Lemony Snicket
@lemonysnicket
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Author of All The Wrong Questions, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Poison for Breakfast. Tweets posted by a trusted associate, nefarious nemesis, or both.
Stain'd-by-the-Sea
Joined October 2012
To my, and perhaps your, dismay, I cannot claim responsibility for the series of unfortunate events that is 2020.
I'm pretty sure all of 2020 was and is being written by @lemonysnicket.
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"A Series of Unfortunate Events" to be adapted by @netflix as a new series: http://t.co/lZrf4oJWWT ….
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I just wish to confirm, while that is not an actual photograph of myself (as a general rule, I do not allow myself to be photographed - too many nefarious enemies on my trail), I am, indeed, in this image.
@lemonysnicket when uncle monty said nothing bad was gonna happen to the baudelaire orphans in his reptile room
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You may be interested to know that I have categorized thirteen kinds of despair, listed here for your convenience. .
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Dear Ogder Thelonious Horowitz Shea (via your mother), . My thanks to you for your effervescent praise. It is no small thing to congratulate an author for every sentence in a series, and I am humbled by your appreciation. Sincerely, .Lemony Snicket.
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Alas, the irony is particularly potent. While I am sorry you and your possessions took an unexpected dip, I am glad there was some humor to be had. There should always be humor where the aquatic submerging of one’s person is involved.
@lemonysnicket @DanielHandler Years ago I was in a boating accident that caused myself and a number of my possessions to take an unexpected swim in the ocean. This was the book I was reading at the time. I’ve kept it all these years because I thought the irony was fantastic.
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I do believe my answer will be obvious.
Best siblings from literature. go!.
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A cunning costume, if ever there was! However, I suggest being particularly vigilant. If your children's costumes could fool me, they could also fool one despicable Count and his cadre of cronies!.
@lemonysnicket Halloween a few years ago. Looking forward to the little one being big enough for the stories.
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What a handsome fishmonger!
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The sixth kind of despair is when you realize you must close the book you are reading and reluctantly participate in something or other.
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The thirteenth kind of despair occurs at every moment, waking or sleeping, and surely this needs no explanation.
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While I appreciate your sense of rhyme, I do not care to be compared to a fictional character.
@lemonysnicket is Snape 2.0. don't @ me, bro.
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It is with solemn dignity that I announce that nominations are open for The Lemony Snicket Prize for Noble Librarians Faced With Adversity. The award comes with a prize in cash and a certificate which may or may not be suitable for framing. Nominate away!.
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Though I don't condone such an Unfortunate proposal, you have my wishes for a happy future. My own romance ended tragically, as you may know. Cherish each other as I cherish my Beatrice.
Feeling very fortunate that 2 years later we're engaged after a 13-part A.S.O.U.E. themed proposal involving cat-napping, mysterious notes, strangers talking to me in codes, and a sugar bowl!💕 #ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents @Unfortunate @lemonysnicket
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A Series of Unfortunate Events. Do not, however, expect to receive a book club invitation from me via the internet. I am a traditionalist in this sphere. Elegantly penned letter or nothing, I am afraid.
this is the book club invitation you're sending out to your friends. what book is it for?
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The fourth kind of despair is when the tea is so hot you must leave it alone until it is far too cold.
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I cannot take responsibility for your sense of humor. I merely report the facts of the unfortunate lives of the Baudelaires, my own inauspicious beginnings, and write the occasional picture book. But at least you can say you possess a sense of humor. Tis a valuable tool indeed.
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I'm exceedingly glad that someone has actually taken my advice in this matter. The Ersatz Elevator is a devastating set of events and should be approached with caution. Good luck in your future endeavors and with your master's degree, despite that inauspicious beginning. - Lemony.
When I was 10 or 11, I read #TheErsatzElevator and @lemonysnicket advised me to read the dictionary rather than finish the book. Unfortunately, I took his advice, so now I’m about to start a master’s degree in creative writing. Just another casualty in the Baudelaire story.
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Excuse me, Duny, but I believe you must have mis-read the prompt. A Series of Unfortunate Events does not get better over time, but indeed gets much, much worse. The poor Baudelaires' misfortunes only increase. However, I appreciate the sentiment. Many thanks, Duny.
