Joe Wells (Neurodivergent Moments Podcast out now)
@joewellscomic
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Writer and comedian. Listen to my podcast; Neurodivergent Moments https://t.co/wfJxe01B1p contact @glorioustweet
Portsmouth
Joined February 2010
I don't really use Twitter much anymore but if you want up to date information about live shows, podcasts, books etc then I have a mailing list at
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I'm just saying that "stop criticising, they're doing their best" is for when a children's football team are losing a match not for when an elected government is handling a crisis this badly.
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TV Idea: #NotAllSnakes .Men who say "Not All Men" are introduced to a variety of snakes. Not all of them are venomous.
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I love the idea that migrants shouldn't be rescued because they've made bad decisions as if the RNLI don't regularly go out to pick up rich idiots who've bought a yacht they can't sail and taken it out in gail force winds.
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Every male journalist who writes an opinion piece about the “distribution of sex” should have to wank off an incel.
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Here's a video of me talking about what it's like to have a brother who is not autistic.
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Can't believe I'm paying £15 a month for broadband when I barely watch 1% of the internet.
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My wife has just observed that Boris Johnson and Chris Whitty have the exact same energy as Zapp Brannigan and Kif Kroker and I think it's the most astute piece of political analysis I've heard in years.
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Socialist/feminist friends. Remember it is our duty to ruin christmas dinner with our opinions. Good luck comrades.
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For people asking, yes I would do a much worse job were I in government. But I would argue that we should compare our government's handling of the crisis to other government's handling of the crisis not to how someone who just tried to make a wine smoothie would have handled it.
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“I can’t believe he called Corbyn supporters dogs!”.“Yeah but it’s just a turn of phrase”.“It is not! He was calling us dogs!”.“Is this really the hill you want to die on?”.“OMG THIS MAN IS THREATENING TO MURDER ME ON TOP OF A HILL!”.
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Fucksake. If I'd known more than four people were gonna RT this I'd have googled how to spell "gale force".
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"I'd like to call a surprise witness; the defendant's hips!".*Courtroom gasps*
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Me: do you think they'll sell kettle chips at Tesco?.Stormzy: yeah, 100%!.ITV: UK rapper Stormzy claims that Tesco supermarket is made entirely of upmarket crisps.
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Good luck getting a gender balance in the field of "correcting people on the internet"
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@dietbenloftus I like the idea that when this person sees a famous actor playing a poor drug addict they'd go "fucking hell, this guy was a millionaire celebrity but now his life has completely gone to shit!".
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Historically lots of great literature has been subject to attempted censorship; James Joyce, Kurt Vonnegut, Harper Lee. But now some people want to make it so Jimmy Carr isn't allowed on TV. That's the thing with censorship, no one talks about the positives.
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Meeting the parent of an autistic child.
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“There is a light and it never goes out”
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I don't think "he can't be autistic if he's able to confidently have a heavily rehearsed and completely one way conversation in a setting where it doesnt matter if you're rude to people" is really the gotcha some people think it is.
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Absolutely disgusting to see so many empty seats in parliament at a time of national crisis. These MPs are quite happy to claim 10k expenses but can't even be bothered to show up for work!
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I did my best at Broadstairs Pavillion in 2011. Still got booed offstage.
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Worked with young autistic people for 6 years. Never met one who thought it was ok to kill people because they "lacked theory of mind". Met many who had such a strong sense of right and wrong that they would speak out about stuff which their NT peers wouldn't.
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Its interesting how, on the left, we've stopped talking about class and now talk about "classism". It implies the main barrier facing poor people is prejudice from people who aren't poor rather than the reality of being poor.
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"To tax avoidance!".
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I love an audience who are smart enough to not need the punchlines.
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If you're struggling to understand why autistic people are upset by people researching the "causes of autism" imagine if a romantic partner saw you naked for the first time and their first response was "WHAT CAUSED THIS?".
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When people on twitter say "I've never heard of you" to comedians I think about how I couldn't name a single ballet dancer and therefore there aren't any good ones.
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I think I had the worst gig of my career last night, I knew it was gonna be hard work when I was doing the non-autistic brother bit and I said "in many ways I think NOT being autistic is like a superpower" and one woman put her hand up to say that BEING autistic is a superpower.
