Julius Sharpe
@juliussharpe
Followers
131,921
Following
354
Media
151
Statuses
1,921
Prominent figure in the bald community, creator of two cancelled TV shows, and worst-selling author. Buy my book, “So You’re Going Bald!” at link below.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined September 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Georgia
• 353707 Tweets
Ballon
• 326318 Tweets
Minecraft
• 287526 Tweets
Apalachee High School
• 209544 Tweets
Guns
• 203865 Tweets
Vinicius
• 181950 Tweets
Singh
• 151598 Tweets
Churchill
• 107287 Tweets
Winder
• 102369 Tweets
Jubilados
• 97031 Tweets
Liz Cheney
• 64872 Tweets
Tim Pool
• 62921 Tweets
Balón de Oro
• 58655 Tweets
Rodri
• 49143 Tweets
Tenet Media
• 46092 Tweets
Benny Johnson
• 45856 Tweets
#كاريزما60
• 45759 Tweets
#Yönetimİstifa
• 37801 Tweets
Abortions
• 31150 Tweets
Mondo
• 28057 Tweets
Jack Black
• 27935 Tweets
#ولي_العهد
• 27275 Tweets
AR-15
• 26327 Tweets
Carvajal
• 23608 Tweets
Jagmeet
• 23495 Tweets
Lookman
• 23047 Tweets
Dave Rubin
• 17685 Tweets
Colt Gray
• 15746 Tweets
Rick Scott
• 15509 Tweets
ميسي
• 13603 Tweets
Watters
• 12543 Tweets
#سي65ياره_هديه_رسيس
• 11952 Tweets
الكره الذهبيه
• 11296 Tweets
If Aaron Rodgers runs for VP that puts Zach Wilson third in line for the presidency.
98
1K
24K
Giselle marrying Bill Belichick is the only way this can end.
112
826
13K
Capitol Hill lost and found will have 500 pairs of Oakleys tomorrow.
63
1K
12K
In three weeks, my dog has made more meaningful connections in my neighborhood than I have in 15 years.
77
299
6K
Willie Nelson has been 70 the entire time I’ve been alive.
12
200
3K
You just spent a week Twitter-feuding with Seth Rogen.
Democrats want a week of political theater raging at Donald Trump instead of focusing on reopening schools or getting millions of Americans back to work.
7K
3K
18K
24
141
3K
Pinterest just stepped up and banned Trump from new pins.
19
120
3K
Every TED talk should be followed with remarks by someone who once dated the speaker.
10
161
2K
Daily schedule
7:00 - 8:00 a.m. Coffee
8:00 - 8:15 a.m. Shitting
8:15 - 4:00 p.m. Anxiety
4:00 - 6:30 p.m. Crushing fatigue
6:30 - 7:00 p.m. Dinner
7:00 - 11:00 p.m. TV
11:00 p.m. - 7:00 a.m. Wide awake
29
151
2K
Imagine how much safer the Oscars would have been if everyone had a gun.
16
188
1K
Does anyone have two tons of spinach? I want to make one small bowl of sautéed spinach.
12
65
1K
No one can get me the only thing I want in life which is to have already worked out.
26
106
1K
People who hate masks are really gonna dislike coffins.
13
105
1K
Trump managed to parlay a regular election loss into 60 court losses, a terrorist attack, and an impeachment. Truly the business genius we were promised.
11
206
1K
I want the job of counting how many people have diarrhea.
94
104
1K
My kids will always remember this as the day I let them play 14 hours of Nintendo Switch.
3
49
1K
Now Will Smith has to go live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
11
233
1K
The terror of the exact moment you realize someone is about to start singing directly at you.
24
93
1K
Is there a way I can get off all social media and just sell my personal data directly?
16
77
1K
One thing parenting has taught me is that the phrase “Dad, look!” will always be followed by the most underwhelming shit you’ve ever seen.
9
33
981
Every article about a home renovation should be 90% about how the people got the money to do it.
5
40
936
Once you hit 40, it’s impossible to get out of a hammock. If you get in, you live there now.
