kira
@kirapractor
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former old navy enthusiast and mcrib hater
Joined May 2013
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no no no no no not my mom literally keeping this cake in the freezer for 5 years
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they should replace every police station with an auntie anne’s pretzel shop
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dinner is either canned soup and 5 cashews or a $40 doordash order
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me when i get my biweekly paycheck
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me: FUCK school.
nicki minaj: stay in school
me: the derivative of the exponent is multiplied by the power of two divided by t
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Me watching the Olympics while eating everything: SWIM FUCKING FASTER
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Me: hi how are you(:
Customer: I have a return to make
Me: ...hi how are you(:
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@laurentepfer
fox news b liek “blue lives matter” but i’m literally just talking about pretzels
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really glad everyone agrees with me but i wanted this tweet to get like 60 likes max
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cash me outside girl was the girl that ate hot cheetos for breakfast and walked around in slippers in junior high. Rt
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i’m someone’s right hand arm man.
someone’s silly rabbit.
A hoe phase? Never.
I’m someone’s daughter.
Someone’s future wife.
& Someone’s future mom.
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Literally no one has found a way to stand normally during a group presentation
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kamala harris just texted me and told me she is getting box braids
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when i get the vaccine i’m gonna make the nurse take a boomerang of the needle going into my arm
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*at the DJ booth* CAN I REQUEST A SONG? YES? OKAY, CAN YOU PLAY "UNITED STATE OF POP 2009 (BLAME IT ON THE POP)? YAAAAS.
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a white couple asked me to take their picture while we were protesting on the 35w bridge. i said no. please do not use the movement for my people as a photo op
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“i understand that i will never understand, however i will stand”
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A lady looked at my One Direction pins on my lanyard & said "u kno they broke up right(:" yes Linda, I do now receipt with you or in the bag
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she looks like all of the pictures in my hangover album
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things i did today:
- went back to work for the first time in 142 days
- quit
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everyday i wake up in debt, drink my little cup of coffee, and correct people who say my name wrong
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ppl on instagram will be like “WHY isn’t anyone talking about this” and it’ll be the 2020 election
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Someone peed in our fitting rooms. You can only pee in our fitting rooms if you open an old navy card
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Frat boys used to live in the house I moved into and now I can't stop shotgunning beers and saying "saturdays are for the boys"
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My favorite part of 2017 was when Donald Trump said that he spoke with the President of the US Virgin Islands (himself)
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liam payne is probably the worst ex 1d member and i say this so proudly knowing that this tweet is showing up on his timeline
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A lady told me she doesn't participate in Black Friday bc slaves were sold for 50% off on Black Friday. Like I'm glad you get your knowledge from Facebook articles but do you want this coupon for 50% off or not.
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This girl's stomach is making so much noise and so is mine. It's like we're recreating Beethoven's 5th Symphony in the third row of this lecture
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My tapestry won't fucking stay up how am i supposed to let people know I'm indie and spread good vibes
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“
@chrismora69
: Shit service 2.5 hours later
@dominos
http://t.co/bFa4q83xmf”
1. said nigga & he white. 2. the man drove in the snow for him.
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Zayn. 24. Weed🌳💨 and music 🎶 is my life. Huf socks are my bae. Skateboards sometimes.
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Didn't happen. Next.
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Your mcm just adjusted his bucket hat before retweeting this. He is listening to the song "Jordan Belfort"
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hey if i have to see another one of these posts on Facebook I'm gonna lose my mind
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i love opening twitter, closing twitter, opening instagram, closing instagram, opening snapchat, closing snapchat, opening facebook, closing facebook, opening gmail, closing gmail, opening tik tok, closing tik tok
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pov: UR waiting for me to ring you up for your oversized band tee and mom jeans but i’m too busy vaping
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names cliff. i have three sons. i love life at the lake. minnesota has two seasons: winter and construction. i smoke cigars and sometimes i have too many beers
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the joke where it’s like “hot girls get pfizer” is not funny at all like it’s sooo stupid it doesn’t make any sense (i got moderna)
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getting my fucking ass up and working!!
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Kettle chips are seriously so violently crunchy. I don't need a massive wound on the roof of my mouth from eating a simple snack
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people were bullying my mom
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me and my coworker at the host stand when you walk into the restaurant
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looking for apartments,,..the kitchen in this one looks really nice!
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UNREAL. Just had to take a 10 minute break from drinking my Sprite from McDonald's. so spicy.
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i will do everything in my power to cyberbully this guy off the internet
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i will personally give nick cannon a vasectomy
Despite not welcoming his 9th yet, Nick Cannon announces he has a 10th child on the way.
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I'm Fucking Tired of professors changing the slides too fast. How can I study for an exam if all I was able to write down was "the fir"
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I saw this girl that's in my class on Saturday and I drunkenly told her I would sit by her during lecture. I hope she doesn't remember that
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Me: did you find everything okay?
Customer: no I didn't
Me: well honestly that sounds like a personal problem
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Your wcw and mcm thinks this is DEEP fr
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could you imagine me still working at old navy and getting laid off? whew. anyways. i just got laid off from urban outfitters
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Working at old navy around the 4th means families from small towns come in to buy flag tees & they all look like they'd call me the n word
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LOVE cinco de mayo. i get to see who captions their pictures with “cinco de drinko” and then i unfollow them
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i would literally rather spend my stimulus check on 82 bottles of the warm vanilla sugar body spray from bath and body works than start a business
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it’s cuffing season! YES i am in a committed relationship with the landlord that just approved me for my first apartment
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Shrek literally wore these
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