http://t.co/GpoNSYzutC I'm taking a stand. If the stand owners come looking for it, you guys saw nothing.

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/UyQUX6dJbS

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/QKdSRNA8Ax

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/psk224kdhK

Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware. http://t.co/8E0hCVVO

I don't go to the mailbox because that's where the Responsibility Monster lives. http://t.co/7DWbyh3R

http://t.co/8dBeuiau Starting a dating site for people who just want someone to take a walk with after a big meal.