katie kadue
@kukukadoo
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foremost zucchini fritter on twitter | “endlessly quotable” | author of DOMESTIC GEORGIC @ uchicago press
LA / bada bing
Joined March 2016
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we live in hell; i wrote about eden, and olivia laing’s garden of letters, for
@NewYorker
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you are not “getting railed in a sundress” this summer. this is america. there is no functioning rail system to speak of
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feel like a lot of women in their 30s are torn between sticking with their bf who’s honestly not a great candidate but he’s the nominee or risking the chaos of an open convention
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the last word of each line of this george herbert poem is in all caps because that’s when the beastie boys chime in
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good friend is late 20s. in shape, has £10,000 a year, lives in a fine house with some of the finest woods in the country. but he’s consistently ghosted, ignored, or told “you’re the last man in the world i could be prevailed upon to marry.” modern women are broken.
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it’s literally impossible to be a congressman. you have to be corrupt, but not *too* corrupt. you have to raise money, but you can’t spend that money on botox. you’re supposed to care about family values, but if you carry a random baby around people say “um is that your baby?”
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i don’t care if being unverified means no one will see my tweets. i tweet only for myself, my phd advisor who doesn’t have a twitter account but types “twitter kukukadoo” into google every day to find my tweets so she can email me her thoughts on them, and god
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not to brag but i’m kind of an expert in creepy poems of the 16th and 17th centuries. here’s one that haunts me
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“i hate LA there are no seasons” bitch there are so many seasons. jacaranda season. season when it’s 75 degrees but gets dark at 4:45. persimmon season at the farmers market. awards season of course. limited-time celebrity smoothie partnership seasons at erewhon. june gloom
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if that’s your girl why is her blood mixed with mine in the body of this flea
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a pandemic is someone who’s attracted to academics from all disciplines
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movies used to have a character named “theological cokehead” played by david spade
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book blurbs will say anything. “this is a staggering debut from an urgent and necessary voice.” no it’s not. that’s not true.
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ohhh my god you’re weaving memoir with literary criticism to create a new hybrid form? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party? should we invite maggie nelson
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when a h*rvard professor responds to my talk by saying my “affect” is “an interesting professional choice,” i just laugh and laugh, another interesting professional choice
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some great dating app bio ideas in flaubert’s letters if anyone needs one
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RIP louise glück. when i was an undergrad in her poetry workshop she taught me something i’ve never forgotten: that i should stop writing poetry
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keeping this simone weil passage taped to my computer monitor as i write my second academic book
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by age 25 you should have written some of the best poems in the english language and died of tuberculosis
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leaving academia is always difficult but i think will smith made the right decision
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i believe in traditional marriage. the husband should provide the material for the wife to write the personal essays about
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trump: they say it’s a dream. is it a dream, folks? i don’t think so. there was an acc-i-dent. on mulholland drive. “no hay banda.” it’s all an illusion, reality’s an illusion. betty, some people call her diane, beautiful girl. very sad. a lesbian, you know, which we love
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i will NOT read another book about a middle aged white woman who hates her stupid husband. (expression of stony resolve softening, warm smile spreading across face) ah what the hell. pass me that raw and unsparing divorce memoir, sister
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heard joke once. author submits article to academic journal. reviewer 2 says, “author fundamentally misunderstands this concept and would do well to consult the work of pagliacci.” author says, “but doctor…”
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epic poetry is full of dumb hot guys....achilles, aeneas, adam in paradise lost—all beautiful idiots. in this essay on “the epic himbo” i will
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travel is bad because it makes you think you’re more interesting than you are, and you really don’t need to travel for that. you can just be an analytic philosopher at the university of chicago
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me reading petrarch: omg why is this the 100th poem about this lady’s eyes and lips and hair! why do you keep listing body parts 😭
me to my cat, every time i see her, all day: you have a little face, it has a little nose, you have some little paws, your paws have little toes
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i think it’s good the media only covers ivy league campus culture. it’s a lot easier to indoctrinate my suny binghamton students in postmodern neo-marxist gender theory without the nyt breathing down my neck
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the difference in the heat index after the sun goes down is crazy. it’s like night and day
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bro last night was a staggering debut from an urgent and necessary voice
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the sweaty bisexual tennis movie is as good as everyone is saying
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both speech and writing are risky: speech is imprecise, with no opportunity for editing, but it’s also ephemeral; with writing, your bad judgment is set in stone and easily circulated. luckily there’s a form of communication that combines the worst of both: tweeting
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academic hiring makes no sense right now. i keep interviewing for tenure-track jobs and getting rejected by committees made up of tenured professors who have not produced tweets nearly as good as mine
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i also think it’s weird taylor wrote a 10-min song about someone she dated for 3 months in 2010. why didn’t she do the normal thing of writing 366 poems about someone she saw once, on good friday in 1327
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we saw you from across the bar and we love your vibe. can we remind you of the ephemerality of all worldly things?
