Kamal Effendi K.
@kamaleffendi
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Civil servant, former teacher. Twice-published poet, print drunkard, mental health advocate, and lifelong learner on a quest for perpetual knowledge.
Joined October 2013
Belajar diam dalam dunia yang bising. Membisu bukan bermakna tak tahu, riuh pun belum tentu berilmu.
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You know it’s Ramadan when you see women comfortably in telekung everywhere after terawih 😸.
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Kurang faham orang yang ambil mudah adanya isteri. Saya kira apa yang saya rindu beristeri dulu; doa dan teman setia yang paling baik. Banyak mudahkan urusan saya sebagai suami. Saya kalah dalam mencintainya, dia lebih mencintai saya. Namun tiada penyesalan, hanya kenangan 🙂.
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Kurniakanlah aku sepasang mata yang suka mencari hikmah, sekeping hati yang mudah bersangka baik dan sepasang tangan yang suka memberi. Cukuplah barangkali bekal untuk menghadapi dunia yang penuh dengan ragam dan tingkah laku manusiawi.
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Eight years have swiftly passed — just one with you, and seven in your absence. Yet, every moment feels both fleeting and eternal. Coming down today to lay flowers by your resting place is probably the least I could do to celebrate us. Happy 8th anniversary, my dearest sayang ❤️
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Little did she know, she was not part of my plan too.
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“You deserve a slow love. Uncomplicated. No rush. Sure. Stable. Consistent. You deserve that love. You deserve someone that’s sure of you, that you’re sure of.”.
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Standing here annually to feel the still air breezing through the wind of sorrow and misery. I already lost count of which year this has been since you went away. Probably signifies how far I am at the other side of grieving. Happy seventh anniversary sayang…
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In the end, all I learned was how to be strong, alone.
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Dating someone who understands your mental health is so important ☝🏻.
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Nowadays I like my circle small, and prefer to be unnoticed wherever I go. This way, I could focus on each friend that I already have, and less overwhelmed with my surrounding.
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I hope you find the person who is trying to find you.
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Some will test you. Some will use you. Some love you. Some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you.
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You have to stop the habit of explaining to others. You owe nobody explanation. Do your thing, care less about what others think. The only explanation matters is to yourself.
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That’s the problem with being the strong one. No one offers you a hand.
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Something I learn recently: Try not to simply cut people off, instead draw boundaries. You still acknowledge their existence, but accept the fact that you aren’t close anymore — on completely two different pages.
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Saya suka memberi, tapi saya cukup tak gemar orang yang suka meminta.
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Please tell me that I am not the only one who is anxious about polling results announcement tonight 🫠.
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So twitter turns to instagram and instagram turns to a shop app 😶.
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Jauh lagi perjalanan, tak salah jalan perlahan. Ada masa penat, berhenti rehat.
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The broken ones will always be able to love harder than most. Once you’ve been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.
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“Please be patient with me. Sometimes when I’m quiet it’s because I need to figure myself out. It’s not because I don’t want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.”.
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Imagine finding both love and friendship in one person 💭.
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I appreciate effort. No matter how small, silly or irrelevant, I appreciate effort.
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Broken heart when healed, it‘s already in a different form. It won’t be the same anymore.
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Tak semua bertuah bila bercinta. Ada yang diambil tuhan disaat berdua,.ada yang disibuk dengan orang ketiga,.ada yang tersepit pasangan berdusta, .ada yang hiba keluarga tak menerima. Mahal harga bahagia, tak semua dapat merasa.
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If I distance myself from you, trust me it is for a reason.
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People who make you feel better about yourself when you’re sad are so important.
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Some people never worth explaining, so unworthy. Walk away, ignore them.
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I don’t spend my time hating. It is tiring to hate. I simply let go, and walk away.
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Peringatan untuk diri sendiri: Ikhlaslah dalam persahabatan. Dalam keikhlasan ada barakah. Bila ada barakah, kekal di dunia dan mungkin berjiran di syurga kelak.
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There’s a special place in my heart for the ones who were with me at my lowest and still loved me when I wasn‘t very loveable.
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The friendship (or relationship) that makes you become a better person is the one to keep.
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“She struggled with her sadness, but tried to conceal it, to divide it into smaller and smaller parts and scatter these in places she thought no one would find them.”.
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“Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am. So, I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family, and a few good friends.”.
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Being fluent in English doesn’t instantly certify intelligence. True smarts go beyond language proficiency. It’s sometimes reflected in the quality of ideas, the impact of actions, and the depth of character. There’s no language monopoly on brains!.
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Repeat this after me: No more efforts for the wrong people.
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You’ve been hurt so bad and you still love so hard. I admire your heart for that.
