incorrect tokyo revengers
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takemichi : this is real.
hina : i know.
takemichi : you’re my wife.
hina : i’m your wife.
takemichi : you married me. in front of people.
hina : i know. i was there.
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2K
mikey : you should FEAR me. i will take you DOWN. i am a MENACE.
shinichiro : [fondly] you can be whatever you want to be, little brother.
3
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kazutora : i swear it on my life-
chifuyu : BITCH, YOU ARE SUICIDAL, SWEAR ON SOMETHING ELSE!
1
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baji : i can’t tell if i want to kiss you or kill you.
chifuyu : can … can i choose?
0
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381
sanzu : ARE YOU-
rindou : fucking.
sanzu : KIDDING ME?! YOU-
rindou : fucking.
sanzu : IDIOT!
kakucho :
kakucho : what was that?
rindou : koko banned sanzu from swearing, so i’m helping him out.
1
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381
shinichiro : we all have our demons.
shinichiro : [holds mikey by his collar] this one is mine.
mikey : [bites shinichiro]
shinichiro : [lovingly] a tiny demon.
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izana : welcome to the fuck mikey club. this is a group for people who absolutely hate that tiny bastard.
izana : but first, a word from our newest member.
sanzu :
sanzu : there’s been a misunderstanding.
2
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shinichiro : today i realised i’m old.
wakasa : what happened?
shinichiro : i fell and instead of laughing, manjiro came running to see if i was ok.
wakasa :
shinichiro : i saw fear in his eyes.
0
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kazutora : permission to use lethal force?
chifuyu : no.
kazutora : [turns back to a customer] thank you, have a nice day.
0
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kakucho : what are you drinking?
rindou : tea.
kakucho : [suspicious] oh, really? what kind?
rindou : tea … quila.
1
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rindou : [flirting] excuse me, have you ever been arrested?
kazutora : yes.
rindou : i was going to say “because it’s illegal to be this handsome.”
rindou : now, i’m curious.
kazutora : murder.
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draken : this is takemitchy. takemitchy loves his personal space.
mikey : [walks in and hugs takemichi]
draken : and this is mikey. mikey also loves takemitchy’s personal space.
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shinichiro : what’s worse than a heartbreak?
baji : when you realize that dragons can’t blow out the candles on their birthday cakes.
shinichiro :
shinichiro : oh my god, you’re right.
0
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izana : [speaking tagalog]
shion : [sighs] yeah, i know.
kakucho : you speak tagalog?
shion : no. i just know the phrase, “this is your fault.”
shion : he says it a lot.
1
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336
kazutora : want to play a game?
takemichi : sure!
hakkai : [nods]
kazutora : okay, it’s called “baji or peke j”. i’ll tell you things i’ve overheard chifuyu say, and you have to guess if he was talking to his boyfriend or his cat.
chifuyu :
hakkai : oh, i’m so in.
0
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draken : violence isn’t the answer.
baji : you’re right.
draken : [sighs in relief]
baji : violence is the question.
draken : what?
baji : [bolting away] and the answer is yes.
draken : [running after him] NO-
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sanzu : [driving]
koko : when did you get your driver’s license?
sanzu : my what?
koko : [reaching for the door handle] i need to get out of this fucking car.
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baji : are you gay?
draken : no.
baji : you can tell me.
draken : i’m not.
baji : it’s okay. i’m gay. mikey’s gay.
mikey : bye.
baji : oh, sorry. he’s bi.
mikey : no, i’m going home for the day. i’m gay.
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wakasa : takeomi-
takeomi : [sighs]
takeomi : shin used to call me that.
wakasa : because it’s your fucking name.
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ryusei : how high are you?
kazutora : uh, i don’t know how to say it in feet.
chifuyu : no, he’s asking what drugs are you on.
kazutora : oh, antidepressants, why?
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takemichi : so, what is draken-kun to you?
mikey : the reason i wake up every morning.
takemichi : ... that’s adorable.
draken : [earlier that morning, barging into mikey’s room and smacking pans together]
draken : WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
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wakasa : [to takeomi] okay, now observe.
wakasa : everyone, the floor is lava!
shinichiro : [helps emma onto the counter]
izana : [pushes mikey off the sofa]
wakasa : as you can see, there are two types of siblings.
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baji : did you hear? hanma almost got hit in the parking lot this morning.
chifuyu : i know. he’s a lot faster than i thought.
baji :
chifuyu : don’t worry. i’ll get him next time.
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officer : you’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
kazutora : shit.
baji : wait, three?
officer : yeah?
chifuyu : oh my god, ryusei fell off!
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takemichi : i’d die for you, mikey-kun.
mikey : i’d kill for you, takemitchy.
draken : both of you need to calm the fuck down.
