Kirby Profile
Kirby

@kirby

Followers
391
Following
260
Media
315
Statuses
2,665
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@kirby
Kirby
9 years
TSA needs BO sniffing dogs. What I went through thanks to 12A should be considered an act of terror
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
My chick fil a sandwich looks like Africa. http://t.co/Rgft9pfcFb
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
@chrissyteigen OMG Candy Corn on the Cob!! http://t.co/4ANuyOKK
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@kirby
Kirby
9 years
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
Man brought his own space heater to Starbucks? http://t.co/sj8FJzGZdi
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@chrissyteigen A picture is worth at least 9 words. http://t.co/DS3is24f
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Really? So you're starving a child by sending me 6 cents and will not feed them until I return this money? http://t.co/N72MARk14N
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
McDonalds Japan #19 . Fries taste the same, no clue on sandwich, she said cheese demi-glaze? Sort of like mac and cheese http://t.co/EqZeQ2Ai
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
@chrissyteigen Here's a message from your future child: http://t.co/VQAtZzYL
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@chrissyteigen You planned this Tweet didn't you. Except you're not in the sea. http://t.co/yY4LYSry
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
People who think they know everything are particularly aggravating to those of us who do.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@chrissyteigen I can't tell if I like alcohol or I just enjoy hangovers.
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Expect a call on 3/14/15 at 9:26:53 AM “ @chrissyteigen : Call me on march 14th, 2015 when pi day makes a little more sense.”
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
The one day a year gingers have souls.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Just realized it's Thursday and not Friday. Womp womp :-(
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
I am dying in laughter. And I'm going to hell. #poorbambismom http://t.co/CxUxpvaH
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
Philly you're creepy. http://t.co/qODLNK1EoU
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
@chrissyteigen Toddlers in Tiaras on Survivor.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
The ass of this girls pants say Pinch me I'm irish. I'm debating if I should. Common sense says no, but who needs common sense?
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
He resigned. He hasn't died yet. I hope my retirement party isn't like this.
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
If I were a candy I'd be sugar free jelly beans. Have too much of me and you get diarrhea.
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
If a grown man calls another grown man boy, it's insulting, unless it's 'boiiiiii'
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Homeless woman told me if she wasn't so strung out right now she would 'fuck me raw' - nicest thing anyone has said to me all day!
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@DonaldJTrumpJr Ron Paul for Del Boca Vista Condo Board President!
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
One more week here :-( http://t.co/phSEDlFX
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Jimmy has 35 candy bars, he eats 28. What does Jimmy have? Diabetes. Jimmy has diabetes. HAHAHAHAHA
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
I read this sign as "Eat Holy & Go Cow" - took me awhile to figure it out. http://t.co/ute9k5c2
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Oh Hooters China. How I miss you. http://t.co/3x42NJjT
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
I watch Fox News every now and then to renew my faith in the fact that God has a sense of humor.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@alecbaldwin Newt's the floater that just won't go down.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@ninadobrev If there was one trend in the past decade that she could remove from history, what would it be?
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
I'm also knee deep in hipsters and I want to vomit
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@AnnieAreYouOhK Booze. Lots and lots of booze. And the bladder of an elephant.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
I remember my dream! I was skipping work to go on a safari in Antarctica except there were frogs and snakes. Also, it is underneath a mall.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Damn and I was here looking for the dirty gay wet massage. http://t.co/EdMb7ku0
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Drinking, and work events are the best and worst combinations ever.
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@kirby
Kirby
1 year
@attywzd Arg just missed it 😭
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
All I have to say is today its easier to get a gun than to get proper mental health care.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
@AnnieAreYouOhK Pineapple and papaya sinigang. Did not know this stuff existed but amazing. http://t.co/KJHprDU9
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
So bringing back Ricky Gervais means hiding him in the back and not letting him speak?
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
So how much turd am I supposed to put into a turducken?
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
This headline almost made me cry @giants http://t.co/Ooc7yyQo
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
@chrissyteigen So would squirrel everyday be fine for you? http://t.co/ew1bkEwr
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
This bag of Sun Chips sums up my day. http://t.co/kQ2ipXPY
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
How many @square employees does it take to drive @jack to the airport? 4. God knows why.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
What? " @questlove : "Kirby?.......KIIIIIIIRBY!!!!!.......---oh Kirbster?""
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Every Asian male is going to be Psy for Halloween.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Listening to @johnlegend on @pandora at work when an audio ad for vibrators comes on. Now I must use headphones. http://t.co/gjcw8hfd
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@chrissyteigen Ask them what happened to Agent K.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@chrissyteigen "I may be a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, but I LOVE bacon" http://t.co/3hQ9nMoX
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
IKEA!
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
This will be my home for the next 14 hours. Then Manila! http://t.co/OcnbXXv1
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
If we want to stick to the original laws of our founding fathers, let's 'preserve America' by bringing back Prohibition and slavery.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Ay dios mios Sofia Vergara!
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Is Golden Globe nominee a title that goes on with you forever? I plan to invoke kindergarten class president for the rest of my life.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
You know what's better than birthday sex? I-got-fucking-reelected sex.
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Too cold. Too cold.
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Mmmmm cheap Mexican food http://t.co/IQo7HAJ9
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Get in my belly! http://t.co/BJsmZQCu
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Jessica Biel and Ben Kingsley? WTF is going on?
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
WHY IS CHOCO TACO ONLY #3 ? http://t.co/zQhLPdsz7t
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
I hope this isn't real. Belgian Man Discovers Wife of 19 Years Is A ‘He’ http://t.co/lhTxAP3T1b
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
@Jenna_Marbles WTH is that on the right, is that someone looking in your window?
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Ay caramba Selma Hayek!
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@kirby
Kirby
4 years
@singkirbysing @_liab__ You don't know maybe this squirrel photo was the motivation for her workout 🤷‍♂️
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@kirby
Kirby
13 years
Simply horrible. http://t.co/fJQ8MkIi
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@kirby
Kirby
11 years
Russia you confuse me. http://t.co/gon4jQFoCT
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
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@kirby
Kirby
12 years
Cannot explain what I am looking at. http://t.co/imwcPjcV
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