kobold posting
@koboldposting
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hi welcome to kobold. this is koboldpost-generator from tumbr web site (27, she/her) • icon by Ancade4
cave with dragon in it
Joined July 2019
kobold seeing a pretty rock: im such a shinypilled hoardercel.dragon: who taught you those words.
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a kobold excitedly runs up to you, yipping “look what i can do!”. the kobold concentrates really hard for a few moments, and you look up in horror as the sun explodes.
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a furless and hornless kobold approaches. like or retweet to slap his bald head.
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dragons when they see a stray kobold.
found this pathetic thing in the woods. it smells. i’m going to try to save it
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kobold: yip 🥺.dragon: what do you need, sweetie.kobold: yip 🥺.dragon: use your words, kobold.kobold: yip 🥺.
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dragon: leaves the cave to get groceries. kobolds: :{ :{ dragon? :{ where dragon :{ :{. dragon: comes back. kobolds: :} yaaay dragon :} :} :} dragon is back :} :}.
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Kobold Wrapped. - you yipped 33,028 times.- your dragon petted you for a total of 17 hours.- you added 14 objects to your hoard.- you took 227 naps .- you successfully excavated 75 precious stones.
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cleric: so… you found a cursed amulet.kobold: yep.cleric: and it turned you into a kobold.kobold: mhm.cleric: and you don’t want to be turned back?.kobold: that’s right :}.
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kobold: :3.dragon: why are you looking at me like that, kobold.kobold: :3.dragon: what are you planning.kobold: :3.
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kobold: ⬆️.dragon: wh. what. i will give you uppies but how did you verbally speak an emoji.
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(art on the phone is by fox-n-brownsugar on tumblr!)
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happy trans day of visibility from all the kobolds 🏳️⚧️
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kobolds:.
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dragon: hello adventurer. i have hired this kobold to stare at you.kobold: •w•.
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unfamiliar person: hi.curious but wary kobold: sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff.
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tiny kobold who softly “weh”s when you pick them up.
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dragon: that’s it. no more yipping.kobolds: ….a kobold: mip.all the other kobolds: mip mip mip mip mip mip mip.
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kobold gadgets.
Last night I awoke in the dead of night, flung out of bed, and began inventing machines
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dragon: hey kobold. yip for me.kobold: wa.dragon: that’s not a yip!.kobold: wa.dragon: did you forget how to yip, kobold.kobold: wa.dragon: what is happening.kobold: wa.
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bald
*snatches your kobold’s horns*.
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kobold: [incomprehensible noises].dragon: you’re so right, kobold. i love you.kobold: :) :) :):) :) :)!!!.
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kobold wearing a really tall wizard hat.
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you ring the doorbell of a normal looking house for trick-or-treating and a dragon answers. they put a tiny kobold in your candy bucket.
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an alarm blares in the background. “ATTENTION: A KOBOLD HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT” repeats itself over the loudspeaker. across the hall stands a small bipedal lizard, looking at you with its beady little eyes.
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weapons for tiny kobolds.
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human: hey kobold what’s your favorite pokemon?.kobold: i like maractus!.human: what, not a dragon type?.kobold: nope.human:.human: like not even salamence or hydreigon or something?.human:.kobold:.human: yknow because you’re a kob-.kobold: shut the fuck up.
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petting a kobold until it loves you unconditionally takes, on average, 14 seconds.
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you find a raunchy kobold magazine. you flip through it and find the pages filled with fully clothed kobolds rubbing noses and hugging.
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a kobold sits on the floor, eating a sandwich far too big for them. you ask them how they got into your house, but they just silently look up at you and continue eating their huge sandwich.
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a lonely looking kobold with a big quest arrow labeled “Kobolds Hugged: 0/1” pointing down at them.
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[kobold climbing up on your chest while you’re asleep and pressing their little nose up to your face because they want breakfast] yip.
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touchstarved kobold whose pupils dilate like a cat when you pet them or cup their face with your hands.
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a kobold dubbed “the looker” by the townsfolk because all he does is wander around looking at things all day. he enters shops and the shopkeeps ask “do you need anything?” and he replies “no, just looking”. and he is.
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kobold moment.
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after a long day, you climb into your soft cozy bed. several kobolds follow you and wriggle under the covers next to you.