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ran : i wasn’t that drunk.
rindou : you called yourself ugly.
ran :
rindou :
ran : oh, god.
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inui : koko, what are you doing?
koko : [standing on the sofa] i live here too, you know. i can stand wherever i want, thank you very much.
inui :
koko :
inui : where’s the spider?
koko : under the table.
0
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mochi : ran, have you ever won an argument with izana?
ran : we never argue. he speaks tagalog and i shut up.
0
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koko : i sleep with a knife under my pillow.
ran : weak. i sleep with a gun.
rindou : you both are pathetic.
ran : oh? what do you sleep with?
rindou : sanzu.
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chifuyu : [on the phone with kazutora] hey, i’m breaking up-
kazutora : i’m pregnant.
chifuyu : i meant the call.
kazutora : right, sorry. i panicked.
0
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taiju : did you two sleep together last night?
koko : no.
inui : no.
taiju : a double negative, so it’s a yes.
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wakasa : what are your strengths?
shinichiro : i fall in love easily.
wakasa : weaknesses?
shinichiro : those beautiful eyes of yours.
0
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baji : did you buy eggs like i asked?
kazutora : even better!
chifuyu : [sighs]
baji : what did you-
kazutora : [holds up a chicken] her name is fluffy!
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sanzu : you fight like my sister!
kakucho : i’ve seen your sister fight. that’s a compliment.
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takeomi : how many kids do you have?
shinichiro : biologically, emotionally, or legally?
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kazutora : [sends a voice message to chifuyu]
chifuyu : [replies back with a text] i’m a little busy, is it urgent?
kazutora : no, don’t worry, just listen later.
chifuyu : [later, on his way home, presses play] THERE’S A FIRE-
0
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baji : never back down, never what?
mitsuya : [having a breakdown over his new project] never give up.
baji : NEVER BACK DOWN, NEVER WHAT?
mitsuya : [crying] never give up!
0
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takemichi : i fell-
mikey : from heaven?
takemichi : no, i literally fell-
mikey : in love with me the moment you saw me?
takemichi : MY ARM IS BROKEN!
mikey : okay, but do you think i’m pretty? be honest.
0
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kakucho : i think sanzu is a little upset with you.
takemichi : why do you say that?
kakucho : he told me to give you this note.
takemichi : [reading the note out loud] “dear hanagaki, i hope this message finds you before i do.”
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kazutora : remember how i said baji and i were going to have a calm night out for once?
chifuyu : … yes.
kazutora : well, we’re in jail.
chifuyu : [hangs up]
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hakkai : koko is in the pool and i don’t think he’s waterproof.
taiju : what?
yuzuha : i think he means koko is drowning.
taiju : oh, okay.
taiju :
taiju : wait- WHAT?!
0
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baji : i told kazutora his ears turn red when he lies.
chifuyu : what? no, they don’t.
baji : watch this.
baji : HEY, TORA! DO YOU LOVE US!?
kazutora : [covering his ears] NO!
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kazutora : i need someone to be my friend, someone who won’t leave me.
kazutora : maybe send me an angel.
kazutora : the nicest angel you have!
baji : [somewhere in an alley, cackling, while something’s burning in the background]
0
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ran : okay, i ate your pizza, what do you want?
rindou : a new brother.
1
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mikey : i have come up with a two step plan to get inui to marry you.
koko : okay, i’m listening,
mikey : step one, get him to play truth or dare.
koko : oh, god. stop.
mikey : step two, dare him to marry you.
koko : mikey, no.
sanzu : it could work.
1
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draken : damn, the power went out.
baji : don’t worry, i got this.
baji : [shakes rapidly and starts to light up]
draken : what-
baji : i swallowed a glow stick!
draken : [on the verge of tears] WHY WOULD YOU-
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mochi : i made a voodoo doll of you.
koko : [jokingly] so you can stab me?
mochi : i made him a tiny bed and gave him a nap.
koko : no.
mochi : i’m going to take him on a picnic.
koko : NO.
mochi : we’re doing self care.
koko : STOP THAT.
0
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mikey : what are you doing?
baji : you texted me and said draken got hurt, so i brought a watermelon.
mikey : why?
baji : ken loves watermelons.
draken : [crying and hugging the watermelon]
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kazutora : i mean, small creatures are far more vicious. it’s because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
baji : ridiculous, give me some examples.
kazutora : spiders.
pah-chin : wasps.
draken : mikey.
0
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koko : i don’t dress to impress, i dress to depress.
koko : i want to look so good that people hate themselves.
yuzuha : you have problems.
