Kaleb Horton
@kalebhorton
Followers
19,714
Following
1,704
Media
2,867
Statuses
23,159
Writer/photographer. Epic, GQ, MTV, Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair, Vice. Looking for a job. kaleb.c.horton @gmail .com. Podcast: @LastExitShow
Los Angeles, California
Joined March 2011
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Flamengo
• 288374 Tweets
ゼンゼロ
• 124761 Tweets
水分補給
• 98638 Tweets
Davis
• 97695 Tweets
ゼンレスゾーンゼロ
• 89399 Tweets
Atlético
• 87490 Tweets
エアコン
• 85450 Tweets
Independence Day
• 71336 Tweets
GRACIAS FURIA
• 68630 Tweets
熱中症気
• 61221 Tweets
Yuta
• 57627 Tweets
#jjk263
• 57592 Tweets
Carlinhos
• 54710 Tweets
Zenless Zone Zero
• 42443 Tweets
Kai Cenat
• 37825 Tweets
Sukuna
• 37007 Tweets
Happy 4th of July
• 34320 Tweets
クーラー
• 26424 Tweets
WE LOVE LINGORM
• 24779 Tweets
Inumaki
• 24749 Tweets
BRUNO HENRIQUE
• 22828 Tweets
Hulk
• 21094 Tweets
स्वामी विवेकानंद
• 20160 Tweets
穂高先生
• 19952 Tweets
#GanaroServir
• 15626 Tweets
Pulgar
• 15400 Tweets
Rambo
• 15101 Tweets
緊急地震速報
• 14368 Tweets
Calleri
• 11665 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Here's the biggest thing I've ever written, a story spanning almost fifty years. It's about California in the 1970s, old highways, and one of those "crimes of the century" you used to hear about. I worked on it a long time and I think it's pretty good.
135
918
5K
Blue Beetle had a $120 million budget and it looks like, if this box office revitalization holds, it could make as much as fifty, maybe even sixty dollars.
154
2K
49K
Pretty crazy that William H Macy has a good shot of getting arrested for something every single William H Macy character would get arrested for.
347
5K
41K
Wait, hold up, let's savor this: Donald Trump *didn't even begin to understand* a metaphor made by *George W. Bush.*
563
17K
37K
I don't care why Sam Elliott is in the news, but the single funniest thing about that dude is that he's from Sacramento. He's just going around with that mustache acting like he's not from the same town as Joan Didion and we let him get away with it.
271
1K
26K
No matter how weird you think Tom Cruise is, he's the ultimate movie star. This is a clip of a guy almost killing himself at the edge of the earth's atmosphere. Tickets to his movies should cost extra.
122
2K
24K
The surgical precision with which all life was sucked out of this shot is sickly awe-inspiring.
55
2K
22K
An underrated hilarious thing about Elon Musk is that he has like 25 children and seems only dimly aware that they’re alive.
67
562
21K
Best part of getting older is when you put on an album from 2007 and think "damn, I love this two and a half year old album."
88
1K
18K
I love how the internet used to have tucked away corners where you could be funny and weird and they’ve all been replaced by three megacorporations that are fueled largely by people screaming at each other and falling victim to barely disguised data harvesting.
64
3K
15K
Mad Men was great and all, but I'm a huge fan of Jon Hamm's second career popping into whatever comedy shoots near his house so he can play one of the dumbest people ever to live.
84
2K
15K
Say what you will, but United's official response to their mistake has been measured and compassionate.
87
5K
14K
Alright, I did the math. If I stopped eating avocado toast every day, I would be able to afford a bad house in Los Angeles in 642 years.
154
6K
13K
The thing about Democrats that alienates me completely from the party is who they pick for president. Half the time they don't just pick a bad candidate, they pick *the worst candidate possible.* Then they guilt you into pragmatism and lose anyway. It's like they *want* to lose.
212
1K
12K
Absolutely knocked this out of the park. One of the best posts ever.
Priscilla Presley with my daughter Annie and me. She has endured the loss of a child with grace and courage. She has a new movie out called Priscilla based on her book. I’m writing a book based on my experience with KGB style weaponized prosecutions and imprisonment.
198
452
3K
23
676
13K
This is undeniably the worst live rock performance you will ever see. Enjoy!
uh so i saw the winklevoss twins' band? tonight? like, it's really them
722
764
7K
156
610
12K
Video game history is great because it hasn't been written about that much, which makes it all sound insane. Marlon Brando was in a Godfather game for the Xbox but his lines weren't really usable because he was on oxygen. I didn't even make that up.
42
735
11K
Can't believe they finally arrested the guy who spent the last ten years ending every sentence he said with "you know, this reminds me of when I was in Las Vegas and murdered Tupac Shakur with a gun that I think I still have in my garage somewhere."
