kiwi ๐ชฌ๐๐๏ธ
@kiwehhhhh
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her stare stains your retina like a gray bulb as you switch hemispheres and her knee length quilt skirtโs cut to catch the squall
Idaho, USA
Joined July 2022
I guess every Wordle on the first try and every time I refresh ThisPersonDoesNotExist it's another one of my coworkers.
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One time I went to a Christmas light show at the botanical gardens and they had a reindeer and it looked old as fuck so I asked how long reindeer live and the guy said "about 15 years" and I asked "how olds this one" and he grimly replied "15.".
had to teach my 23yo coworker that reindeer are in fact real animals and not fantasy creatures
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Iโve never seen a โpeople also askโ with the f-bomb before lol
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Today my baby was pretending he was gonna give the cat his binky and cracking himself up. So I wrote โunderstands that good comedy includes a subversion of expectationsโ on his milestones calendar.
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My grandma thinks all scam calls are from the same Indian guy. โHeโs been calling me for years,โ she says.
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the chinese have replicated the room temp superconductor AND they can triple jump. It's so over for the west.
่ผๅpart2.ๅฐๆๅๅคซ
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My parents have a bar of soap that looks like meat (not on purpose I don't think?) and I feel weird using it to wash my hands
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I still tell people that the world is running out of QR codes even though I know itโs not true.
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Apple Arcade has given me an insane default username??? And I don't know how to change it lmao???
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My dad asked my son to go for a walk after dinner last night by saying "are you ready to embark upon our evening constitutional?" to which my son solemnly said "ya baba, wesgo.".
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not even an actual curiosityโฆ.just sheer exasperation.
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I know we on the Twitter left are above these silly trifles, but I am offering critical support to this guy because according to my husband who only uses ifunny this guy is tearing it UP on there and majorly radicalizing the Sam Hyde skibidi toilet contingent.
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โ ๏ธ UPDATE! โ ๏ธ I asked my dad and apparently the soap was a HANDMADE GIFT from a lady he works with and he says it is ACCIDENTAL MEAT ๐ญ.
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r/battlestations has got to be the saddest subreddit I've ever seen man
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I came back and he had stolen my spot on the couch and was cheekily imitating my exact pose
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I think this is a very cool concept I am just genuinely curious as to how a deaf person becomes a fan of Coldplay in the first place.
I love that Coldplay does this for hearing impaired concertgoers. This is so beautiful. Accessibility is so important.
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Girl just pick a smart friend to ask these types of questions to, it's getting embarrassing.
What confuses me about human evolution is how did all these societally advantageous psychological and physical changes that happen as a human ages (like menopause) evolve if humans used to barely ever make it past like age 30?.
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Imaginationcels are so annoying. Wow that's so fascinating. I'm in utter awe hearing all these cool stories about your mind apples. Get real.
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Younger coworker is trying to explain Avatar the Last Airbender to an older welder who just asked "and this happened in America?".
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I found this insane hat on Amazon and the reviews with pictures are just as good as you'd think
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@mertcentury Worked with a guy called โBama and I told him he should get ROLL TIDE knuck tats and he said his brother already had em.
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@_roachboy you are correct! A Chinese lab just already replicated it to flux pinning purity even though the south korean scientists said it would take additional know how.
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@Richard57941301 They don't bc when Germans wake up and realize they still have wait longer before they get to go back to work they get sad.
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@smokeismedicine Dad's shirt: Navy blue polo from Kohl's that your mom bought for him. He has four others exactly like it in different colors. Uncle's shirt: Stained t-shirt for his own band. He has four others exactly like it in different colors, for his four other bands.
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showed my dad this json meme and he said "hmm. relatively insightful."
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lol literally why did this pop off. Free Palestine!.
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@FaZeDemocrat Heโs a grown man with good politics and a good head on his shoulders and given that he doesnโt use any social media apart from an occasional ifunny scroll heโs probably more mentally well adjusted than the vast majority of people.
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His psych ward socks and her hello kitty slippers. .
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Women are french and men are japanese.
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And they brought me back a zinnea from the garden ๐ฅน
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My siblings and I are together for Christmas and were reminiscing about our childhood imaginary friends, and my brother goes โI didnโt have one and felt left out so I made up a fake imaginary friendโ and Iโm still laughing.
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How do I vote for the yellow line instead? Please is anyone running on the yellow line.