0
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shinichiro : [complaining] baji and mikey did it again.
benkei : peace disturbance?
shinichiro : what? no-
takeomi : arson?
shinichiro : no, jesus christ! how many-
wakasa : uh ... attempted murder?
shinichiro : NO! THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-
1
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kazutora : i think we should adopt another kid.
akkun : no.
kazutora : why?
akkun : because by “kid” you mean “cat” and we already have 6 of those.
kazutora : [unzips his jacket] 7.
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inui : i’ve always wondered ... how do tall people like you actually sleep at night when the blanket can’t possibly cover you from your shoulders to your toes?
draken : it’s four o’clock in the morning.
inui : so you can’t sleep, huh?
draken :
inui : is it the blanket?
0
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mochi : i accidentally ate ran’s chocolates. how long do you think i have to live?
rindou : ten.
mochi : ten what?
rindou : nine.
0
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inui : are you in the mood for a quickie?
koko : [taken aback] wh- what?
inui : a quickie. you know, one of those tart things.
koko :
koko : IT’S PRONOUNCED QUICHE.
3
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kakucho : what’s gay privilege?
ran : better sex.
mucho : no accidental kids.
shion : dating someone your size and doubling your wardrobe.
rindou : being able to listen to really good music because of automatic good taste.
izana : not being straight.
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sanzu : my advice is-
koko : you’re the last person i want relationship advice from. you tried to kill your partner. multiple times.
sanzu : first of all, that was before we started dating. secondly, he also tried to kill me.
ran : it’s true. it was mutually attempted murder.
1
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[at baji’s funeral]
mikey : i can’t believe i have to say goodbye to him.
mikey : i need a moment alone, please.
draken : of course, take your time.
mikey : [looks around]
mikey : the coast is clear.
baji : [opens his eyes]
baji : this is our best prank yet.
2
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mikey : hey, i got us friendship bracelets.
takemichi : nice! put it on me.
mikey : [handcuffs himself to takemichi]
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baji : when i was younger i had a crush on a boy in my class and didn’t know how to deal with it, so i wrote him a letter that just said “get out of my school.”
chifuyu : THAT WAS YOU???
1
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takemichi : i’ll go with you.
chifuyu : i can’t risk losing anyone i care about.
inui : i’ll go.
chifuyu : okay.
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chifuyu : if you could kiss anyone in the world who would it be?
kazutora : baji.
chifuyu : that doesn’t count. you do that anyway.
kazutora : [doesn’t hesitate] your mom.
1
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mikey : i give up. i am so tired.
mitsuya : get the emergency supply!
draken : [carries takemichi and places him in front of mikey]
takemichi : [smiles]
mikey : AND I AM BACK, LET’S GO!
0
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hanma : hanagaki really hates us.
kisaki : yeah, i wonder why.
hanma : maybe he’s homophobic?
kisaki : but we’re not gay, hanma.
hanma :
kisaki :
hanma : we’re not?
1
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baji : do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?
takeomi : those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
baji :
baji : [starts crying]
wakasa : you scared him, you idiot!
0
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mochi : you know you can die from that, right?
takeomi : [smoking a cigarette] that’s the point.
ran : [drinking alcohol] we’re trying to speed up the process.
kakucho : [eating raw cookie dough and nodding]
koko : [takes a picture] this one is going on the fridge.
0
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chifuyu : manga lied to me.
chifuyu : i never see bad boys protecting stray kittens, therefore revealing to me their soft side.
chifuyu : it’s always me picking up the cats.
chifuyu :
chifuyu : maybe i’m the bad boy.
1
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taiju : [taps fingers on table]
south : [taps fingers back furiously]
takemichi : … what’s going on?
kakucho : morse code. they’re talking.
taiju : [taps on table again]
south : [slams hands on table] YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
1
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mikey : i want to kill myself.
sanzu : P U S S Y I N M Y B I O.
0
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mikey : between me and emma-
izana : emma.
mikey : you didn’t even let me finish the question.
0
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ran : you can trust me. let’s not forget who pulled you out of that river when you were 14.
rindou : let’s not forget who pushed me in!
0
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inui : good morning, dysfunctional parent figure.
wakasa : [without looking at him] hello, my dearest problematic child.
0
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rindou : you know, kakucho gives izana flowers all the time, i wish you’d do that too.
sanzu : okay, whatever you want.
sanzu : [later, gives izana flowers]
izana : [confused] thank you?
sanzu : i am just as confused as you are.
0
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shinichiro : i’m a sano, flirting is part of my heritage.
benkei : what does that mean?
takeomi : his father was a slut too.
1
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225
yuzuha : we all know you’re in love with him.
koko : i’m not in love with inupi. shut up.
yuzuha : [smiles] i never said who.
koko :
koko : okay, hold on, no, JUST LISTEN-
0
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izana : noise cancelling headphones aren’t enough, i need everyone to die.
izana : [points at kakucho] he’s an exception. i Iike his voice.