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New bit about conspiracy theories.
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Here's something I've been working on for a while. It's a young adult book (but really anyone can read it, it just doesn't have any swearing in) about neurodivergent people who have done/are doing cool things. There's poets, activists, musicians, sportspeople and more.
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I used to run focus groups with young autistic people and every session they'd say "we just want a 10,000 participant DNA mapping study" I'd say "what about employment opportunities, accessible public transport or safe spaces to meet socially?" They'd say "no! We only want data!".
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Anxiety tip my wife was given.
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Autistic Comedian?
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There's a difference between losing your job and losing your profession.
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Rosie Jones trending for no reason other than she was on TV and that's made people furious. In all my life I've never known any comic get the hate she does including the ones who've done actual sex crimes.
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If I was Dawn Butler I'd have just outright insisted that I hadn't said liar then been like "check-fucking-mate, what you gonna do now Madam Speaker?".
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I knew I recognised that backdrop.
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I know it’s all very serious and our country is fucked but it would be objectively very funny if, after huge grassroots political pressure, there was a peoples vote and leave won again.
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Yes I am proud of myself.
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Little video about autism research (reuploaded with subtitles)
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Oh come on, this is a private matter, it's not like he drank a mojito on a train.
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Misogynists - avoid sounding repetitive, don't always shout 'feminazi'. Try 'breastapo', 'bird reich', 'hitlher' or 'german greer' instead.
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I'll tell you what, I'm deliberately non-controversial cos I can't be dealing with that but this doing well on facebook is the first time I've ever really had people proper angry with my stand up. I thought a few really PC people might say it's xenophobic and I'd ignore that.
Meeting the parent of an autistic child.
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Here's an observation, most autistic women I know/follow on here talk a lot about being told that they aren't really autistic. Apart from a few comments under videos this has never happened to me. Is this part of a broader thing where women are assumed to be making stuff up.
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Good question. Should poor children be allowed food? I'd say yes but I am on the extreme left.
Should the taxpayer continue to fund free school meals?
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I was as angry as the rest of you, but now that Allegra Stratton, who was clearly the ringleader in all this, has resigned I think we can consider the matter resolved.
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What's going to replace the Colston statue? I'd like to propose a statue of Diane Abbott drinking a mojito on a train.
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Love Nabil, such clever nuanced stuff packed with great gags. Completely uncompromising, getting deep into big ideas on possibly the most mainstream platform on TV. Makes me feel proud to be a comedian.
Unapologetically FUNNY! @Nabilu just knows how to make everything exhilaratingly funny! 🤣🤣 . #BGT #BGTFinal
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"ducks are beautiful", the children were split between truth and lies. My sister was about to explain that this was a third category; opinion, but a physical fight had already broken out between two children over whether or not ducks are beautiful.
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Hi new followers, really blown away by how many people connected with that clip. I was touring a show about the diagnosis and working up a new show about neurodiversity type stuff but then the pandemic happened and plans changed. Hoping to record the first show at a socially.
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My fetish is men in their 50s leaving comments on Glastonbury's FB page, furious because the bands they liked when they were 18 aren't performing.
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Elon Musk coming out as autistic means I finally get how the trans community feel about Caitlyn Jenner.
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If I ever got to interview Armando Ianucci I would ask him "given how shambolic this government is, could you make The Thick Of It now? I mean, how do you satirise this?" And he would stand up and applaud me for asking such a good and original question.
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Older generations happy for young to suffer if it brings about ideological change they probably won't live to see.
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When Bezos gets back shall we all pretend we've never heard of The Beatles?.
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Oh, so I guess it's one rule for people who break the law and another for those who abide by them?.
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Looks just like it.
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Usually when people ask me questions about being autistic I prefix it by saying that I can't speak for all autistic people but after last nights AGM I'm proud to announce that I've been elected King Of The Autistics. Happy to answer any questions on behalf of all autistic people.
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What's your favourite bible quote? Mine is "forgive father, for know not what do"
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Tbh I don’t care that Louis CK did some jokes that you didn’t like, I care that he’s an abuser of women. Everyones talking like if he’d come back with better punchlines it would all be ok.
