Jess
@jxssmitchell
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Imagine the first weekend we’re allowed out again when coronavirus has fucked off. Pandemonium
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my mum and dad went on their first date 27 years ago today (at 21/22) and have been together ever since, whereas today I woke up to a tinder message saying ‘nice tits I’d like to put my face between them’. How times change x
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Disgraceful that people are even considering victim blaming Grace Millane for travelling alone and ‘putting herself at risk.’ The ONLY thing to blame for her murder is the man who murdered her. Women should be able to travel solo without worrying they’ll be killed by a stranger.
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If abba do a tour I think I’ll legit die of happiness, grooving to gimme gimme a man after midnight with all the 50 yr old women without a care in the world
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I actually have pavement rage whenever I walk anywhere !!!!! Why stop !!!! in the middle !! of the path !!! u stupid !!! bastards !!!
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Caitlyn Jenner is coming across really well on I’m a Celeb. How people can be such nasty little bastards about her I do not understand
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Boy at work last night told me my highlighter looked amazing and asked what brand it was to get for his girlfriend as a present 😫😫😫 how cute
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Imagine if Kate and Will just announced the royal baby was called Keith
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Drunkenly gave my number to some boy who asked on a night out a couple of weeks ago, haven't replied once yet and he's just sent me a pic of his dog with a caption 'hope this convinces you to reply to me' hahahahahaha
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Nothing sums up my life more than the fact I’ve just tried to take off my hoodie in the library (under which I have a loose crop top on with no bra) which then STUCK to the hoodie so I accidentally got both my tits out at my desk in silent study in a full room. Why lord
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Uni is weird cos you have some people spending summer swanning off to Thailand and Hideout etc on their student loan without having to work, whilst others are working 40+ hours a week trying to pay summer rent that their loan doesn’t cover. Why !!!! So !!!! Unfair !!!!!
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Those boys who reply to every girls tweet like 'do u have a fiat 500 lol' are deffo the same ones who drive a lowered corsa that gets stuck on the speed bumps in maccies car park and tweet about how they love techno when they've heard one Patrick topping track
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Must be the only one who thinks this is weird as fuck tho
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I have spent so much money this month but u cannot, and I repeat, CANNOT, put a price on good timez
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Does anyone else daydream about what they’d do if a gun man ran in to the lecture theatre/library/cafe etc they’re in???? Spend more time thinking of dramatic action movie-esque escape plans than I do doing any uni work
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Can’t be the only one who thinks Khloe Kardashian is embarrassing herself by not aiming any of her anger at her supposed boyfriend. What a mug man
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exactly four years ago today I reached my peak level of smartness when I got my GCSE results and it has just been plummeting on a rapid decline ever since
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Does no one else think it’s a little concerning how it’s this warm in February???? We’re fucked mate the earth is dying
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I sing dua lipa new rules way too passionately for someone very very single with no boy problems
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I am physically incapable of saying no to a night out
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It’s a no from me
Love Island exes - Jack's former girlfriend on way into the villa
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Idea: make it possible on clothing sites to drag different items onto a model to create an outfit and see if things look good together like on Stardoll. U heard it here first folks x
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Mind-blowing how there’s suddenly enough money to throw at “stopping the boats” but not enough money to help millions of people suffering with the cost of living crisis OR enough money to increase wages of key workers OR enough to assist with the rental crisis
UK to spend nearly £500m to help French stop small boats
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Bumped into my fav old man from the pub I worked at over the summer in town who I’ve not seen in months. An hour later he came into my new work with a Xmas present he wrapped for me hoping I’d be back at the pub to work over Xmas. He’d been looking after it all this time !!! 🙁🙁
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imagine being arsed that instagram has removed that following activity tab, don’t think I’ve clicked on the bastard in about 4 years
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Clear my overdraft, go travelling, fall in luv, become a toned bad bitch by summer. Speaking it into existence
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Common denominator in all the boys sharing tweets about chunky stomper womper trainers: all below 6ft. U worried a girls gonna tower over you? Get ur own pair, u need em more than we do ! X
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Just accidentally touched toes with a boy also wearing sandals under the table at the library and now I need to go for a spa day to deep cleanse my soul
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do u ever look at your bank account and nearly go into cardiac arrest
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An old woman just PUSHED me off my watermelon lilo because it floated too close to her. Bet she voted leave in the Brexit vote too
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Walk of shame but arriving at the library when it’s full and everyone staring at you with pity when you can’t find a seat
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I’m feeling very bloody emotional for Irish women right now; EVERY woman should have the right to choose what to do with her own body, and today history has been made. You go girls 🌟🇮🇪
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When u ask someone if they wanna come somewhere and they reply ‘can do’
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Feel sorry for Theresa May to be fair. I’d have had a solid Britney 2007 breakdown months ago if I had to do her job. Takes balls of steel to still be standing when the whole country is giving you shit
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I always say how easily convinced I am to go out - but this is a lie. I take no convincing, because I am the one suggesting it, every. single. time. Someone teach me how to get a grip of my life
