Jess Profile Banner
Jess Profile
Jess

@jxssmitchell

Followers
5,651
Following
1,232
Media
1,501
Statuses
39,464

26 // London

London, England
Joined January 2012
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
Imagine the first weekend we’re allowed out again when coronavirus has fucked off. Pandemonium
189
16K
145K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
my mum and dad went on their first date 27 years ago today (at 21/22) and have been together ever since, whereas today I woke up to a tinder message saying ‘nice tits I’d like to put my face between them’. How times change x
152
5K
70K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Disgraceful that people are even considering victim blaming Grace Millane for travelling alone and ‘putting herself at risk.’ The ONLY thing to blame for her murder is the man who murdered her. Women should be able to travel solo without worrying they’ll be killed by a stranger.
60
6K
35K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
If abba do a tour I think I’ll legit die of happiness, grooving to gimme gimme a man after midnight with all the 50 yr old women without a care in the world
201
10K
34K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
I actually have pavement rage whenever I walk anywhere !!!!! Why stop !!!! in the middle !! of the path !!! u stupid !!! bastards !!!
71
6K
32K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Caitlyn Jenner is coming across really well on I’m a Celeb. How people can be such nasty little bastards about her I do not understand
91
2K
30K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
Boy at work last night told me my highlighter looked amazing and asked what brand it was to get for his girlfriend as a present 😫😫😫 how cute
30
2K
26K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Imagine if Kate and Will just announced the royal baby was called Keith
177
3K
23K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Drunkenly gave my number to some boy who asked on a night out a couple of weeks ago, haven't replied once yet and he's just sent me a pic of his dog with a caption 'hope this convinces you to reply to me' hahahahahaha
55
839
21K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Nothing sums up my life more than the fact I’ve just tried to take off my hoodie in the library (under which I have a loose crop top on with no bra) which then STUCK to the hoodie so I accidentally got both my tits out at my desk in silent study in a full room. Why lord
89
680
21K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Uni is weird cos you have some people spending summer swanning off to Thailand and Hideout etc on their student loan without having to work, whilst others are working 40+ hours a week trying to pay summer rent that their loan doesn’t cover. Why !!!! So !!!! Unfair !!!!!
49
3K
16K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Those boys who reply to every girls tweet like 'do u have a fiat 500 lol' are deffo the same ones who drive a lowered corsa that gets stuck on the speed bumps in maccies car park and tweet about how they love techno when they've heard one Patrick topping track
54
2K
16K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Must be the only one who thinks this is weird as fuck tho
@ellaallib
ella
6 years
I have no idea who these two people are but I’m FULLY SOBBING
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
217
18K
83K
13
2K
15K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
I have spent so much money this month but u cannot, and I repeat, CANNOT, put a price on good timez
28
2K
15K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Does anyone else daydream about what they’d do if a gun man ran in to the lecture theatre/library/cafe etc they’re in???? Spend more time thinking of dramatic action movie-esque escape plans than I do doing any uni work
64
1K
15K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Can’t be the only one who thinks Khloe Kardashian is embarrassing herself by not aiming any of her anger at her supposed boyfriend. What a mug man
9
858
13K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
exactly four years ago today I reached my peak level of smartness when I got my GCSE results and it has just been plummeting on a rapid decline ever since
14
3K
13K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Does no one else think it’s a little concerning how it’s this warm in February???? We’re fucked mate the earth is dying
23
2K
13K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
I sing dua lipa new rules way too passionately for someone very very single with no boy problems
44
5K
12K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
I am physically incapable of saying no to a night out
@PrettyRicc
Ric
7 years
What has 2017 taught you?