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A disproportianate amount of men with trauma have been involved in military conflicts. Therefore I don't believe that soldiers exist, it's just misdiagnosed trauma. This is a well thought out opinion.
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TV idea: The Undateables but instead of the gross exploitation of disabled people its the dating lives of genuinely undateable people. Episode one follows Katie Hopkins as she downloads Tinder.
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Here's a story about how I was a weird child, but actually that was pretty cool.
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Is anyone else finding that theyre coping with all this fine in a way that has made them realise that they really weren't coping before this all kicked off? When things go back to normal I need to think about how to make life changes so I don't have to go back to feeling awful.
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Very new joke about being a "person with autism". Very very poor choice of where to put my camera.
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It is incredible that Sia spent 3 years researching autism and didn't find out that AutismSpeaks were dodgy, its like researching the miners strike for 3 years without realising Thatcher was controversial.
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Here's a thread of stand up clips and bits and pieces you might like starting with this one.
Here's a video of me talking about what it's like to have a brother who is not autistic.
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Retweeting this because May is actually autism-deficiency awareness month. #AutismDeficiencyAwareness.
Here's a video of me talking about what it's like to have a brother who is not autistic.
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All these people look like they would ruin a comedy gig and then come up to you in the break to explain how heckling is all part of it.
EXCLUSIVE: First ever Partygate video revealed as Tories drink, dance and laugh at Covid rules.
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Me in a french bakery.
Life is full of choices, between different kinds of pain.
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Apropos of nothing here's the best advice I was ever given in standup. .
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At every level most comedians tend to lean towards being liberal, most industries have a political weighting for various reasons - I imagine that investment banking leans the other way. The real demographic which is being shut out of comedy isn't Tories its working class people.
Three-quarters of BBC comedians are liberals | According to a campaign group seeking more right-wing views on air
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Story from my sister who works as a primary school teacher. She had to do a lesson explaining how to tell what is true and lies. She said "ducks swim in water" - the children knew that was true. She then said "ducks spin webs" the children knew that was a lie. She then said.
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Comedy's been the only place where I've fitted in and felt safe. I love comedy and comedians. That's why it's very sad to see a man who made this industry less safe, and less inclusive for women getting applauded at The Grammys.
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Petition for Jackie Weaver to take over the Sue Gray gig.
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Shoutout to Sia for making my brother feel seen.
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Here's the joke that'll get me arrested for treason.
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Elon Musk spending 44 billion on twitter when he could spend that money going halves on my Edinburgh Fringe accommodation this year.
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When I'm writing an autistic character but then panic that he's too much of a stereotype.
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Freelancers: chase up that invoice with the phrase "this payment was due 3 Prime Ministers ago".
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Off to bed, in the morning I'll see what the election has given us. It's like christmas for children whose parents hate them. #GE2015.
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Ok, who typed "google" into google?.
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I'll be honest if I'd known that clip was going to get so many views I would have changed into a t-shirt which didnt have sweat patches in the armpits.
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Since a lot of people who follow me here just like comedy and arent in the loop with autistic twitter discourse I feel it's my responsibility to tell you that the Guardian article about therapies reducing diagnosis is absolute bollocks.
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@aciquestion Reading the replies I think its important to present both sides to this and let people know that I am straight and also a miserable prick.
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There is no bigger scam than when your friends have kids and now you have to buy their fucking kids christmas presents but get nothing in return.
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Have I posted this on here yet? Opening joke I'm enjoying doing which is going to have a limited shelf life.
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Whats a seemingly trivial argument from 10+ years ago that you're still angry about? Mine are someone I worked with as a student who said Pulp were a "one hit wonder band" and someone at college who said Axl Rose originally wrote Knockin On Heavens Door.
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Just got out the shower to see 3 missed calls from my dad (each 1 minute apart) and a text from my mum saying "please call dad" .Turns out no ones dead, they just want to know if we fancy visiting Stratford Upon Avon with them next May.
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"comedians with covid getting coughy".
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Youtubers must be feeling about comedians how comedians feel when youtubers do stand up.
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Calling your party "reclaim" is gonna be fucking ironic when you can't get your deposit back.
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We mustn't forget the true meaning of Easter: baselessly claiming that muslims are trying to ban easter eggs.
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