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For those of you with talent in the culinary arts, this article tells of some of the foods the Baudelaires enjoyed (or did not enjoy) during their unfortunate adventures. For the daring, I recommend trying all these recipes. Though perhaps not all at one meal.
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There is a special place for people who fail to return books. Special in this case not meaning fun, interesting or unique. Special more meaning horrible, disastrous, and unfortunate.
@lemonysnicket #ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents #Collection .Suddenly I’m very mad at whoever I lent books 4-7 to and who did not return it 🙃🙄
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I must agree, this was an uncommonly wise thing of me to say.
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You've not had any dealings with a devious man by the name of Count Olaf, or perhaps one of his many aliases? Or are you an associate of the Baudelaires? If not, I am afraid that though your life may be unfortunate, it is not part of this particular series of unfortunate events.
somebody tell @lemonysnicket to add my life to the series of unfortunate events.
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The seventh kind of despair is that the sun has set on another day and so little has been done.
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The first kind of despair is the suspicion that there is no safe territory outside the warm confines of one’s bedclothes.
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The ninth kind of despair is the realization that a bad dinner still creates dirty dishes.
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It would seem @KaceyMusgraves seems to have taken inspiration from the dastardly Esme Squalor! One must admit, Esme's sense of style is quite superb.
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Curiosity is a dangerous character trait for cats and human beings alike. We urge you not to investigate this matter any further.
@MarcSnetiker I had to conceal a shriek when I saw Very Flammable Dandelions.
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There are, also, thirteen types of hope, also arranged chronologically.
You may be interested to know that I have categorized thirteen kinds of despair, listed here for your convenience. .
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The eleventh kind of despair is the inkling that an evening should have been better spent but that it is almost bedtime.
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Cout Olaf has many disguises. Do not be fooled and keep your wits about you! He is dangerous, dastardly, and devious!.
When you find Count Olaf’s Doppelgänger in your reading book! 😂 We are LOVING reading and enjoying “A Series of Unfortunate Events” in Room 115! @ActuallyNPH @lemonysnicket
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Though the similarities are quite striking, the comparison must end at fashion. I've not yet met the good Lady Gaga, but I imagine she is much kinder that the infamous Esme Squalor. Esme, for all her faults, has a fabulous sense of style.
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Perhaps - and this is just a perhaps - I have only adequately prepared you for your eventual foray with leeches. The world is an odd place, and it is always better to be concerned about leeches than allow them to sneak up on you.
I blame @lemonysnicket for this one 🤷🏼♀️.
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It's a thirteen-way tie.
Something @Unfortunate this way comes—tomorrow on Netflix! Which @lemonysnicket book is the best at being the worst?
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Aunt Josephine had many good qualities. Her love of grammar was commendable as it was unusual. Perhaps do not emulate her extreme fear of everything, however. It does make traversing through the world so much more difficult when one is worried about exploding door knobs and such.
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My condolences to you and to any who lose favorite books. However, books have the remarkable habit of finding their way to those who need them, and I hope your lost books find a good home. As for what you can do to help fill the hole left by your lost books. that I cannot say.
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A brilliant recreation of the stunning personality, Esme Squalor. Stunning - a word which here means stupefying to the point of stopping one dead in their tracks, incredibly shocking, and generally confounding. One hopes the similarities stop at the excellent sense of style.
Asked to recreate Esme Squalor by my daughter for World Book Day! @LucyPunch @NetflixUK @lemonysnicket @WorldBookDayUK . Wire coat hangers, pipe insulation, purple tights and pink pompoms. Add 8 hours sewing! Voila! . Hats off to whoever made original!
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And may I recommend choosing a happier subject to bond over, rather than the unfortunate tidings of the Baudelaires. Perhaps crocheting, or basket weaving.
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LOOK AWAY.
@lemonysnicket @DanielHandler Bumper haul this Christmas for my niece! She’s so excited and can’t wait to get reading! #aseriesofunfortunateevents Merry Christmas 🎄
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The second kind of despair is the sense that even the most elegant of breakfasts is fragile resistance to the oncoming day.
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Violet is an excellent role model, and while it is my dearest wish you do not have even an inkling of her unfortunate luck, I hope her inventive mind has been inspiring to your own. For politeness sake, I cannot name favorites (though Violet is certainly among them).
