kelly owens
@kellyohwins
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Following
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Media
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a pleasure to have in class • she/her🦦
Michigan, USA
Joined April 2009
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Blake is hot enough to be a douchebag but has way too much anxiety to pull it off like Caelynn showed up and he RAN I’m-
#bachelorinparadise
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A fun reminder that Tom Brady was my dad's intern when he went to Michigan & my dad told him to "really consider a career in finance"
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In case you thought your dad was the best dad here’s what my dad sent me unsolicited after we hung out one afternoon for a few hours. I just. It’s so pure. I am his biggest fan.
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"Because the odds of this football thing working out are slim, just being realistic" lolol go dad go pats
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It’s wild to me that the Super Bowl halftime was considered over sexualized like have any of you ever seen competitive dance?! There are six year olds wearing less and doing more!!! I literally didn’t even think twice watching that performance. They slayed. The end.
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Ppl keep being like “wow what a big year for the Owens family, Dave and Mare are expecting and Jeff and Kristen are engaged!” And then they look at me and I’m like “I moved back in w my parents???”
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y’all I have felt just like... really beautiful for the last couple weeks? this is new for me and is definitely fleeting lmaooo but damn so much more room in my brain when I’m not absolutely wrecking myself every day who knew
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My true followers who have been with me for a while: Lauren Yakima is on World of Dance. Do I turn up in my live tweets like I did when
@Dance10Amy
was on SYTYCD? Lmk it could get ugly
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I wish that when celebrities did stupid shit, their punshishment would actually benefit society. Like Lori Laughlin should have to donate four years worth of tuition and whatever extra bribe money to fund education for the underprivileged.
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The only part of me that wants to be married is the part of me that wants to pay half price for a one bedroom apartment and that doesn’t seem like a good reason to get married
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Are u ever like "why am I so nauseous" and then ur like "oh all i've eaten today is three pieces of dove chocolate and sour patch watermelon" or
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Me on every conference call:
“Hi everyone, Kelly’s on!”
*29 minutes and 33 seconds later*
“Thanks everyone!”
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mf’s who comment shit like “all lives matter” are the same ppl whose social media bios look like this:
💍Wifey to Brian
🤱🏼Mama to Pixley, Takota & Satchel
🇺🇸God Bless the U.S.A.
🌿DM me for essential oils✨
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How is it that Ms. Calabrese is married and I can't find anyone to kiss at midnight?
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This aged poorly
If
@realDonaldTrump
were to lose (he won’t) his supporters will go to work tomorrow just as we do everyday. When Biden loses, his “supporters” will likely loot and riot. Tells you everything you need to know!
#Trump2020
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Someone help all my friends are in relationships and ppl I went to high school with that I haven’t spoken to in seven years that live in another state are suddenly lookin FOINE like I need medical assistance
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Do u ever just look at people you went to high school with who have children and think how problematically they’re probably raising them to be? The gender norms. The classism. Another generation of twats. 2020 u son of a bitch.
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I’ve lost more followers in the last few days than I ever expected but I have no regrets because the fundamental issue is one party cares about the environment and other people and one does not. And it shouldn’t be that way. And it doesn’t have to be that way. But it is.
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Uncle Chuck calling Garrett a poet but all I hear is:
#TheBachelorette
#TheBacheloretteFinale
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For the record, no matter what your relationship is with a woman, you do NOT let her walk home alone at 3am. Period. No excuses
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Remember in high school figuring out that between 3rd and 4th hour you and your crush would pass each other on your way to class, or looking for them across the cafeteria, and legit trying to dress cuter on those days? I miss that shit.
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IT'S NOT ENTRY LEVEL IF IT ALSO SAYS 2 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE UNDER QUALIFICATIONS, OKAY?! SO DON'T LIST IT AS ENTRY LEVEL I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE
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Me: "We want the Cubbies to win, right? Do we hate Cleveland?"
Dad: "We hate Ohio State"
Me: "Well yeah but-"
Dad: "We hate Ohio State."
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My biggest flex is that in 2019 I changed companies/jobs twice, so worked three jobs, and by job 3 I had doubled my job 1 salary. Know your worth, fam!💪🏼
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My generation is pissed that their company isn’t having them work from home yet but also would be pissed if their St Patty’s bar crawl on Saturday is cancelled
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Five years ago I randomly woke up super early, went for a jog, made healthy breakfast and did all of my homework before class and I texted this to
@pinchdana
and she said “APRIL FOOLS can’t get me that easy” and it was, in fact, not foolery. It haunts me on this day every year.