What's at stake for our climate in this November's elections?. Absolutely everything.
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Hmm. yes. I've always thought there was something "oddly" terrifying about a massive snarling beast running toward you at full speed.
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@paynushurts It's obvious that what is stressing him out is the thought that even in heaven he won't get to hang out with her.
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1950s sci-fi: In the third millennium of the Galactic Empire, the atomic space vessel Tranticus soared at lightspeed to the final meeting of the Alpha Centauri Council. 2020s sci-fi: Ummm so I literally just met an ALIEN? And now we're. FRIENDS? So, yeah.
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got reminded of the insane psychiatrist I went to one time
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@ZeroSuitCamus Oof wow unfollowing now. I was a fan of his pictures smiling while holding a cigar but didn't realize his part in the Cuban missile crisis :/.
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This one from r/shittybattlestations is legit less pathetic to me
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One time I called the number on a "how's my driving" sticker on a truck to compliment the driver and the person who answered was so insanely taken aback by it being a positive call that I don't even think they had a system in place for that situation.
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Wait maybe he was kind of cooking
UPDATE - 25 Republican governors issue a joint statement in support of Texas in its border dispute with the federal government, Vermont's governor was the lone exception.
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do any other ladies have a list like this or am i insane
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@DiabolicalSpuds People who are like 20 and didnโt learn IT or something specifically are also terrible because they are so used to seamless optimized apps that a lot of them donโt really get how like file hierarchy works.
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@nibiru_TRUTH World's Least Evil Killers and it's about like a really nice guy but he accidentally killed someone with his car once and feels super bad about it.
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@s4m31p4n It's like seeing someone driving an immaculate classic car. they're just in it for pure love of the game.
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@stillgray @Anc_Aesthetics @pr0fiteer @mrice97 Rmemeber when you bought an $800 apple watch for elite athletes and used it to sit on the computer and have it tell you your resting heart rate was 150. As if you have ever had even the tiniest taste of glory lmao.
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@Richard57941301 Nowadays a fat guys top 3 most eaten foods are Dr. Pepper, Coca Cola, and drive-thru coffee.
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@smokeismedicine Big Business Boss: If the OSHA guy comes by, call me IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT let him in without me there. You DON'T have to let him take pictures and you DON'T have to answer any questions. Small Business Boss: If the OSHA guy comes by, call me IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT let him.
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I wish this screenshot showed the fact that he posted this months ago. my prophet.
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I met this guy in the psych ward who looked like Jake Gyllenhaal and thought he was a doctor there and every smoke break he would bring me pages he printed with a new diagnosis for me. he would also pack up his shit to leave every day but his ass was NOT leaving.
When will someone make orange is the new black but for the psych ward .
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I would like to announce that it is my birthday as well as CJ's first half birthday. What a world
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You picked a perfect town in ND to disprove your point. that entire northwest corner is in its death throes after the KXL pipeline was cancelled and EVERYONE LEFT! Its now full of crypto mining warehouses that are so loud that people CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT!
In Lansford, ND, you can buy this house for $15k. It's a little rough but livable. In the same town, Northern Plains Railroad is hiring for $25-28/hr for a Utility Mech. No experience required. There's no 'housing shortage' -- there's a shortage of imagination and flexibility.
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Me and my son recreated a picture of my mom with me as a baby
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Guy told me he couldn't get a job and I told him the problem was that he doesn't do his job for free for no reason enough.
met a young guy who just graduated with a cs degree & can't find a job at all & I asked if he did any side passion projects or leetcode or had a strong opinion on rust or python or javascript & it was a no to all & dude if you can't even fool me, maybe it's not this job market.
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prolly how it feels to be an ant crawling In a crack on the sidewalk.
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@LandsharkRides I read a book about how when my toddler is mad I should stop trying to reason with him and instead talk to him like he's a little caveman and it's insane how much better it works lol.
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who got that one deleted tweet?.
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What is this I'm so serious is this real please help.
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Iโm sold. You had me at no extra design could as ladder
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๐ธ๐ธ๐ธtumbleweed among the cherry blossoms ๐ธ๐ธ๐ธ
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Hi Rob- . Some interesting thoughts presented here. Let's put a pin in this and circle back when we can discuss face to face. I'll send a meeting invite, so when you get a sec please make sure your availability is up to date. Thanks,.
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