@lemonysnicket We have been writing about our favourite books this week in Year 3&4 at Ysgol Licswm and Anna wanted to send you this message about her favourite books 'A series of unfortunate events' :) She would like to ask you a question too!
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The fifth kind of despair is the knowledge that with the sun overhead, your shadow has vanished and there is no place to hide.
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The twelfth kind of despair is the knowledge that countless others are sleepless with you.
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Ahem: word which here means a pointed clearing of the throat indicating my slight annoyance at the post's inability to deliver an invitation successfully, but my deep pleasure and gratification in your choice to read my letter at your wedding. Congratulations and best of luck!.
Apologies to Mr. Snicket and Mr. Handler, whose invitations were lost in the mail. @lemonysnicket @DanielHandler
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Gustavo,.I apologize for my tardiness in wishing you a felicitous birthday. However, I must express my concern over your comment on “Olaf” who I can only imagine references one notorious Count. Count Olaf is no less than a villain. Wishing you a belated happy birthday, .Lemony.
Hey @lemonysnicket, today it's my birthday. Send me one "Happy Birthday"? I love "Desventuras em Séries", i'm from Brazil, sorry my English haha Olaf is my hero 👀.
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The third kind of despair is finding life as shifty and indiscernible as the Rorschach of crumbs on your plate.
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Dear Mrs. Thal,.Your students are decidedly talented and resourceful! I particularly appreciate the details achieved with their material, which appears to be popsicle sticks. My only concern is the stomach-ache that may have followed the consumption of so many frozen treats.
One of the many awesome #CurriculumFair projects my students created. This model represented a scene from the book "A Series of Unfortunate Events:The Reptile Room." @lemonysnicket @FRSNewJersey
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You should only read A Series of Unfortunate Events on Halloween if you want a truly unfortunate Halloween. Which. actually makes some sense. Hmm. .
Searching for a dark and dreary adventure for #Halloween2019? How about reading @lemonysnicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events? More books in the series have just arrived on the shelves! 📚🦇
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The eighth kind of despair is burning dinner in the oven.
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I cannot help but notice your investigation wall seems to focus upon a certain Count Olaf. Where is the map? The yarn? The additional evidence and clues? Unless. You do not mean that this is a wall celebrating the dastardly and despicable Count Olaf, surely!.
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and arranged by time-of-day, so with planning you may experience all thirteen despairs in a single twenty-four hour period:.
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The tenth kind of despair is the presentiment that a darkening sky brings darkening times.
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13) There is a thirteenth type of hope, difficult to describe, which occurs outside the confines of the clock – the only one which matters.
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A fair enough comparison, I warrant. My only hope is the industrious children of The Mysterious Benedict Society need never face even half the dangers the Baudelaires confronted. I suspect the Benedict Society will have their own unfortunate adventures. Well wishes to all!.
#MysteriousBenedictSociety seems like #DisneyPlus’ answer to A Series of Unfortunate Events on @netflix @Unfortunate @lemonysnicket #ASoUE @disneyplus.
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I believe "Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity" is indeed something many of us say constantly and consistently. Or would, if anyone could actually pronounce it.
". Sunny had now said this particular thing three times over the course of her life, and she was beginning to wonder if this was something she was only going to say more and more as she grew older.”. - The Hostile Hospital, @lemonysnicket.
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I discourage this activity. It is a show about dreadful things and should be avoided at all costs. RT @joelmeadows1: Watch A Trailer For A Series Of Unfortunate Events Season Three @PaulDBrazill @lemonysnicket #seriesofunfortunateevents.
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First and foremost, 'idol' is a lovely pet name, but Mr. Snicket or Lemony will do just fine. Secondly, my adventures prior to the Unfortunate Events of the Baudelaires, All The Wrong Questions is available for your reading pleasure.
@lemonysnicket hi idol, have you ever thought about writing a prequel about "A series of unfortunate events"? it would be epic. Please, please, please.
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1) “I hope that my alarm clock went off accidentally in the middle of the night and so it’s not dawn.”.
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Pay no attention to this gentleman's flattering tweet. Tomorrow stream something less @unfortunate.
I review the @netflix's new @lemonysnicket adaptation, which is as good as perfect.