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I like to think I am relatively calm unless it’s drastically required to be a dick but on this occasion I would swing Gemma around the room like Miss Trunchbull does that speccy kid on Matilda
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Poor Liz should have bashed the rude orange bastard with her handbag !!!! Disgrace
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A boy I legit spoke to for 2 minutes at Bicep on Friday in Birmingham has managed to find my instagram and message me from my first name alone.... and I thought GIRLS were the pro detectives
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The way
@piersmorgan
talks to women is fucking disgusting. Why
@ITV
continue to give him a platform to belittle them and put across his ridiculously old fashioned and misogynistic views I have NO idea. The only one looking stupid on TV is him and his fat head
"I don't think I made myself look stupid on TV" Rhondda's Rosie Williams clashes with
@piersmorgan
on
@GMB
over her decision to leave her law career behind to appear on popular
@ITV2
reality show
@LoveIsland
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Well you’d hope so wouldn’t you
Serial rapist David Carrick, who used his role as a London police officer to put fear into his victims, is sacked
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Before 11.30am, today, on Christmas Eve, my mum has uttered the words ‘you have ruined christmas’ to me. Success
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Did this about a year ago and haven’t quite got back on yet, dangerous game x
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Curtis should have picked Arabella and blown this whole ship out of the water. Absolute scenes. Amy would have lost the plot, transformed into an ogre like Fiona in Shrek and launched her in the pool. Caroline trying to keep everyone calm, every housemate crying. Ian screaming
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Omg he is literally PUNCHING !!! U give an average boy a bit of attention and they start thinking they’re the shit. Sack him off go to Ibiza n life ur life hun, don’t need this negativity in ur life x
NO FUCKING WAY?? IF SHE HASN’T DUMPED HIM AFTER ALL THIS THEN ILL BE SHOCKED BECAUSE HES SO DISRESPECTFUL
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wtf is it with girls on depop, you like their item and within 0.2 seconds they’ve messaged you passive aggressively like ‘you interested in the top you just liked hun? X’ ..... RELAX let me browse in peace
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Laid in bed absolutely dying and some dickhead from across the road is playing the saxophone out of the window. You're not Lisa Simpson get back to bed and shut UP
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If I got a pound for every time I get a cringe Instagram message request from some girl asking me to join her ‘online business beauty opportunity that she thinks I’d be good at’ I would be able to set up my own beauty business and fuck off to the Maldives for a year to celebrate
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I actually feel like I watched my boyfriend cheat on me in front of my own eyes I am THAT FUMING
#loveisland
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its 14°, the sun has been out for about 5 hours and everyone is sat on Hyde Park getting bevved as if it’s mid June. Leeds doing it right as always
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very much enjoying seeing people who I know full well have munched through about 5 pingers at a rave denouncing the Covid vaccine because they “don’t know what’s in it”
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Why am I paying £9k a year to put myself through living hell in a degree I a) don’t like and b) I’m shit at
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Embarrassing on all levels when girls tweet like 'imagine if u knew what ur boyfriend was messaging me 👀' maybe tell her then ya nasty bitch
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Imagine being stuck in Sainsbury’s carpark because my dad’s dropped my car off and pulled the handbrake so high that I can’t get it off even with two hands and having to ask a stranger for help 🙂 would only happen to me eh !!!!!!!!!
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Managed to wangle myself a boyfriend in time for the christmas markets. I have done what every fiat 500 white girl dreams of. No higher level of success can be reached from here
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Did Ellie just call georgia ugly hahahahahahahaha sorry watch it gal u sound like you’ve swallowed a dog squeaky toy
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If my son ever brings home multiple girls close together I’ll be pulling the ‘you’re a lot nicer than the girl that was here yesterday’ card at dinner
Meeting a guy's mom doesn't guarantee that he's going to marry or he truly loves you, most mothers are partners in their son's hoeing
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Josh & Kaz and Megan & Wes are the nastiest of everyone in the villa !!!Buzzing off seeing Laura getting heartbroken and constantly bitching about everyone as if they’re above them all, playground behaviour
#LoveIsland
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To clarify, I am aware we can physically go out right now, but is it socially irresponsible? Yes. Government advice says to avoid these places for a reason. You won’t be laughing about the pint you had at the local when you’ve passed on an illness to vulnerable family member
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hope megan comes to pryzm in leeds on a shite club appearance so I can go and chuck my drink on her
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Have u EVER seen a more punchable face!!!!!!!! No uterus no opinion u thumb looking fuck
GOP Texas lawmaker introduces bill that would allow death penalty for women who have abortions
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Some fairly fit club promoter just came up to my family on Paphos strip trying to get us to go to his club, explaining that the music is sick and my dad goes ‘she only listens to ABBA and Take That so she isn’t interested’ 🙂🙂 yh might be true but at least make me look cool
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Wish they’d do a big brother type scenario where they all sit down in front of a big screen and Megan asking Wes to kiss her is played to the villa. Laura would probs have to be taken into either a care home or a police cell
#loveisland
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I dunno if getting no pictures at all out of 6 nights out in freshers week is a sign of a good time or simply a sign of the fact my mates just get too spasticated before there’s chance to take any remotely acceptable ones
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Imagine voting to leave the EU which provides free movement around Europe and then being surprised that movement is no longer free 😭😭 words fail me
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If YOU don't want an abortion- don't have one. BUT don't prevent other women who may require one, whether that be for their own health or other circumstances beyond their control. Everyone has their own reasons.