97
14
112
138
4K
12K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
Me at 8am in someone’s gaff
262
1K
12K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
It’s a no from me
@MirrorTV
Mirror TV
6 years
Love Island exes - Jack's former girlfriend on way into the villa
Tweet media one
62
17
51
25
1K
11K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
If u video urself doing balloons u need putting down
135
2K
9K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Idea: make it possible on clothing sites to drag different items onto a model to create an outfit and see if things look good together like on Stardoll. U heard it here first folks x
9
932
9K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
1 year
Mind-blowing how there’s suddenly enough money to throw at “stopping the boats” but not enough money to help millions of people suffering with the cost of living crisis OR enough money to increase wages of key workers OR enough to assist with the rental crisis
@BBCWorld
BBC News (World)
1 year
UK to spend nearly £500m to help French stop small boats
134
45
267
26
1K
9K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Bumped into my fav old man from the pub I worked at over the summer in town who I’ve not seen in months. An hour later he came into my new work with a Xmas present he wrapped for me hoping I’d be back at the pub to work over Xmas. He’d been looking after it all this time !!! 🙁🙁
9
246
8K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
imagine being arsed that instagram has removed that following activity tab, don’t think I’ve clicked on the bastard in about 4 years
12
657
7K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Clear my overdraft, go travelling, fall in luv, become a toned bad bitch by summer. Speaking it into existence
@RealMonaim
Arkan
5 years
Bomboclaat
Tweet media one
2K
2K
17K
6
1K
7K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Common denominator in all the boys sharing tweets about chunky stomper womper trainers: all below 6ft. U worried a girls gonna tower over you? Get ur own pair, u need em more than we do ! X
44
552
6K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Just accidentally touched toes with a boy also wearing sandals under the table at the library and now I need to go for a spa day to deep cleanse my soul
17
205
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
do u ever look at your bank account and nearly go into cardiac arrest
14
2K
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
An old woman just PUSHED me off my watermelon lilo because it floated too close to her. Bet she voted leave in the Brexit vote too
8
204
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Walk of shame but arriving at the library when it’s full and everyone staring at you with pity when you can’t find a seat
22
1K
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
I’m feeling very bloody emotional for Irish women right now; EVERY woman should have the right to choose what to do with her own body, and today history has been made. You go girls 🌟🇮🇪
0
646
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
When u ask someone if they wanna come somewhere and they reply ‘can do’
@liamgallagher
Liam Gallagher
6 years
I'll take that as a NO then as you were LG x
2K
5K
43K
20
828
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Feel sorry for Theresa May to be fair. I’d have had a solid Britney 2007 breakdown months ago if I had to do her job. Takes balls of steel to still be standing when the whole country is giving you shit
14
437
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
I always say how easily convinced I am to go out - but this is a lie. I take no convincing, because I am the one suggesting it, every. single. time. Someone teach me how to get a grip of my life
58
1K
5K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
I like to think I am relatively calm unless it’s drastically required to be a dick but on this occasion I would swing Gemma around the room like Miss Trunchbull does that speccy kid on Matilda
10
442
4K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Poor Liz should have bashed the rude orange bastard with her handbag !!!! Disgrace
4
623
4K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
A boy I legit spoke to for 2 minutes at Bicep on Friday in Birmingham has managed to find my instagram and message me from my first name alone.... and I thought GIRLS were the pro detectives
13
102
4K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
The way @piersmorgan talks to women is fucking disgusting. Why @ITV continue to give him a platform to belittle them and put across his ridiculously old fashioned and misogynistic views I have NO idea. The only one looking stupid on TV is him and his fat head
@ITVWales
ITV Wales News
6 years
"I don't think I made myself look stupid on TV" Rhondda's Rosie Williams clashes with @piersmorgan on @GMB over her decision to leave her law career behind to appear on popular @ITV2 reality show @LoveIsland
149
387
3K
12
957
4K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
1 year
Well you’d hope so wouldn’t you
@BBCBreaking
BBC Breaking News
1 year
Serial rapist David Carrick, who used his role as a London police officer to put fear into his victims, is sacked
816
395
2K
1
80
4K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Before 11.30am, today, on Christmas Eve, my mum has uttered the words ‘you have ruined christmas’ to me. Success
16
126
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Did this about a year ago and haven’t quite got back on yet, dangerous game x
@Ofhxlhy
L
6 years
Might just go off the rails for jokes x
35
2K
6K
7
623
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Curtis should have picked Arabella and blown this whole ship out of the water. Absolute scenes. Amy would have lost the plot, transformed into an ogre like Fiona in Shrek and launched her in the pool. Caroline trying to keep everyone calm, every housemate crying. Ian screaming
1
322
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Omg he is literally PUNCHING !!! U give an average boy a bit of attention and they start thinking they’re the shit. Sack him off go to Ibiza n life ur life hun, don’t need this negativity in ur life x
@Yagorlbek
B ⋆.˚🦋༘⋆
5 years
NO FUCKING WAY?? IF SHE HASN’T DUMPED HIM AFTER ALL THIS THEN ILL BE SHOCKED BECAUSE HES SO DISRESPECTFUL
227
2K
16K
14
340
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
wtf is it with girls on depop, you like their item and within 0.2 seconds they’ve messaged you passive aggressively like ‘you interested in the top you just liked hun? X’ ..... RELAX let me browse in peace
4
251
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Laid in bed absolutely dying and some dickhead from across the road is playing the saxophone out of the window. You're not Lisa Simpson get back to bed and shut UP
11
154
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
If I got a pound for every time I get a cringe Instagram message request from some girl asking me to join her ‘online business beauty opportunity that she thinks I’d be good at’ I would be able to set up my own beauty business and fuck off to the Maldives for a year to celebrate
5
491
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
I actually feel like I watched my boyfriend cheat on me in front of my own eyes I am THAT FUMING #loveisland
5
674
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
its 14°, the sun has been out for about 5 hours and everyone is sat on Hyde Park getting bevved as if it’s mid June. Leeds doing it right as always
1
131
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
very much enjoying seeing people who I know full well have munched through about 5 pingers at a rave denouncing the Covid vaccine because they “don’t know what’s in it”
12
375
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Why am I paying £9k a year to put myself through living hell in a degree I a) don’t like and b) I’m shit at
9
432
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
8 years
Embarrassing on all levels when girls tweet like 'imagine if u knew what ur boyfriend was messaging me 👀' maybe tell her then ya nasty bitch
2
1K
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Imagine being stuck in Sainsbury’s carpark because my dad’s dropped my car off and pulled the handbrake so high that I can’t get it off even with two hands and having to ask a stranger for help 🙂 would only happen to me eh !!!!!!!!!