13
48
873
You ever try to save a fly’s life by opening a window but it’s too stupid to leave? That’s our country and the vaccine.
6
139
872
He already has early Republican VP buzz.
Last night at Miami Int’l Airport. Another FL anti-masker covidiot. (Strong language).
10K
9K
37K
66
38
852
Everyone in the suburbs goes to Costco, creates a mini Costco in their garage and then an even smaller Costco in their house.
14
50
856
Growing up in the 1970s, the best thing that might happen is maybe twice a year you’d get to eat a maraschino cherry.
26
57
838
Last night was show business in a nutshell. A performer gets punched in front of everyone. No one does anything to stop it, and everyone acts like it didn’t happen. The puncher then gets an award and a standing ovation.
33
86
767
Josh Hawley should immediately resign, then fight Logan Paul.
3
49
750
Anytime anyone complains about anything to me from now on, I’ll just tell them to vote.
5
89
712
I guarantee somewhere in Hollywood today there was at least one completely serious discussion about the possibility of doing “G.I. Jane 2”.
16
45
690
My mental health strategy basically boils down to letting coffee and marijuana battle it out.
15
76
699
There’s no bigger red flag than a married guy getting in shape.
25
41
704
We need to reach across the aisle and heal with people who are getting their news from a manic pillow executive.
27
88
668
Professional writing tip: Have everything you write take place in the Marvel universe so you make more money.
4
51
677
Call me crazy, but I predict tonight the Oscars puts on the single greatest entertainment spectacle anyone’s ever seen.
28
59
617
After Trump pardons the turkey, I hope it’s still prosecuted on state charges in New York.
9
61
603
Nice to go back to a president who won’t tear gas innocent people so he can cross a street to hold a Bible upside-down.
13
51
609
Bay leaves do absolutely nothing. Americans are being ripped off to the tune of almost two dollars every six years.
#SpiceFraud
20
32
598
I hate when adults taste samples at ice cream stores. Just fucking pick one.
26
28
587
People have made fun of me being bald for 20 years and my wife has never punched anyone.
16
32
573
In the last two weeks, the president’s personal attorney almost took his dick out in a Borat movie, then yelled conspiracy theories next to a dildo shop. I kinda don’t mind if this goes another month.
6
54
566
I get so mad when I’m reading a book and they start describing a tree. It doesn’t fucking matter.
21
41
571
The Mayor in “Jaws” would now be the republican frontrunner in 2024.
10
58
567
In 10,000 years, some archaeologist is going to dig up billions of dog turds perfectly preserved in plastic bags and think, “Wow, these must have been really important.”
9
48
558
Before you praise the intelligence of anyone in the past, remember suitcases didn’t have wheels until 1970.
10
57
558
And after hours of consulting with his top advisors, the President opts to go with the “Giant baby strategy.”
THE OBSERVERS WERE NOT ALLOWED INTO THE COUNTING ROOMS. I WON THE ELECTION, GOT 71,000,000 LEGAL VOTES. BAD THINGS HAPPENED WHICH OUR OBSERVERS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE. NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS WERE SENT TO PEOPLE WHO NEVER ASKED FOR THEM!
229K
75K
492K
38
68
531
I think almost daily about the guy on 9/11 who confidently stood up on my subway, got everyone’s attention, and yelled, “They also got the Pentagram!!!”
10
12
532
Zoom should offer a plan for $20 extra per month that lets you hear people who think they’re muted.
10
48
531
The fake house in this halftime show would sell for $9 million in LA.
3
56
523
Today’s life lesson: Believe in yourself the way idiots do.
7
82
500
Just once in a movie, I’d like a microphone to immediately work, rather than squeak loudly then work.
13
23
507
Trump would get on Twitch but he can’t play Call of Duty because of bone spurs.
12
47
495
I look forward to finally having a conversation about literally anything else.
2
36
491
Every adult needs 3 friends: a doctor, a lawyer and one who owns a pool.
18
37
489
Trusted my kid to pack for the trip herself and she brought zero underwear and two kaleidoscopes.