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wow. just learned that of the hundreds of greek tragedies known to have existed, all but 32 have been deleted by hbo max
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happy birthday jacques derrida. you taught me that all binaries are unstable; that presence always signifies a lack; that within oppenheimer there lies, always already, the trace of barbie
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rom com where an academic and a freelance critic fall in love, only to realize they’ve been viciously subtweeting each other from semi-anonymous accounts for years, fueled by mutual envy and contempt for their respective professions
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i’m also an american girl who was unhappy in italy. i imagined seeing places full of life—full of experience. but the locals i met were rude and hostile, and i ended up stuck in a marriage with a man who despised me, secretly arranged by a woman i thought was my friend.
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goblin market tonite 👀
goblin market tonite queen?? 👁️👁️
goblin market tonite 👀
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i didn’t understand how important it was to see yourself represented in media until i read a devastating review of a widely celebrated book that i also hated
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young men today are not okay. they’re lonely. they’re alienated. they’re not having sex. women don’t even want to talk to them. worst of all, they’re writing hundreds of sonnets, madrigals, dizains, and canzoni about it
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(whispering to my date when the female lead of hitchcock’s REBECCA, who is not named rebecca, comes onscreen) that’s rebecca
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in paradise lost, god tests adam and eve’s obedience, and they fail miserably. but the poem fails an even more important test. the bechdel test
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after [redacted] years on the job market and countless hours shitposting about academia, i’m so happy to be joining the english department at suny binghamton this fall. thanks for supporting me on what one search committee member called my “very public twitter account”
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i’ve struggled for a long time on the academic job market, which is why i’m so, so thrilled to announce that a department that rejected me has hired the person i predicted they would hire and now my friend who predicted otherwise owes me $20
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me: my new years resolution? uhhhhh nothing i guess idk
lydia davis:
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(texting joyce chat) it’s crazy how everything across time and space is basically the same, reducible to archetypes 😂
(texting proust chat) it’s crazy how many subtle differences there are within even the tiniest grain of sand from one moment to the next 🥹
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i’m tired of reading about americans awkwardly interacting with englishmen in italy, what may or may not have been a snub, and vague intrigue between beautiful people. time to throw this henry james novel across the room, take a big sip of water and see what’s trending on twitter
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professors of philosophy and history have been getting a lot of attention on here lately. if a literary scholar doesn’t step up and tweet something bizarrely offensive and completely unhinged in the next few days, our discipline risks irrelevance
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my favorite thing about montaigne’s defense of plagiarism is that he compares it to how bees collect pollen from different flowers and make it their own. my second favorite thing is that he plagiarized that idea from seneca
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nice work of art you’ve made there. would be a shame if it were nothing but an allegory of its conditions of production
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for the bartender to cut me off when i’m just one martini away from telling my friend what i really think about her husband is, frankly, anti-intellectual
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since the beginning of time mankind has relied on the narrative structure of “girl has two boyfriends”
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man goes to doctor. says he’s depressed. doctor says, great clown pagliacci is in town tonight. go see her. if you’re ok with female clowns, that is. man says, comedy is ok. but clown? is more difficult
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who says we in english literary studies no longer have a canon? we still have a set of shared texts we return to over and over to find meaning collectively through unending, contentious interpretation: new yorker articles about the death of the profession
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academics are ridiculously petty, hopelessly individualistic, and competitive about the most trivial things. not me though. i’m better
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auerbach wrote mimesis in exile “without his library” but was constantly looking stuff up in a monastic library in istanbul, i wrote my book during a pandemic without any library access but i checked a bunch of references on amazon “look inside!”, we’re kind of the same
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i know we’ve been sailing for years and many of you have died, for reasons largely my fault. i know you long for home and are starting to wonder if i’m delaying on purpose. i know you’re mad. trust me: i am too. that’s why i’m urging you to DONATE. can i count on you for 7 oxen?