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Me, innocently listening to my work crush casually mention his ex girlfriend like I don’t already know her first and last name, hometown, and that her great Aunt Tina’s birthday was last Thursday
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I cannot think of a worse president to lead us during a pandemic. To be fair I cannot think of a worse president in general, but especially now.
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Addison Rae is not a good dancer I don’t care what you think objectively she is not impressive in any way I can’t even believe I’m spending time tweeting this go follow real dancers on tiktok
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You know when the person you’re posting your stories for doesn’t look at them for two days in a row? Excuse me while I go put my hand in a blender!
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took two weeks off work in between jobs and rediscovered so much about myself and what makes me happy. i feel like a gd newborn baby. like i am dancing again y’all!
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My mom, who voted for Trump almost exclusively because she hated Obamacare: "This new bill is way worse."
Me:
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Been down on myself for being helpless and needy lately but remembered today I’ve been single for 24 years - nobody’s out here buying my meals. So I’m a motherfuckin’ INDEPENDENT WOMAN who sometimes just needs a little help, okay???????!!!!
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Just realized I’m the same age that Meredith Blake was when she got engaged to Nicky in the Parent Trap and suddenly I feel.... powerful
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There are two types of people in the world rn: people living in hysterical fear of the coronavirus and people buying discounted international plane tickets
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if ur upset about uggs coming back in style just remember that i never at any point stopped wearing them. we’re talking since 2007. them bitches are WARM and idc about fashion and now i’m actually a trendsetter so jokes on u
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My English prof just had us close our eyes & asked how many of us would be intoxicated in class on St. Patty's day, and then cancelled class
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Me last week: "I want to go into event planning"
Yesterday: "Kelly Owens: celebrity nanny"
Today: "maybe a high school guidance counselor"
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I am embarrassed to be from the state of Michigan. We’re going to be quarantined even longer bc these pro-Trump twats just congregated in large groups to rally about having their rights stripped. People are DYING and YOU are making it WORSE. And conservatives call US sensitive.
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My resolution for 2017 was to stop yelling "IT'S LIT" every time I'm uncomfortable and so far it's not going well
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Remembering when I had a growth spurt at age 11 and all of the middle school moms complimented me on my weight loss and thinking about how much damage that did to my relationship with food so just coming on here to say we need to STOP COMMENTING ON CHILDREN’S WEIGHT xoxo
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When you haven’t seen Stranger Things, GOT, Westworld, or Guardians of the Galaxy so Halloween is really confusing for you.
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Me when I was younger: "ugh $20 fell out of my pocket so inconvenient I guess I'll just grab two more from my mom's wallet!"
Me now that I pay my own bills: "um yes hi Verizon it seems you overcharged me 49 cents last month I'm gonna need that credited to my account."
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Told myself I’d go on a hinge date sometime in the next three weeks but opened hinge to FIVE FISH PICS IN A ROW plz keep your dead fish to yourself thank u
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Just watched a girl purse her lips, pretend to fish, reel her boyfriend in (lips also pursed) & then they kissed and then I threw up.
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Shia Labeouf can GET IT. Would 10/10 dig holes for that man. Where’s the sploosh. Where’s Beans. I’ll do it.
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I have been tame on social media regarding politics honestly but I am at my breaking point and I need someone to hold my fckin hoops
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You know what I’m 25 and I still get stressed out every time I have to use my last name to show possession like is it Owens’ or Owens’s I get hives to this day
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I didn't drink seven years ago so I'm really wondering why no one called my parents or the police when I posted this
http://t.co/umrLa7NrUL
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My self esteem has skyrocketed this week like no offense but if you don’t like me I don’t get it?
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Today I ran a 10k but I also forgot to lock the porta potty and someone walked in on me so thank u universe for keeping me humble
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Please don’t just post the blackout image today; today is about more than that. Listen to a podcast, start opening your ears and hearts and learn. I have much work to do, we all do. If you haven’t already begun to learn about your privilege and how to be an ally, start today.
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Wake up: for waffles
Lunch is: falafel
*to the tune of "flawless"*
Am I still drunk maybe
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I cannot begin to explain how far away I am from marriage. Like in every way imaginable. It is a truly baffling concept to me. That’s the tweet.
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1. Develop crush on boy
2. Tell all of ur friends about ur crush like a middle schooler
3. Drunk snap him until u both die
Fini
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Isn’t it crazy that the best dancers are a lot of the time just backup dancers for artists? Obviously they’re doing other things, too, but some of the most talented people I know will maybe never headline a show. Dancers need to be SEEN, y’all. We have important things to say!