16
790
12K
Fun part of watching Buster Keaton movies is being blown away by a stunt and wondering how he did it, then looking it up and finding out the answer is "it actually almost killed him every time and would probably be illegal now."
38
986
11K
Maybe the funniest thing futurists got wrong is video calling. It was invented fast, perfected really fast, and anybody can do it anywhere. But it sucks. It's just terrible. Everybody looks like they're being held hostage. Bring back landlines.
62
689
10K
An underreported thing about the internet dying is that most legacy sites are unusable on mobile. Look at this.
75
893
10K
Pitch: a JFK conspiracy documentary that only interviews the *wives* of JFK conspiracy theorists, talking shit about their insane husbands.
76
1K
10K
At the rate the Democrats are going, by 2020 the DNC chair will be a MacBook Pro that just plays the Hamilton soundtrack on loop.
69
3K
8K
Everybody talks about how wages have gone down, but nobody talks enough about how every job posting has a section like “this job is very hard. We are going to punish you. We are going to break you. Your marriage is trash to us and your son is a coward.”
54
1K
9K
My favorite quote in the GQ article about sober musicians is from a member of the Eagles, because it could *only* be from a member of the Eagles.
39
1K
9K
Elon M*sk is a reddit libertarian, and reddit libertarianism is malignant because 14 year olds get hooked on it through memes and cartoons. *That’s* the future of funneling wealth upward, union busting, and killing the working class. Not the old guard GOP, which is dying.
33
927
7K
Calling Tim Cook Tim Apple to his face is my version of the American dream. I want to look Bill Gates in the eye and call him Jim Microsoft.
28
651
7K
Remember when John Krasinski made a fake show about how covid lockdown is just kind of a weird fun slumber party and cashed out for like $5 million? Obvious proof money isn't real.
23
296
7K
RIP Barbara Bush. I'll always remember her for this legendary quote that she said during the 2016 presidential election.
"He drew nude women on his wall in pencil. He erased them, but I knew. I saw the outlines. He was a sick boy."
38
1K
6K
10
814
7K
@LydiaBurrell
I’m a high school algebra teacher in the Los Angeles unified school district and I just wanted to commend you for sitting down and actually getting this math right. It’s so hard to make people care.
26
68
6K
Congratulations to Joe Biden, who looks like he has about eight months to live, tops.
65
231
6K
A hellworld parenthetical that everybody’s too tired to mention but is extremely annoying is that everybody gets twenty spam calls a day. We just let that one go.
82
1K
6K
The statement from George H.W. Bush's staff is surprisingly humane and empathetic.
38
1K
6K
"He drew nude women on his wall in pencil. He erased them, but I knew. I saw the outlines. He was a sick boy."
38
1K
6K
Saw a bus ad for The Daily Show that said "we laughed, we cried, we disinfected," which gave me an interesting idea: cancel the show.
27
222
6K
It's sad how many RTs you get by saying the world is ending instead of admitting the scary truth that it's not and there's work to do in it.
31
2K
6K
Norm Macdonald is the reason I'm a writer. There's not a second reason. I studied him growing up. He got me my first job. I'm crushed. Rest in peace to the best comedian on earth.
25
98
5K
It makes my heart warm to watch Facebook’s stock collapse under the weight of their own hubris. And it’s hilarious that Mark Zuckerberg’s genius idea for stalking people at Harvard was only useful for perpetrating a fascist uprising. It comprehensively damns technocrats.
43
778
5K
Love how Ricky Gervais says this is a great time to wind people up when he blocked me for this post almost immediately.
My little brother did a fantastic drawing of comedy icon Ricky Gervais.
http://t.co/ErFBJWh4M3
14
260
2K
20
476
5K
I got MoviePass for Christmas, and I've seen about $150 of movies on it, so the gift was worthwhile, but the amount of entertainment I've gotten following their insane and terrible business model - essentially "let's lose a fortune for no reason" - is priceless.
17
406
5K
On August 15th, 2017, President Donald Trump said there were two sides to a Nazi murdering a leftist protestor, and you are awake.
31
1K
5K
These were so close to being his actual last words. We didn’t deserve him.
8
303
5K
Pitch: a gritty reboot of the singing frog cartoon and the trailer is a little girl singing a minor key version of Hello Ma Baby over a toy piano. The last shot is the frog (Tom Hardy) standing behind a stage curtain adjusting his top hat.
44
590
5K
For those complaining about Apple removing the headphone jack, please just read Tim Cook's explanation.
63
2K
4K
A friend asked for the best songs named after a woman (Jolene, Deanna, fifty billion others), and I just realized I can't think of any great songs named after a man unless he's a historical figure (Jesse James, Johnny Appleseed, Jesus). And half of them are traditionals.
2K
103
4K
I love the strips where Watterson, with no outside pressure, decided to make his job way harder. The soap opera strips and the film noir strips seem like a giant pain in the ass, and he definitely didn’t get paid extra for it.