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In light of the frightful evening ahead, some more or less sound advice:
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While I cannot say I have written a book called The Unfortunate Almond, which one would assume would feature a personified Almond, I have written a book about another personified food-stuff. It was called The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming. Close enough?.
Moving house. @davidjalmond and @lemonysnicket in the same box. Can you please team up and write a story called 'Unfortunate Almond'? I want at least 5% of all profits.
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This surely took away my bad mood.
@lemonysnicket Look at the masterpiece YOUR masterpiece created: a Valentine's box and award winner!.@MrsMarshallB22 @allenglad @kmgrant1020
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5) “I hope that I manage not to say what is on my mind whilst speaking with this professional associate.”.
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2) “I hope that the quiet camaraderie of breakfast extends throughout the planet.”.
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Demanding ice cream is rude. Asking for a guided tour of someone’s freezer is charming.
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Indeed, I am generally not the trusting sort, but anyone without a book is particularly suspicious. I am glad my hard but true witticisms are being absorbed into the zeitgeist.
“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them." Wise words from @lemonysnicket's Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid #RecommendedReads
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4) “I hope that I look busy to anyone invested in my busyness.”.
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Why did Snicket join the #TwitterFiction Festival? "I was somewhat bullied into it by Neil Gaiman." The @mashable Q&A: http://t.co/w5nfp6E75l.
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I am quite sorry that I could sign your book personally, but Mr. Handler does an excellent job recreating my handwriting. Please enjoy or, more accurately, be mildly disturbed by All the Wrong Questions. My sincerest thanks and apologies,.Lemony Snicket.
@Booksmith was thrilled to get this book from @lemonysnicket. Unfortunately it was signed by his rep @DanielHandler but I can live with that. Getting the chance to read @AnakanaSchofiel BINA is pretty cool, too. #writingcommmunity #books #BookGiveaway
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Like a ship being sent off into the wild waves with the cracking of a bottle of champagne on its bow, we sent this book off into the world. Only, we didn't break any bottles on this book. We read it to children.
What a launch! Swarm of Bees, the new book by @lemonysnicket , illustrated @ByRilla, is out now. We celebrated on Sunday at North Light in Oakland, the hot new spot opened by @SFReadingParty co-founder Dan Stone & friends. Photos: Amy Sullivan. Full album:
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If someone tells you you’re not listening, suggest that they say something interesting.
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The difference between arson and a birthday party is the number of candles.
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The greatest weapon in the world is charm, and I’m sure someone as handsome and intelligent as you knows how it works.
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12) “I hope that the most obvious and embarrassing interpretation of this dream is off-base in some way I have not yet determined.”.
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Salutation and congratulations are in order! May your commencement be a felicitous one! Hopefully you have gleaned some life lessons from the Baudelaires' unfortunate tale. The first being: should you wander upon a certain devious actor with an eye tattoo on his ankle, avoid him.
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While these students' costume designs are surely excellent, I worry for them. Associating with the nefarious Count Olaf and his band of dastardly actors is surely dangerous. To the pioneering public, be warned: Count Olaf is a treacherous, if well costumed, man.
Primary 6 have been thinking about costume design for characters in the Series of Unfortunate Events @lemonysnicket @BookWeekScot @wl_literacy @fvwlriclit @WL_STEM @CreativeScots #PUSCPSreads
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A book is like the owner of a flower shop – there is no reason to break their spine.
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Sweep the floor. You will be dust soon enough and then it will be someone else’s turn.
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@ichbinnurVerena, I am giving you the side-eye, a phrase which here means to stare at someone in suspicious disbelief or wary incredulity.
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7) “I hope that the talk at cocktail time is imaginative and hilarious.”.
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Friends are like napkins. Keep a good stack handy for messy days.
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Free advice is available now to those who ask Mr. Snicket on @tumblr: http://t.co/dNLSQ6ZMjd
#AnswerTime
http://t.co/5ivSul2h73.
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Don't miss out on the new Lemony Snicket swag, available now — for the first time ever!. Get yours from @OutofPrintTees:.
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A day without a book is dull; a book without a day is very spooky.
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Friends are like umbrellas on rainy days - they are waiting at home for you, while you wander damply about.
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