#repealthe8th
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week 4 of living in our new student house: we had to ring an emergency gas engineer because I smelt gas in the kitchen, turns out it’s a serious gas leak and ‘lucky we noticed when we did’, implying we may have been blown up. Student houses/landlords are the ONE. Blessed x <3 x
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I'd love nothing more that to drop kick that deluded ratatouille looking head of his !!! Run for the hills rosie
Do men and women really think differently about the emotional impact cheating will have on their partner? 🤔
#OneNightWithMyEx
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Is it actually possible to make pasta without unintentionally making enough for about 8 people and the family dog for the next six years
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My ‘2018 in snaps’ on snapchat has just reiterated that my pals and I are fully off the rails, very tapped and probably need a serious intervention x funny tho
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I’m finding it too difficult to have any sympathy for Sarma in Netflix’s doc Bad Vegan. WHY are these women in all these recent documentaries sending hundreds of thousands of dollars to men who give them absolutely nothing? it’s painful to watch
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Tony Walsh is on our tram back to Bury & read This is The Place after
#OneLoveManchester
- what an amazing night & atmosphere 💛
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This ten days of January has felt longer than the entire month of December
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How on earth are people finding it FUNNY that Kim Kardashian was robbed at gun point? Two young kids could have lost their mom today
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Why is organising a group holiday fully the most difficult thing known to man
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Fuck sake why is ellie still here someone drop kick her into the pool
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This is actually my worst nightmare
when you go into the ER w stomach pains & come out 18 weeks pregnant 👼🏼💙
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Why r there so many fit girls posting videos of them posing looking peng on twitter now!!!! I came here for the bants and funny memes, keep the self esteem killing for insta where I’m expecting it
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David Beckham is the real star of the royal wedding, what an absolute PENG ting
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Dr Alex is actually the kind of fella who replies to your message with ‘what would you do if I was there ;)’ but when you actually chill with him he doesn’t even kiss you and maintains a metre distance at all times
#loveisland
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Not the biggest fan of Georgia Steel but the absolute shit she gets all over social media all the time is dangerous. These people abusing others via nasty comments & tweets will be the same people who tweet shit about mental health awareness after someone commits suicide. Shut up
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if you work in the service industry u know the absolute PAIN of serving a table for hours & them chatting away to you, being super friendly etc and then not leaving a tip. The feeling of utter deception
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The world is overpopulated and I propose a new form of natural selection where we exterminate anyone stupid enough to retweet this tweet
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Me in Leeds: why is leeds so cold and shit
Me anywhere else: I was born on Parkinson steps. My dad proposed to my mum with a VK in a booth at Quids In. Tom Zanetti is my godfather. The only word in my vocabulary is tea. I did the Otley Run before I could walk
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dani is legit the only girl i like in love island, at least she has a bit of banter compared to the rest of these wet lettuces
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Gobsmacked that those vile boys who made rape jokes etc online are being allowed back on campus at the Uni of Warwick. Disgraceful
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Dunno why I listen to groovy disco/tech playlists in the library because it just makes me wanna pack up my stuff, burn my EU law notes and go and get a pint
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girls with long hair who sleep with it down are weeeeeeird get that shit in a pineapple
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Now I’ve started getting lash extensions I can’t see when this will ever stop. An endless cycle of lash extensions until I die (or my lashes fall out). Bald eye fear
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just dragged my sister up to karaoke with me in Paphos to Eminem ft Rihanna Love the Way You Lie which she sang and I rapped (flawlessly) and I’m now considering a career very different to law x
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Started freshers at uni 4 years ago today. Best fuckin years of ur life kids don’t waste em
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If you are in year 13 and thinking of doing a law degree. DONT. Save urself !! Go travelling get a job become a ladyboy in Thailand do ANYTHING ELSE
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will actually pay someone a tenner to hit me with their car fast enough that I’m hospitalised and cannot sit exams next week, but not too fast that I can’t go out when they finish
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Fuming at Prince William for cheating on our gal Kate. That hairline is lucky to have bagged a 10/10 in the first place
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Why’s Edward Cullen looking like he’s at Leeds Uni and spends most of his time explaining why he’s vegan at various sketty afters in hyde park
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Just watched back my own Snapchat story and I can confirm I am never going out again
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