15
19
485
If I’m Biden, I’ve been training for a year to Willie Wonka somersault into the State of the Union.
5
33
490
The “Check Twitter less” New Year’s resolution just got completely obliterated.
4
52
479
Beginning to think Steve Bannon arranged his own arrest just for a free shower.
6
40
457
If we have money to pay $10,000 abortion bounties, maybe we also have money for education, health care and climate change? I don’t know, I’m probably crazy.
9
75
463
I got vaccinated but instead of posting on Instagram I just, y’know, quietly received life-saving medication and kept it to myself.
29
34
449
Every bald man has a secret mental list of people who don’t deserve hair.
8
46
446
You want to have kids? Hope you like yelling while shitting.
5
48
454
Guessing Matt LaFleur stopped at every yellow light on the way home.
4
61
447
I have to believe they’re able to train a robot to click the “I’m not a robot” box.
10
39
439
Whenever a kid comes on Shark Tank, I shoot the most judgmental stare at my own children.
3
18
438
Love these Republican politicians getting the vaccine so they can’t re-catch Covid from the people they gave it to.
1
56
438
Probably not the best sign as a professional TV writer when you learn from Twitter that the Emmys are happening.
8
17
438
I don’t care if Will Smith and Chris Rock put this behind them, I will never move on.
13
25
420
If you leave bread out it becomes hard, but if you leave crackers out they become soft. I hate this stupid world.
6
29
419
George Bush turns to the Obamas, “That was some normal shit.”
3
41
417
The perfect ending would be if Melania was an FBI informant.
6
27
420
The hardest part of life in the 1990s was having to scream “Hey, Macarena!” every forty seconds for the entire decade.
4
51
417
With Facebook and Instagram down, everyone is getting a taste of what it was like pre-2000 when the only thing you could do at work was your job. It sucked.
6
52
418
Weird that a guy who started something called Microsoft would have trouble pleasing his wife.
8
53
410
So many people in Oscars history have deserved to be punched more than Chris Rock.
4
27
414
If you’re thinking about becoming a parent, I can’t even begin to tell you how much time and energy it will save if your kids suck at sports.
6
35
407
Necessity is the mother of invention.
'Super flexible' Joe Rogan says he can perform fellatio on himself
3K
492
3K
6
27
402
Trump is the guy who went way too far at the bachelor party but he’s also the groom so no one knows what to do.
6
38
401
I wonder if they’ll call the 100 million people who saw the whole thing on TV.
11
34
391
The twist in the new M. Night Shyamalan movie is Brett Maher needs to make an extra point to save that family.
5
81
388
Getting on NextDoor has really helped me connect with my neighbors and made me want to move out as soon as possible.
8
26
373
No one seems to remember this, but in the 1970s, everywhere you went, there were two guys pushing a broken car.
18
22
376
When an Olympic athlete stands on the medal podium, the most important thing is that they’ve never tried pot or even relaxed for one second of their entire lives.
4
32
371
Movies with old cell phones age worse than movies with no cell phones.
7
15
367
I ordered pizza 2 nights in a row and now I want to send a pizza from the second place to the first place so they learn what pizza is.
9
11
372
One way to know you’ve totally fucked up your life is you’re in an audience, listening to Ted Cruz.
3
26
365
It’s crazy the same boomers who screamed at us that video games, music and tv would rot our brains are having all their intellects dismantled by shitty facebook disinformation.
4
67
362
UPS uniforms are weird. Just because you’re delivering packages doesn’t mean you have to dress like a package.
8
24
366
Like most Americans, I’ve had to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask myself, “Why do I know who Piers Morgan is?”
7
31
355
My mom has a Cabbage Patch Kid that looks like Mitch McConnell.
14
21
356
My Aunt, confidently ordering teriyaki at an Indian restaurant.
5
18
358
If the TV industry ran music, we’d also have “Big Red Corvette,” “Material Guy,” and “Oops I Did it Again, Again”.
23
28
348
With the votes counted, there’s nothing for Republicans left to do except gather in Washington and give each other Covid.
1
40
353