23
64
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Managed to wangle myself a boyfriend in time for the christmas markets. I have done what every fiat 500 white girl dreams of. No higher level of success can be reached from here
7
147
3K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Did Ellie just call georgia ugly hahahahahahahaha sorry watch it gal u sound like you’ve swallowed a dog squeaky toy
4
216
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
If my son ever brings home multiple girls close together I’ll be pulling the ‘you’re a lot nicer than the girl that was here yesterday’ card at dinner
@_Bnel
ABE
5 years
Meeting a guy's mom doesn't guarantee that he's going to marry or he truly loves you, most mothers are partners in their son's hoeing
395
7K
16K
5
234
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Josh & Kaz and Megan & Wes are the nastiest of everyone in the villa !!!Buzzing off seeing Laura getting heartbroken and constantly bitching about everyone as if they’re above them all, playground behaviour #LoveIsland
1
228
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
To clarify, I am aware we can physically go out right now, but is it socially irresponsible? Yes. Government advice says to avoid these places for a reason. You won’t be laughing about the pint you had at the local when you’ve passed on an illness to vulnerable family member
8
131
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
hope megan comes to pryzm in leeds on a shite club appearance so I can go and chuck my drink on her
5
101
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Have u EVER seen a more punchable face!!!!!!!! No uterus no opinion u thumb looking fuck
@thehill
The Hill
5 years
GOP Texas lawmaker introduces bill that would allow death penalty for women who have abortions
Tweet media one
863
269
604
2
152
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Some fairly fit club promoter just came up to my family on Paphos strip trying to get us to go to his club, explaining that the music is sick and my dad goes ‘she only listens to ABBA and Take That so she isn’t interested’ 🙂🙂 yh might be true but at least make me look cool
5
44
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Wish they’d do a big brother type scenario where they all sit down in front of a big screen and Megan asking Wes to kiss her is played to the villa. Laura would probs have to be taken into either a care home or a police cell #loveisland
1
180
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
I dunno if getting no pictures at all out of 6 nights out in freshers week is a sign of a good time or simply a sign of the fact my mates just get too spasticated before there’s chance to take any remotely acceptable ones
3
150
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Imagine voting to leave the EU which provides free movement around Europe and then being surprised that movement is no longer free 😭😭 words fail me
2
308
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
If YOU don't want an abortion- don't have one. BUT don't prevent other women who may require one, whether that be for their own health or other circumstances beyond their control. Everyone has their own reasons. #repealthe8th
2
278
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
week 4 of living in our new student house: we had to ring an emergency gas engineer because I smelt gas in the kitchen, turns out it’s a serious gas leak and ‘lucky we noticed when we did’, implying we may have been blown up. Student houses/landlords are the ONE. Blessed x <3 x
7
27
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
I'd love nothing more that to drop kick that deluded ratatouille looking head of his !!! Run for the hills rosie
@channel5_tv
Channel 5
6 years
Do men and women really think differently about the emotional impact cheating will have on their partner? 🤔 #OneNightWithMyEx
850
2K
11K
4
350
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
Is it actually possible to make pasta without unintentionally making enough for about 8 people and the family dog for the next six years
4
267
2K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
My ‘2018 in snaps’ on snapchat has just reiterated that my pals and I are fully off the rails, very tapped and probably need a serious intervention x funny tho
6
267
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
2 years
I’m finding it too difficult to have any sympathy for Sarma in Netflix’s doc Bad Vegan. WHY are these women in all these recent documentaries sending hundreds of thousands of dollars to men who give them absolutely nothing? it’s painful to watch
62
196
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
Tony Walsh is on our tram back to Bury & read This is The Place after #OneLoveManchester - what an amazing night & atmosphere 💛
22
553
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
This ten days of January has felt longer than the entire month of December
1
232
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
8 years
How on earth are people finding it FUNNY that Kim Kardashian was robbed at gun point? Two young kids could have lost their mom today