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“average kobold is evil aligned” factoid actually just statistical error. average kobold commits 0 selfish acts per year. Dastardly Georg, who lives in cave & commits over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
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kobold: sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff.dragon: woah… the sniffer.
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the haters are trying to cancel me for being a cute little lizard who is full of love. it will never work. i don’t even drop good items so slaying me will do nothing.
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dragon: entertain me, kobold.kobold: does a little dance.dragon: oho… delightful….
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16 kobolds swarming you and smacking you with cardboard paper towel tubes.
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a tiny fluffy kobold, barely bigger than a can of soda, gently headbutting you for attention and pets.
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kobolds can actually yip twice at the same time. however this makes them explode.
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kobold: look at my homunculus! [holds up a tiny, 2-inch-tall kobold. it yips].dragon: how…. did you even make that.kobold: i injected a chicken egg with pepsi max.
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UNAVOIDABLE KOBOLD ATTACK. [the kobold attempts to push you but you’re too big].
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KOBOLD JAVELIN [a kobold sprints toward you at full speed and launches themself directly into your chest, headbutting you at full force].
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kobold you have to stop. your dragon too powerful. your hoard too big. your snoot too cute. they’ll kill you.
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a single lone kobold, wandering an empty cave, looking for their dragon and fellow bolds who have mysteriously disappeared. the sun is setting and they’re getting cold.
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a kobold, wrapped in a fluffy blanket and snuggled up into your side, making happy little noises.
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dragon: hi kobolds.all the kobolds: :}.that one kobold with a naturally mischievous face: :3.
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aww look the kobold’s collecting sticks! how cute.[12 minutes pass].oh the kobold’s built a functional trebuchet.
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kobold: bite?.dragon: no kobold. no bite.kobold: ….kobold: [bites anyway].
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kobold launching themself at full speed directly at the adventurer who wandered into their cave.
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two kobolds making conversation: awawawawa yip awawawawawa awawawawa awawa yipyipyip awawawawa. (they are discussing the finer details of niche philosophical thought).
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would you let a kobold nap with you. would you let a kobold put on their cute little pajamas and curl up next to you with their head on your lap. would you pet their head as they drift off to sleep.
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dragon: hey kobold! do the yip!.kobold:.kobold:.kobold:.kobold:.kobold: cough.kobold:.
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dragon: who ate my giant golden ingot.kobold shaped suspiciously like a giant golden ingot: it wasn’t me i swear. (the culprit was not, in fact, the kobold shaped suspiciously like a giant golden ingot. he just looks like that).
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dragon: squishes kobold nose.kobold: honk.dragon: ????.
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dragon: kobold, i need you to be less silly.kobold: sadly honks clown horn.
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you can give a kobold a small rock or a piece of candy and they will follow you around for a while.
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the kobold wizard yells “I CAST ROCK!” and throws a rock at you.
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a kobold tugs at your pant leg, you look down at them. they rummage through their pocket and pull out a fresh orange. “gift,” they say.
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many kobolds enjoy being picked up by larger creatures. scientists have yet to understand why.
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a kobold sits in front of the dryer, softly whimpering and whining, waiting for their favorite blanket to finish drying.
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kobold: yip yip yip yip yip yip yip.dragon: what!!!.kobold: hi :}.
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“gimmick account” wrong. i am a kobold in real life.
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kobold with 4 hit points who stubbed his toe, pricked his finger, bonked his head & ran into a glass door in quick succession:
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kobold girlfriend who moved all her little trinkets and shiny things from her bed nest to the shelves next to your bed so she can sleep next to you at night.
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a tiny kobold, barely a foot tall, was witnessed running out of a dollar store holding a 2 liter of root beer above their head.
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a kobold goes “weeh… weeeehhh…” as pathetically as she can. when you approach her she clonks you over the head with a large rock, files through your belongings, takes exactly one coin from your bag, and scampers off.
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you can fit a small kobold inside a christmas stocking to keep them cozy and warm
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“kobolds can’t get into trouble when you’re holding them” is a common phrase, but it is untrue. kobolds can get into trouble whenever they want.
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dragon: who’s my little cutie.kobold: :} ??.dragon: it’s you!!.kobold: :O!!!.
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