
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sex is cool but have u ever deep cleaned your entire bedroom, organized every tiny thing, & lit a candle omg
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we need to abolish bridal showers, I’m sorry but no one needs to watch someone unwrap pots and pans and plates for 3 hours on weekend. Its actually cruel
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When a girl whose username is “cum rag whore” retweets me I know i’m doing God’s work
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remember back in the day when u were sad ur man would just call the mental institution on ya and they would zap you a bit til you thought it was fun to do laundry again
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i think my ideal job would be pressing a button every 30 minutes
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doing my taxes, whose gonna write me love letters when i’m in prison ?
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me, watching my life flash before my eyes: wow i sure did a lot of sitting
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every woman i’ve ever met has had a valid reason to commit arson
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if babies “fix everything” then why can’t they hold power tools
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just got upset thinking about the time a restaurant served me only 3 raviolis on a plate
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i dont believe in marriage unless my twitter crush asks me
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Jesus would have been a big tipper on OnlyFans and you know it
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i hope u all got railed in a sundress this weekend. even the boys
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one day we’ll all be like.. remember that year we spent laying down
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this guy asked me to choke HIM during sex and it felt so good, like carole baskin good
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ignoring a group chat for months and then swooping back in with a “haha wow”
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u could probably go to space too if u just hustle a lil harder
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Every guy ive seriously dated marries the girl right after me and i’ve never gotten a thank u card ??
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have u noticed im tweeting a lot lately? Its bc im mentally unraveling
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I’m gonna make a podcast and each week the guests will be a guy i’ve slept with and i ask them why they didn’t propose
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My goal is to have 100k followers and then self sabotage my way back to 1
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I like taking a guy’s virginity cause they’re like “gee willikers i sure did have a lot of fun maybe one day we can open up a quaint little shop together” and i’m like “yea yea sure now go make me a panini, i gotta get back to the office” and then i puff my juul in his face
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how u can be a good person & a shitty person at the same time: i was a 1st responder 4 a lady that got her legs run over by a pickup truck. i held her hand for an hour and comforted her until her husband showed up but i also sat on her raybans & broke them and didnt say anything
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when covid is over is starting to sound like “one day these beanie babies will be worth something”
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guys will go grocery shopping and come back with like 1 egg
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Ugh casually stealing a lock of a man’s hair is not easy
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forgive me father for i have been a silly bitch (again)
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unpopular question: did u ask your babies if they wanted an online presence
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my choices this month were either go to therapy or dye my hair blonde so i chose the fun thing
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I am an AMERICAN ! I stopped LEARNING in the 5th GRADE. i do not MATH 🇺🇸
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never doubt a man’s ability to make a whole room smell like a foot
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amazing how things that you’ve been avoiding for six month only take about 45 min to complete
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How do u become a “runner” do u just like.. start running? thats wild
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RUNNING 👏🏻 WITH 👏🏻 BIG 👏🏻 BOOBS 👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 HEALTH 👏🏻 HAZARD 👏🏻
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u never meet a “whimsical” guy. they’re always like “well i just think logically haha”. Well guess what MARK you’re boring as f*ck
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i just sold my house to buy the monkey nft. wish me luck
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Pple looking at my insta: “She is doing well”
Pple looking at my twitter: “She is not doing well”
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i hate when u put an eggroll in your purse for later and forget about it :(
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going to a wealthy person’s house and using their bidet, thats real trickle down economics
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i wanna see an onlyfans of a guy being respectful to his mom and maybe making her a cup of tea, and perhaps building a shelf
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the Walgreens pharmacist said i can’t call “just to chat” anymore
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@Geee0h1
@santiagomayer_
the state shouldn’t be able to make that decision for a woman or girl - thats the issue here…
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does your body ever do something new and weird and ur like whoaa im not gonna look THAT up ill just walk it off
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Going for one of my screaming walks. (Its when i walk while screaming)
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i met my new neighbors they are a hot couple with a kid and they wanted to invite me over for margaritas one night. I have to move away now
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are u doing ok mentally or did u grow up watching Ren & Stimpy
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You are in his dms, i’ve broken into his house - we are not the same
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checked instagram hoping my cousins were at the capitol cuz i wanna call the FBI on them
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i think my best relationship advice is if your going to give a BJ make sure its before you both go to the mall together
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every time i take a guy’s virginity i’m preventing a mass shooting 🇺🇸
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