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george: she blocked me, jerry!
jerry: she blocked you? why, did you make fun of her?
george: well, yes—but in a subtweet! not even a direct one! a sub-subtweet!
jerry: and she still clocked it? she clocked you mocking her?
george: she clocked that i mocked and she blocked!
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celebrating the first night of hanukkah by reading these aloud to my (jewish) husband
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i’ve lost hours of my life to reading cultural criticism about how capitalism robs us of our most precious resource: time
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writing is actually really easy for me. i produce it as a silkworm produces silk, as the expression of my nature. then i am boiled alive and my cocoon is carefully extracted from around my corpse
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trying to write a sonnet about the goddess of agriculture but can’t get demeter right
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it’s easy to hate girls who visit the english countryside just to instagram
it, reducing the rich tapestry of nature to the flatness of the picturesque. but that’s also what the landscape painters of the 19th century were doing. and it’s easy to hate them too
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europeans in LA are always turning to each other at dinner parties and saying “at last, in this cultural wasteland, i have found another european!” like okayyy adoooorno just drink your natural wine that i bought bc the salesgirl with tiny tattoos said it tastes like kombucha
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i feel sorry for the nyt puzzle people, who cannot recognize the presence of the divine in our world
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worry about your own body count, king. you should have two, a body natural and a body politic
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no matter how tired i get of all the ads, random men sharing their random opinions, the constant stream of garbage, the depressing breakdown of communication, and the fact that i often don’t know or care what’s going on, i’ll never stop reading ulysses
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living an authentic and transcendent life that in no way resembles a cliche of a philosophy professor by leaving my spouse for a grad student, crossing a grad strike picket line, and constantly comparing myself to socrates
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ever wonder what the rest of sappho’s fragments look like? i’ve used AI to fill in the missing text and reveal that the poems are not about loss and longing at all, instead depicting the speaker in a happy, healthy, completely reciprocated relationship
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poetry is not magic. it’s not something to fall in love with. it’s something to evaluate with probability theory, and the bayesian priors are pretty damning
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i’m so sick of my students emailing me questions about heavy cream, sugar, crisp white wine, brandy, and nutmeg. it’s in the syllabub!!!
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when you were reading literature in translation, i studied posts. when you were devouring cărtărescu, i was scrolling. while you wasted your days on ernaux, i mastered the art of copypasta. and now that you need a meme explained you have the audacity to come to me for help
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how tf are you sober, celibate, and have an eating disorder… bitch you’re nothing
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it’s so lonely being the only one who knows the correct amount of reading to assign students and the correct amount of sociology to apply to literature
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very sad essay about how a professor who sleeps with his student can ruin her ability to read or think for the rest of her life
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those last two lines are what lyric poetry is all about. happy birthday john ashbery. wywh!
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lots of theories about how joyce carol oates does it, but we need only look to marx for the answer: she produces her tweets as a silkworm produces silk, as the expression of her own nature
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