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Oh dear, when you are nice and kind; you don’t go around expect people to be nice and kind to you too. Life sadly doesn’t work out that way, but if you get back what you give then consider yourself lucky. Probably give, but never expect.
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Tak sempatlah nak sibuk masalah orang, masalah sendiri pun tak cukup masa nak selesaikan 😂.
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Kalau ada perasaan marah, saya akan senyap. Ada yang salah faham cakap saya merajuk dan tarik muka, bukan begitu sebenarnya. Elok saya diam dari berkata-kata. Bila berkata ketika marah, penyesalan hasilnya. Saya ambil masa untuk bertenang sedang saya berdiam diri.
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Always allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent.
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It is always nice to feel wanted and to be loved no matter how independent, self sufficient and introverted a person is.
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Avoiding you at all cost because of your negativity. I don’t hate you, but my life is way better without you.
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“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything but to be okay.”.
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You are forever a student of life. What you don’t know, you learn.
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“I love talking to you, even if I have nothing to say.”.
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Take photos, videos, take lots of it, use whatever mean you could to preserve the memory. Someday, it might be the only thing you have.
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“One day you will learn to love yourself just enough to let them go.”.
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“Marahnya orang yang sabar adalah diam, dan kecewanya orang yang sabar adalah pergi.”.
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You know how long I have waited to meet someone like you?.
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So far nobody ever said to me healing is easy. It is not easy when it comes to healing. It comes with challenges, and these challenges eventually grow you. You will never be the same person.
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Distance is my new answer. I won’t argue, I won’t react. I simply remove myself.
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“Promise me not to hide yourself when you’re in pain, it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone.”.
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Sending love to those who are healing about the things they don’t talk about 💚.
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It hurts to let go, but it hurts even more to hold on.
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I think I give up on people. I want to focus on only myself. I‘m not sad, I’m just done.
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Sending love to anyone who is struggling with their mental health right now 🌼.
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Jangan pernah lelah memujuk diri sendiri. Bersabarlah bila berdikari.
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I am not sure about other fellow introverts, but I do struggle a bit to socialize after two years of low-key Eid celebration 😵💫.
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I wish you well, I always wish you well even without you knowing.
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I stopped holding on to people. If they stay, great. If they don't, others will come along; replace them, just like others would replace me.
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Removing you without warning because I am too old to explain and you already know what you did wrong 😮💨.
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Nobody ever really knows how much anyone else is hurting. You could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and you wouldn’t even know it. That’s why you should always try to be kind.
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My parents’ anniversary today, standing strong at 45 years of marriage. Mine only lasted a year but god knows what is best for them and for me. Alhamdullilah ala kulli haal 🍂.
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Jangan biasakan memendam rasa bila hati terluka. Akhirnya yang binasa kita juga. Lepaskan dengan cara yang kita selesa. Asalkan sukma kita terjaga. Selamat mencari ubat yang kena dengan jiwa dan raga.
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Healing is lonely, something that you learn on your own, and only real to you. Nobody could do that for you. When you begin to heal, it should be the first priority in your life.
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“The older I get, the more I realize the value of privacy, of cultivating your circle and only letting certain people in. You can be open, honest, and real while still understanding not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.”.
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If you knew how hard it was, and how long it took; to rebuild my little universe of peace and happiness then you would understand why I’m so picky about who I allow in my life.
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“Just because you carry it all so well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”.
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Memujuk hati, hidup bersendiri. Mungkin bukan rezeki di dunia, tapi rezeki di akhirat kelak. Bukan dunia namanya, kalau tidak diuji. Sabar itu makannya, agama itu udaranya.
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“Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am. So, I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family, and a few good friends.”.
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Remember that you don’t have to react to everything. Pick your roles carefully and select your thoughts mindfully. Guard your peace 🧘🏻♂️.
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I have been really tired and confused for the past month. I hope I get better in October. A lot calmer with an ample time for myself.
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Your only permanent home for your soul is yourself. Be sure to know yourself, to love yourself and to celebrate yourself.
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Found you when I wasn’t even looking. How is that for a blessing?.
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Trust me, trapping in the memory sometimes is worst than the pain itself.
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Remind yourself that you have been there before and you survived, surely you will survive this too.
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“Travel and tell no one. Live a true love story and tell no one. Live happily and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.”.
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“It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory.”.
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Mana yang berkehendak ingin meninggalkan saya, pergilah. Saya jauh dari hendak memaksa untuk terus bersama. Asalnya sayang, saya lepaskan. Saya kalah pada kehendak orang lain. Demi bahagia mereka, saya bersedih seketika tak mengapa.
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“No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall. No one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what's in it. No one is afraid of love, they are afraid of the broken heart.”.
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