Calvin and Hobbes was such an incredible comic
205
6K
54K
37
225
4K
INT. HOBBY LOBBY, DAY.
"Well, we have a PR problem."
"What? Typo in the wall art? Is it the mug recall?"
"We're knowingly funding ISIS."
19
1K
4K
Show Idea: I sit down with Neil DeGrasse Tyson, throw on Armageddon, and just keep going "wow, I bet all of this is true."
17
1K
4K
It is important to remember at this moment in history that if two billionaires are fighting, both of them can be terrible people whose souls escaped their bodies decades ago. You don't have to pick a side.
27
690
4K
I can’t believe we killed Tom from Myspace for allowing automatic ska revival playlists but we did nothing to Facebook for aiding the installation of a government that can only be described as one part authoritarianism and two parts clickbait.
17
893
4K
Just in from Warner Bros: during Burbank reshoots for SPACE JAM 2: A NEW LEGACY (2021), a lighting rig collapsed on Bugs Bunny, severing his spine. He was rushed to Cedars-Sinai where he went into sudden cardiac arrest and died. He was 83.
68
455
4K
Saying America is optimistic because CEOs are optimistic is like saying prisoners are happy because you heard the warden laughing.
26
2K
4K
I went to college in Malibu for four damn years and only now, at 30, do I realize that going to the beach kicks ass and it’s free. I’m furious at myself. I used to live a mile away and I decided to be sad with Nick Cave records instead.
45
80
4K
You know, we’re probably only three months out from a major studio western with a trailer where an eight year old girl sings a half-speed version of Old Town Road over a toy piano.
29
351
4K
Remember when people tried to make Mark Zuckerberg run for president even though his only qualification was making a surveillance network for perverts? Good times.
18
242
3K
We watched the “despecialized” version of Star Wars last night. That thing is astonishing, like seeing the movie for the first time after getting lasik surgery, like seeing Pinocchio become a real boy. It’s monstrous what George Lucas did to his poor movie.
88
222
4K
Oh no, it’s Thanksgiving dinner and my Trump-supporting uncle who loves to start political arguments forgot to put a turkey on the table and just put a huge pile of loaded guns on a tray instead and he’s telling me to eat the guns.
24
409
4K
From here on out, new Star Wars movies should just be named after the earning report columns they go in. Star Wars: Q4 2019, Star Wars: Q1 2025.
10
540
3K
Let this be said about MoviePass: a bunch of people got to see movies for practically nothing because somebody successfully ripped off a bunch of venture capitalist paypigs. That's kind of beautiful.
13
547
3K
Just tried out that Martin Scorsese thing of just leaving TCM on all day and getting distracted by it for a couple minutes an hour, and gotta say, that rules. Best channel, no contest. Zaslav is psychotic.
14
194
3K
Intellectual Dark Web Translator:
Taboo Ideas: eugenics
Free Thinking: eugenics
[any statistic at all for any reason]: eugenics
Incomprehensible discussion of Renaissance art or European cities that seems totally performative and doesn't seem provoked by anything: eugenics
14
586
3K
Civility and compromise are words that Aaron Sorkin made up on a coke bender 20 years ago. Forget them.
8
384
3K
Alright, I got my billion dollars, my girlfriend is one of the coolest art-pop performers alive, and my solid gold private Space Shuttle I only use for sex tourism is almost out of the shop. Time to... constantly shitpost on Twitter?
23
178
3K
I bet Hobby Lobby is really glad the news cycle is too fast for anyone to remember they’re a front group for ISIS.
14
651
3K
This looks like a room somebody stumbles into that may or may not actually exist before an ambiguous death scene in a David Lynch film.
85
984
3K
I'm friends with a really old guard marketing VP at Hasbro and he has confirmed on the record that Potato Head is a communist and defected to the USSR in 1968. Says the only way he'll set foot on US soil again is in a coffin.
13
299
3K
Joe Biden is the candidate of vampires who don’t care about you and are so sheltered they believe America works when it doesn’t. The man himself is a sad relic of the ‘50s in cognitive free fall. If he were the Democrat nominee, he would *brutally* lose.
26
319
3K
might fuck around and make an idol of my fear and call it God.
15
464
3K
Streaming is a scam that conditions consumers to forget the importance and necessity of ownership, to instead subscribe to the profit-maximizing whims of a megacorporation. Continued unabated, it will mutilate the history of film and music. Tech isn’t going to save us.
49
621
3K
I dug Barbie, but nobody's gonna learn the right lesson from it (fun star-driven one-offs are good) and we're gonna end up with origin stories for Frigidaire and Uber Eats. Can't wait for 2025's highest grossing movie: CAP'N, the epic story of Cap'n Crunch, starring Danny Devito.