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If Chip and Joanna Gaines ever get divorced love isn't real.
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My mom always gets me biodegradable or environmentally-friendly gifts as a “joke” bc I’m the outspoken family liberal but it’s like... genuinely thank you?
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My dad just reheated the two leftover pieces of pizza for himself, then remembered pizza is my favorite food, and hand delivered it to my room while I was on a call. Then he made himself a cold salami sandwich. I just, I don’t deserve this man🥺
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1.3 million people have viewed my snap in the "Michigan v. MSU" Snap story. Am I famous yet
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Facebook has reminded me this was nine years ago and the best part is that someone else’s family took this of their child. I have main character energy cannot be denied
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I love feeling as deeply as I do. Like yes I cry easily and get my feelings hurt all the time but that also means I love intensely and that is pretty dope.
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My non-dancer male friends are so perplexed by my dance videos. Like they are literally scared of me. My guy, just because I jammed to live country music and sang 2000s alternative hits into a Bud Light bottle on Saturday doesn’t mean I can’t hit a 5678 on Sunday!!!
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I’m so sick of cancel culture. Let people grow. Call them out but invite them to LEARN. Nobody does everything right y’all.
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Don’t put up with being mistreated or manipulated, period. You’re worth so much more than that.
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I wish I had rlly unleashed myself at work before I put in my two weeks. I only have one week left to let my true personality shine is it too late or should I tap dance into work next week lmk taking suggestions
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Constantly torn between desperately needing to go to the zoo and simultaneously hating everything the zoo stands for.
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Missing people is such a funny concept like don’t tell me you miss me and then also never ask me to hang out? That is a fixable problem.
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I WANNA BE ABLE TO WALK ALONE AT NIGHT AND NOT HAVE TO PUT MY KEYS BETWEEN MY FINGERS OR TURN AROUND EVERY 30 SECONDS AND NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC SO I CAN HEAR IF SOMEONE IS GONNA ATTACK ME
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It's funny because all of the bitches in high school found the bitches from other high schools at college and became friends with them.
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I know that I have some excellent and respectful male friends but lately I’ve been so disappointed with men and I hate saying all men are trash bc like they’re really not but also ALL MEN ARE TRASH
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But it's like if you can't do a pivot turn can you be trusted to do anything correctly in life?
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Idk why walking in the suburbs is so weird but when I go walk by myself with headphones on ppl are really like 👀👀👀like sorry Susan that you feel like you have to drive .3 miles to your local CVS but we r not the same
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I'm 22 & I still go to my 4th grade teacher for advice. That may say some questionable things about me but it says amazing things about him.
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I’m going to turn 25 in Ricks American Cafe Ann Arbor and I’m like 88% sure this is either rock bottom or my peak
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u guys the power went out on my birthday even consumers energy knows I was about to be TOO LIT jk imagine the reality of this I’m in a house in the woods with no power I literally might have to take PTO
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Today I brought veggie straws, clementines, and salmon to eat at work. Quite possibly the three most abrasive foods in terms of scent and sound. I am never going to make any friends
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I think I pretty much always am craving Jet's pizza. Even right after I eat Jet's pizza I always wish I was eating it again.
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Just remembered that when I was younger & someone said something was "nuts" I'd add "and bolts!"
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Lauren is not “so in her head” she just literally has nothing to say there is nothing going on in her head at all.
#TheBachelor
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Me IRL vs animated me
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Resurfaced my senior year of high school playlist, called “2012 BITCHESSSSSS” btw, and this song still slaps I have been transported back to a time of water bottle vodka, grad parties and Coney Island hangovers
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Happy thanksgiving!!! I'm still drunk and the first time I tried to type that I said Happy thannksgovimg!🦃😭🙄send help
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Reminder for myself and anyone else who needs it that you’re on your own journey and the quickest way to kill your own happiness is to compare your life to someone else’s. The more you compare yourself, the less clearly you’ll see your own path.
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I’m supposed to jog tonight but instead I just mapped it and found out I’m only a five minute walk from Jeni’s ice cream so we all know where this is going
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Been letting other people’s actions completely tear me up/affect me so deeply and that is a huge problem. Even being able to recognize that is a step in the right direction. I have 24 years of self love to catch up on but it’s time to try to figure this out.
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Last night my best friend went on a first date. The guy drove there and at the end of the night he tried to go home with her bc he was “too tired to drive.” She said no. He said “if I die it’s on you” and walked away.
Sir, you chose to drive there. MISS ME W/ THAT MANIPULATION.
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This video of Ariana Grande tripping was the reminder I needed that this flawless specimen is actually human
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