0
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izana : [whispers] shinichiro!
izana : there’s a boy in emma’s room.
shinichiro : [confused] huh?
izana : there’s a boy in emma’s room!
shinichiro : [aggressively gets out of bed, holding a baseball bat] it’s go time. manjiro, get up!
mikey : [mumbles] it’s ken-chin …
0
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koko : so inupi and i had a fight and-
mochi : why are you looking up?
koko : beCAUSE i want to cry but this eyeliner was expensive!
0
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wakasa : [walking into his house] hello, people who do not live here.
senju : hey.
inui : hi.
koko : hello.
baji : hey!
wakasa : i gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
mikey : we were out of food.
0
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kakucho : what are you doing?
ran : offering moral support.
kakucho : … you have morals?
ran : no, but i support those who do.
0
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mikey : from now on we will be using code names.
mikey : i’m eagle one.
mikey : draken is “been there done that”.
mikey : takemitchy is “currently doing that”.
mikey : baji is “it happened once in a dream”.
mikey : and mitsuya is ... eagle two.
mitsuya : oh, thank god.
0
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baji : [sees mikey and sanzu sitting on a bench]
baji : why do you guys look sad?
mikey : sit down with us so we can tell you.
baji : [sits down]
sanzu : the bench is freshly painted.
1
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220
ran : why are you ignoring rindou?
sanzu : i’m playing hard to get.
ran : why would you do that? you’re already hard to want.
0
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221
wakasa : [watching benkei play with kids]
wakasa : one day i’m going to put a baby in that man.
takeomi : how?
wakasa : i don’t know, but i’ll figure it out.
0
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mikey : [wearing draken’s shirt]
draken : stealing from me again?
mikey : what?
draken : first my heart, then my clothes, what’s next? my last name?
3
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koko : inupi and i slept together.
yuzuha : and?
koko : i thought you would be a little more shocked.
yuzuha : oh, sorry.
yuzuha : [in a shocked voice] and?!
0
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draken : are you going to be part of the problem, or the solu-
hanma : the problem. definitely the problem.
draken : it was a rhetorical que-
hanma : i have some ideas on how to make the problem funnier.
0
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kisaki : hanma, have you seen my glasses?
kazutora : oh, i’m not-
kisaki : did i leave them in your bed again?
kazutora :
kisaki : wait, i found them.
kazutora :
kisaki :
1
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214
hina : if you were to die, what would your last words be?
takemichi : i love you.
hina : aw, me too!
hina : what about you, mikey?
mikey : finally.
takemichi : no.
0
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kazutora : i have a question for you.
baji : yes, i’d cry if you died.
baji : yes, i’d still love you if you were a worm.
baji : yes, i still love you.
baji : no, i don’t want to break up.
kazutora : thank you.
1
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chifuyu : you don’t like kisaki?
takemichi : yes.
chifuyu : and i don’t like kisaki …
chifuyu : takemitchy, i think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
0
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214
koko : you trust sanzu?
mikey : i absolutely trust him.
koko : he’s not some kind of maniac, right?
mikey : [pause] i absolutely trust him.
0
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mitsuya : [drunk, to draken] draken has no idea i’m in love with him.
draken : you’re in love with me?
mitsuya : oh, sorry.
mitsuya : [to peh-yan] : draken has no idea i’m in love with him.
0
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214
rindou : i’m kind of crushing on someone, but i’m worried about telling you who it is because you’re not going to like it.
ran : just rip the bandage off.
rindou : it’s sanzu.
ran : put the bandage back on.
2
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takemichi : i made this friendship bracelet for you.
draken : you know, i’m not really a jewellery person.
takemichi : you don’t have to wear-
draken : no, i’m going to wear it forever. back off.
0
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takemichi : honestly, i’m a little scared of sanzu-kun.
mikey : haruchiyo wouldn’t hurt a fly.
takemichi : [smiles] that’s reassuring.
mikey : he’d kill a man though.
0
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chifuyu : you call yourself my friend, but where were you when my meme only had 4 likes?
hakkai : making 4 accounts.
chifuyu : [tearing up] dude.
1
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212
ryusei : wait, how do you know that baji is good in bed?
kazutora : we share a wall. either he’s amazing or chifuyu likes to agree with him a lot.
1
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takemichi : [about sanzu] i could fix him.
baji : he has like three other people trying to fix him. i’m one of them.
takemichi : wait, what.
baji : we’re starting to look like a construction crew.
0
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takemichi : hina, will you marry me?
hina : yes!
chifuyu : [jumps out of a bush] omg!
hina : chifuyu? what are you-
chifuyu : [hugs takemichi] you’re getting married!
takemichi : she said yes!
chifuyu : i know!
hina :
hina : should i leave you two alone or something?
0
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