94
210
3K
And yeah, I know there's actual cowboy culture up there. I used to live in Redding. He could just stand to tone it down a bit. He's from the Lady Bird part of norcal, not the Merle Haggard part.
38
50
3K
That revival was so weird. People green-screened in, lighting so bad it's like it was taken on an early digital camera that advertised having video capability, and so much ADR you wonder if anybody was on the same planet.
Well, it's over: Netflix to remove Arrested Development from its library
30
26
140
39
64
3K
An underrated great thing about X is that not only can you not google the band name, you can’t even google their singer, John Doe. They’ve got the worst SEO in music.
70
229
3K
Depression is good to me. Love fighting a war to leave my apartment. It whips ass to feel like I’m one wrong move from total ruin. Nick Cave’s music just sounds like normal music also.
22
240
3K
Louis CK is so narcissistic he not only thought he could make a monument to his predatory behavior, but he also thought people would love him for it. Good riddance to a horrible person, and good riddance to his toxic platform.
46
381
3K
Sometimes I think about watching Paris, Texas but then I just read this instead.
15
564
3K
Let's set the record straight: Blake Shelton looks like a second-stringer on Justified who gets murdered over a horse crime.
22
412
3K
Wrong. Fake tweets are hilarious and reveal how bad the media class is at the most basic critical reading skills.
22
341
3K
It’s your last chance, Disney. You still have 24 hours to change the ending of Star Wars to Bill Murray in that cantina doing his Star Wars lounge song. You can save this thing.
13
216
3K
Gonna write a Charles Bukowski poem. I call it "los angeles winter."
whiskey, good
women bad
but maybe
it's the other way
around
26
685
2K
This story is incredible. A near-flawless mimic who impersonates studio executives and leaves no paper trail, working for shadowy goons in Indonesia, with intimate knowledge of Hollywood industry speak. If only Robert Stack could narrate the movie.
30
727
2K
The West Wing isn't real, it was a fantasy show made by a cocaine-addled narcissist. Stop this escapism.
What a remarkable moment it would be if a war hero, fighting cancer, returned to the Senate to say "this is wrong, America must be better."
1K
7K
27K
13
355
2K
Congratulations to whatever city Amazon picks for its new location on having rents go up so much that the working class gets priced out and replaced with a bunch of people who have never seen the city before and love eating at Chipotle!!
27
514
2K
The proof capitalism doesn’t work is that all billionaires have the minds of 13 year olds.
55
457
2K
Rest in peace to Harry Dean Stanton, one of the best American actors ever, who lived to be 345 years old in Harry Dean Stanton years.
10
441
2K
What really makes this joke is actually the setup. How Ben Gazzara writes so seriously on the notepad before tearing off the paper and saying “excuse me,” like it was really really important and somber.
@alyssakeiko
is watching big lebowski for the first time and we just near cried together at this:
1
8
337
20
85
3K
The continued phenomenon of anyone believing in the Mandela effect is so odd. You misremembered three or four pieces of children's entertainment and don't know anything about African politics and that's proof of alternate dimensions even though there are no other examples.
30
166
2K
Artists who died young and you're positive what they'd have done if they lived:
Hendrix: 40 jazz fusion albums. Good stuff hiding in there but he jumped labels too much for a real best-of.
Joe Strummer: Clash tour, new Clash EP, two songwriter albums
Phil Hartman: on Mad Men
296
98
2K
Jimmy Carter has spent nearly the last forty years of his life doing ministry and charity work, which is really the minimum amount of time you should spend atoning for being president.
14
234
2K
My little brother did a fantastic drawing of comedy icon Ricky Gervais.
http://t.co/ErFBJWh4M3
14
260
2K
I would kill to make a movie that takes place entirely in the desolate and barren parallel universe that we only witnessed once, in 1970s magazine food photography.
39
339
2K
Today in good news: I just saw a dog free himself from an apartment, run a quarter mile into the LA River, completely submerge himself in the filthy water, then feverishly roll in a pile of dirt and garbage before leisurely walking back into the apartment like nothing happened.
16
217
2K
The thing HBO never understood about why True Detective worked: Matthew McConaughey proving in every frame that he's a superstar. You thought of him as one guy and he proved he could be a completely different guy. It's like if Ricky Nelson made a metal album and it was good.
40
66
2K
I...worked on this story for a year...and...he just...he tweeted it out.
19
406
2K
Unsentimental 1800s frontier diaries are probably the best writing America has to offer.
http://t.co/dT9NrKd33Y
79
2K
2K
I give it two weeks before there's a flamethrower-related death that was specifically instigated by an argument about Rick & Morty. I am prepared to wager my entire fortune, $45,000,000 and my estate in the Hamptons, that this will take place.
19
150
2K
Remember how everybody used to say George W. Bush was the dumbest dumb guy ever? He used language that flew MILES over Trump's head.
26
366
2K