32
715
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Why is organising a group holiday fully the most difficult thing known to man
22
279
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Fuck sake why is ellie still here someone drop kick her into the pool
0
133
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
This is actually my worst nightmare
@Juicyhayy
juicy
6 years
when you go into the ER w stomach pains & come out 18 weeks pregnant 👼🏼💙
Tweet media one
403
2K
14K
3
107
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Why r there so many fit girls posting videos of them posing looking peng on twitter now!!!! I came here for the bants and funny memes, keep the self esteem killing for insta where I’m expecting it
0
163
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
David Beckham is the real star of the royal wedding, what an absolute PENG ting
0
179
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Dr Alex is actually the kind of fella who replies to your message with ‘what would you do if I was there ;)’ but when you actually chill with him he doesn’t even kiss you and maintains a metre distance at all times #loveisland
2
81
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Not the biggest fan of Georgia Steel but the absolute shit she gets all over social media all the time is dangerous. These people abusing others via nasty comments & tweets will be the same people who tweet shit about mental health awareness after someone commits suicide. Shut up
2
90
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
if you work in the service industry u know the absolute PAIN of serving a table for hours & them chatting away to you, being super friendly etc and then not leaving a tip. The feeling of utter deception
2
61
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
The world is overpopulated and I propose a new form of natural selection where we exterminate anyone stupid enough to retweet this tweet
3
81
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
3 years
Waking up to blue sky is an instant serotonin boost isn’t it
1
112
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Me when my mum asks why I’m going out drinking again
3
219
1K
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
Me in Leeds: why is leeds so cold and shit Me anywhere else: I was born on Parkinson steps. My dad proposed to my mum with a VK in a booth at Quids In. Tom Zanetti is my godfather. The only word in my vocabulary is tea. I did the Otley Run before I could walk
4
206
959
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
dani is legit the only girl i like in love island, at least she has a bit of banter compared to the rest of these wet lettuces
2
120
948
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Gobsmacked that those vile boys who made rape jokes etc online are being allowed back on campus at the Uni of Warwick. Disgraceful
3
61
926
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Dunno why I listen to groovy disco/tech playlists in the library because it just makes me wanna pack up my stuff, burn my EU law notes and go and get a pint
5
49
920
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
This is right up there with the thickest tweets I’ve ever seen
5
83
906
@jxssmitchell
Jess
7 years
girls with long hair who sleep with it down are weeeeeeird get that shit in a pineapple
1
194
856
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Now I’ve started getting lash extensions I can’t see when this will ever stop. An endless cycle of lash extensions until I die (or my lashes fall out). Bald eye fear
12
227
856
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
just dragged my sister up to karaoke with me in Paphos to Eminem ft Rihanna Love the Way You Lie which she sang and I rapped (flawlessly) and I’m now considering a career very different to law x
3
5
825
@jxssmitchell
Jess
4 years
Started freshers at uni 4 years ago today. Best fuckin years of ur life kids don’t waste em
2
61
829
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
If you are in year 13 and thinking of doing a law degree. DONT. Save urself !! Go travelling get a job become a ladyboy in Thailand do ANYTHING ELSE
14
140
798
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
will actually pay someone a tenner to hit me with their car fast enough that I’m hospitalised and cannot sit exams next week, but not too fast that I can’t go out when they finish
1
124
774
@jxssmitchell
Jess
5 years
Fuming at Prince William for cheating on our gal Kate. That hairline is lucky to have bagged a 10/10 in the first place
16
44
775
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Why’s Edward Cullen looking like he’s at Leeds Uni and spends most of his time explaining why he’s vegan at various sketty afters in hyde park
@lambfigurines
alina 寧
6 years
robert pattinson for le monde
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
Tweet media three
Tweet media four
12
2K
7K
0
124
762
@jxssmitchell
Jess
6 years
Just watched back my own Snapchat story and I can confirm I am never going out again
4
52
755