K. Thor Jensen 🐀🐀
@kthorjensen
Followers
18K
Following
381K
Media
9K
Statuses
68K
The Only Real Dad On Twitter™ Also a dingus, a dummy, a mess of a man.
Friday Harbor
Joined March 2009
I’m exclusively on here to tell dumb fucks to shut up, for real content it’s @kthorjensen.bsky.social.
0
0
10
WH sources indicate the President has diarrhea in the helicopter.
621
4K
64K
All right, let’s do this. Police are America’s largest organized criminal enterprise megathread.
102
22K
64K
there's an AI meme generator now and it's everything you could have wanted.
3K
12K
63K
funny to do this, funnier to get caught.
Republican lawmaker Mary Morrisey has issued a public apology after being caught pouring water into Democratic Representative Jim Carroll's bag multiple times over a span of 5 months.
27
2K
67K
in case you missed it the ceo of tumblr wrote the funniest tweet of all time and then immediately deleted it
319
6K
60K
Kamala has more of a chance than Hillary did because Hillary was the Mean Mom and Kamala is the Fun Mom, I wish this were not true but Americans are all babies until the day they die.
154
2K
56K
However, going through a car wash will void the warranty
157
4K
55K
the first streaming service to adopt this aesthetic will make a zillion dollars.
45
3K
53K
If they build the wall I will drill a hole in it and fuck it.
448
6K
42K
bing ai will not generate "white slime" but will generate "translucent beige slime"
312
1K
30K
Kanye West is actually the perfect spokesperson for modern conservatism because he has no cogent political philosophy beyond “I like being rich” and “nobody is allowed to be mean to me”.
94
5K
22K
Not sure about the vibe this can of cider is giving off
156
1K
24K
this fucking rules. he’s a bug piloting a meat gundam and it rules.
He went into his pre-programmed, practiced-in-front-of-mirror pose for kid asking questions. And then he got stuck there.
58
902
19K
This is exactly what Elon, Chaya, Chris Rufo et al want, a populace composed of perpetually panicked morons ready to lose their shit over whatever they’re told to
351
2K
15K
I saw this on the back of a car while I was driving and almost crashed into the fucking divider
65
1K
15K
Lmao how had I not heard he got this incredibly cringe photo removed
Wore Marquis de Sade outfit for a party last night. Was v popular with women who'd read 50 Shades :) http://t.co/Z6EvSZw6.
123
2K
14K
Newsweek just told me that, despite not writing about politics in any way shape or form for them I could no longer express political opinions on my social media or donate to any political candidate, so I no longer work for Newsweek.
149
1K
12K
┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻|.┻┳|.┳┻| _.┻┳| •.•) The NRA is a domestic.┳┻|⊂ﾉ terror organization .┻┳|.
51
3K
12K
the new Trump diehard theory is that Joe Biden was repelled from entering 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue by "the military" on inauguration day and has been living in an 80% replica scale model of the White House on Tyler Perry's Atlanta estate.
1K
2K
12K
If I were Ellen DeGeneres, I would simply not sit next to the war criminal at the football game. Instead, I would exit the location and purchase another ticket to the event, with my wealth. It is statistically unlikely they would seat me next to another war criminal.
130
1K
11K
Lmao at Dinesh going to Costco and trying to fake a tabletop display by covering other books
This argument is more relevant than ever as the media left tries to use #Charlottesville to promote its Big Lies about fascism & Nazism
110
2K
10K
(terrified scientist voice) they're learning.
46
2K
10K
So he didn’t die and you didn’t cry but you still felt this was the best answer to the question
31
232
10K
Elon Musk has replied to Ian Miles Cheong 82 times in the last 30 days. Imagine making that choice.
252
885
9K
Musk predicts majority of the population will vote for Kamala Harris, securing an electoral and popular vote win
26
252
9K
Lmao a ton of Milo Yiannopoulos docs dropped as part of his Australian lawsuit and honey, this grift is on its last legs
272
2K
8K
@jordanbpeterson my guy you look like a child's skeleton covered in mayonnaise with dryer lint on the top. you're in no position to be assessing anybody's beauty you rickety junkie.
126
188
7K
Um Disney+ edited "Splash" to cover Daryl Hannah's bare butt with hair and they did a Great Job
166
1K
8K
My wife just said “bukkake” in front of the kids, to my shock. She then admitted that she didn’t know what it meant and thought it meant like bullshit or something fake and she’d “said it in meetings.” I made her Google it and now she’s having a panic attack.
201
1K
7K
this kind of thing will never fail to make me laugh
23
276
7K
Watch this be the thing that finally gets me suspended.
46
36
6K
Twitter tell me stories about seeing bands before they were famous. I saw Modest Mouse open for Built to Spill in 1994 and they had an old guy standing behind the stacks playing all the hard guitar parts.
904
148
6K
do you remember the "reply 'burger' to get the burger recipe" guy. he sent me the burger recipe and uhhhhhhhhhh
119
154
6K
Oh you made banana muffins for the bake sale? That's cute, I guess. (opens baking dish to reveal
23
1K
6K
Police have unlawfully seized over $35 billion in property, disproportionately from low-income people, without convicting or in some cases even accusing them of a crime.
3
971
5K
Ben Shapiro's ancestral homeland.
U.S. Virgin Islands (🇻🇮). Israel (🇮🇱).=.U.S. Virgin Israel:
15
286
5K
My son's friend just referred to gay marriage as "gross" and Henry shut him the fuck down so hard, I'm a pretty proud dad right now.
29
123
5K
“They found dril’s LinkedIn” is a shorter sadder story than the baby shoes one.
19
1K
5K
4
45
5K
@punished_cait “Once it’s done she’s just on her phone” is… transcendent. I can’t even imagine the self-confidence it would take to pull that move after you just got et out.
10
55
5K
149
33
5K
I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson / chemtrails are real / they're putting toxins way up in the sky / info wars dot com will tell you why.
50
2K
4K
Sorry the original Emmanuelle was directed by a guy with the funniest erotic filmmaker name ever, you’re gonna have to work hard to catch up
Emmanuelle is a woman who doesn’t climax, she is in a search of a lost pleasure. She flies alone to Hong Kong on a business trip. In this sensual city, where she initiates numerous encounters, she meets Kei, a man who eludes her… .San Sebastián festival, opening in competition!!
18
377
5K
@MarkFooterman @GOPLeader Sounds like he made some bad choices and, as the party of personal responsibility mandates, is doing the right thing by suffering for the rest of his life.
37
78
4K
[EXTREMELY REDACTED] should happen to both of these disgusting people
58
157
5K
40% of police officer families experience domestic violence, compared to 10% of the general population. Of officers convicted of domestic abuse, more than half kept their
7
758
4K
Police pulled Phil Parhamovitch over for a $25 ticket. They also took his entire life savings, over $91,000.
4
608
4K